Chapter 16
FELIX
Felix groaned at the daylight streaming through the thin curtains. It was December. Why was there sunlight? The sun needed to fuck off. He needed dark and stormy weather to reflect his mood.
The last week had been one of the worst of his life. Nothing would top the week his family had disowned him, but this was up there. And in all this, he was still in love with Ryder Quinn. The stupid bastard. How could he believe Felix would hurt him like that?
Once the picture of Sam kissing him went viral, Felix stopped looking at anything on the internet, which felt oddly freeing.
His social media accounts were all still blocked, and he hadn’t bothered to get them reactivated.
Every job had been canceled, and there were no bookings coming in.
His website was down, and he couldn’t get it working again.
There had been some malicious attack on it, but his provider didn’t know how it had been done.
His entire life had imploded and all he wanted to know was that Ryder was okay, but he’d blocked Felix’s number and deactivated all his social media accounts.
Felix was staying with his friend Annie, who lived in Connecticut.
They’d met in college. She’d been his sensible friend whereas Laura had been a party animal, and she’d still managed to get a 4.
0 in her degree. How she’d done that was a mystery.
Felix had needed to study hard to get his 3.
3, but he was happy with that. Annie had been his study buddy.
She was now married with a young son, but she hadn’t hesitated to offer a haven when he’d called her.
Annie was one of those friends who you wouldn’t see all the time, but was there for you in a heartbeat when you needed her, and Felix knew he’d do the same for her if the situation were reversed.
Thankfully, Annie’s husband Paul was an amazing guy and didn’t have any issue with the intrusion.
They had a granny flat in their garden for when Paul’s parents would stay in the summer.
It was close to Christmas, but they were sunning themselves in Florida, so the place was Felix’s for as long as he needed it.
Felix had kept a low profile. Some of the more rabid Ryder fans had found out where he lived and camped outside his apartment building.
They’d held a vigil for Ryder, assuming something bad had happened.
Laura was staying with the woman she’d started dating, which seemed sudden, but then he’d fallen in love with Ryder in a couple of weeks, so who was he to talk?
“You need to see this,” said Annie, walking in.
She was all of five foot nothing, and was the same age as Felix but now had a mom vibe about her.
“What is it?”
“Ryder just reactivated his social media and posted a video.” She held up a tablet.
“I don’t want to see that.”
“You have to. It’s about you.”
His heart started beating really fast. What had Ryder done? Could things get any worse?
“Relax. It’s a good thing.”
He took the tablet off her and looked at the screen.
The video was paused at the start. Felix hesitated, but curiosity won out and he hit play.
Ryder came on the screen. He was sitting on a chair in his apartment—Felix recognized the background.
How could he look so handsome? Felix looked like death.
He’d been showering, because that was polite when you were staying in someone else’s home, but that was as far as he went with his appearance.
“Hello, everyone. As you can see, I’m alive and well.
Sorry for causing any alarm, but sometimes you just need time to switch off from the world and focus on yourself.
It’s something I’ve always done whenever I’ve needed that mental break, but I guess that’s not an option for me anymore, given the reaction my absence has caused. ”
Felix’s breath hitched. Ryder had a serious expression on his face. His tone was as warm as always, but the message was clear.
“You’ll have seen the photos online yesterday of what really happened. I’ll admit that I assumed the worst as well.”
Felix pressed pause. “What happened?” he asked Annie.
“I only just saw them myself, but there are pictures which show you pushing Sam off you after the kiss, and then you throwing up and him carrying you into the apartment.”
Felix wasn’t sure it was possible to feel deliriously happy and cringingly embarrassed at the same time, but here he was.
Annie was supposed to have been monitoring things and flagging anything he’d want to know about.
It wasn’t something he would pick up with her now, if ever. He pressed play again.
“Many years ago, I was in love with a man, and he cheated on me with his ex-boyfriend. When I saw what the person who took those photos wanted me to see, all that pain from the past came back and I couldn’t see beyond it. I didn’t give the man I love the chance to tell me his side of the story.”
Felix felt tears sting his eyes at Ryder’s words. He didn’t think it would be possible for him to feel the same way.
“I think there’s something for us all to learn here.
We make assumptions and people get hurt.
If any of you watching this video attacked Felix, whether that was just by liking a nasty comment, or by driving him away from his apartment, I ask that you hit the unfollow button right now.
You’re not welcome here. I’m not even sure I want to make more content if these are the people it attracts.
This is supposed to be a place for us to have fun, learn about fitness, and get turned on by my thirst pics. ”
Felix couldn’t help but laugh through the tears, which were now in full flow.
“Now, this part of the video is just for Felix, so the rest of you can disappear.”
Felix chuckled as Ryder waited for a few seconds. Like anyone was going to stop watching the rest.
“Felix O’Sullivan. I love you and I’m so sorry I hurt you.
If you’re willing to give me another chance, I’ll be waiting for you at seven o’clock, at that place you said you’d let me take you to on a date if we made it to Christmas Eve.
I know that’s still a week away, but I can’t wait any longer.
You’re it for me, and all I can do is hope you’ll forgive me and let me do everything I can to make it up to you.
And I don’t just mean in the bedroom,” he added, with a grin and a pump of his eyebrows.
Felix laughed, and then his face flamed, realizing that everyone would be watching this.
“I hope I’ll see you soon. Love you.”
He winked at the camera, blew a kiss, and the recording stopped. Felix looked at the tablet, unsure what to say, and then broke down. Annie pulled him into a hug and let him cry it out.
“Do you know where you need to meet him?”
He nodded. Ryder had wanted to give him the full “Ryder Quinn experience” as he’d described it, with no expense spared.
That wasn’t something Felix wanted, but there was always one Christmas thing he’d wanted to do in New York.
