Chapter 24
Chapter
Twenty-Four
MADDOX
Fucking Crista. I’m going to kill that woman.
Though it’s high time I told Luca what happened. He needs to know if for no other reason than he’s in my life now. If I have a bad day, if I second guess what we have, he’ll know why.
But not here. I can’t have such a deep, probably emotional conversation on campus.
Sighing, I take his hand and bring it to my lips, kissing it gently. “Come over for dinner tonight?” He opens his mouth as if to protest, but I place a finger over his lips. “I’ll tell you everything, I just… I can’t do it here. Not when I have class.”
If I’ve read Luca right in our past interactions, he doesn’t like waiting for news, fearing the worst, but I can’t get into it during the school day. I’ll end up trying to snap someone in half if Luca can’t touch me to calm me down, and I’ll get fired for sure.
Luca and I would be able to date in the open if that happened, but I’m sure he wouldn’t want to date a felon.
He bites his bottom lip for a moment, then nods. Cupping his chin, I kiss him quickly. “I promise you’ll have all your answers tonight.”
“Okay, Professor. I have to go. I have class.”
“Of course. I’ll see you this evening. Six o’clock.”
“I’ll be there.”
When Luca leaves, I blow out a long breath, wondering if I’ll be able to get my thoughts together enough to tell him what happened. It’s not like I’m the only person who’s been hurt in their past. I’m just the only person I know who almost lost everything because of it.
Shaking my head, I leave my office and head to Crista’s, planning to give her a piece of my mind. I was going to tell him on my own time.
When I burst into her office, she already has a guilty look on her face, holding her hands up in surrender. “I know what you’re going to say.”
“Do you?” I ask, ticking up an eyebrow and taking up a perch on the end of her desk for a change.
She blows out a breath and stands, coming around to my side of the desk. “Yeah, I do. And I’m sorry. You two have spent so much time together and you’ve gotten so close. I thought you’d already told him. Are you two even talking, or just doing mouth-to-mouth for hours on end?”
“Yes, we fucking talk,” I growl. “We just haven’t gotten to my past yet. It’s not pretty and I don’t want to expose Luca to ugliness.”
Crista looks at me with an almost sad expression. “Life isn’t pretty, Mad. Sometimes we have to show our partner all the ugly so they can appreciate our beauty. You think Mika and I have a picture-perfect relationship? That we didn’t come with our own ugliness before we met?”
I shrug, because yeah, I’m not stupid. I know they both have a past, but it’s so easy to think that they just clicked and everything came easy for them. They’re so perfect together. But she’s right and I know it.
Crista continues. “You know what I went through with my ex-wife.”
I hiss, looking away. It was the first time I ever felt compelled to toss a woman off a building.
One morning, Crista came to my house with a swollen lip and a bruise high on her cheek. Her ex-wife had beaten her for not having dinner ready, even though Crista was a full-time professor and her ex worked from home.
Turns out, Crista was in an abusive relationship for close to a year and I hadn’t known.
It took Crista hours to calm me down enough that I didn’t storm over to her house with a butcher’s knife to end her ex, and even longer so I wouldn’t jump across the courtroom bench to fucking strangle her ex for hurting her when the case finally went to trial.
Crista got a lifetime protection order against her, and she was sentenced to five years in prison for assault.
So yeah, I know about her ugliness, and I know it took a lot of trust to let her guard down enough to click so hard with Mika.
Why does it seem so daunting to tell Luca what I went through, and why do I think he’d look at me differently if he knew?
Crista puts a hand under my chin, turning my face towards her. “He’ll love you no matter what you say. I know it. That boy is smitten. As soon as I said your name, a light shone under his skin, brightening his entire face. You’re it for him, Mad.”
My heart races as I think about Luca. Something about that man makes me feel so light, so buoyant, that it’s hard to stay grounded. Not even… he made me feel this good. Yes, there was love there and I thought he would be the man I grew old with, but I was fooled.
Luca wouldn’t do that. He’s too honest, too sweet. Luca wears his emotions on his face, unable to hide what he feels, even when he tries. I’m not being made a fool of twice in my life. It’s just hard to see sometimes.
Glaring up at Crista, though I know it holds no bite, I say, “Yeah, whatever. Next time, keep my secrets or I won’t tell you shit else.”
