22. Jamieson
twenty-two
Jamieson
T hree Weeks later
Today is a really fucking great day.
Before I pull away from the house I’ve bought for us, I text Griff to let him know I’m on my way. Today he gets his cast off and I can’t wait.
Not that I haven’t enjoyed helping him wrap his cast for showers or minded the odd bonk when he’d toss in his sleep. Now I get to feel both his hands on me, and that excites me more than anything.
This weekend, Griff and I are having dinner with my family, and Griff finally gets to visit his dad in rehab on Sunday. He’s only been able to speak to him on Sundays since he was admitted, and Griff desperately wants to hug his dad.
But first, I need to get him to the hospital for his cast removal. One step at a time, Jamieson.
Griff is already outside his place waiting, and after parking on the curb, I lock the door and press the button to lower the window.
“Hey sweet thing, do you need a ride?”
Griff always has this sweet flush on his neck and cheeks whenever I get playful. It’s the cutest fucking thing ever and I’ll never tire of it.
He tries the handle and raises an eyebrow. “Really, Jamie? ”
“Well, I don’t want to give you a ride for free, sugar.”
“I swear to god if you pretend to solicit me any longer you won’t see my dick for a week.”
Pressing the unlock button, I pretend to pout as he slides in. “What if I just ask for it? Is that better?”
“Lord, is that what my future holds? You making deals for sex?”
Griff sounds pissy, but he’s smiling, and before he can buckle himself in, I reach over and fist his shirt in my hand, tugging him over the console so I can kiss him.
“No sex deals unless it’s what room to do it in first in our new place.”
“Did you get everything signed?” Griff’s lips dust over mine, and I steal one more kiss before leaning back in my place and putting the truck in gear. “Yep. The tenants are moving out next week, too. Once they give the keys back, we get in there early since it’s still my dad’s property. We can start the renovation almost a month early!”
“That’s great news, Jamie!”
Griff’s smile is truly one of his best features. When he smiles, it sort of makes his blue eyes more blue if that’s possible, and he exudes this lovable personality that I’m completely in love with. He’s beautiful, and he’s mine.
He reaches for my free hand as I drive to the hospital, and I fill him in on my morning with lawyers and arranging for materials at the home improvement store. After I park at the hospital, he takes my hand as we stroll inside and check into the orthopedic suite.
“Mom wants to know if you want her to make anything special for dinner. ”
Griff stops flicking through the gossip magazine he grabbed off the table and faces me. “Did you ask for the macaroni salad you love?”
“Of course I did. Then she asked if you still liked apple strudel or if you’d prefer something else.”
Griff swallows hard, the click audible even in the busy hospital. “She remembers that?”
“Babe, you ate half the pan and told her she should sell the stuff. She remembers.”
“God, that was…what? Six years ago?”
“At least. She likes you and wants you to feel like you’re part of the family.”
Dinner with my family has happened a handful of times over our friendship, and every time it did, Griff was polite and charming. My mom loves him, and so does my sister. My dad was harder to read, but once I told him I wanted to buy the house and that Griff and I were in a relationship, a small smile appeared.
My dad approved, and that meant the world to me. We bumped heads a lot when I insisted bull riding was my goal, and sometimes I wonder if he stopped fighting me on it simply because he grew tired of me arguing. Or maybe I’m just a late bloomer, and I’ve finally figured out my dad’s arguments just came from love.
Either way, we’ve had some great conversations since he texted me that morning to say he was proud of me, and we’ve mended a lot of our differences.
“Anything your mom makes is great, but you can tell her I still love strudel.”
“Griff Shepard?” A nurse calls out, and Griff stands.
“Need me to come hold your hand? ”
Griff rolls his eyes. “I can handle it. See you soon.”
After he leaves me in the waiting room, I open the Pinterest app on my phone and scroll for decorating ideas. My sister told me to make boards and pin things, and she’d help me figure out what we’d need to turn my grandmother’s old one-hundred-year-old home into something modern that suits me and Griff.
Owning my own home and building a life with a partner wasn’t something I thought about. I rented a tiny studio apartment I wasn’t attached to, and its purpose was to hold my stuff in the summer and give me a place to sleep in the winter.
I only had sex when someone attractive literally asked me to. It never turned into more because it was usually while I was travelling with rodeo, and it was just sex.
There wasn’t a lot of stability in any part of my life.
It’s funny how I drifted through almost thirty years and not once thought I was missing something. I was mostly content with my life until Griff kissed me and flipped my life around.
Suddenly, I’m excited to choose paint colours and pick out light fixtures and wake up in our bed every day. This longing for something sits nestled in my chest, and it only goes away when I’m with Griff.
“Hey. I’m done.” Griff appears in front of me and holds out a very pale arm. “The nurses had a great laugh at your doodles, by the way. Thanks for that.”
I snort laugh and peek around to see the nurses snickering, and I wave at them.
“I never claimed to be a Van Gogh. It takes skill to draw anatomically correct stick figures. Cock and balls are hard.” I snicker at my joke, and Griff shakes his head .
He scratches at his arm as he leaves the waiting room, and I trail behind him.
“Skill which you didn’t have, but they appreciated all your hearts.”
Last night, I drew at least a dozen different hearts with our initials in them on his cast. He just let me and said nothing; well, he didn’t like my incredibly hung stick man with a caption claiming bull riders swing to the left, but he watched and passed me coloured markers when I asked.
