Chapter 5
Chapter Five
Finlay was on overload.
Which explained why, after Jude put the car in Park and got out, she just sat there, listening to the engine tick.
She was inert. Exhausted.
And yet, at the same time, strangely wired.
It didn’t make sense.
Well, of course, nothing made sense right then.
Her fiancé, the man she’d chosen to build a life with, turned out to be a total stranger.
At the same time, she happened to run into her childhood crush, who’d grown into a man so freaking hot she could barely make eye contact with him.
Like, literally, the only thing I should be feeling is anger, guilt, regret…something…about Matt and my wedding, but instead, my heart’s beating out of control for the boy I never thought I’d see again.
She’d never felt this kind of excitement for her ex. And she’d almost married him.
No, only Jude. What was it about this man that made her want to climb onto his lap and grind on him? He was just so big and muscular. She wanted to run her fingers through that long, silky hair and skim her hands down his powerful chest.
After all these years, she still lost her mind for him.
She breathed in the scent of cologne and leather in Carlo’s car. The black interior made it feel cave-like, and she thought, if they gave her a blanket, she’d curl up and lie there for a couple of hours until her mind stopped spinning and her heart stopped hurting.
But Cody unbuckled his seat belt and crawled onto the console. He knelt on it, patting her hand. “You sad, Miss O’Neill?”
Affection warmed her, bringing sensation back into her fingers and toes. “Thank you for asking, Cody. Yes, I’m a little sad, but I’ll be okay.”
Jude opened her door and stood there, arms crossed, like a Viking. “You good?”
In his black Henley, black jeans, and black boots, he was tall, intimidating, and utterly delectable.
But best of all was the way he looked at her with concern, like he needed to know she was okay.
She knew without a doubt that, if she asked him to take her to Alaska, he’d get in the car and peel out.
Jude was a ride-or-die kind of man, and she loved that he had her back. “Yep. Just peachy.”
He dropped to a crouch. “What’re you thinking about?”
Where to even begin? Certainly not the part about grinding on him.
No, don’t say that. But then, it all just sort of welled up, and the words spilled out of her mouth.
“For three months, I thought we were excited about the house. I thought we were deciding between the sunset dinner cruise or the Michelin-starred tasting menu on our honeymoon. I thought the biggest decision we had to make was whether to splurge on a new couch or wait and see how things went after paying the mortgage for a few months. But that entire time, he was consumed with finding out he had a daughter.”
“Can we go now?” Cody asked.
She started to swing her legs out. “Yeah, of course—”
But Jude clamped a big hand on her knee. “You were living two different realities.”
“Yes. Exactly. And now, I feel stupid for comparing the rattan and leather barstools when he was dealing with something so massive.”
“Nope. You were operating in separate worlds. That’s not on you. You did nothing wrong.”
Cody watched the two of them intently. And then, he put his hand on top of Jude’s, so all three of them were connected.
As he leaned across her, she could smell the soap she’d used to clean his hands and face and see the constellation of freckles on his wrist. His fingers were so thin and fragile, and she just ached for this lost little boy.
“I’m okay, sweetheart,” she said. “And I’m lucky to be with two friends who really care about me.” As she got out of the car, she automatically reached for a purse that wasn’t there. It drove home that she had nothing. No money, no phone. Nothing.
And you know what? She didn’t mind one bit.
It was freeing. Just for this tiny slice of time, she wanted to linger in someone else’s world.
Once on her feet, she reached for Cody’s hand and helped him climb out of the car. “Let’s go inside.”
But the boy pulled away, staring at the big, imposing house. “Do I have to go in there?”
“Only if you want to,” a deep voice called.
Standing on the porch, a strikingly handsome silver fox leaned against the doorway with a steaming mug of coffee.
He stood idly, like he didn’t have a care in the world.
At the same time, Finlay, who’d grown adept at reading people, thanks to parents who viewed her as a burden and a group of friends who’d dropped her, noticed his watchful gaze.
“Dad.” Jude’s pace quickened, and he loped up the porch stairs.
“Jude.” The muscular man pushed off the frame, set his mug down on a table, and drew his son in for a bear hug. “Long time.”
“Too long,” Jude said.
Watching these two big men cling to each other so forcefully made her wonder why Jude had stayed away so long. She knew why he’d left, of course. But why—when he had a dad and three brothers—hadn’t he ever come back?
“Glad you’ll stay for Christmas.” His dad’s voice was gruff.
Jude stepped back to include her and the boy. “Dad, this is Finlay O’Neill.”
“The runaway bride. I know.” He reached for her hand. “Gunnar McKenna.”
He might as well have lobbed a potato at her head. “It happened an hour ago. How did you find out?”
“My son Boone knows the wedding photographer.” Gunnar ushered everyone inside. “Come on. Let’s get you all set up. Wasn’t sure how many rooms you’d need.”
“Oh, I’m not staying.” In the entryway of this home, standing beside Jude and his father, she finally snapped out of it.
This man did not need to take on her problems. “If I can borrow your phone again, I’ll call my mom or dad.
” An inner voice shouted down that idea.
Neither was her go-to person. “Or Willa.” Yes, her.
“She’ll come get me.” Her mind was spinning.
Her chest went tight, making it hard to breathe.
Why was she so resistant to talking to anyone?
“How ’bout you come sit by the fire and warm up?” Gunnar asked. “You hungry? I have cookies in the oven, and I’m just about to put a roast in. Just waiting on Wyatt to get here with a bottle of red wine.”
“Sounds good,” Jude said. “I’m starving.”
