Chapter 22 Brooks
Brooks
It feels like a brick is on my chest when I wake up. Last night was hard. I hate that I did what I did to Aspen. She doesn’t deserve any of this. I took advantage of a situation, and I feel terrible about it.
I’m grateful she handled it as well as she did, but I still feel like the biggest jackass.
Maybe I should have told her to find a new place to live.
That probably would’ve been the smartest thing.
But the thought of her not being in the cabin didn’t sit right with me.
Maybe it’s my loneliness talking, but I like knowing she’s there.
I like being able to cook for her and take her food.
I like knowing that if she needs anything, I’m only a few steps away.
Even if that means I have to see her dating someone else.
I force myself out of bed and into the shower.
Afterward, I get dressed, eat breakfast, and pretend this is just a regular day.
Like before I kissed her and screwed everything up.
I’ll see her at the Lodge. Maybe I’ll get her lunch.
Hell, maybe I’ll even ask her if she wants to go riding again tonight.
If I pretend everything is normal, then maybe we can both move past this like adults.
Except I remember the way her lips felt on mine. The way she grabbed me and pulled me in closer.
No.
Stop it.
I have to get the thought out of my mind.
Grabbing my keys and my hat, I make my way to the front door and freeze when I see Zach getting out of his car in my driveway. He looks confused as he looks from my house to Aspen’s car in front of the cabin.
It must’ve slipped my mind to tell him that I offered her a place to stay. Or maybe I thought I would be safe since he hasn’t set foot over here in years.
“Mornin’, Zach,” I say, like it’s the most normal thing in the world for him to be here this early.
“Is that Aspen’s car?” he asks in lieu of a greeting.
“Yeah. Yeah, it is.”
“Why is it there?”
“She’s, uh, been living in the cabin.”
“For how long?”
Before I can answer, the door to the cabin opens, and Aspen comes out. Every time I see her, it takes my breath away a little. She’s in jeans and a Moonlight Ranch T-shirt, and her curls are down today. My favorite.
She stops when she sees us. “Oh, good morning.”
“How long have you been living here?” Zach asks her.
“Since I moved out of our apartment.”
“Are you kidding me?” He looks back at me. “Dad, I asked you so many times if you knew where she was living.”
“Hey!” Aspen yells, walking closer to him. “I asked him not to say anything. Where I live is no longer your business.”
“But this is weird! You’re living next to my dad?”
“I’m living at my place of employment. Your dad was kind enough to offer me a spot after his son embarrassed me in front of the whole town.
And it’s not like we’re living in the same house.
We hardly see each other. You’re being dramatic,” she tells him.
We certainly see each other more than she’s alluding to, but I’m keeping my damn mouth shut.
Zach doesn’t need to know that. He certainly doesn’t need to know that I wish I could kiss her again right now.
Zach takes a deep breath. “Yeah, ok. Sorry. I was just… surprised.” He takes a step toward her, and she holds out a hand to stop him. “Did you get the flowers I sent?”
“Zach, I don’t want your flowers. Stop it. I’m begging you to leave me alone at this point.”
Zach’s shoulders slump, and I think I might be witnessing him realize that he lost her for good.
“Ok. Ok. I’m sorry, Aspen. I was hoping after some time apart, you’d see that I was serious about us. But I’ll leave you alone if that’s what you really want.”
“Thank you,” she says sternly. She glances at me but doesn’t say anything else before getting in her car and leaving.
“Sorry I didn’t tell you. It’s just she asked me not to…” I try to explain.
“It’s fine. I’m glad you gave her a safe place to stay.” He watches as her car gets further down the gravel drive.
“Do you wanna go grab some coffee? My treat.”
He sighs. “Sure.”
He follows behind me as we drive to the little coffee shop on Main Street. I should be at work right now, but spending time with Zach is more important. Especially if he’s willing to actually talk to me.
We order our drinks and find a small empty table near the window.
