Chapter 14 #2
“That all my jobs had been canceled.”
“No, I didn’t know that. Baby, let me send you a car and you can come here. We can talk then.”
“Did you know that this had affected my business?”
Ryder didn’t answer, but Felix could hear him breathing.
The silence told him all he needed to hear.
Felix thought he was going to burst into tears.
He didn’t blame Ryder for what had happened, but he’d known about it and not told him.
Felix could have been saved from that humiliating moment with Lindsay earlier if he’d said something.
Without thinking, he ended the call and pulled up Laura’s contact info.
Right now he needed a friend, and she was all he had left.
Felix left the bar feeling unsteady. Laura had left him an hour ago, insisting he go home.
She’d met him for a drink so he could vent about the shitshow that was his life.
His business was fucked. His reputation was fucked.
His life was fucked. He’d wanted to speak to Ryder, but she’d advised him against that given he might say something he regretted.
Because of Ryder’s stupid fans, people hated Felix and he was suffering the consequences.
Would he even be able to recover his business from this?
Laura had a date with some girl at the coffee shop near her work, so she’d been drinking soft drinks and he’d been on the vodka.
Once she left, he’d ordered another three drinks, possibly more; he’d lost count.
When he’d received a text from Laura checking if he was at home, he realized he needed to get going.
He didn’t want her worrying about him and cutting her date short.
She’d been pining over the coffee shop girl for months. He wasn’t ruining that for her.
Everything was spinning, and he couldn’t walk very fast. Stepping outside into the cold was like being hit in the face with a shovel.
The last thing he wanted was to throw up.
That would just top off this shitty day.
Why had he decided getting drunk was a good idea?
He couldn’t really afford to be drinking now, and he must have blown a couple of hundred dollars tonight.
What was he thinking? He’d ignored all his customers’ demands for their money back.
That was tomorrow’s problem. He’d rather not think about it.
He felt awful, and thought about getting an Uber, but he’d already spent too much money tonight, so he headed for the subway.
He almost fell down the stairs, and then couldn’t find his ticket, but after swearing half a dozen times, he realized he hadn’t bought one.
That had caused him to erupt into spontaneous laughter, which got him a few looks.
He didn’t give a fuck what people thought of him.
Well, at this moment he didn’t. Normally, he gave other people’s opinions far too much importance.
He sat down on a train, and his head swam as it chugged along.
The rocking motion was not helping to keep his stomach settled.
He just kept telling himself not to throw up.
Once he got home, he could down some Advil and sleep it off.
By the time the subway reached his stop, he was standing up.
He’d almost fallen asleep twice and didn’t want to risk missing the right station.
Stumbling up the stairs, he still had a ten-minute walk to get back to his apartment, and the air was biting cold.
They’d forecast the possibility of snow, which was the last thing he needed.
Once he turned onto his block, a wave of relief came over him.
He was having a shower when he got in as well—that would sort him right out.
There must have been something about being close to home, because his legs felt heavier and it was like he had to drag them along.
As he approached his apartment building, he saw someone familiar waiting outside.
Thinking he was hallucinating, he shook his head.
No, he wasn’t imagining things. What the fuck was he doing here?
“What do you want, Sam?”
“Felix,” he said, rushing over. “Where have you been? I’ve been worried sick.”
Sam tried to hug him, but Felix moved out of the way. This made him lose his footing, and he almost went down. Sam grabbed him before he hit the deck.
“Thanks,” he said begrudgingly. He might not like Sam, but he had stopped Felix from falling over. “What do you want, Sam?”
“I wanted to see you. I miss you.”
“Are you for real? We’ve had this conversation.”
He tried to walk past, but Sam blocked his path.
“Don’t be like that. I’m worried about you. Why did you block my number?”
“You know why, Sam. And I’m fine. Nothing for you to be concerned about.”
“You don’t look fine. Why are you drunk?”
“None of your business.”