Reality crashed over her. “I didn’t even think…I’m so sorry for intruding.”
“What’re you talking about?” Jude asked. He truly didn’t get it.
“It’s your welcome home dinner,” she said.
“Yeah, well, now we’re welcoming a kid and a runaway bride.” Jude set his hand on her lower back and led her deeper into the room.
The house was warm and inviting with the scents of melted butter, cinnamon, and pine. Cody stayed glued to her side as they headed for the hearth. The moment she sat down, he crawled onto her lap.
Placing a hand on each of her knees to balance himself, Jude squatted. “You can stay here as long as you want. If you want to stay overnight, we can get you some clothes, a toothbrush, and whatever else you need. You call the shots.”
“Got plenty of bedrooms,” Gunnar said. “And no one’s going to get in your business.” He glanced down at the boy. “Now, you must be Cody.”
Cody squirmed. “I’m here to get a bike.”
“Is that right?” Gunnar stood. “Well, you’re in luck. I’ve got a whole garage full of ’em.”
“Can I see?” the little boy asked.
“You sure can. Which do you want first? A cookie or the bike?”
“The bike, please.” But the little boy didn’t budge.
“You got it. Come on.” Gunnar waved him over. “They’re in the garage.”
Cody looked up at her, uncertainty in his eyes.
“If you need me, I’ll be right here. I’m so close that I’ll hear you if you call my name.”
Cody deliberated for a moment before scrambling off her lap and joining Gunnar. The big man reached for the boy’s hand, and they headed toward the kitchen. When he turned back to look at her, she gave him a reassuring smile.
“He’ll be okay,” Jude said. “My dad raised four boys.”
“It’s not your dad I’m worried about. It’s the situation. He’s been handed off to so many people. Who can he trust?”
With his stony expression, Jude looked like he couldn’t care less.
But it was the roiling emotion in his eyes that left no doubt he was worried.
He reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone.
“Here.” He swiped the screen, tapped in his password, and thrust it at her.
“Phone’s been blowing up, so you can check your messages and make your calls. ”
“You’re awfully trusting for a single bartender.” She tried to inject levity, but it didn’t work. Not when her hand trembled, and her voice came out shaky. She looked at the device as if she’d never used one before, not wanting to tell him she’d blanked on Willa’s number.
“You’re welcome to scroll through all the naked selfies women send me. It might take your mind off things.”
She couldn’t believe he’d just said that. Only when she saw the glint in his eyes did she know he was joking, and she let out a breath. “Okay, lover boy. Hard pass on that one.” She set the phone on her lap and closed her eyes.
“Hey. It’s all right.” Jude’s deep voice soothed her. “Take the time you need to figure things out.”
“That’s the thing. Everyone’s going to come at me with their opinions and advice, and it’s only going to make things worse. I need to think. I need to process. I just need…time.”
“You got it.” He sat down beside her and reached for her hand. “For now, just breathe, okay? You’re good here. You don’t have to do a single thing.”
The warmth and strength of his touch did wonders for her nerves. “Thank you.” They sat in silence for a moment while she took some calming breaths. The fire crackled and popped, and she breathed in scents of smoke and leather. “I can’t believe you grew up here.”
The dark paneled walls and built-in bookcases gave the impression of a high-end lodge.
The cathedral ceiling was reinforced with massive wooden beams, and a wall of windows let the forest in.
Green couches built for a family of boisterous, large men fit beautifully against the dark gray river stone walls.
“It’s gorgeous.” She smiled at him. “Your dad has amazing taste.”
“It’s all Ava. My dad would happily live in a yurt.”
“Are they together?” No, that made no sense. She’d worked with Ava at the school for years. She’d know if her friend had a boyfriend. As far as she knew, Ava hadn’t dated anyone seriously since her divorce.
“It’s not like that. She’s family.” Abruptly, he got up. “I’ll check on Cody.”
Twelve years, one master’s degree, and a whole fiancé later, Jude still had the power to mess with her emotions. In high school, every time they got close, got that surge of intimacy and connection, he’d just shut down and walk away. Like he was bored with her.
Leaving her to wonder: Was her crush too obvious?
Was she immature? Too inexperienced?
And just then, he’d done it again. His abrupt dismissal made her shrink.
A hot mess of emotion, she looked at the phone in her hand. Anyone she called would come out here and pick her up in a heartbeat. Her parents, the teachers at her school, and her wonderful friends… They’d come.
But they’d all want to fix her problem.
Her dad would bring her to his apartment in Wild Wolff Village.
He ate like a child, so he’d give her a bowl of sugary cereal with marshmallow stars and moons.
He called his one-bedroom apartment a crash pad because he let childhood friends, college pals, and any acquaintance he’d ever met stay there so they could ski or visit Calamity.
But guests stayed on the pull-out couch, which was where her dad watched TV until he fell asleep.
She’d have noise and food and no chance to think.
So no, she wouldn’t call him.
Her mom would heat two of her microwavable meals, and they’d share a pint of her favorite peanut butter brittle ice cream.
The whole time, she’d be ranting about Matt’s betrayal and telling her how to handle the situation.
Finlay wouldn’t have a second to process anything because her mom held such strong opinions.
Plus, her childhood bedroom remained intact, and she couldn’t bear to see that stupid vision board she’d based all her life decisions on.
It wasn’t appropriate to bother her teacher friends. That just wasn’t the nature of their relationship. They went for drinks, shared funny stories, showed pictures of their kids or new cars, and bitched about the parents of their students.
No, there was only one person to call.