13. Griff
thirteen
Griff
“ T his place is gorgeous, Jamie! Oh my god! Look at all the sand!”
If I didn’t have a cast on my arm, I would dive off the boat to swim to shore. Sure, the people on the dock would give me some serious side eye, but I’m vibrating like a toddler on Christmas morning.
I’m at a mother-fucking beach!
I grab Jamieson’s hand, pulling him off the boat at a jogging pace and towards the beach shelters.
“We have four hours out here, babe. Don’t use all your energy in the first fifteen minutes.”
It’s the second time Jamieson has called me babe. Each time he does, my whole body tingles like it’s not sure if it’s itchy or cold. It’s weird to hear him call me that, but holy hell, do I love it! Nobody has ever called me anything so simple and made it sound like a royal title.
I’ve been called a lot of things, none of them with genuine affection like Jamieson does. A simple endearment so common and yet unique to us flips the switch from soft butterfly wings in my gut to flapping Canadian Geese running across the water before flight .
“I know. It’s just…I’ve never been on a vacation like this. Well, ever actually.”
Jamie tugs on my arm hard enough for me to stop power walking, and I turn to face him.
“You’ve never been on a vacation? Ever?”
Jamieson’s brows knit as he thinks through our history, and he has every right to be confused.
“Um…no. My dad never…” Puffing out a breath, I squeeze his hand. “Can we get settled, and I’ll explain after?”
Jamieson nods in agreement, and I continue along the path to our little slice of beach. Shelter #7 sits on the corner before the beach curves around and gets a little rockier on the other side. It’s no beaches of white sand from the vacation channel, but it’s groomed and, well, sand.
We drop our bags inside the small tent, which is more like a giant umbrella pinned to the sand with flaps at the back to provide some privacy than a fancy cabana. I think it’s perfect. More so since I’m here with Jamieson.
The water is mostly calm, only lapping at the shore when tired waves from a boat’s wake finally reach us. A couple at the shelter next to us run into the water, hand in hand. The man pulls the woman to him and dunks them underwater as they laugh and sputter, and I feel the weight of Jamieson’s gaze on me.
When I turn, he’s still standing next to the shelter, watching me with a question on his handsome face. There’s so much I’ve kept to myself the past few years, not wanting to burden him with any of it. He’s always so carefree. The sunshine I need when life feels too dark. I didn’t want to dull any of his shine with worry about me .
But now he knows the biggest thing I kept hidden, and rather than push me away and make it weird, he’s all in. That still doesn’t seem real.
Turning back to the water, I watch the couple laugh and float before they kiss, and I look away again to find Jamieson beside me.
“Is that what you think you’re missing with the cast? You wanted me to drown you in the lake for fun?”
His voice is low as his hand slides across the small of my back, and I shiver.
“Sort of. It’s an experience, isn’t it? To play around in the water with someone you’re with? Then you dry off in the sun after and feed each other grapes.”
Jamieson kisses my cheek with a small laugh. “What TV shows are you watching, Griff? And who brings grapes to the beach?”
“Who doesn’t? They’re healthy and portable. Sweet. They’re good snacks.”
“Griff…talk to me. Not about grapes. Tell me what’s been going on.” His hand lightly squeezes the back of my neck. “Please?”
Nodding, I take his hand. Once our towels are down, we settle in our little spot of shade, and I close my eyes.
“I don’t know where to start.”
Jamieson’s hand finds mine, and he laces our fingers together. “Tell me about not going back to school. Why did you turn it down? If you applied, you were serious about it.”
“I still am serious about it, but I applied because…it was my ticket away from you. My excuse to put distance between us. If I could go to school, then I wouldn’t have to pine for you, and it wouldn’t hurt anymore. Maybe I could find someone to have a healthy relationship with. ”
Fuck, each word felt like a knife slicing my throat to say out loud, and Jamieson probably felt each cut as the words hit him.
Jamie remains silent, so I open my eyes and turn to look at him.