“Is this Ryder’s doing?”
“Again, still none of your business.”
“You can’t trust people like that, Felix. They’re only out for themselves. I see his follower count has gone up, but your social media has disappeared. What kind of man does that to someone? He should use his influence to help you.”
“Ryder’s ten times . . . No, he’s a hundred times the man you’ll ever be.”
“Where is he now if he’s so wonderful? Leaving you to wander around the streets drunk.”
“Fuck off!”
He tried to walk round Sam again, but he gripped Felix by the arm.
“You belong to me, Felix. Why are you throwing everything we’ve got away for some playboy?”
Felix tried to wrestle free, but Sam had always been strong. He pushed Felix up against the wall, and before he could do anything, he was kissing him. It took him a few seconds to register what was happening and then he pushed him away.
“Get the fuck away from me. Have you ever heard of consent? Now go, before I call the police.”
“Just let me come upstairs and we can talk.”
“I SAID FUCK OFF!”
He swung at Sam, who moved out of the way, and he lost his balance.
Before he could stop himself, he crashed to the floor.
His vision blurred, and he couldn’t stop himself from hurling his guts up on the sidewalk.
The last thing he remembered before passing out was Sam smiling at him, and there was nothing comforting about it; that smile filled him with terror.
It felt like someone had bludgeoned him with a hammer.
In fact, that would have been preferable to the pain he was feeling right now.
Where was he? He opened his eyes, but closed them again immediately; the light was horrendous.
Why was he asleep next to the sun? Wasn’t it December?
That was something he remembered—Christmas was two weeks away.
Or had he been asleep for months and it was already summer?
That would explain the glaring light that wanted to blind him.
Trying again, this time with a squint, he realized he was in his own bedroom.
He could deal with that. His bedroom was a safe space.
Nobody else was allowed in here, only Laura, and that was only by invitation.
Felix tried to piece together what had happened the day before.
He had a vague recollection of drinking with Laura.
Maybe she could fill in the gaps for him.
He felt his phone underneath him so pulled it out, and after a few seconds of thinking he’d lost the ability to operate a phone, he realized the battery was dead.
The thought of trying to locate a charger made him feel nauseous.
That gave him a flashback to being sick outside his apartment building.
Shame flooded him. Had Laura seen him do that?
If it had to be anyone, he’d only accept her, and that was because he’d seen her in some bad states, and there was an unspoken rule between them that they could not take photographic evidence of said indiscretions.
He was startled by a grunt and an arm being flung over him.
What the fuck!
His skin prickled with dread as he looked over to his right; it was Sam.
Felix leaped out of the bed, which caused a massive head rush, and he almost threw up again and lost his balance.
What was Sam doing in his bed? They hadn’t done anything, had they?
There was no way he would do something like that.
He’d have some memory if he had. Reluctantly, he slipped his fingers down his crack and felt his hole.
It was not sensitive, and there was no lube residue.
That had to be a good sign. They might have done other things, but Sam had always been selfish with sex.
He liked to fuck, and that was it. If you didn’t fuck, then Sam said they hadn’t had sex.
Nothing else counted. Felix had come across that heteronormative bullshit before with other guys, but Sam took it to another level.
“Relax, Felix, we didn’t do anything,” said Sam, sitting up.
“Then why are you in my bed, and why don’t you have any clothes on?”
“I’m wearing boxers. I had a T-shirt on, but this apartment is like a sauna.”
“That doesn’t explain what you’re doing here.”
“I wasn’t going to leave you on your own in that state. You passed out in the street. Someone needed to stay close to you. You got a message saying Laura wasn’t coming home.”
“Where is she?”
“How would I know? She was on a date or something, you said.”
“And you’re sure we didn’t do anything?”
“Yes, Felix. You made your feelings very clear last night.”
Why did that sound unnerving? He looked at Sam and gestured with his hands for him to elaborate.
“I love Ryder so much. His dick is so much bigger than yours.”
