CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
Blair
How is it that I still feel the same lightness and strength when Zane’s here as I do hiking alone? This was always something I did by myself. For myself. Even after meeting Jenna and knowing she loves hiking, we never go together. It’s my solace. My sacred space.
But when Zane asked me, a spark electrified me, and for some reason, I wanted to say yes. I wanted to share the experience with him.
And it turns out…I feel great. The breeze floating through the trees still invigorates me, and the dirt under my feet is still just as grounding. Everything’s the same. As though he’s not even here.
But he is.
Now I’ve got that goddamn tingling giddiness you experience when you’re first getting to know someone. Because this is new for us.
Zane was right. We can’t put that on the con list.
“So…” I hesitate, my face pinched in annoyance. I hate getting lists wrong. “I owe you an apology.”
“Wow, you look positively sick about it.” He chuckles and I grin.
“Shut up.” I lightly shove him. “It’s possible that we may not know each other as well as I thought we did.”
Zane’s brows pucker, until they shoot up to his hair line, and he smirks. “You want to take our knowledge of one another off the cons list?”
“I do.”
“Why? What don’t I know?”
I take a deep breath, letting the cool air slowly fill my lungs before breathing out with a sigh. “I started hiking after you left. Dad suggested it for when I wanted to clear my head because I hated the workout torture.”
“His workouts were always brutal.”
“Exactly. So, when he suggested hiking, I jumped at the idea, and it only took a few minutes out in the fresh air for me to realize I found my place. From then on, it became my sanctuary. The scenery could change. The sounds. The smells. None of it had to be the same. But if I was out here, alone, I was healing. It worked better than any of the psych’s suggestions. ”
Zane smiles but something about his expression appears troubled. I’m even more convinced when he rakes a shaky hand through his already messed hair. “I thought I knew everything.”
“I found hiking after you left. How could you possibly have known about it?”
“Because I know you. There were signs. You hesitated when I suggested a hike yesterday. I thought it was because you were weighing up whether or not to spend more time with me. But it wasn’t that at all. This is your thing and I’m invading it.”
“Actually, you’re not. I never once invited Nathan or Jenna, or Dad for that matter.
But when you mentioned it, I wanted you to come.
And nothing has changed. If anything, I feel more alive.
More confident and strong. Because you bring that out in me.
You’ve been bringing the old Blair back bit by bit ever since you walked back into my life. And I liked her.”
My cheeks heat at the admission, but I smile through it because Zane’s the one person I have always been myself around, and that hasn’t changed.
“I happen to like her too.” His warm smile sends a spark down my spine, but when he bounces his eyebrows, I laugh.
“Thank you. I’m not sure I’ve said that.”
“You haven’t. But you can make it up to me.”
“How so?”
“Come with me to San Francisco.” His eyes sparkle as his lips part in a goofy happiness that he never usually projects. I’ve seen it before and it always sucks me in. When my bad boy shows his good.
“I’ll come with you,” I finally agree. “But I have to be back in a week. I promised Jenna I’d go to an advanced screening of her latest series.”
“Deal. I can work with a week.”
“You can what?”
“A week gives me plenty of time to court you.”
His lips purse as his face contorts, and I can’t stop the snort that bursts out of me. “That didn’t feel right, did it?”
“Fuck, no.” He shivers. “But you get what I mean.”
“You don’t need to win me over, Zane. I know who you are and I know you’re not going to purposely hurt me. That’s not what I’m worried about.”
“What are you worried about?”
“That it will happen regardless, without either of us meaning it.”
My chest grows tight as Zane releases a sigh. The last thing I want to do is hurt him. But—
“You’re right. We have to work harder, be honest with each other, and promise we’ll never run. I think being here now has proven that doesn’t work. It’ll waste more time when we inevitably end up back together again. It’s fate, baby.”
“Baby?”
“Too much?” He smirks.
“Definitely. But I like the thinking. When do we leave?”