“I couldn’t let you get your cast off without signing it. Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do? Sign it and make the person wearing it feel special? I couldn’t let you go in there with a dirty, unmarked cast.”
Griff stops in the hallway of the busy hospital, his blue eyes welling with an emotion he’s only recently shown me.
“You make me feel special every minute of every day, Jamie.”
A woman bustles by and brushes against me with an apology, and I reach for his hand.
“Let’s get out of here.” Once outside in the summer sun, I stop Griff and kiss him softly. “You are special, Griff. Never stop believing that.”
“My boys!”
My mom rushes to us before we’re even in the house and hugs Griff, then me. The scent of cinnamon lingers when I lean down for the hug and squeeze her back a little longer, knowing she probably made Griff’s favourite strudel.
“Hey, Mom.”
“Hi, Mrs. Carr.”
My mom takes Griff’s hands in hers. She’s so damn tiny next to us. It’s like she’s a kid and her small hands are lost in Griff’s giant ones. “You can call me Viv, or if you’re comfortable, call me Mom.”
Griff sucks in a breath and I watch as my mom and the man I love share a truly special moment. “For now, I’m good with Viv, but…one day I’d like to call you Mom.”
My mom squeezes his arm and smiles, beaming her sweetness at Griff. “I’m okay with that, but don’t get angry with me if I call you son. That’s just going to slip out, and I won’t apologize.”
“I won’t.”
Mom tilts her head to the living room. “Everyone else is in there. Go have a seat, and I’ll join you both in a few.”
Mom bustles off, and Griff wipes at his eyes. “Should have warned me your mom would make me almost cry.”
“I didn’t know.” Tugging on his hand to bring him in for a hug, I whisper, “There’s no shame in crying when you find something that’s missing, babe.”
After slipping off our shoes, I lead Griff to the living room where my dad and sister sit watching last year’s National Final Rodeo on TV.
“Hey, guys. Getting in the mood for Kissing Ridge rodeo next week? ”
Dad stands and shakes our hands. He’s always been more reserved than my mom, who hugs complete strangers, but he smiles when he takes Griff’s hand and holds on a little longer, squeezing his other shoulder before releasing it.
My sister pats the seat on the couch next to her for Griff and sticks out her tongue at me. Griff takes the seat with a smile, and I settle into the armchair next to Dad.
“I guess you could say that. We’re looking forward to it, that’s for sure. Are you two ready?” My dad glances between us, and I reply first.
“I am. It’s been a fantastic year. One of my highest point years ever, and after next week’s rodeo, as long as I stay on and have a qualified ride, I should get to nationals.”
My dad hums and nods with a smile.
“What about you, Griff? Will you be working the Kissing Ridge Rodeo, or will you be watching?”
Griff turns away from my sister with a smile. “Oh, I’ll be working. If all goes well, it will be the first rodeo my dad will be at watching. No way I’m turning down the job.”
“Jamieson told me he was in the rehab facility. Is it going well?”
Griff shifts with a sigh, and his gaze darts to mine. “The counsellors have said yes, and I spoke to him last week. He sounded positive, but I’ll see for myself tomorrow.”
“We’re here for you if you need anything. If you take on my son, you get us too.”
I whip my head towards my dad, who has never said anything like that. Ever. Even my sister, Kara’s eyes widen.
“I didn’t agree to that.” She elbows Griff. “One brother is enough to handle. ”
Griff nods and thankfully finds words to accept my dad’s sentiment before my sister asks Griff to come with her. She babbles about needing to bring in something from the garage for my mom, and Griff goes off with her.
With the sounds of last year’s rodeo in the background, I clear my throat.
“Thank you for that, Dad. It means a lot to hear you say that. I know I’ve disappointed you —”
“You’ve never disappointed me, Jamieson.”
“But you never approved of the university and rodeo. The bull riding for a career. Even where I lived. We’ve always fought about it, and I guess I felt like I didn’t live up to your expectations.”
Dad frowns and sighs. “That wasn’t disappointment. That was me failing at telling you how proud I am of you for reaching for the dream. I wanted to force you into something safe and practical. Bull riding is dangerous and often short-lived. I just…I wanted you to fulfill your potential, and you have, son. In spades, you have.”
“Really?”
“Really. I’m sorry I wanted you to be more like me. You’re your own person and you live life in a way I envy.”
My dad is so straightforward, and I take a moment to let his words sink in. I’ve made so many wrong assumptions all these years.
“For what it’s worth, Dad, other than me thinking I let you down, you’re a great dad.”
The TV blares loudly as the announcer’s excitement calls the tie-down roping event. We pause to watch, and my dad says, “It’s your year, Jamieson. Griff and the house are only the beginning. You have great things coming. ”
My dad never held love back or anything like that. I had an amazing childhood, but my dad always stood on the sidelines while my mom reassured me I was good and she was proud. She put the Band-Aids on and shipped me packages at university. Dad always remained at a polite distance.
I thought it was because he disapproved, but that wasn’t it at all. Mom is just better at showing love than my dad. That’s something I understand now more than ever since I’ve been with Griff.
“Thanks, Dad.”
Normally I can talk your ear off, and I want to ask my dad all the things, but I settle in, and we talk about rodeo in between suggestions for the house. It’s bonding on a level we’ve never had before.
And another piece of my life clicks into place.