“You were going to run away from me and not say anything?”
“No. Yes.” Frustrated, I bring his knuckles to my lips and dust a kiss to draw his gaze to me. “I was going to tell you. Every time I wanted to, I couldn’t because I was afraid of us drifting apart if I left rodeo. I was afraid you’d forget me, and in the end, I just couldn’t do it.”
“I’d never forget my best friend, Griff. I’d have been sad you were no longer with me, but I would’ve understood. You have to live your life and not mine.”
“There’s more, though.” Swallowing hard, I look back out over the water. “I didn’t want to spend the money on school because I think my dad will need care soon.”
“What kind of care? Is he sick?”
God, I have fucked up so badly with Jamieson. First, assuming if I left he’d forget me and now not telling him the truth about my dad.
“I think he’s close to liver failure. Maybe a heart attack. Honestly, every time I visit, I’m surprised he’s still alive.”
Jamieson puffs a humourless laugh. “You kept this from me? What the fuck, Griff? What’s going on? You should know me better than to think I’d judge you or not support you with any of this.”
The hurt in his voice doesn’t go unnoticed and I’m grateful he hasn’t told me to fuck off yet .
“Remember when we graduated, and I told you my dad couldn’t make it because he was sick and didn’t feel up to travelling, so I told him to stay home?”
Jamieson nods.
“Well, he definitely didn’t feel up to travelling because he’s an alcoholic. Not just a guy who drinks a lot, but an alcoholic, and he’s slowly killing himself. He didn’t come to graduation because that weekend was the first time he ended up in the hospital over it.”
Tears I’d hoped I could contain flow freely as I finally share with Jamieson how bad my dad’s condition really is.
“He’s what you call a high-functioning alcoholic. He does his job and stays just sober enough to keep it. The minute he’s home, he’s drinking until he passes out. He doesn’t eat properly, and last year he took early retirement, so now he doesn’t even have a reason to get up in the morning.” My vision blurs, but calloused thumbs wipe at my wet cheeks, and I continue. “The last time I saw him before the season started, he’d already taken on a yellow tint, but he won’t go to the doctor. He’s all I have, Jamie and I can’t just…leave, or not try, you know?”
“Griff…hey, come here.”
Jamieson pulls me into him and tucks me underneath his chin and lets me sob, which is embarrassing, but his arms around me are a comfort I desperately need. He kisses the top of my head and murmurs that he’s got me and to just let it all out.
When I’m finally done having my mini breakdown, Jamieson lets me pull away.
“I wish you hadn’t kept all that from me. I understand the part about not wanting to upset me, but fuck Griff, I’ve never not been here for you. You should have told me about your dad. You’re killing yourself by not talking about it.”
It’s hard not to hear the disappointment in his voice and I know I screwed that up, but how was I supposed to tell him my dad was drinking himself into an early grave when the worst thing he ever had to deal with was fighting with his dad about not going into teaching? There’s no comparison.
“I’m sorry, Jamie. We can get past it, though, right?”
His eyes roam over my face for several seconds. “We will, and I’ll tell you why.” He offers me his open palm, and I slide my hand into it. “You’re the one with the degree that understands human behaviour, but I’m the one who understands you. You’ve saved my life, Griff—twice. You calm my squirrel brain and boost my confidence whenever I need it. Sometimes even when I don’t. You give to everyone but yourself, and for too long, I selfishly let you.”
He swallows hard and tugs me closer. “We’ll get past it because there’s always a place for you in my life. Because I love you. I always have. If you had never kissed me, I wouldn’t have known how much.” He dips his head and brushes his lips over mine. “I was perfectly happy coasting along and having fun riding bulls with my best friend at my side. But there’s always been something missing.”
A charge hovers between us, and I wonder if we were supposed to come together like this. Not when we first met, but later in life, when one of us was seeking comfort in new ways. When we’re both more mature and aren’t guzzling Red Bull to stay awake and study for exams.
