Chapter 14
FELIX
The past three days had been like a dream.
Cocooned in Ryder’s apartment, they’d gotten to know each other—shared stories about their childhoods, their dreams, and explored each other’s bodies.
Ryder had fucked him again last night. How he’d taken it again was a mystery.
His cock was enormous, and Felix had truly believed it would split him in two, but Ryder was such a patient and caring lover.
It had been a wrench leaving this morning, but he was still asleep and Felix didn’t want to disturb him.
He’d left a note saying he’d be back later, after his gig.
It had felt like he’d been locked away for weeks, not a few days.
Ryder had cooked for them, and he was better than he’d implied.
It had felt domesticat and like something Felix could get used to, but he didn’t want to get ahead of himself.
They hadn’t even had a conversation about what their relationship was, and he wasn’t in a rush to have it and risk rejection.
It was Saturday, and he had a wedding to get to, so Felix was heading back to his apartment to get more clothes.
The morning after it all kicked off, he’d deleted his social media apps and was in no hurry to reinstate them.
He’d also deleted all the emails he’d received in the first forty-eight hours, believing that if it was anything important, they’d chase him.
Thankfully, his phone number wasn’t in the public domain.
Sam had texted him a few times, but he’d immediately deleted them without looking.
After the tenth message in twenty-four hours, he’d done something he never thought he would: blocked him.
This bubble they’d created for the past few days had been wonderful, and he hated leaving it, but life was carrying on without them.
He knew the world of social media moved quickly, and there had probably been a dozen viral incidents since their kiss had blown up.
It was still bizarre to think that Ryder had such interest in his life from strangers.
It would be something Felix would have to get used to if they were going to be in a relationship.
It might appear they were from alternate worlds, but in reality they weren’t so different.
They could both be pigheaded, and were fiercely loyal to the people they loved.
For Felix, that was Laura. Ryder had his blood family, and his found family.
The guy had enough love to go around in that big heart of his.
The image he portrayed on social media was vastly different to the person who’d cuddled him in bed and played with his hair when he was lying on the sofa.
Inside that six-foot-five wall of muscle was a soft heart.
It was clear somebody had hurt him in the past, but he wasn’t ready to share it yet.
Felix hoped he would in time, but that had to be when he was ready. Felix would never push him.
He arrived for the wedding an hour early, as requested, and knocked on the door of the bride’s house. In the lead-up planning, she’d been a delight, so he was hoping this wouldn’t be another Bridezilla moment. The door opened, and Lindsay, the bride, had a confused look on her face.
“Felix, what are you doing here?”
“It’s your wedding day, isn’t it? Or have I got my dates mixed up?” he said with an awkward laugh.
“Didn’t you get my email?”
His heart sank. Had something happened with the wedding, and in his mass delete he’d missed it? And now he was here as a painful reminder of something that wouldn’t happen?
“Hi, Lindsay, did I get the right time?”
Felix spun round and saw a guy holding a camera. What the fuck was going on?
“Come in, Darren. Just go through into the kitchen. I’ll be there in a minute.”
“Well, this is awkward,” said Lindsay.
“Sorry if I missed something. I’ve had some problems with my emails.”
It was obvious she’d canceled his services and replaced him. The last thing he wanted her to do was feel bad on her wedding day, so he apologized for the inconvenience and left without another word.
Unsure what he was going to do now, he walked around for twenty minutes until he came to a chain coffee shop.
He grabbed a chai latte and sat in the corner.
A few people looked at him and did a double take, and he caught someone else taking a picture of him.
They were trying to be subtle and failing miserably.
Once he was settled, he went into the deleted folder of his emails and searched for Lindsay.
Hi Felix,
I’m sorry to do this so last minute, but we’ve decided to go with another photographer.
With what’s happened over social media, we don’t want our wedding to be overshadowed, and you being there will do that.
I know we signed a contract, but given this isn’t our fault, we would appreciate if our deposit could be returned.
Best,
Lindsay
His head was spinning. Was she the only one who had taken that approach?