She breathes a relieved laugh, and I smile at her so she knows I don’t mean it. “I promise. Other than Mika, you’re my best friend. I don’t want to betray your trust. I just thought you two had already spoken. I’ll stay in my lane.”
Not wanting to, but knowing I have to be an adult, I admit, “We should have. I didn’t think there would be more between us but sex.
But Crista… he’s much more than I thought he’d be.
He’s everything. Everything I’ve always wanted.
Sweet, smart, weirdly funny, so damn pliant, but strong at the same time. He makes me whole.”
“Like Mika does for me. Sometimes, we get lucky and find the people who heal us. I’m glad you found your person. I was getting worried for you.”
I give her a dry look. “Yeah, well, thanks for pushing me to talk about my past.” I push off her desk and head to the door, but turn around before I exit and ask, “How did you even see him to talk about me?”
“Oh,” she says and goes back around her desk. “I needed him to take something to Hilman while I ran to that department meeting. I would have done it myself but…” She trails off when she looks at me. “What?”
My blood fucking boils when I think about how terrible Luca looked when he was around Hilman. He looked terrified, like he was trapped. I don’t know if that had anything to do with us being caught by Crista or if he hated that fucker, but it pings my senses, and not in a good way.
“Why… the fuck…” I pull in several deep breaths to calm myself. “Hilman is a dick. Why would you send Luca to him?”
She sighs. “He’s a little annoying but he’s not the devil. Stop acting like that.”
“Close enough to it.”
“What do you know?” she asks, on high alert.
“Nothing. Just a gut feeling. There’s something—”
“Not right about him,” she finishes. “You’ve told me. Look, I just had Luca drop off some papers. Nothing deep.”
“When?” I ask, my brain trying to piece together the timeline. Something nags at the back of my mind, something I should be seeing.
“About an hour ago. I just got back from the meeting.”
That’s it. Luca came into my office looking as if he’d seen a ghost, his breathing erratic and sweat dotting his brow. It had to be Hilman. He’s only ever had that reaction one other time, but I didn’t see it because he was already losing his shit.
But it has to be him.
What did he do to Luca? If I find out he’s hurt him or the thought even crossed Hilman’s mind, I will fucking murder him and sleep like a baby when I’m done.
With a growl, I say, “Don’t do that again. You want shit done, do it yourself. Don’t use my fucking TA.”
“Jesus, fine. I’m sorry.”
I grunt and leave her office.
Something is going on with Luca and Hilman.
I’m not sure what it is and why he’s so frightened of him, but I’ll find out.
When I spill my secrets, Luca will have to as well.
But first, I want to tell him all about my past so he can make the choice on whether he wants to continue with someone like me.
“Come on in, Luca,” I say as I open the door wide. “Maybe I should get you a key.”
Luca looks at me with wide eyes, then smiles. “Really? A key? Are we at key exchange levels?”
I give him a sardonic smile as I lead him over to the dining room table where I have dinner waiting. “Well, it wouldn’t be an exchange. I can’t very well come to the dorms when I want to stay the night, now can I?”
His cheeks turn that pretty shade of pink as he sits down. “I didn’t think about that.”
I hope he understands what I’m saying. If I give him a key, this is no longer just physical. It’ll be more than sex. It’ll be… everything.
I chuckle as I fix his plate and place it in front of him. “Are you okay, Luca? Is there anything you want to tell me?”
He looks at me sharply, his teeth sinking into his bottom lip. “No, I’m okay. Why?”
I sigh imperceptibly, but don’t push. That’ll only make him clam up, and I want him open if we’re going to explore this thing between us more. “Just checking. You didn’t look so good earlier.”
He nibbles that lip, looking adorable and sad and… cornered. Misery sweeps through his eyes, and he looks away as if he’s trying to hide the reaction.
Deciding to give him an out, I ask, “Is it because of what Crista told you?”
He flicks that wide-eyed gaze back to me and nods jerkily.
“Do you want to know what happened with me and my ex?”
Again, another jerky nod.
“It’s not pretty, Luca. For me or… him.”
“That’s okay,” he whispers. “I just want to know you.”
Like I want to know you, little lamb.
Sighing, I push my plate away and rest my forearms on the table.
“I told you I grew up in a small town.” He nods.
“My family didn’t have much money, and that’s not a good thing in a football town.
For most of us, football was the only way we could get a higher education.
Believe it or not, I was a theater nerd back then too. ”
Luca smiles warmly. “I don’t think you were ever a nerd, Professor.”