12. Jamieson
twelve
Jamieson
D uring the night, Griff and I changed positions, and he had his cast arm over my chest and a leg thrown over mine.
I’ve never felt so at ease sleeping before. Even with the scratch of the plaster against my chest, and a warm body pressed against mine. He just felt right being there, and I don’t want to speculate too much, but I think Griff has needed someone for a very long time.
Maybe I have, too. If I’m being honest, there’s been a lot about my life I’ve shoved aside just to pursue bull riding. I created a rift with my father when I refused to interview for teaching jobs after I got my degree. My sister and mom get it. But Dad…not so much. He wanted me to follow in his footsteps, and instead of trying to understand his point of view, I made it all about what I wanted.
I should have paid more attention to Griff and noticed more than what was on the surface. Maybe he wouldn’t be hurting so much if I had.
My bladder screams at me to get up, and I shuffle Griff gently off me.
“Jamie?” he mutters, and I set his arm on a pillow.
“Go back to sleep. I’ll find us coffee and be back. ”
Griff mumbles something and squeezes the pillow next to him as I pad softly to the washroom. After washing up, I grope in the dark for a pair of shorts and a T-shirt and quietly let myself out.
The sun is barely awake yet, just enough glow to tell you it’s early. My phone says it’s not too early to get coffee at the farmhouse, though, and that’s what I plan to do. But I detour towards the field beside the barn first.
Intent on watching the rest of the sunrise, I’m surprised to find a man leaning on the fence with a mug in his hand, staring at the horizon. He turns when he hears me, and even in the low morning light, the intensity of his blue eyes catches me off guard.
“Morning. You must be Marko’s friend staying in the loft.”
“Hey.” I offer a hand to shake. “I am. Jamieson. Nice to meet you.”
“Alec,” he offers and turns back to the field. “What brings you out here so early?”
Settling next to him, I watch a little bird swoop after a fly before vanishing as quickly as it appeared. “Honestly? I was going to search for coffee at the main house, but I came here to think instead.”
Alec sips from his mug. “It’s a great place to think.”
We stand together quietly. Just two strangers watching the sunrise, and I think of Griff. All the memories, how we kissed, how I felt when he showed up with that black eye, and finally, his eyes last night…so sad and lost. Completely at odds with the sometimes grumpy but one hundred percent confident best friend I know and love.
“Can I ask you something? ”
Alec turns to me, mug still in hand and his hair still mussed from sleep.
“Go for it.”
“Have you ever known someone your whole life and thought you knew them, but then one day something changed and everything shifted? What you felt all this time was maybe not what you thought it was?”
Alec’s answering smile is as breathtaking as the sunrise.
“I think I can confidently say yes to that. Most of it, anyway.” He drains his coffee mug and frowns. “You sound like you need to get something off your chest. You’re welcome to join me on the porch if you’d like. I’ll get you a coffee.” He gestures to the smaller house to the side of us. “My husband is sleeping late, or I’d invite you in. He owns a restaurant in town, and last night was a long one. I don’t want to wake him up.”
Something warms inside my chest about that, and I follow him without a second thought. When we reach the porch, he turns.
“What do you take in your coffee? Have a seat, and I’ll bring it out.”
“Oh…milk or creamer is fine. No sugar.”
With a nod, he disappears inside, and I ease into a wooden rocker on the porch. It’s so Little House on the Prairie that I can’t help but smile. A few chickens scratch around off to the other side of the house and the bray of a donkey sounds from the barn.
Alec returns and passes me a mug before settling on the other rocker next to me.
“You have a great place here.”
“Thanks. I love it. ”
Sipping my coffee, I gather my thoughts and wonder what it is I should say to this stranger. His presence and offer to listen are comforting. Unbiased opinions are hard to find, and I think it’s what I need right now.
“I came here with my best friend for a brief vacation. We’ve never visited much of Ontario, and we were at the bull-riding event in Manitoba. I figured we were close enough to take some time off and visit at least Northwestern Ontario.”
