25. Griff
twenty-five
Griff
K issing Ridge rodeo is always my favourite rodeo of the season.
The energy is somewhere between immense pride and chaotic celebration, and I love it. Everyone welcomes you like an old friend, and there’s nothing like it. Especially if you’re a hometown hero.
I feel like Kissing Ridge is my hometown, even though I wasn’t born and raised here. Just a transplant since Jamieson lived here, and I followed him home after we met. Living with my dad once school finished wasn’t an option.
But all that has changed. Kissing Ridge has become my home more than Fox Grove ever was. I’m part of this community and not just the rodeo. Until Jackson’s parents offered to help my dad around today, I didn’t know how much I was truly part of this town.
“Hey Griff, you ready to go?”
Jamieson pulls his shirt over his head as he enters the living room. “I’m gonna eat something first.” He thumbs over his shoulder to the kitchen, and I chuckle.
“I figured you would. I grabbed an extra pizza from the store yesterday. It’s pre-cooked so just heat it up.”
“Ah, you’re the best boyfriend ever.” Jamieson removes the pizza slices from the carton and rips a bite from a cold slice.
“Too hungry to warm it up?”
“Cold pizza is the bomb. It doesn’t need warming.” Jamieson tucks into the second slice as I gather our bags of gear. “Are you nervous?” His voice is softer, and I turn my head towards him. His remaining pizza sits untouched on the counter while he focuses on my response.
“Some,” I admit, but Jamie shakes his head and steps closer.
“Tell me, babe.”
Jamieson’s soft touch to my arm has me sinking into his embrace. “Just overwhelmed with everyone’s help. With you, the house, and Dad. It’s a lot of stuff that’s out in the open now, and as happy as I am to have it, I feel like I’m a gutted fish on the dock.” His hands move up and down my back as I pour out this overwhelming tide of emotion I can’t put a name to. “I’ve been so used to just being on the fringe, you know? My entire life has changed, and while they’re all good things, it’s catching up, and I feel overwhelmed.”
Jamie kisses the top of my head and hugs me tighter. “Thanks for telling me. What can I do to help with that?”
People shouldn’t need to ask for help when they’re happy. It makes no sense, but it also makes perfect sense to me. My heart is full, but my brain needs extra time to process it all. It’s a weird place to be.
“I…I’m not sure, Jamie. But this definitely helps. Holding me and just making me feel like I’m deserving of this life. ”
Jamieson sucks in a breath and steps back so he can press his forehead against mine. “You deserve to have a reason to smile, and I will hold you anytime you need it, okay?”
“Okay.”
We stay like this for a few beats before I pull away first and playfully push him back to the kitchen. “Go finish eating. We have lots to do today. Are you nervous?”
I throw the question back at him because it’s a big day. Hometown heroes are always under extra pressure to perform, and Jamieson needs high scores for an invitation to the national finals. He’s had a strong season, but so have a few other riders in our tour, and it’s a deep field.
He leans on the counter with his pizza and chews slowly, uncharacteristically quiet for him. Jamieson usually talks a mile a minute and eats just as fast. There is something on his mind, but he usually saves the nerves until he’s at the event and can pace it off behind the chutes.
This is new for him to be almost…reserved.
His soft gaze meets mine, and the tenderness he aims at me makes my breath hitch in my throat. “I’m not nervous in a bad way. Maybe I’m so excited I don’t know what to call it.” He huffs a small laugh as he cleans up his pizza mess. “My parents and sister are so eager to help your dad. They want to make sure he has fun and experiences his son doing his job that he’s really fucking good at.” He grabs a glass from the cupboard and pours a glass of milk. “I think I’m a cross between over-the-moon excited our families are mixing and nervous about not having a great ride.” He chugs his milk and laughs. “I want to impress your dad, Griff. Is that lame?”
Of all the things I thought Jamie might say, that wasn’t it .
“I think you already have, and it’s not lame at all.”
Jamieson rinses his glass and leaves it in the sink. “Have I?” He strides over to the door and grabs his boots, the last thing he needs before we head to the rodeo grounds.