He restored all his emails and searched through them.
Anything that had the words “die,” “bitch,” or a homophobic slur in the subject line were immediately deleted without being opened.
He made sure the deletion on those was permanent.
Ryder had warned him about trolls, and said he’d probably always get homophobic comments.
It was something he’d have to ignore. Engaging with them played into what they wanted.
Over the next hour, he went through everything that had come into his work email, and there had to be over a hundred messages.
Some were from crazy fans of Ryder’s, saying Felix had ruined their life by stealing their man.
Those emails were also permanently deleted.
Once he’d removed all the hate and junk, he learned that six of his jobs, including Lindsay’s, had canceled.
That was ten grand’s worth of income he’d lost, as they were all asking for their deposits back.
Felix knew they had a good reason for doing it, but if he refunded all of them, he’d be in serious trouble.
His social media accounts were all locked out for rule violations. What the fuck was that all about? All he posted were his portraits and the occasional funny meme or cute cat picture.
There had been no new enquiries over the last few days either, and he always had a couple each day.
He couldn’t believe it, and wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do.
Between now and the end of the year, he had only two gigs, and he wasn’t sure whether they’d be canceled as well.
Did he reach out to confirm, or would that tempt fate?
The last thing he needed was to have to find more money.
Many of these jobs had been booked months ago, and the deposit money was long gone.
This was one of the busiest months of the year.
January was dead, and he relied on the holidays to carry him through to Valentine’s Day when things picked up again.
No matter which way he looked at it, he was fucked.
His phone rang. It was Ryder,
“Hey.”
“Where are you, baby?”
“I had that wedding today.”
“What do you mean, had?”
“She canceled because of what was on social media.”
“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. Come back here and we’ll talk.”
“All my social media accounts are locked for rule violations.”
“I get that all the time. It’s just trolls complaining. I can show you how to sort that out.”
“I’ve had five other jobs cancel as well. I need to go home for a bit and think about what I’m gonna do to get some money in.”
He hated talking about money with other people—it was an uncomfortable topic, but he needed to deal with this. There’d be limited opportunities to find other gigs at this time of year. Very few people who paid well would be that unprepared for the holiday season.
“How much do you need?” asked Ryder.
“What do you mean?”
“How much have you lost from the cancelations?”
“They all want their deposits back, which I don’t have, so ten grand overall.”
“I’ll give you that.”
“What? No, Ryder. I’m not taking your money.”
“But it’s because of me this is happening.”
“I’m not taking your money, Ryder. That’s not why I’m with you.”
“I know that, baby. That’s why I’m offering. Please come back here and we can talk.”
There was a desperation in his voice that was setting off alarm bells.
Why did he keep saying he wanted to talk?
Oh, God, he wanted to break up with him.
Now they’d fucked, he’d lost interest. The ten grand he was offering was to sweeten the breakup.
In fact, was it even a breakup? They weren’t even in a relationship.
It was all in Felix’s head, him fantasizing about the perfect man and them living happily ever after.
Felix didn’t meet men like that. He met ones like Sam, who were assholes.
If this was a breakup, though, then why did he want to do it in person? Surely it would be easier to tell him now, on the phone, or even by sending a text. Felix had been dumped twice by text.
“I’m going to go home for a bit. I’ll come round later like I planned.”
Ryder sighed, clearly not happy with that response
“Okay, but promise me one thing.”
“Of course.”
“Stay off social media.”
“My accounts are locked, remember?”
“That’s good. Don’t do anything until we talk.”
A bolt of realization hit him. Ryder had said they needed to talk once they’d woken up from their nap, but he’d been convinced it was going to be a goodbye speech, so he’d seduced Ryder into fucking him again.
He’d gone harder that time, and Felix knew he’d be feeling it for days, but he’d thought it would be worth it if it was to be their last time.
Now he suspected he’d wanted to talk about something on social media.
He’d been called into his agent’s office, and now Felix had taken a hit to his business. He had to have known.
“Ryder, did you know about this?”
“What?”