“How about now?” Zane eyes are alight with mischief before he throws me over his shoulder, jogging toward our car.
“Stop,” I squeal between giggles. “I’m too heavy.”
“You’re what?” Zane freezes momentarily. “I bench press more than your weight. You just want me to put you down, but it’s not happening until we get to the car. We have a flight to book.”
I laugh at his craziness and let my body go limp, accepting my fate.
“God, I wish everyone else saw this side of you.”
“No can do, Little B. This is for you and you alone. Always has been.”
We pull up at a beautiful apartment building with a marble archway and pillars so grand they make my jaw drops as a shiver runs through me.
I’ve been a ball of nerves since we got off the plane, and I can’t quite pinpoint what it is that has me so worried.
Seven years ago, I would have given anything to spend a week with Zane, but just like back then, we have to hide our relationship—even if we’re only friends—so maybe that’s it.
Or maybe I’m worried that even if I try to love it here, I still won’t find my place in this world.
Yes, I have issues and constantly put too much pressure on myself, but I need a purpose or I’m going to go insane. Vacationing with Zane is not going to help with that. Though it will be nice.
Taking a deep breath, I squeeze my leg and smile to myself. It’s going to be good for us. “I’ve got to be honest, Fitzpatrick,” I say with my eyes on his building, finding my inner strength. “This doesn’t feel like you.”
“You mean you don’t think of me as a pretentious millionaire with rich taste.”
“Nope. I always pictured you in a beach house.”
“Well, you’re in luck. Here’s another one of those ‘we don’t know each other as well as we think we do’ moments.”
“Really?”
“Nope. It’s a rental close to the stadium that has a doorman and great gym. I chose it because it was the first one I saw, and I was already sick of looking.”
I nod, biting back a smart-ass response.
That decision-making process is exactly what I’d expect from Zane.
I was always the planner. He was always the one to make decisions on the fly.
Unless it came to making our relationship public.
That was well thought out and nothing was ever going to change his mind.
“I’d love to find a beach house one day,” he adds, and I laugh. “But for now, welcome to my home sweet home. Your home for the week.”
“How many bedrooms do you have?” I ask as a doorman opens my door.
Zane jumps out on his own and jogs to the trunk, grabbing my bags.
Plural. Because rather than unpack and repack the suitcases I’m living out of, I just brought the two that housed my winter clothes, a couple of nice dresses, and my workout gear.
Much to Zane’s pleasure, since that meant we could leave sooner.
“I have two bedrooms,” he tells me, waving me off when I try to grab one of my bags. “Before you say anything, the second is reserved for those I share a platonic relationship with. I’m afraid since we’ve kissed, that rules you out.”
“How many other non-platonic relationships have you had in your room?”
“Lucky for me, none.”
“Lucky for you?”
“Yep. Because I have a feeling that if I’d had anyone else in my bed, there’s no way you’d be considering sleeping there right now.”
“You’re half right.”
“Only half?” He pauses before we’ve reached the huge glass doors.
“Yes. I’m not considering it. I’ve made up my mind.”
“And?”
“Since you’re not going to touch me until I’m ready, it’s a yes. I’ll sleep in your room.”
A groan rumbles from the back of Zane’s throat, and his hands clench around the handles of my suitcases, the movement causing the veins in his arms to bulge beneath the ink of his tattoos. God, it’s sexy.
I gulp, my gaze traveling from his wrist to the cuff of his rolled-up sleeve.
“B—” Zane warns, snapping me out of my trance.
“What?”
“You can’t expect me not to touch you, then stare at me like I’m your next meal.” His voice may be low, but I don’t miss the way it strains as he speaks.
I open my mouth to sass him, but nothing comes out. I don’t want to rush things, but at the same time, he’s hard to resist. Clearing my throat, I shift my gaze, but before I get the chance to move on from the desire consuming me, we’re interrupted.