“Yep. ‘ My son’s dating a fancy bull rider. Does that mean I get good seats at the rodeo? ’ That’s what he said, and no, it wasn’t a joke. He was so puffed up about it, he went online to watch some of your rides.”
Jamieson smiles, and his dimple pops. His eternally boyish grin will never stop making my heart flutter. “Really?”
“Really.”
“Well…cool.” Jamieson is genuinely lighter with that knowledge, and it’s beyond sweet that he wants to impress my dad. “We should get going, though. I’ve got that meet and greet thing with Jackson and Hunter.”
And just like that, we’re in the normal pre-rodeo groove with Jamieson chatting away while he tosses our bags into his truck and I yank the keys from his hand to drive. Just because I let him drive more when my arm was in a cast doesn’t mean it’s the new norm.
I’m still not a fan of his driving, and that’s never going to change.
The shuttle van from Dad’s rehab pulls up to the curb in front of the rodeo grounds, and I jog over to meet it .
“Are you Griff?”
“That’s me.” The woman smiles and glances in the back. “I’ve got a very excited man here who claims he’s your dad.”
She hands me a clipboard, and I sign the consent that Miles reviewed with me. Dad is free to leave the rehab anytime he wants, but he opted for more accountability and asked for them to make him stick to tighter rules because he doesn’t want to mess things up. That means I have to sign a form that Dad already did, agreeing on a curfew and pickup times.
I’m actually proud of him for taking his recovery so seriously.
“Yep. I’m waiting for him.”
Dad opens the door of the minivan and steps out. My grin damn near splits my face when dad stands in front of me with a red-checked bandana around his neck and a straw cowboy hat. I don’t know where he got the overalls that sag on his skinny frame, but it’s clear he’s tried his best to fit in with his version of rodeo.
He holds his arms to the side. “Well. What do you think? Am I country?”
“You’re something.” I step up to hug him and we both linger in the hug. After releasing him, I gesture towards the entrance to the rodeo grounds as the shuttle van pulls away. “How are you feeling today?”
Dad places the straw hat on his head as we walk up the pathway. Screams of people riding the midway drift towards us and my dad’s mouth drops open as he turns to me. “There’s a fair here, too? Not just a rodeo?”
“Yeah. I thought you knew that. Is there—”
“Can we get cotton candy? I took you to a street fair thing once when you were maybe four, I think? Just a wee thing and you begged for cotton candy. You were fascinated watching the lady spin it on a paper cone right in front of you.”
Dad’s eyes glass over as he gets this faraway look, and it’s the first time I’ve ever heard him talk about something from my childhood.
“You took one bite and then you sort of got it everywhere and were one big sticky mess. But I remember…” His throat clicks as I steer him towards the fairground entrance away from the rodeo. “I remember you offered me a slobbery blob of it, and it was really good.”
I smile and laugh, choosing to paint the happy picture in my head and not dwell on the lost memories. “Yeah, we can get cotton candy, Dad. I promise I won’t even lick it before you get some.”
He laughs, a sound I’ve not heard in a long, long time. I think he startles himself since he cuts off the sound just as abruptly as it came. “That would be wonderful,” Dad says and I lead us to the cotton candy booth.
“Do you want it on a stick or in the bag?”
“Are you eating some, too?” We step closer to the order counter.
“Of course. I love the stuff. I haven’t had any for years.”
“Then make it a stick.”
After passing the money to the woman, my dad stands to the side watching the woman wind the spun sugar on a paper cone through the plexiglass. He’s lost in more memories and I only hope this isn’t another moment my mother steals from us in her absence.
After she passes me the cotton candy, Dad and I walk around the midway, eating the fluffy sugar on a stick and just enjoying this new thing we have. The counselors warned me he may have some memory loss because of his prolonged addiction, but it seems like the cotton candy memory is one that stuck, and I have no reason to doubt it.
After strolling through the flower and produce exhibits—dad had never seen pumpkins that big!—we head to the seating area at the rodeo that Jackson’s parents sponsor.