It wasn’t expensive at all, and something Felix could have done for himself, but he’d had no one to do it with, and it wasn’t an activity he wanted to do with a friend.
“Do you think I should go?” he asked.
“Did you not watch the video? If you’re not going, I’ll go, and you can have Paul.”
They both laughed. She would never give up Paul, but the joke was appreciated.
“What time is it?”
“Four o’clock.”
“How am I going to get to the city in three hours?”
“I’m going to drive you to Stamford Station, and the train only takes an hour.”
“What’s if there’s a delay?”
“Well, get your shit together so we can get out of here, then.”
The next twenty minutes were a flurry of activity. Annie ironed one of his shirts while Felix had a shower and tried to make himself look less pale. His hair was being difficult, so Annie smacked his hands out of the way and sorted it out. It wasn’t his fault. His fingers were trembling.
He bought his train ticket online and was at the station twenty minutes before it departed.
Felix would arrive at Grand Central with an hour to spare.
He’d said goodbye to Annie, and promised to let her know as soon as he’d spoken to Ryder.
Laura was planning to meet him at Grand Central and was being all gushy about the video.
Everything in the last hour had been such a whirlwind.
It wasn’t until he’d been on the train for ten minutes that he realized he was being watched.
Nobody said anything, they just stared at him.
Some were taking photos or videos, and then reality hit him.
He loved Ryder, but was this what his life was going to be like if they were together?
Felix wanted to be successful with his photography, but he didn’t want the limelight.
What Ryder had was of no interest to him.
He liked his privacy, and that would be gone.
This would be his life. Not wanting to engage with anyone who was watching him, he looked at his phone.
Social media was still blocked to him, and he was grateful he hadn’t bothered to sort it out.
His curiosity would have gotten the better of him by now.
How had people reacted to the video? Ryder had called people out for their reactions to his break from social media.
Were they angry about that? Nobody was looking at him with anger. It was more curiosity.
“Are you going to meet him?” said a woman’s voice.
He looked up. She appeared to be in her early twenties, and looked like one of those beauty bloggers Ryder may have had on his arm a few months ago.
“Yes,” he said, unsure of what else to say.
The whole carriage erupted with cheers. Okay, that was weird. He couldn’t help but smile.
“Where is the secret place?” she asked.
“It wouldn’t be a secret if I told you, would it?”
She giggled, but didn’t push him any further. Thankfully, after that, people mostly left him alone. He was texting back and forth with Laura. She was already waiting for him at the station.
About five minutes from arrival, the train ground to a complete halt.
After ten minutes of nothing, the driver came over the loudspeaker and said there’d been a signal failure and no trains were going in or out of the station for the foreseeable.
He had forty-five minutes until he was due to meet Ryder, and it was a fifteen-minute walk to where he needed to go.
Felix was scrolling through his phone when he felt the presence of someone in his space. He looked up and saw it was three guys. They were clearly drunk, so Felix said nothing, and went back to his phone.
“Oh, he’s too important to talk to the little people now,” said one of them.
“Can I help you?” asked Felix, hating how tentative his voice sounded.
“You don’t remember me, do you?”
Felix looked at the guy who was talking. He had a jock vibe about him, but only in the sense that he was a muscular guy who was drunk and had an attitude problem. Not that he wanted to stereotype.
“Sorry, I don’t.”
“Eddie Hargreaves.”
Felix took a sharp intake of breath. He remembered that name, but he looked completely different.
He was definitely not a jock when Felix had known him in college.
Back then, he’d been a total nerd, like Felix.
They’d competed in debate and quiz teams together.
Felix had always beaten him. It wasn’t personal, and had only been for fun, but Eddie took it seriously.
“You look different, Eddie. How are you?”
“Don’t be friendly suddenly. Not after what you’ve done.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Ryder Quinn!”
“Do you know him?”
“Know him? We talk all the time, and you’ve stolen him from me.”
What. The. Fuck!
“Weren’t satisfied with stealing all my trophies in college, but you had to take my man as well.”
Felix wasn’t sure what to say or do. It was clear liquid courage had emboldened Eddie, but there had to be something that made him think that way.
Unless he was just insane, which was an even more terrifying prospect.
Felix suspected what might be going on, but he needed to test it.
The downside was that it could anger Eddie even more, and Felix was mindful of his silent friends, who resembled gorillas in size.
“Why don’t you give Ryder a call now and put him on speaker? If you two are meant to be together, I won’t meet him.”
“You know full well I don’t have his number. We only talk online.”
As Felix suspected. Eddie was one of those people Ryder had told him about.
Ryder liked to engage with the comments on his posts, to show he read them and that he appreciated the love he got from his followers.
Some of those people took his reply as something much deeper than it was.
Ryder was just a nice guy. There was no more to it.
“We’re going to follow you to meet him. Show him what he’s missing out on. Look at the fucking state of you. Ryder needs a real man, not some pathetic little runt who wouldn’t know what to do with a god like that.”
Fuck!
Felix wasn’t sure what he should do. There was no way he was taking Eddie and his goons with him to meet Ryder.
It was supposed to be a private moment between them.
Was this what his life would be like if he were with Ryder?
People from his past and random strangers claiming they were better than him?
Was that something he wanted? He loved Ryder, but the last couple of weeks had given him a taste of how his life could change in a nanosecond.
Despite Ryder’s declaration on social media, Felix’s business was still in the toilet and his pride project was now probably just a dream.
The train jolted and moved again. Eddie smiled and sat down opposite Felix.
The others remained standing, glaring at him.
They would arrive at Grand Central in a few minutes, and he needed to think.
There was no way he could meet Ryder now, but he needed a plan. He just hoped Ryder would understand.