Chapter 7
CAM
“I’m sorry,” AJ shouts right in my face, as his face reddens dangerously fast. I can see it move little by little because he’s still right there.
He’s so close because he . . . kissed me.
Not a peck either, but a full-on, smash-of-lips kiss.
Right on my mouth.
I was just leaning in to turn him toward me. I wanted to grab his shoulders and turn him so he’d look at me, I definitely didn’t think he’d kiss me or that it would be so—nope.
My brain goes into agent mode instantly, because the other option would be dealing with this as his friend and I . . . can’t do that.
Ever.
“It’s fine. Relax. Breathe,” I instruct him, and make sure to pull my hands back to my sides.
No sudden movements, Cam. Just stay calm, I chant to myself.
Last time AJ truly freaked out was when he got a ten-year, half-a-billion-dollar offer from the LA Warriors. I’m negotiating his next deal in just a few weeks, and I’d love for it to be something he freaks out over again, but I don’t want this.
Whatever the fuck it is.
So yeah, agent Cam it is.
But . . . this freakout is different. He’s frozen, it seems. Just like I was when I felt his warm, soft lips against mine, and—NOPE.
“AJ. Buddy,” I cajole gently, but keep my hands lowered. “Let’s go down to the car and back home, all right?”
Yeah, sure, that sounds like a great fucking idea.
Go back to where we have to pretend we kiss all the time and it’s no big deal and . . . oh yeah, sleep together.
But it’s the only option we’ve got, because we’re definitely not staying here.
AJ
Having to focus on the stairs helps me recalibrate a little.
It’s enough of a challenge that I stop reliving the feel of Cam’s objectively perfect lips against mine. I’ve never kissed lips like his before, surrounded by stubble, plush and . . . soft.
The cold bite of the metal against my hand reminds me to fucking focus so I don’t lose my footing and plummet thirty feet to the ground.
That would suck.
Royally.
So I focus on taking one step down and then another one, even when I happen to look up and get momentarily engrossed in the shape of Cam’s ass—it’s actually perfect, and I’m in locker rooms with perfectly fit men all the time, so why is it just hitting me right now that I might like them?
I shake my head and keep going down, down, down.
When my feet touch the ground, though, I let myself look at Cam while he does the same, and the freezing panic I felt only minutes ago is nowhere to be seen.
It’s . . . a fact.
Why would I ever debate a fact?
“Cam, I think—”
“Just get in the car, AJ. We both need sleep so we’re good to go tomorrow.”
He won’t meet my eyes, even steps around me with enough distance to make it obvious he doesn’t want to risk us touching.
That stings, but not enough to make me back down.
“I get that, and I swear everything will be fine tomorrow. You’ll get to play with your friends again and then we’re gonna tear it up on the dance floor at that prom thing. But I really think we should talk about this. We can’t just sweep it—”
“For tonight we can,” he interrupts me, and opens the driver’s door. “I need silence to think, AJ, and sleep.”
I stand there for a few seconds while he climbs in and slams the door closed, and then I get my butt moving.
He might be pissed—I don’t think he is, but he might be—and I don’t want him to leave me stranded here. Not that I think he would . . .
Probably.
Once the car is moving, I almost start talking again, hoping he’ll hear me out, but I clamp my mouth shut.
It won’t hurt to wait until tomorrow to talk about this.
Cam’s gonna be in my life forever, no matter what, and it’s not like he can run away from me because we’re sleeping in the same damn bed.
Rosa’s nowhere to be found when we walk through the house, and Cam barely makes a sound as he walks behind me and turns off the two lamps still on in the foyer and the living room.
While we get ready for bed I think of something to say, anything, and the best I can come up with when we’re both lying on our backs and I’m staring at the ceiling, somehow feeling more alone than I have in a long time, is, “You’re important to me, Cam. I don’t want to lose you.”
The loneliness disappears when he finally speaks.
“You’re not going to lose me, AJ. Just go to sleep and we’ll talk tomorrow.”
All right, I can work with that.
I’ll know what to say then.
Tomorrow.
