CHAPTER FORTY
Blair
After our little “love” mishap, things between Zane and me settled into a nice rhythm, and I have to admit, it’s likely because I finally stopped questioning everything he said.
The feelings are there—I probably shouldn’t be feeling this strongly so close to ending another relationship, but that’s another issue—we just need time to work out how this can possibly work.
If we can truly be together without constantly being taken back to that day. The day that changed it all.
The following evening, Zane walks in after practice, and a loud thud tells me he dumped his bag in the entry. “Honey, I’m home,” he announces, his voice lifting in a light chuckle. “For the record, that didn’t feel right either. It felt like something my teammate Luke would say.”
His voice gets louder as he makes his way down the long hall, and I laugh, picturing his face pinched in disgust.
He wasn’t kidding when he said his apartment was impressive.
The condo I shared with Nathan was big, but it always felt cold and stiff.
Which probably had something to do with the furniture I hated so much.
This place is double that size and it still warms me like a home, from the bright pictures on the wall in the entry that welcome you inside, to the high ceilings and pendant drop lights.
The sunken living area has not one, but two plush leather couches, that wrap around you like a cloud when you sink back into them.
His marble kitchen is big enough for a small restaurant, but everything about it screams homey comfort—untidy letters and notes on the end of the counter, random coffee mugs lined up next to the machine. It’s designer for sure, but it’s also not.
And don’t get me started on the bedrooms. Both the bedrooms in our home back in Jacksonville could fit into Zane’s master. It even has a goddamn hot tub boasting a view of San Francisco with one-way glass—I asked—and a walk-in closet that would impress a New York socialite.
When I mentioned that to Zane, he told me he could test that theory with Easton’s girlfriend, only that it was more trouble than it’s worth.
He then proceeded to tell me about his dickish mistake of sleeping with Easton’s ex.
Except he didn’t call it a “mistake” because he claims he didn’t know at the time.
In his mind the mistake was made in the way he handled it after.
And according to him, because he can admit that, he’s growing.
I wait for Zane to reach me before responding to his “honey, I’m home” comment, only the second he comes into view, words fail me.
His hair is still wet from his post practice shower, and he’s wearing a fitted black Henley that accentuates the size of his arms. He runs a hand through his hair when our eyes meet, and the movement has his top lifting, and my gaze falls to the strip of his ripped stomach followed by the sneak peek of his V.
I’ve seen him shirtless before; I saw it last night in bed.
But I’ve always been attracted to athletes, and right now, he’s showing me the goods.
“You’re doing it again.” He groans and I laugh at being busted.
“Don’t come home looking like sex on legs, and I wouldn’t stare. Did you even bother to towel off your hair, or will I find drips of water down your back if I look.”
Zane smirks before spinning to show me, and sure enough, the neck of his top is wet. “I didn’t have time. I had places to be, people to see.”
“Oh, yeah?”
“Yeah. By the way, I like hearing the word ‘home’ come out of your mouth.”
I try to fight it but my eyes roll of their own accord.
“There’s the sass I remember. How was your day?”
“Great. Mostly.”
“Mostly?”
“Yep. I spent a big part of the day researching Heartwood University and writing my lists, while the rest of the time was spent with my finger hovering over the call button.”
Zane’s face lights up, but he’s quick to school his features. “It’s a big decision. I think it’s good that you’re taking the time to weigh your options.” He nods and I burst out laughing.
“Please tell me how you really feel?”
“Are you sure?” His excited smile reappears.
“I’m sure.” I nod, keeping my own expression as emotionless as possible.
“Good. Well, location aside, if this job was in Jacksonville or even LA, you’d be jumping at the chance to work for a football team.
It’s a match made in heaven. For both you and the team.
The way you know the game means you’ll see things before others see it.
I have no doubt that you’d already be aware of a player’s injury before he walked into your room.
And while yes, your job would mostly consist of checkups and assisting the doctor, I think you’d be a huge asset to any team. ”
My chest tightens at his reasoning but he’s only half right. “If this job was in Jacksonville, or LA, I’d be just as conflicted. A year ago, I would have jumped at the role, but now, I’m trying to decide where I want to be and I’m not sure where that is. But I don’t think it’s Florida.”