“You’re a bull rider? Cool. I used to rope. I loved rodeo…until one day I just didn’t anymore.”
“Wait. Alec , right? You’re the one that used to team rope with Hunter?”
He smiles and nods. “That’s me. That was a long time ago. You’re from Kissing Ridge then. How is he?”
“Semi-retired. He and Jackson are both cutting back. Jackson has a new boyfriend and Hunter is…I guess just going with the flow.”
Alec sits back, rocking in his chair and sipping coffee like there’s nothing better in the world to do and I kind of envy his calm.
“My best friend kissed me last night.” My cheeks burn at my sudden blurt of sensitive information.
Alec pauses his rocking for a moment. “Oh?”
“I know you don’t know me, and it’s a lot to spill on you, but I knew I cared about him before he kissed me. Like, it was more than an I-love-you-as-a-friend type thing, but not quite an I’m-in-love-with-you type thing, if that makes sense?” I don’t even know if it makes sense to me right now, but it’s the best I can do to describe this odd feeling that hasn’t left since the hospital. “And he’s got some heavy shit he’s carrying and has been for a long time. I feel like the worst friend for not calling him out on it sooner. Now we’ve kissed and I’m sleeping with him in my arms, and it feels like it’s all so right, but…”
I take a sip of the incredible coffee before heaving a breath.
“You’re afraid you’ll fuck it up because you don’t know what you’re doing and losing his friendship would devastate you?”
Blinking, I turn to stare at Alec. “Um, yeah. Mostly.”
“I don’t have advice except to be patient and let him work through his issues. Stand beside him while he does. Support him like it sounds like you always have, and if you’re truly in love with him…it will work out. It’s not all smooth rides. He’ll probably push you away, and that hurts, but recognize it’s only him protecting himself. He’s just as afraid as you.”
“For someone who doesn’t have any advice, that’s a lot of advice.”
Alec tips his head to acknowledge that and continues. “Life experience comes in many forms. I’ve stood beside people and still lost, but I’ve also remained patient and won. I wish I could tell you it all comes up roses, Jamieson, but it might not. Just hold on like it’s the ride of your life at rodeo finals and hope you land on your feet.”
My lips tilt in a smile at the words that sound so similar to Griff’s.
“Is this one of those it-builds-character situations?”
Alec lifts a shoulder. “Something like that.” He stands and reaches for my mug. “I’ll fill two for you. Go back and talk with him over coffee.”
After setting the coffee mugs down so I could open the door without spilling or scaring Griff awake, I set them on the kitchen counter before peaking over to see if he’s moved.
His good arm is over his eyes, and his cast arm sits to the side. The covers have slid down, displaying his naked chest and the V-line of his pelvis. I’ve never paid attention to that part of him, but now that I have a moment to appreciate it, I do. Griff is as fit as he has to be, but not overly muscled. His shoulders are bulkier than his pecs, and he has a sandy blond dusting of hair on his chest leading to his groin.
I’m not sure I’ve been with enough men to say I have a type, but I like what I see now.
“Are you staring at me?” he rasps, breaking me out of my creeper mode and I lick my suddenly parched lips.
“Just appreciating the view, baby.”
Griff pulls his arm away from his face and raises an eyebrow. “We’re on to pet names already?”
My cheeks burn as I realize it just sort of slipped out, just like the affection I have for him. Both catch me off guard, but not in an uncomfortable way.
“Well, I brought you coffee, so if you don’t like the name, I get a pass on that.”
Carrying the cups over to the bed, Griff pushes himself up and leans back to accept the mug. I place mine on the bedside table before making myself comfortable next to him.
He takes a sip and hums. “It’s good coffee. I’ll allow it.”
“Would it be crossing lines if I kissed you good morning?”
Griff holds my gaze, and I watch all the emotions flash through his eyes. Hope, tenderness, lust and finally fear. It feels like an eternity before he finally answers.
“Not at all. I’d actually like it. A lot.”