“So, how is everything going? Are you almost done with the police academy?” I ask him once I realize he’s not going to be the one to break the awkward silence.
“It’s good. I’ve still got about three months. Some days are pretty tough…”
“Yeah, I imagine it’s not a cake walk.”
“But it’s good. I feel like this is what I’m supposed to be doing. I’m just itching to get out in the field.”
“That’s great, Zach. I’m glad you found something you love.”
“Yeah, look. I’m sorry I didn’t want to work the ranch like you wanted me to…”
“No, don’t even worry about that. All I’ve ever wanted is for you to be happy. Would it have been nice to pass it down to my son one day? Of course. But I would never want to do that if it wasn’t what you wanted. Ranch life is not for everyone, and I understand that.”
He nods and sighs. “Seems like Aspen is liking ranch life, which surprises me. I didn’t think she would like it as much as she does. She looked good today, though. Happy.”
I nod and try to think of an appropriate thing to say without making it sound like I’m interested in her. I settle on, “She is fitting in well. She’s a hard worker.”
“I know that. I just… I miss her, and I’m afraid I’ve lost her forever,” he admits.
After a pause, I tell him, “I think she’s moving on, Zach. You hurt her pretty badly. Don’t you think it might be best to just let her be happy?”
He rubs his hands down his face as he takes in my words.
“I know. God, I know. I hate myself for cheating on her. Hell, I don’t even know why I did it.
Sex with Aspen was fantastic.” My hand freezes on my coffee, and I try to remain calm, but I really don’t want to be thinking about Aspen having sex with anyone, especially not my son.
“She would be willing to try whatever I wanted. Sex with Melinda is so… boring.”
“Why’d you do it then?”
“I don’t fucking know. Because she wanted me, I guess?
When we moved here, Aspen was really stressed.
She was nagging me a ton, putting all this responsibility on me.
And then Mom was trying to monopolize all my time.
I could tell Aspen didn’t want to hang out with her.
I was worried about the academy. It just felt like everything was crashing down on me.
“Then Melinda showed up and basically opened her legs wide for me, no questions asked. It was easy. She was easy. But I don’t want to be with her. I want to be with Aspen.”
“Well, son, I think you might need to plan for what might happen if you don’t get Aspen back. I saw her go on a date the other night…” I don’t need to add that I was insanely jealous and tracked her down.
“Yeah, I know. Fucking Dawson. I love her, though. I guess I thought she’d see that and come back to me.”
I nod. “I know how hard it is to lose someone you love, but sometimes the way to show them how much you love them is to let them go.”
“Did you ever love Mom?” he asks, suddenly. I’ll admit, I wasn’t expecting that.
“I did. Of course, I did. But we didn’t want the same things. The ranch was always my plan, and she didn’t want that. I knew that if I had stayed with her, neither one of us would’ve been happy. She would’ve ended up resenting me.”
“I guess I can understand that.” For the first time in years, I think this might be a turning point for us. “So, you think I should let Aspen go?”
I swallow, knowing that the answer is going to hurt him but also knowing that I feel like complete shit for having feelings for the woman he’s still in love with. “I think that’s what she wants.”
“Yeah…”
He sits in silence for a minute, taking that in before he quickly drinks the rest of his coffee. “I should probably go, but thanks for the coffee. And thanks for giving Aspen a job and a place to stay. I’m glad she likes it here.”
“Yeah, of course.”
He leaves while I stay at the table for a few more minutes, just thinking. How did I end up here? How did I start falling for a woman who is way too young for me and the only woman in all of Blue Haven that I literally cannot have?
I can be friends with her. I can be her employer. But I cannot let it go any further than that. I’m a grown ass man and should be able to control myself.
I clean off our table before I head back to the ranch. Aspen is already at the desk. She’s smiling at someone when I walk up. Her eyes glance in my direction as I pass, and I give her a slight nod.
Yeah, I can do this. I can stay away from her.
I hope.