Chapter 15
RYDER
“Look at the fucking state of you!”
Ryder jerked awake at the sound of the familiar voice.
He had a banging headache, and the daylight was causing him to squint.
It was clear he’d fallen asleep on the sofa again.
He couldn’t sleep in his bed—it still smelled of Felix—but he also couldn’t bring himself to wash the sheets.
His heart had never hurt this much before, but the thought of removing the final scent of Felix from his home was too much to contemplate.
But sleeping in that bed where they had shared so much was too painful, so the sofa had been his sanctuary for the last however long it was.
“Get in the shower. You stink.”
Ryder’s vision came into focus. Looking down at him, with a pissed-off look on his face was his brother from another mother, Sebastian.
“How did you get in?” asked Ryder.
“I have a key, remember?”
“What are you doing in New York?”
“Knocking some sense into your sorry arse?”
“Arse? Have you gone native in London?”
“That was a terrible accent. Get up, or do you want me to drag you into the shower?”
Ryder contemplated seeing whether Sebastian would follow through, but the look on his face said he meant business. Ryder might be bigger than him in size, but Sebastian had major alpha energy. He was the sweetest marshmallow of a guy you could ever meet, but if you pissed him off, you’d better run.
He sat up on the sofa and the blood rushed to his head, making him feel dizzy.
After a few seconds, he stood up and stumbled slightly, but Sebastian gripped him, steadying his balance.
His friend gestured toward the bathroom with his head.
It wasn’t unusual for one of his friends to stage an intervention if Ryder went off the grid for too long, but it had been a long time since Sebastian had been the one to do it.
Not since before he’d moved to London. The old resentment came hurtling back.
Ryder wanted to tell Sebastian to get the fuck out of his apartment, but he knew the others would be nearby.
He’d come back with reinforcements, so he may as well get this over with.
After a quick shower, he was feeling semi-normal but still hungover.
His beard was a mess, and his eyes were bloodshot.
He looked like shit, but was that a surprise after Felix had broken his heart?
Why did he still love him? It was so fucked up.
When he’d caught Brian cheating, any love Ryder had felt disappeared in that moment.
Why had the same not happened with Felix?
They weren’t even officially in a relationship.
He was being ridiculous, but he could wallow in his misery if he wanted.
This was history repeating itself. Felix hadn’t just cheated on him, he’d done it with his ex, a guy who’d cheated on him as well.
How could he do something like that? He never thought that sweet boy could hurt him this way.
He had to stop thinking about it, as it just got him angry again.
“Come on, let’s go,” said Sebastian.
“Go where?”
“Upstairs.”
“Who’s up there?”
“Everyone.”
“No fucking chance.”
“It wasn’t a request, Ryder.”
“Why are you doing this, Sebastian? You don’t need to play the white knight routine with me. You made your choice when you fucked off to London, not giving a shit about the people you left behind.”
Sebastian looked taken aback. Ryder marched over to the fridge and grabbed a bottle of wine, which was half full.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Ryder.”
“Are you still here? I’m not going upstairs, so just jump back on your plane and fuck off back to your husband. Or when you say everyone is upstairs, did you all bring your boy toys as well?”
“It’s just us upstairs, Ryder,” said Sebastian, his tone softer. “Your friends. We’re worried about you.”
“I’m fine.”
“You deleted all your social media accounts and turned your phone off for a week. Have you thought about anyone else in all this? What about your mom and sisters? She called me, you know?”
“My mom called you?”
“Of course she did. Told me to get my ass over here to kick yours.”
Ryder chuckled. That sounded like something she’d say. She’d always referred to Sebastian as his grown-up friend.
“Look, I’ll call her, but I can’t go upstairs and deal with all the judgmental looks from them, or anyone taking the piss. I don’t need that now.”
“Have you thought about Felix in any of this?”
“Why should I? He cheated on me.”
“Did you even give him a chance to explain?”
“Explain what? There was a picture of him online kissing his ex. Then when I showed up, he was there in just a fucking towel. There’s nothing to explain, Sebastian.”
“I want you to think about the consequences of your actions. Felix is accused on social media of cheating on you. Then what happens? You delete all your accounts. Who do your millions of followers blame for that, Ryder?”
Oh fuck!
“Catching on, are we? You’ve got one hour to come upstairs, or I’ll bring them all down with me. There’s a lot that’s happened in the last week. When you’re ready to hear about it, we’ll be waiting. One hour.”
Sebastian turned to leave and stopped. He turned back to Ryder and pulled him into a hug.
“You know you only have to call and I’ll be here as quick as I can. Never doubt my love for you, Ryder.”
Sebastian pulled away, tears in his eyes.
Something you didn’t see often. He left without another word, leaving Ryder to absorb the enormity of what he’d caused.
Instinctively, he went and retrieved his phone and tried to turn it on.
He needed to know what he was dealing with.
The battery was dead, which it would be after no use for a week, so he stuck it on charge and went back to his kitchen.
The wine was tipped down the sink, and he turned on the coffee machine.
He had an hour to get his head together, before he faced those men upstairs.
Ryder knew they all loved and supported him, but they would also be the first to call him out on his bullshit. He needed a plan.
“You were cutting it fine,” said Deacon, as Ryder walked into Sebastian’s penthouse apartment.
All his friends were there. It felt like months since the six of them had all been together, but it had only been last month, just before Thanksgiving. Now they were closing in on Christmas. The last few weeks felt like years, given how much had happened.
They each greeted him with a hug, even Mason, who was not a hugger.
“Did you go for a spa visit in the last hour?” asked Sebastian. “You looked like shit when I last saw you.”
“Love you too!”
They all laughed. He felt good after taking a second, longer shower, and having a shave.
