Chapter Six
It had been weeks since Buck set eyes on Sterling.
He was right down the road and across the street.
Buck could walk to him in ten minutes and drive there in two.
Sterling had to come to him. He had to be the one to choose.
At least, Buck thought so. Fuck, he didn’t know.
He never knew shit. But Buck had sent a letter every single day.
After sending a gift in the hospital, Buck started keeping Sterling up to date on the farm, telling him funny stories about the horses.
Without meaning to, the notes had turned more personal.
Buck couldn’t help himself when it came to Sterling.
He just wanted to hold him so goddamn badly.
Hell, for all Buck knew, those letters had probably gone straight into the trash without Sterling reading a word.
Still, Buck couldn’t stop trying. If he hadn’t stopped trying in the first damn place, everything could be different now.
For all Buck knew, maybe Sterling would have married him. It was hard to say.
Dust fell from the ceiling.
Buck looked up, losing the threads of his thoughts.
Someone moved around in the hayloft. Buck went on alert.
It had been a long time since they had a trespasser on the property, but it wasn’t unheard of.
Buck quietly moved to the ladder. He didn’t have his shotgun, but Buck was a big guy.
There wasn’t much that scared him. The guys were out in the field today.
Quince was still with Jathan in the city. There shouldn’t be anyone in the barn.
Buck poked his head into the loft just in time to see Sterling take off his shirt and wipe the sweat from his face. Damn. Buck’s knees turned to jelly so fast, he almost fell off the ladder. Instead, he moved to step back down and let Sterling have his peace.
“Hey.”
Sterling’s greeting had Buck freezing in place. Buck’s gaze returned to the beautiful body on display. “Hey.”
“I thought the barn was empty.”
Disappointment hit like a load of bricks. “It probably was when you got here. I just came in. I’d planned to run the horses today, but Quince still hasn’t returned.”
Sterling nodded. “How’s it working out for you, being co-foreman?”
Buck climbed the rest of the way up the ladder and sat at the edge of the opening with his legs resting on the rungs below.
“It’s good. Honestly, I imagine the job will be a lot less stress on the both of us with backup.
We can actually take time off without worrying.
What have you been working on this morning? ”
Sterling motioned toward the broom leaning against the wall.
“Cleaning. When I was up here the other night, I noticed the bales were all over the place—like the guys have been grabbing stacks willy-nilly. Eventually, it would’ve gotten out of control with stacks being—” Sterling stopped and smiled.
Buck’s breath caught. He barely heard Sterling’s next words.
“Well, you know, since you do it all the time.”
“One of the many things I’ve always loved about you is your willingness to jump in and help. It’s not your farm or job, but you never seem to care about any of that.”
Sterling shrugged, looking uncomfortable with the praise. “This is Tip’s place. As soon as I turned eighteen, he built me a house to get me away from Mom. You know all that, though.”
He did. Buck knew everything about him. “I can send someone else up here to do all this, if you want.”
“It’s all good. I need something to keep me busy and in shape.”
What a gorgeous shape it was too. Buck was hot as hell, and it had nothing to do with the weather. Heat simply consumed him. He swallowed. Buck needed to move along and let Sterling be. “Then I guess I should let you get back to work.”
Sterling never looked away from holding Buck’s stare as he nodded. “You probably have a lot of shit to do.”
Buck gave a sharp nod, as if the matter was settled. He had no idea why. It wasn’t that things were uncomfortable. His unease was more due to not knowing where they stood any longer. Maybe they weren’t even friends anymore. With an inner sigh, he moved to go down the ladder.
Sterling stopped him. “Hey.”
Buck looked Sterling’s way. He didn’t want to hope.
Sterling shifted from foot to foot. “Would you like to have dinner with me tonight? I’ll cook.”
A smile exploded across Buck’s face. The happiness that burst to life in him was next level. “You cook now?”
Sterling gave a half shrug. “Enough to survive on my own.”
“I’d love to have dinner with you.”
A slight smile touched Sterling’s lips. “Six?”
“Works for me.” Buck wouldn’t have cared if he wanted to meet at two in the morning. He was there.
For a second, they held each other’s stare. Buck had to force his feet to move. Everything inside him screamed to stay with Sterling. He had work to do if he hoped to make their date on time. Date. Fuck. Six couldn’t get here fast enough.
Sterling wasn’t nervous exactly. He just wasn’t sure if he was ready for this.
Buck had sent him nonstop love letters since Sterling left the hospital.
He had started a shoebox and the thing could barely close now from all the notes.
One thing was clear now. Buck loved Sterling.
Sterling had zero doubt on that point. The problem was Sterling.
He was broken. At least he was self-aware,
When the knock came, Sterling was in the middle of running in circles, trying to remember everything he needed to do.
Why had he offered to cook? He barely knew how to boil water.
Sterling rushed to the door. When he pulled it open, everything else disappeared.