“So, Dad, you’re going to meet some people tonight. Don’t worry about remembering who they all are, okay?” I turn to him for his acknowledgement before continuing. “Jackson Sutherland is a steer wrestler. Every year, his parents sponsor the seating you’ll be in. He’s a good friend and his mom and dad are nice.”
He nods along, but I notice the slip in his smile, and I reach for his hand.
“Dad, please don’t compare yourself to them or go on a guilt trip. These are people I’ve met as an adult, and they mean a lot to me. So do you.”
“I can’t just turn it off, Griff. It’s not like that. I’ve let you down and I’m a drunk. Hardly anything to parade around to your friends.”
Okay. They also warned me about this, and while it goes against everything I really want to say, I stick with the truth.
“That was true before, yes. I was embarrassed, and you let me down. But that’s the past, Dad. We have the chance to start over. That stuff doesn’t matter now. You’re my dad, who is brave enough to work at being better, and I’m proud of that. That’s the dad I’m parading around.”
“It’s just…I’m not good at making friends. I’ve had none for years, you know?” His eyes water, and I pull him in for a hug and just say it .
“Dad, it means a lot to have you here to watch me. If you don’t want to talk to them, then don’t. Just sit and watch me. I want my dad to see what I do.” I release him and step back. “Please, Dad.”
He swipes at his eyes. “I’ll do anything I can for you, Griffy. It’s just a little harder. Sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry. Would you feel better if I told you someone is nervous you’re here?”
Dad cocks his head. “Who?”
“Jamieson. He wants to impress you. I’m not sure where he ever got the idea, but he seems to think him having a great ride in front of you will earn him dad points or something.”
My dad laughs again, and this time he doesn’t cut it off. This time, he squeezes my hand and smiles. “Let’s meet these friends of yours.”
“Thanks, Dad.”
We finish the walk to the stands, where Jackson’s mom and Riley talk at the bottom of the stairs. When they see us, it’s Riley who comes forward to introduce himself.
“Mr. Shepard, welcome. It’s nice to meet you. I’m Riley, a friend of Griff’s.”
“Call me Charlie,” Dad says in a tone that hides his nerves.
“I can do that, Charlie.”
Riley smiles at me as Mrs. Sutherland introduces herself and chats up Dad like he’s a long-lost friend. Of course, everyone in the stands tonight knows my dad is a recovering alcoholic, and without me even asking, they agreed to not have liquor in their seats tonight, even though they’re in the only seating that can.
“Jamieson asked if you could meet him in the signing area before it’s over.” Riley says, while I watch my dad with Jackson’s mom .
“Oh? That’s odd. Thanks.” My gaze follows dad into the stands where Mrs. Sutherland introduces him to Jamie’s parents and I can’t hear what they’re saying but my dad laughs again. With his straw cowboy hat and too-big overalls, he waves at me and gives me a thumbs up.
“We’ll take care of him, Griff,” Riley whispers as he squeezes my arm and I blink the wetness away.
“Thanks, Riley. I’ll go find Jamie then. Time to get ready for the show. Are you excited to see Jackson back in the ring?”
He sighs with a smile. “Oh yeah. I love watching him on a horse. He doesn’t even have to fall off it and wrestle a steer. Just him on a horse…I could watch that for hours.”
His gaze darts to the ring, searching for Jackson, and I laugh softly.
“Sounds like you need some riding lessons.”
“I’ve got some! I think he’s looking for a horse as a surprise to me. Don’t tell him that, though. It’s just a hunch.”
“I won’t.” With a last glance up at the stands, Dad has a water bottle in his hands and for a guy who was worried about making friends, he seems pretty chatty as he nods along to whatever Jamieson’s dad is telling him. “Dad!” I shout, and he looks down at where I’m standing and smiles.
“That’s my son!” He points and the biggest smile splits my face.
“I’ll see you at the end. Stay out of trouble.”
My dad nods and returns to his conversation.
“Good luck tonight, Griff.” Riley bounces up the stairs to join the crowd and I leave to find Jamie.
Finally accepting that the good in my life is mine to keep, I jog to the signing tent to get to my love faster.