Oh. My. God!
“How are you feeling, anyway?”
“I feel great,” he replied, but he moved at the same time and became unsteady.
“Yeah, you look it. What time is it?”
“My phone died.”
“I tried to put it on charge for you, but you started kissing a message from Ryder and then passed out with it under you.”
Could this day get any more humiliating? He leaned back against the wall, willing his head to stop throbbing. Felix wondered if he had a job today, and then it all came back to him. He didn’t have any jobs. They’d all been canceled, because everyone online hated him for being with Ryder.
His stomach lurched, and he had to sprint to the bathroom before he emptied what was left in his stomach. It was a fluorescent yellow liquid, which burned when it came up, and the smell made him want to be sick again, but all he could do was dry heave.
Felix needed to get to his phone. He’d been notorious for drunk texting in the past, and he had this horrible feeling he may have sent something to Ryder.
Why was he kissing a message on his phone?
He couldn’t think straight, but he knew he had things to do.
Number one was checking his phone, so he knew what he was dealing with.
The second was to brush his teeth and have a shower before he threw up again.
Next, he had to get Sam out of his apartment.
No, that should be the first thing he did.
He hugged the big white toilet, finding it comforting, but it felt like he’d finished heaving.
“You okay, baby?”
Felix’s head snapped up. Sam was standing there in just his boxers. He had an impressive body, although nothing on Ryder, but Felix wasn’t sure why he was standing in the doorway of his bathroom, semi-naked and scratching his balls.
“What did you call me?”
“Baby?”
“You don’t get to call me that. You hear me? Do not call me that, okay?”
Sam looked shocked. Felix had never gotten angry with him before.
“Why are you still here?” asked Felix
“Is that all the thanks I get? You could have been robbed on the street if I wasn’t there when you passed out.”
“Why were you there, Sam?”
The details were still fuzzy, but he had a vague recollection of them arguing. Had he met Sam somewhere else, and brought him home, or was he waiting for Felix? Why would he be waiting for him?
“Please, can you just go, Sam? I need to get my head straight.”
“I’m not leaving until I know you’re okay. Did Laura know you were that drunk when she decided not to come home?”
“No. I was fine when she left me. She assumed I was going straight home.”
That bit, he remembered.
“Can I at least get a shower before you kick me out?”
“Fine. I’ll get you a towel.”
He flushed the toilet, and before he did anything else he put a pile of toothpaste on his brush and started brushing as he went to get Sam a towel.
His head was still throbbing, so he grabbed the Advil out of his bedside drawer.
He spotted his phone and put it on charge.
Walking back to the bathroom, he passed the towel to Sam, finished brushing his teeth, and rinsed.
“Anything on the top two shelves is mine so you can use them.”
“Thanks.”
Felix nodded and left, closing the door behind him.
He needed water, so he headed to the kitchen.
There was a large cold bottle in the fridge—perfect.
He gulped down about a third of the bottle before he took the pills.
There was no way they could work that fast, but he instantly felt better.
A long way from being normal, but better was progress.
He drank some more water. The shower started, which was a sign Sam would leave soon.
Feeling a need to cleanse his apartment of all traces of his ex, he went into his bedroom and started stripping the bed.
His phone pinged once, and then again, then again.
He was getting déjà vu as his phone kept going.
He didn’t want to look at it, but it was like a magnet drawing him closer.
Just as he got to his phone, there was a loud banging on his front door. What the fuck?
Felix rushed to the door as the banging persisted. He opened it ready to have a go at whoever was making so much noise, but his voice caught in his throat; it was Ryder.
“Is it true?”
“What?”
“Is it true, Felix?”
At that very moment, the bathroom door opened, and Sam walked out in nothing but a towel.
Felix would never forget that look of pain on Ryder’s face.
He knew it would haunt him for the rest of his days.
Before he could offer any form of explanation, Ryder turned on his heels and left, leaving Felix devastated.