Jamieson licks his lips and squeezes my thigh. “Now let me slather you with sunscreen so we can explore this beach you’re so excited to be at.”
I toss him the sunscreen from my fanny pack and peel off my shirt as I step out into the sun. I’m woefully white, and Jamieson chuckles when he spins me around and presses his very tanned hand against my pale chest.
“It should be illegal for someone to remain this pale all summer. Don’t you ever take your shirt off at the ranch with Hunter?”
Jamieson squirts sunscreen into his hands and slides them down my chest. I can’t control the ripple of goosebumps or the way my nipples pebble under a mostly innocent touch. The bastard notices, of course, and slows his movements.
“I n-never take my shirt off because…it’s…fuck I can’t think when you do that, Jamie.”
His low chuckle has me snap my eyes to his. “Griff likes nipple play. Noted.”
His hands go back to work massaging the sunscreen in, and I stare at the tattoo on his chest. He got it last year on a whim, and it’s a hoofprint of a bull. He went back and added a bull rider on his biceps. Both of them suit Jamie, but I prefer the hoof print because bulls do stomp and mark us forever.
“If you want to return the favour and put some on me, I won’t complain.”
Jamie’s voice sounds far away as I lean closer to his chest tattoo. I must be seeing things.
My fingers trace the initials in a lighter shade of black inside the hoofprint, and Jamieson goes still.
“Is this what I think it is?” My voice cracks, and Jamieson gently takes my fingertips away and kisses them.
“Yes.”
“What does it mean to you? ”
Jamie’s gaze locks on mine, and he presses my hand over the tattoo.
“When I asked Marko to add your initials to it, it was to remember that you were a part of my success as a bull rider. That you made a mark just like the bruises from bulls and to honour my best and closest friend.”
A hysterical laugh escapes my mouth as I stare at my best friend. “You tattooed my initials on you, Jamie.”
“I did, and I don’t regret it. Especially now that you’re not just my friend.”
I’ve seen this tattoo many times. We’ve changed in hotels and the camper, and I’ve seen him take his shirt off working at Hunter’s. But I never looked this closely, because that would have been especially painful. I didn’t know he added to it when he got the second tattoo, either.
“Are you upset?”
“What? No! I’m…fuck…I want to kiss you.”
His arm wraps around my waist and pulls me closer. “I like that idea.”
Our mouths meet in a clash of lips and tongue, and it’s still so odd that I get to do this now. That Jamieson wants this. Just as much as I do, if the way he’s kissing me back and holding the back of my head so I can barely take a breath is any indication.
My cock comes to life, and I press my body against his. A low hum of approval from Jamieson ignites a burn that’s been smouldering for the last ten years.
“Fuck, I want you to make me come so bad, Jamie.”
He laughs at me and holds me close.
“I thought you said you wanted this to go slow? ”
“I made an error in judgment.”
“We’re literally standing on a public beach, Griff.” With a huff, I drop my head to his shoulder, and he flexes his hips, poking me with his growing problem. “Don’t think I don’t want to, but I’d like to not get arrested out of province.” He tilts my chin up and takes my lips in a tender kiss. “The first time we do that, I’d like it to be just us and not include the random strangers who might walk by.”
“Why did I suggest coming here?” I groan.
“Actually, let’s get ice cream and you can tell me all about that.”
“There’s ice cream here?”
He points his chin back towards the dock. “There was a little building near the dock, and I’m positive it said ice cream. Let’s take a walk, then cool off.”
Pressing on my dick, I raise an eyebrow. “I need to cool off first.”
He snickers and tugs me over to our bags. “Sure. I’ll wrap your arm, we’ll wade out and get our dicks wet in the un-fun way, then we’ll get ice cream.”
Honestly, his calm shouldn’t surprise me. Jamieson can maintain his composure on the back of a bucking bull. Common sense says he can do the same while sporting an obvious hard-on in his swim shorts.
And when you finish the deal off with the promise of ice cream, that’s just the mark of a true professional in calm.