But Cam isn’t next to me like he said he would be the next morning.
Okay, so he didn’t say he’d be right here, but he said we’d talk in the morning.
Well, it’s only nine fucking a.m. and he’s not here.
Did he wake up at the ass crack of dawn to avoid me?
That really doesn’t seem like him, not the Cam I’ve known for years and years.
I throw the covers off and stalk to the bathroom. I have a big day to get ready for, and hopefully I’ll find Cam in time to have a conversation about that kiss.
I know what I have to say now.
But I don’t find him anywhere when I go downstairs, and Rosa isn’t in either. I see a note stuck to the fridge that says she went hiking with her friends and will be back by two.
Only then do I think of checking my damn phone, and at least I know Cam hasn’t completely forgotten about me because there’s a message that he sent about an hour ago.
Cam:
Caden texted earlier and we went out for breakfast.
Decided to check out the campus tour too.
Meet at the gym before the game at ten thirty-ish?
Well, that all sounds friendly enough, but I know better. At least, I have a gut feeling that’s telling me Cam was all too happy to take Caden up on his invitation and is suddenly super interested in seeing the changes to his school because he wants to pretend the kiss never happened.
I might not be the sharpest tool, but I know Cam hates messy things, and this, us, that kiss . . . it’s very messy.
Well, too bad.
I need to talk it through with him no matter how messy it gets.
But when I reread the messages, I remember why we’re here, and I have to sigh. We can have a conversation about that kiss once we’re back home. Today and tonight my focus can’t be on that, it has to be on Cam.
Cam and his friends are all in uniform outside the gym when I get to the school, and I put on my media smile and greet them like nothing is wrong.
I do give Caden an extra long hug because I think this is probably not going to be the easiest thing for him, and then I hold Cam’s hand as if it’s not awkward, and stare lovingly at him as if I don’t want to snap at him for . . . everything.
The game is the current varsity team against the former one, and I gotta say, the kids look good while they’re warming up, but not nearly as smooth and confident as Cam, Caden, Shane, Dale, and Ray. There are other dudes courtside when we walk into the gym too, ones I haven’t been introduced to.
“Good luck,” I murmur to Cam, then go up on my tippy toes to smack a kiss to his cheek. Then I race off before he can say anything and run up the bleachers to the cheering section and start getting into the chants.
I’m watching Cam all the time, and only take my eyes off him for one second, and when I do it’s to see fucking Soren talking to Caden.
I can’t hear anything all the way from over here, obviously, and I stand, ready to go down there and defend Cam and my friend from this asshole, but the ref jogs over to them and Soren leaves after a moment.
I have no clue who the ref actually is until I see the way Caden looks at him. It’s gotta be Theo, and I’m glad they both have smiles on their faces when they pull apart to go stretch and to center court respectively.
Hopefully this weekend will do Caden some good—someone should have a good time at this thing.
The game is fast and close.
Caden doesn’t play for long, and when he taps out and high fives his substitute, I cheer louder than anyone in this place. I’m happy when a few cheerleaders follow my suit, and even happier when they start a chant I can follow.
Cheerleaders are awesome, and I always loved joining them back in my high school days, especially at basketball games when I could sit back and watch without having to worry about the game.
The alumni win in the end, and seeing Cam jump up and hug his friends like he just won the damn championship or something has me grinning like a maniac looking down at the court.
That big smile he has . . . I haven’t seen him smile like that in so long I can’t even remember, and I have a good memory. I want him to smile like that more often, to have plenty of reasons to, and maybe . . .
Yeah, maybe I wanna be one of those reasons.
I need to tell him. I feel it in my bones that it needs to happen now, but when I finally get to him, he’s so damn happy with his friends . . . so again, I have to keep it in.
We go out for lunch, and I manage to catch a quick chat with Ray and Shane about next season and what our team looks like with all the new guys that we drafted or the ones we’ve traded for.
It’s so easy to just stand there, eating and chatting with these people who obviously care about Cam, while holding his hand occasionally or touching his back in certain moments.
It feels right, and easy, and effortless.
