Josh
It’s been two months since Olivia broke up with me. Two excruciating months of shit. Shit playing on the ice. Shit attitude to everyone and everything. Just fucking shit.
I don’t know if the fact that I’ve barely seen Olivia has made things better or worse. She shoots events and games but avoids me like the plague. She doesn’t come to the stadium offices anymore or else she just doesn’t come when practice is on. I hate this.
When I do see her, I get an ache in my chest. She looks just as miserable as I do and it kills me. I want to comfort her but I know she doesn’t want that.
When I don’t see her though, all I want to do is see her. Just to make sure she’s okay. I just want her to be happy.
I did message her a few times in the weeks after she ended things between us but I never got a response. Maybe that’s for the best.
Coach has been giving me hell. Says my head isn’t in the game anymore and he’s right.
Hockey used to be something I loved. Something I craved.
But right now I’m so close to saying fuck it and giving it all up.
The only thing stopping me is not knowing what I’d do next.
I could work in Aunt Dee’s cafe but that’s just pathetic. NHL one minute and barista the next.
I’m pretty sure most of the team knows about me and Olivia by now.
I’ve heard them talk about it in the locker room but no one has said anything to me.
It’s pretty obvious though given that we were both happy at the same time and then suddenly miserable at the same time and have been for months.
It wouldn't take a genius to figure it out.
The only good thing is, I don't think Coach has noticed. He has his head too far up his own ass to notice anything else around him. Or should I say his head is too far up Katherine’s ass.
I’m pretty sure they’re hooking up. If it wasn’t for all the secret talks and lingering looks, I wouldn’t have known any different.
They’re not exactly subtle. Or maybe it’s because I’ve been in the same situation, hiding a relationship, that I notice it more.
My sister, Charlie is off sick today so I’m stuck helping my aunt Diane run the cafe.
Thank God I’m not expected to run the bakery side of things because I am useless in that department.
It’s honestly taking everything in me to be polite to the customers and the more the day drags on, the harder it’s becoming. Thank fuck this place is closing soon.
The bell chimes over the door, letting us know a new customer has just walked in. I don’t even look up. As rude as it is, I don't give a shit.
“Josh?” Well, fuck.
“Sasha, hey.” I say to Olivia’s best friend with little enthusiasm.
“Are you,” she trails off but I just stare at her. I don't have the energy to talk to anyone. “Are you working here now?”
“Just helping out.” I give her a small smile, trying to be polite but it probably doesn't look like it. It doesn't even feel like it.
“Oh.” She doesn't say anything for a moment. Neither do I. When I give her an expectant look she finally speaks again, her cheeks heating and all I can think about is when Olivia used to blush for me. “Sorry. Can I get two iced vanilla lattes, please.”
I just nod in response, letting my aunt know the order. As it turns out, I also suck at making any kind of coffee that isn't black.
Sasha pulls her wallet from her bag, silently asking me how much the order is. “Don’t worry about it.” I tell her, nodding toward the money she’s gathering.
“Thank you.” She says quietly. It’s weird.
I got to know this girl well when I was with Olivia and not once was she quiet or awkward.
This encounter screams awkward. I guess that's what happens when you run into your best friend's ex.
“So, how are you doing?” Sasha asks, desperately trying to fill the silence.
“Fine.” I grunt. God, I’m being such an ass right now. “How’s Ollie.” Sadness creeps into Sasha’s expression, immediately filling me with worry.
“She’s not doing great.” She tells me and my heart sinks.
I know from the few times that I’ve seen her that she’s not doing well but part of me hoped that was only because she had to see me.
“I’ve never seen her like this, Josh. I’m so worried about her.
” There’s that ache in my chest again that I’ve become so accustomed to.
I just don’t understand though, if she didn’t want to be with me, why is she so upset about all of this?
Unless something else has happened to her…
fuck I just wish I could talk to her. I miss her.
I’m about to ask Sasha more when Dee cuts in. “Two iced vanilla lattes.” She says, setting the two drinks on the counter. “Sasha, my love!” My aunt beams, “How are you doing?”
Sasha smiles brightly at her, “I’m good thank you. Can't complain.” She replies in a singsong voice. “How are you?”
“Oh you know, just working hard with my Button here.” She answers, ruffling my hair earning her an eyeroll. “How’s Miss Olivia? I haven't seen her in a long time.” I instantly tense at the name falling from my aunt’s lips.
Sasha glances at me before looking back at Diane's expectant face. “She’s just been working a lot. She’s been very busy lately which is why she sent me.” She smiles, holding up the two drinks.
“Well, give her my best, will you dear?”
“Of course.”
I wait until my aunt has moved onto customers sitting at the far end of the cafe before turning back to Sasha. “Do you see her much?”
“I’m actually staying with her. I don’t think she should be alone right now.
” She tells me and a horrible sense of dread settles in the pit of my stomach.
“It’s really bad, Josh. When she’s not at work, all she does is cry or sleep.
She’s barely been eating. The only thing that makes her eat is when I threaten to shove the food down her throat.
And even then she only takes small bites and moves the food around her plate to make it look like she’s eaten more.
I don’t know what else I can do for her. ”
Hearing all that is like taking a massive blow. I feel like I’ve been struck in the chest. I don’t know what to say. What can I say? Olivia won’t want me to help her. She can barely take the time to glance in my direction when she thinks I’m not looking.
“Anyway, I should probably get back. I don’t like leaving her for too long.
” Why doesn’t she want to leave her? Does it go a lot deeper than she’s making out?
Does she think Ollie would hurt herself if she’s left alone for too long?
Fuck! My mind is reeling, my muscles are tense and I have a throb starting behind my eyes.
“It was good to see you, Josh. Really.” She tells me, grabbing her things from the counter.
“Please don’t tell Olivia I told you all that. ”
“I won’t.” I promise her. I won't say anything to Olivia but that doesn't mean I won't be checking up on her.
When Sasha gets to the door I call her name and she spins around, “Wait one minute.” I tell her before running into the back and grabbing two blueberry muffins from the kitchen.
Charlie had a frozen batch that she made a few days ago for emergencies and to me, this is one.
I bag the muffins before going to the main cafe again.
“Give these to Olivia.” I don’t know if they’ll help much but if it gets her to eat, I’m glad to help.
When we were together, one of us would come in here every weekend that we were free and pick up two blueberry muffins.
We’d share them over coffee and talk about our week.
Even though we knew exactly what each other had done that week, we kind of made it a ritual.
We would sit and talk for hours about everything and my chest aches at the thought of not experiencing that again.
Sasha nods at me in a silent thanks before leaving. I thought Ollie was on my mind a lot before, now it’s constant.