Taking his mug, I set it next to mine on the nightstand before turning to him and cupping the back of his head before leaning in.
“You know I’m competitive and I won’t turn down a challenge,” I whisper across his lips before kissing him again. But it’s no quick peck. Licking past his lips, Griff opens for me and kisses me back. I love the way his lips feel and how his hand rests on my chest.
He’s both soft and hard, open and guarded, but most of all, he’s giving it back to me with a vulnerability I can practically taste. While my skin tingles with all the possibilities of what we could do together, I know neither of us is ready to go there yet. But this? Making out with Griff fills a crack in my being that I’ve ignored.
Finally pulling away, we stare at each other. With swollen lips and wide eyes, Griff looks like nothing I’ve ever seen before.
“Was that better than nice?” I rasp.
His finger runs along my bottom lip. “You know you have a habit of chewing your lip. I’ve always wished I could reach out and save it from your teeth when you do that.” He leans forward quickly and kisses my cheek. “Much better than nice. It was perfect. ”
Griff, my best friend who protects people from bulls in the ring and has had his fair share of bangs and bruises from bulls, blushes. The pink spreads to his neck, and I’m awestruck that after all these years of knowing him, I’ve only just begun learning about him.
“What do you want to do today?” I ask as I pass him his cooling coffee mug.
Griff grins. “I saw a sign at the waterfront yesterday that said we could take a boat tour to a beach. I’d love to do that.”
“I’m game.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. Why not? We don’t get to do much beach stuff, so that could be fun. There’s like a million lakes here, so we should enjoy one.”
Griff reaches for his phone and pulls up the photo of the sign he took with all the details, then calls to book us a spot. When he ends the call, he’s beaming.
“I got us a spot on the early afternoon tour. They take us to the beach, and we even get one of those sun shelter things.”
“A cabana?”
“Yeah, something like that. She said the towels are provided and there’s a roaming bar, like on a golf cart, but we’re free to bring any food or drink. It sounds like it’s an island resort, but just for day trips.”
Griff is giddy about it until his gaze falls on his cast.
“Oh. I forgot about this.” He raises his arm with a sad smile. “Should we still go?”
“We’ll pack bags and tape, and we can wade up to our waists to cool off. It’s still a day in the sun and relaxing. You want to go, so we’ll go.”
“It won’t be as fun to not swim.”
Griff stares at his cast, and I suspect he thinks the situation will somehow dull my enjoyment of it.
“I’ll have a great time without swimming, and so will you. Why don’t we pack what we need, get some breakfast, and then stroll around that boardwalk we saw in town?”
He nods and drains his coffee. “I need sunscreen, too. If I’m lying on the sand all day, I’ll need it or I’ll be as red as a lobster.”
Griff has always been fair. With his sandy blonde hair and lighter complexion, he’s often used sunscreen even just in the rodeo ring. The one time he didn’t, he burnt his nose and was actually kind of cute when it was peeling.
He slides out of bed on the way to the washroom, and I notice him. I mean, really notice him. The way his toned ass fills his boxers and how solid his torso is. Griff is strong. Even his legs are muscular and not thick, but sturdy. I don’t understand how a man with so much strength could allow someone to hurt him physically. His guard had to be so low to get caught like that.
Griff pauses and looks over his shoulder.
“I see you looking, Jamie.”
A laugh bursts from my mouth, and if he had said that months ago, I’d likely have joked about it and not noticed his secret smile. Or maybe the smile would be hidden, too. This total change in how we speak and act with one another is almost like a new dimension, but I like it. No… I think I love it.
This is my Griff, because he’s always been mine. It’s just different now. Nobody has made my chest ache like Griff has the past few days. I’m not always the brightest guy, but if I’m honest with myself, I think he’s always been in my heart. But just like him, I was afraid to examine it too closely.
“Yeah, I’m looking. I like what I see, too.”
Griff laughs and blows me a kiss, then steps into the bathroom. He doesn’t wait to see if I catch the kiss.
But I catch it anyway.