His beard would grow back in a couple of days, but he always felt fresh when he took it all off.
A big advantage of doing a lot of brand deals is that he was never hurting for beauty products either, so he’d basically given himself a spa treatment at home.
“Does anyone know where Felix is?” he asked.
“He’s dropped off the grid,” said Mason. “He kind of had to.”
“How bad is it?”
“Have you looked at social media?”
“I still haven’t reactivated my accounts. Not sure I even want to right now.”
“That’s the problem. The fact you’ve completely disappeared . . . People are assuming something bad happened, and they’re blaming Felix for it.”
That was the last thing he wanted. Felix had hurt him with what he’d done, but Ryder hadn’t even listened to his side of the story.
He hadn’t been able to. Seeing his ex all wet after showering, his muscles on display with a towel round his waist .
. . It was clear Felix had a type, although Ryder had a good few inches on the guy, probably in every sense. He snorted.
“What’s funny?” asked Sebastian.
“Nothing, just intrusive thoughts. I’m not sure—”
There was a knock at the door. Who could that be? It was probably one of the boyfriends. Sebastian headed to the door, so he was clearly expecting someone. The others looked apprehensive, so something was up. They weren’t going to bring Felix in here and blindside the pair of them, were they?
A minute later, Sebastian walked back into the open-plan living area with the last person Ryder expected to see: Sam. He was aware Deacon and Max had suddenly flanked him, and he couldn’t help but chuckle.
“Relax, guys, I’m not gonna swing for him. Well, not yet anyway. It depends what he’s going to say.”
Sam visibly paled. To be fair to him, it took some balls to walk into a room of six angry men, all of them taller than you.
“What’s he doing here?” asked Ryder.
“He’s here to tell you what happened,” said Sebastian. “Go on, Sam. Like we discussed.”
There was a flash of annoyance from Sam, but he sighed heavily and turned to Ryder.
“Nothing happened. I kissed him. He didn’t reciprocate.
He threw up and then hit his head on the ground.
I just stayed with him so he’d be okay, as Laura wasn’t coming home and he didn’t want to call you.
We shared a bed, but that was it. The next day, he wanted to boot my ass out of there.
I was just taking a shower to head home when you turned up. ”
“Why didn’t he call me if he was sick?”
“I don’t know. He did nothing but talk about you all night.”
That made him smile. He couldn’t help it.
“Do you know where he is?”
“No, but if he’s not with Laura, try Annie. She’s the only other friend from college he used to talk about. You know about his family, I assume?”
“Yes, he told me,” he growled. “He came out. They kicked him out,” he said to his friends.
They all looked pissed, but Max the most. He’d had the worst experience of his parents rejecting him.
“Look at this,” said Ethan, stepping forward with his phone.
It was the picture of Felix and Sam kissing. He didn’t want to look at it, but Ethan told him to scroll. There was a stream of images which showed what happened next. Felix pushed him off, then swung for Sam, threw up, passed out, and was then carried into the apartment building by Sam.
Before anyone could stop him, he lunged at Sam and gripped him by the collar.
“You better not have done anything to him when he was like that.”
“I swear, I didn’t touch him. I just wanted to make sure he was okay.”
“What were you doing there?”
“He blocked my number. I wanted to talk to him.”
Ryder was aware of Sebastian’s presence behind him. He didn’t let go of Sam, but he knew if he went any further, he’d be stopped.
“What did you want to talk to him about?”
“I wanted to get him back. I . . . fucked up. Letting him go. I wanted to see if I still had a chance.”
“Why haven’t these pictures been posted online?”
“They have,” said Sebastian. “Yesterday.”
“So why is Felix still in hiding?” he snarled at Sam.
“Because the world thinks you topped yourself and they’re blaming Felix for it.”
Ryder relaxed his grip with shock. Sam yanked himself free and backed away.
“I’ve lost my job because of all this. Felix had people camped outside his apartment, and you’re sitting in your multi-million dollar apartment oblivious to the destruction you caused.”
Ryder felt like he’d been punched in the gut. This was his fault. He’d not only hurt the first person he’d loved in over a decade, but he’d driven him into hiding by being a selfish ass.
“You can go now, Sam,” said Sebastian. “Remember what we agreed?”
“What?” asked Ryder. “You’re not making deals with him, are you?”
“I’ll go,” said Sam.
“One second,” said Ryder. “How did someone with a camera know to be there at that exact moment, Sam?”
The flush on his face gave him away in an instant. Ryder lunged for him again, but Sebastian and Deacon held him back.
“Get the fuck out, Sam,” snapped Sebastian. “The deal’s off.”
“What? You can’t do that! I only came here because you said you’d help me out with a job. What the fuck am I supposed to do?”
“Get out, Sam. Now, or we’ll set him loose on you.”
Sam’s eyes widened. Ryder had never been violent, unless he was defending himself. He could be if he needed to be, but if he got his hands on Sam, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to stop punching him.
Max gripped Sam by the arm and frogmarched him out of the apartment. The door clicked shut, but Max didn’t come back.
“He’ll be escorting him out of the building,” said Sebastian, letting Ryder go.
A million different emotions hit him at once.
All he could think about was his beautiful Felix and the pain he’d caused him.
It was impossible to hold back the sob as he realized he’d probably lost him forever.
There was no way Felix would ever take him back now, and who could blame him after what Ryder had done?
Sebastian pulled him into a hug. He couldn’t hold back the tears any longer.
He cried for the pain he’d caused because of his own insecurities, and the future he’d lost with the most wonderful man he’d ever met.
There had to be a way he could fix this.
He was Ryder Quinn, and he’d never backed down from a challenge in his whole life.