“Mr. Fitzpatrick, it’s nice to have you home.” A beautiful blonde with a headset and a peppy bounce in her step holds open the door for us, her appraising gaze shifting my way. “Would you like me to arrange help with your bags?” She smiles, directing her question back to Zane.
“No, thank you, Kate. I’ve got this. But I’d love to have my car ready in an hour if that’s okay.”
“Of course. I’ll buzz you when it’s here.”
Zane nods, holding his arm out and gesturing for me to walk through the threshold. “Ladies first. The elevator is straight ahead.”
“Thank you.”
I smile as I pass Kate, but her fake grin barely reaches her eyes until her gaze moves behind me. To Zane.
“If you need anything else, you’ve got my number.” She speaks louder than necessary, and I hold back from rolling my eyes.
Zane doesn’t say anything, and it takes everything in my power not to look back to check his response. But instead, I pick up speed, reaching the elevator a few seconds ahead of him. It’s only when my jaw aches that I realize I’ve been clenching my teeth. Dammit.
Forcing a smile, I turn to look at Zane, and the second he sees me, his lips pull into a triumphant grin.
“Is that jealousy?”
“What? No. Do I have a reason to be jealous?”
“That depends. Would it bother you if one of our building concierges had a crush on me that I never reciprocated?”
“No.”
“Then you’re fine.”
My face scrunches of its own accord and I groan out loud. “She’s really beautiful, Zane.”
“She’s not you.” He’s so quick to respond that it momentarily stuns me.
If it was anyone else, I’d assume that was a line, a well-practiced move to get the girl.
Hell, if Nathan had said it, I’d probably cringe.
Yet, I know with absolute certainty that’s not the case with Zane.
He means it. He’s never been one to mince his words.
Having said that, at some point we have to discuss his reputation as a ladies’ man, and there’s no time like the present.
The elevator arrives, so I wait until we’re inside before I hit him in the jugular. Metaphorically speaking, of course. “How many women have you slept with?
“What?” Zane chokes and I have to admit, it brings me joy. I actually don’t mind that he slept around while we were apart. I may have only had one boyfriend, but I wasn’t exactly celibate myself. And reconnecting with Zane was never on my radar.
But I am curious. I’ve seen the articles. I’ve got a fair idea.
“I… Ah…”
“Since when do you get tongue-tied?”
“I don’t.” He grips the back of his neck. “I’m just not sure what the right answer is here.”
“The truth. Always.”
“Well in that case, I never kept count, but it was a lot. Right up until you walked back into my life.”
“And then?”
“None.”
He’s mentioned that before but still I inhale sharply, the force of that one word knocking the breath out of me. I shouldn’t be surprised. Nothing Zane does should ever surprise me, but he continuously does.
“When are you going to believe that I never stopped loving you?”
My heart jolts, and I freeze as Zane squeezes my arm, his gaze boring into mine, his words and emotion chipping away at my walls.
“Zane? You—”
The door opens on Zane’s floor, halting my response, and I’m thankful since I have no idea what the hell I was going to say.
I knew his feelings were strong. Back then. I knew how he felt about me, but he never once said the words. He even threw me off when he jokingly said it yesterday.
The only person that ever heard those words come out of his mouth was Sierra, so I imagine “love” has even more meaning for him now.
“You know what?” He grabs my hand when we’re in the hallway, running his thumb over my skin. “How about we pretend I never said that. When you’re ready to believe it, I’ll say it again.”
My heart pounds in my chest as his beautiful eyes stare deep into my soul. “I don’t want you to hold it back.”
“Honestly, B, it shocked me too. I know I feel it, it just…” He trails off but I don’t need him to say it. I know exactly what he means.
“It’s forgotten, but…” I bite my lip, as emotion wells in my chest. “Thank you.”
“Yeah, yeah. Come on.” He spins one of my suitcases around so he can hold them both with one hand and wraps the other around my shoulders. “If you thought the entry was nice, wait until you see my apartment.”