Buck’s dark brown hair was slightly windblown.
A tight t-shirt stretched across his broad chest. Jeans cupped him just right.
A hunger like no other hit like a semi. The overwhelming emotions were so much more than lust. Like in the barn earlier, love choked him.
The love always eclipsed everything. Buck had been his obsession for so many years. No one else would do. Ever.
“Hi.” Even Sterling heard how chipper he sounded, which was weird since he was stressed to the max.
“Hi.” Buck moved his hand from behind his back. He held a casserole dish with a Tupperware lid. “Apple crisp.”
Sterling’s knees weakened. Buck’s apple crisp was his absolute favorite dessert. No one made it like he did. Sterling didn’t know what was different with his recipe, but he had never found one like it. He had tried.
Sterling took a step back. “Damn. You know that’s my favorite. Maybe I should just turn off the oven and we can eat this. My cook—” The blaring of a smoke detector cut him off. Sterling froze for half a second before he remembered the mess going on in the kitchen. “Oh, no.”
He darted for the kitchen. Heavy black smoke rose from the pot on the stove and even more smoke poured from inside.
Sterling grabbed the pot and tossed it in the sink before ripping open the door.
He grabbed the pan with no oven mitt without thinking.
He immediately dropped the heavy pan on the oven’s open door.
“Goddamn it!” The roared words barely left his lips before Buck had him steered toward the sink and held Sterling's hand under cold running water. The move immediately lessened his pain, but not his humiliation.
“It’s okay. I’ve got you.”
Sterling’s gaze hit the floor. All he had wanted was a nice night. He couldn’t do anything right.
Buck moved Sterling’s hand from beneath the water to quickly inspect it before going right back to the steady stream.
“It’s not that bad. Thankfully, it looks like you dropped the pan quickly enough to avoid anything serious. Don’t move.”
Buck rustled around behind him. The charred pan dropped into the other side of the sink.
The alarm stopped. He heard the click and beeps of the oven being turned off.
In no time, Buck was back. Sterling never looked away from the spot at the bottom of the sink where he didn’t see much of anything at all.
He had zoned out, trying to save himself from another mental breakdown.
Buck moved his hand from beneath the water again. This time, he turned off the faucet. He patted Sterling’s hand dry. When he popped open the first-aid kit, a sliver of life returned. Buck knew where everything was in this house. At one time, Buck had practically lived here.
Buck spoke while he swiped burn cream over the wound. “I’m cool with just eating dessert.”
Sterling couldn’t even look at him.
“Or I could order us something,” Buck added. “You’d be surprised how many people have started delivering out this way. With it just being me now, it’s so much easier to get food that way than cook for only myself.”
Sterling knew he should respond, but his throat was too tight to talk. He couldn’t even look at Buck.
Buck didn’t seem to need him. He kept going.
“Speaking of which, I didn’t make the apple crisp.
I gave the recipe to AJ right after he moved out.
The moment he started missing home, it was the first thing he asked for.
I think he’s perfected it a bit. He wants me to let him know if you prefer his.
Actually, he was a bit giddy about it. I think he’s convinced he’s superior.
Truthfully, he is, but I can’t concede, and we need a tiebreaker. ”
At the first mention of AJ, Sterling’s chin had lifted. The more Buck said, the more it sounded like AJ knew. “AJ knows you’re here?”
Buck’s gaze moved from Sterling’s hand to hold his stare.
His dark blue eyes always stared straight into Sterling’s soul.
“Yes. I told him everything. The funny thing is, as I said the words, I realized how idiotic I am. All this time, I never really hid us. As I told AJ I’m in love with you, it hit me.
There was no way he didn’t already know. There was no way everyone didn’t know.”
“Were you right?”
Buck nodded. “It’s not like I called a meeting to make a huge announcement to everyone. But it seemed like the moment anything happened to you, everyone came to me for updates and to ask if I was okay—like you’re my other half and I feel your pain. They’ve all always known.”
Sterling didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know how to feel. Part of him had always thought people likely knew, but he had always lived in fear of anyone saying a word. He had never been sure how Buck would react. Here they were. Buck acted like they had never been apart.
Sterling tried like hell to find the right words. A different truth fell from his lips. “My head still isn’t very clear.” He likely shouldn’t have asked Buck to come here yet. Sterling couldn’t help the craving that always came from his heart. “But I missed you. A lot.”
Even though Sterling sounded dead, Buck obviously saw the sincerity in Sterling’s eyes.
“Come on. Let’s sit down and order dinner.
I just want to sit with you. That’s one of the things I’ve missed the most, talking and spending every minute hearing your voice.
Life has been pretty fucking empty without you. ”
“Okay.” While logically Sterling knew he had only agreed to sit and talk, it felt a hell of a lot like he agreed to way more. Buck still felt like his other half. He was pretty sure they simply belonged to each other. It was a bit terrifying, realizing nothing either of them did could change that.