How could I go back to not being like this with him? How could I ever forget that kiss?
I honestly doubt I’ll be able to do that, but if Cam doesn’t . . . If he feels it’s not . . . Fuck it.
Of course he’s not going to want to take me on, and why should he?
There’s no guarantees with me. I’ve been in even less functional relationships than him. I’ve never been close to wanting forever with someone, so why should he take the risk just so I can figure out if I even like him that way?
Thing is, something inside me tells me I don’t need to figure it out.
After the class picture, we make our way back to Rosa’s house, and again there’s no time to talk, not when she and Cam honestly deserve to get some uninterrupted time with each other as a family.
I go upstairs before Cam to get ready for the prom, and though I now wish I hadn’t—but I’m not sure why—I put on the only formal shirt I brought, the one Hawk suggested I wear that does make my arms look pretty good.
It’s warm out, and since this isn’t really a prom, I don’t bother with the suit jacket.
Cam quickly looks away when I come down, and he practically runs away to get ready himself while I sit to spend some time with Rosa.
“So how are you really, sweetie?”
I can see how seriously she’s asking, but I can’t even fathom telling her anything real that’s going through my mind, so I act like I know she’s asking about football when I know she’s not.
“Ending the season like that is always tough,” I tell her, and I make it extra sad when I pout. “But that’s how the game goes, and besides, having Cam cheering me up means I’m not dwelling on it a lot.”
Yeah, I might be laying it on a bit thick, but this was the plan all along, and I’m not going to deviate from that anymore.
“You’ll get yourself another Super Bowl next year,” she says, and sounds like she believes it absolutely. “Now, have some more cake.”
“Don’t mind if I do,” I tell her cheerfully, happy the inquisition was short. We can now spend some time talking about the town gossip, and I tell her about all the people I’ve met from Cam’s class and hear all the stories she has about them in return.
I have to swallow hard, though, when Cam comes down in his sharpest, best-tailored navy suit with an orange tie that pops out dramatically.
He is wearing his jacket and looks . . . yeah, he looks damn fine, but I swallow hard and smile like lusting over him is normal. We spend about twenty minutes doing ridiculously cheesy poses for Rosa, who’s clearly having the time of her life.
“So she didn’t get to do that with you at your actual prom?” I ask Cam when we make it into the car. I figure asking about that isn’t against his new rules, but I still hold my breath as I wait for him to answer.
“No.” He sounds sad about it, or maybe just melancholic? “I didn’t have a date, just went along with the guys.”
“I went with friends too,” I tell him, trying to get us back to being able to talk about anything. We haven’t really talked today about other stuff.
“You didn’t have a date?” he demands, but keeps his eyes on the road.
“No, I found out some girls were fighting over who I’d take, and Dad told me asking them both to go with me was a recipe for disaster, so I didn’t ask anyone.”
There’s a beat of silence and then Cam bursts out laughing.
“That is such a you thing to do, AJ.”
Hearing him laugh, seeing him smile at me for a second before he focuses on driving again, it reminds me how important our friendship is to me.
It’s the instant I realize I can’t push.
Cam clearly doesn’t want this, doesn’t want to actually be my boyfriend, and maybe it’s for the best.
Instead of dwelling on that, I try for another laugh.
“I didn’t want them to fight,” I argue. “They were really mean to each other for a few weeks.”
“Teenage girls have the capacity for great meanness,” he says with mock wisdom in his voice, and I snort.
“Exactly. I just wanted them to be happy.”
“Wait, hold up. You were only going to ask them because they wanted you to, not because you actually liked them?”
“Well, no,” I say slowly. “They were both nice and pretty, both cheerleaders I hung out with a bunch, but I didn’t have a crush on either of them. The girl I did have a crush on was going with a buddy of mine, so I couldn’t ask her.”
He hums softly at that and I see his hands gripping the wheel tight.
“I already knew you were a good guy, but sometimes you say stuff like that and it reminds me there’s such a thing as too good.”
The butterflies that go wild in my belly?
Yeah, those need to die.