“Cade is going to hate that.”
“Yep, but that goes on the pros list.” I smirk and Zane throws his head back with a laugh.
“What about San Francisco?”
“You mean Heartwood?”
“Nope. I mean San Francisco. If you choose to live in Heartwood, I’ll support it. But I’m not going to pretend I love the idea. It’s a long way from the stadium, and that would mean earlier mornings for me, and—”
I throw a pillow at his face as a laugh bursts out of me. “I knew you wouldn’t be able to have this talk without making it about you.”
“About us, you mean? I’m making it about us.”
“If you say so.”
“I do. That aside, I’m here to help. Do you want to run through the list together?”
“Maybe. But not today. I need a break from it. I need time to think. Can I let you know?” My stomach rumbles and I cough to hide it. Truth be told, I haven’t stopped thinking about it since he left this morning, and I forgot to eat.
“Have you eaten?” Zane questions me, proving once again that he knows me, or that he reads minds.
“I haven’t eaten recently, if that’s what you mean.”
“Come on.” He walks closer and grabs my hand, interlacing our fingers. “I’m taking you out.”
“Wait.” I pull back panicked, but he doesn’t release me. “I can’t go out dressed like this. I’m in yoga pants and an oversized tee.”
“So?”
“So?” I balk, my heart racing as I wave my hands at my casual attire.
Zane frowns before his tongue juts out to swipe across his lip.
“Mmm. You’re right. You definitely need to change.
That damn outfit is doing crazy things to my insides.
The way your tee falls from your shoulder makes me want to suck your neck, and…
Has anyone ever told you that you have a great ass? ”
He’s messing around, but my breath hitches and I struggle to take in air, a memory of Nathan asking me to change assaulting my mind. How did I let that happen? For four years.
“B?” Zane takes a step toward me, his expression morphing to one of concern. “Are you okay?”
“Yes, sorry. You’ve mentioned my ass before.” I wave off his worry. “Only it was much perkier back then.”
“Where did you go just now?”
“I was just thinking. All good, I promise.”
Zane’s brows crease until I laugh, squeezing his arm. “I’m going to change. What should I wear?”
“Wear whatever you want. You always look amazing.”
My heart jolts but I don’t let myself react externally. This is new. The compliments. The lack of control. I’m still not sure I’m ready for any of this, but I want to try.
With a quick nod so he doesn’t hear the emotion caught in my throat, I walk away, stripping the tee over my head the second I’m in the spare room.
While I may be sleeping next to Zane, I opted to keep my things separate so I could ensure some level of privacy, like getting dressed without being watched.
“Actually, wear something frumpy,” Zane calls out and I snort. “That way, you won’t have to worry about me ogling your body.” He groans before continuing on, mumbling his words. “And I won’t have to worry about anyone else doing the same.”
A buzz runs through me, and I smile to myself while my reality saddens me.
I knew I was broken from the events of my past, but I didn’t realize how much I’d let it affect me.
The old me never would have let someone else control what I wore and yet, for years, I accepted it from Nathan. And never once questioned him.
With a weight pulling me down, I dress in a conservative sweater and a skirt. Not frumpy, but also not revealing. “How’s this?” I say softly, walking back into the hallway to find Zane’s face in his phone.
“Hang on.” His fingers bounce around the screen for a few more seconds before he lifts his gaze, and the smile he bestows melts away my nerves, sending my pulse rocketing.
“Beautiful as always, B. How would you like to come to our practice on Friday?” His question throws me off guard and I pause, my heart jumping.
“Really?”
“Yep. I just got the okay.”
“Uh. I don’t know.” I want to. I’d love to go, but that seems like a girlfriend thing to do, and it’s too soon to open that can of worms. In public. All it would take is one person sneaking a photo of me, and Nathan seeing—
“It’s a closed session, if that helps with your decision. No media.”
“Oh.” It does. “Okay. Thanks. I’d love to see you in action. But are you sure?”
My question makes me jolt and I’m once again thrown by the person I’ve become. But like always, Zane instantly puts me at ease.
“Fuck, yeah, I’m sure. I’d love nothing more than to have you there.”