Chapter 18
CHAPTER 18
J ohan
It’s late when Cole gets back from being on call. One look at him and my resolve to talk to him goes out the window. Nor will there be any picking up the unfinished promise from this morning. The man is dead on his feet.
I send him to get a shower, then stand over him while he eats some food, and make him go to bed.
That he makes little protest just shows how tired he is. I wrap myself around him while he sleeps. I really enjoy the comfort of being this close, and know I’ve missed it. But sleep doesn’t come easily as I wonder how I’m going to bring up the subject of what it is we’re doing with him.
He looks brighter by the morning whereas I feel tired and irritable, my eyes gritty.
He has fed the dogs and made coffee by the time I stumble into the kitchen area.
“Here, you look like you need this.” He hands me a coffee.
“Thanks, you look better than you did last night.”
“It was a long weekend. Sometimes weekends I’m on call can be that busy, but not often. I appreciate you looking after me.”
Then his phone starts ringing; I am beginning to hate that noise.
“Okay, I’ll be there at about ten,” I hear him say before ringing off.
“Do you have to work today?” I can’t believe he’s going out again.
“Yeah, I still have to work.”
“But you’ve been on call all weekend.”
He shrugs. “That’s how it is, I don’t have anyone else working in the practice. I share the emergency calls with three other rural practices, and so every month I have to work a weekend as well. It’s fine, I’ve been doing it for years.” He didn’t look fine last night but I don’t push it. I kind of understand how he drives himself so hard though.
“You’re pretty amazing,” is all I can trust myself to answer and he steps into my arms for a hug and a kiss.
“Will you stay tonight?”
I had been dreading this question.
“No, not tonight.”
“So I won’t see you?” I try not to let myself get sucked into the hurt expression on his face.
“I’ll be here, I want to look after Roffe and be with you, but I’m not going to stay.”
“Why?”
“Cole, you’ve just worked seven days straight, and have another five to work before you get a day off. I think you just need to rest and sleep. I know I do.”
He looks like he’s going to say something but I cut him off with a kiss. I can’t try and deal with it now. I need to think first. I also know that if I say we need to talk, he’ll overthink it and be in a state of anxiety by this evening.
“I’ve got to go,” I say as I pull back from the kiss.
He reluctantly nods and I give him another brief kiss.
“I’ll see you later.”
Tom is waiting in the working farm yard when I arrive. He outlines what we have planned for the day. It involves some tractor work, but first a trip out with a load of hay.
Loading the trailer and making sure the bales are secure keeps me busy and doesn’t give me time to dwell on leaving like that. But I don’t feel I’m any closer to knowing what I’m going to say.
Before long Tom and I are on the road to make the delivery.
“So you and Cole, eh?” I’m not surprised Tom brings it up. I could sense he’d been wanting to say something all morning. But I’m in no mood for another member of the Walker family to give me their opinion, or blessing, or whatever.
“I don’t think it’s any of your business.”
He shoots a look at me, surprise on his face.
“He’s my brother.”
“Still, I don’t think it’s any of your business.”
Tom is quiet for a minute.
“Look, I get that, but Cole… he’s different.”
“What, like super intelligent?”
“Yes, he is, but that’s not what I mean.”
“What then? Like he’s really kind and generous?”
“He has always been so, but no, it’s not that.”
I know what he’s getting at but there is no way I am letting him have it easy. I’m also starting to enjoy the exchange.
“What, that he’s really handsome and has a really sexy butt?”
That gets a look and when I raise an eyebrow he smiles. I return the smile, some of the tension has gone.
“Well, he’s a Walker so that’s a given,” Tom replies. “But what I am trying to say is… He doesn’t think like us.”
I’m still not letting him off the hook.
“Everyone thinks differently, Tom. It’s what makes us all unique.”
He frowns at me before returning his eyes to the road.
“Are you being deliberately obtuse?”
“Look, Tom, I am going to say this as kindly as I can. Cole is a grown man, he’s capable of making his own decisions.”
“But—”
“No buts, Tom.” I really don’t want to hear him justify whatever crap he’s about to come out with. I know they’re a close knit family, but sometimes I wonder if they have ever taken the time to really get to know Cole as an adult, or if he will always just be the strange boy they’ve always thought of him as.
“I know that in some areas Cole is a bit na?ve, but he’s not a child. He really is all those things I’ve said, and a whole lot more. He deserves to make his own choices and I’m not discussing him anymore without him here to defend himself.”
“I’m sorry, I just thought…” Tom is silent for a minute. “I guess, I was wrong.”
He’s quiet for the rest of the journey, but as we reach our destination he speaks. “For what it’s worth I’m pleased he has you.” Then he gets out of the truck.
I thump my head back into the headrest and let out a deep sigh. Does he have me? Yes he does, but does he want me? Well that’s for him to decide.