27. caleb
27
caleb
“Dad, we need to talk.” I step into my father’s office. It’s been a week since I’ve been back, and I’ve felt sick every day. No word from Nathaniel, but then again, why would he talk to me?
I left him. Again . After I told him I would never do that to him again. I can barely stand looking at myself since the day I walked out of the wedding. My dad hasn’t said much to me either since I returned home without any engagement news.
He didn’t accept my reasons. In his eyes, I let him down. I’m not serious about life or my future. I can’t stand it. And the fact that he doesn’t even know the whole truth—yet still manages to be disappointed? That’s just the cherry on top.
“Caleb, I don’t have time for your foolishness right now,” he says, rifling through a stack of papers on his desk. His glasses are perched on the bridge of his nose. “You weren’t mentally there at the Jefferson meeting, don’t think I didn’t notice. And now you stroll in here sulking like I didn’t just fund your little weekend getaway. Come on, Caleb,” he slams his hands on the desk, “Can’t you for once be serious about something in your life?”
I inhale slowly. Here it goes.
“I know. And I am. Dad… I quit,” I exhale.
He freezes. “No,” he grunts, looking back down at his papers.
“Dad, I have to. As much as I like what I do, I hate disappointing you even more.”
“And you don’t think this disappoints me?” he snaps.
I walk over to the desk and sit in the chair across from him, looking him straight in the eye.
“I’m grateful for everything you’ve done for me, especially after Mom left. You’ve always been there. But you were right. I do need to get serious. About myself. About my future. And I can’t do that if I’m being spoon-fed the whole way. Pushing me toward an engagement with Sarah was the final straw. You can’t puppet-master my whole life. I’m going to keep disappointing you if I don’t stand on my own two feet.”
He leans back in his chair and exhales. “And how do you suppose you’ll do that?”
“I talked to my roommate, Tony. He got me an interview at that high-end restaurant he works at as a server. It won’t pay nearly as much as what you were giving me, but I’ll get by while I search for another marketing job. I will need a reference though.” I search his eyes, hoping he’ll understand.
He stays still, unreadable. Then finally, “I pushed you too hard. I see that now. I never wanted you to quit. I just wanted you to be the best version of yourself.”
I blink. I never expected him to say that.
“I know, dad. And I do want to make you proud. But I think the only way I can do that is by standing on my own.”
He nods slowly and turns to look out the window.
“Let me cover your rent for the next few months while you get settled at your new job. I’ll help you get through this transition.”
My throat tightens. “Thanks but…dad… there’s something else.”
He looks confused.
“The reason I didn’t propose to Sarah… it wasn’t just because she’s over me. It’s also…” I pause. This is the moment. Now or never. “I’m bisexual. I like women… and I like men. I think I’ve always known, but I only came to terms with it this weekend when I…” My voice cracks. “When I realized I’m in love. I think I’ve always been in love with him.”
Silence. The air feels thick, and my vision starts to blur. “If you don’t want to be in my life anymore, that’s okay. It’ll suck…but I’ll be okay.”
“Caleb…” Dad’s voice breaks the silence. I look up at him, blinking through tears. His face is a blur.
He takes off his glasses and pinches his nose. I suck in a breath, awaiting for the final blow. Maybe this is it. This is when he completely turns his back and leaves me on my own like I had always feared.
“What made you think I wouldn’t be okay with that? Do you think I’m that type of man? Do I seem like a homophobe to you?”
My jaw drops. Okay, not what I was expecting him to ask. I guess I’ve never heard my dad saying anything along those lines. “Well…no, but you really wanted me to marry Sarah.”
“Yeah, because I thought you loved her. You were always back and forth with her. I figured you were being indecisive and wasting both your time. Son, you’re not the best with commitment, forgive me if I assumed you were just being avoidant,” he huffs.
I bow my head. I guess he’s right with that one. I’ve never really been good at commitment. To anything. But…Nathaniel is different.
“But son…” he clasps his hands together on the desk, “you will always be my son. Your identity is important to me but I don’t care who you marry—woman, man, nonbinary, I just care that you’re happy. Does this person make you happy?”
My mind drifts to Nathaniel. A lump forms in my chest. That weekend we spent together. Laughing, flirting, just simply talking. Seeing him has always been the happiest part of my day. I nod slowly. “Happier than I’ve ever been. But I think I might’ve lost him…”
“Well,” Dad says, adjusting his glasses and going back to his papers, “you said it yourself—it’s time to get serious. If there’s someone out there waiting for you, don’t let them get away. Go get ‘em.”
I take that as my cue. I rise from the chair and start walking toward the door.
“Oh, and Caleb?” he calls out.
I stop and glance back at him over my shoulder.
“I love you,” he says without looking up, putting his glasses back on his face.
My shoulders drop. I’ve waited a long time to hear those words.
“I love you too, dad. Thanks.” I smile.
***
I take a big breath in. I haven’t seen Sarah since that night at the wedding, and I have to admit, I’m feeling pretty nervous. Not necessarily about seeing her , but more about what she plans on telling me.
Is she with Nathaniel now? Are they back together? Engaged? Expecting babies? Ugh. My stomach twists. I head toward the restaurant, trying to calm myself down.
Apparently, I’m all about big moments today. First, quitting my job. Then, coming out to my dad. And now, this conversation with Sarah. I’m really on a roll.
I round the corner and walk up to the same café where this whole thing started, or ended , when it came to me and Sarah. But it also started something incredible with Nathaniel. My heart sinks just thinking about him and how far away he feels now.
“Hi!” A cute redhead greets me with a bright smile, a menu clutched in her hand. “Table for one?” she asks cheerfully.
“Table for two, actually,” I say with a smile.
She nods and leads me to a booth inside. I slide in, thank her, and sink back into the seat. I don’t know why, but I feel completely drained.
I run a hand through my hair and tug at my collar. I can’t wait to get out of my work clothes—this button-up is choking me.
“Caleb Brown.” Her sharp voice slices through my thoughts.
I look up to see the tall, beautiful, blonde towering over me, hand on her hip, head shaking.
“You have a lot of explaining to do.”
I groan and slump farther into the booth. “You know.”
She lets out a short laugh and slides into the seat across from me. She brushes her blonde hair off her bare shoulders, revealing a cute little strapless white top.
“How long have I known you? You think you could hide anything from me? ” she teases, rolling her eyes.
The waitress returns. “Can I grab you two some drinks to start?” she asks.
“I’ll take an espresso martini,” Sarah says, clasping her hands together and leaning on the table.
“Vodka with Sprite for me, please,” I add with a smile.
The waitress nods and walks away.
Sarah looks at me, confused. “Since when do you drink those?”
“It kind of became Natheniel’s and I drink back in Toronto,” I say, shaking my head as flashes of us laughing on the couch with our matching drinks fill my mind.
God, I miss him.
“This is so crazy. You two follow me to Toronto— very romantic, by the way —only to…what? Fall for each other?” she says, shaking her head.
“I guess... Wait, how much do you know?”
“Nuh uh. You’re not squeezing info out of me. If you want to talk to Nathan, you can ask him yourself. Have you two even talked since being back?” she asks, folding her arms and leaning back in the booth.
I look down at my palms.
“A note , Caleb? Seriously?” she says, clearly referring to the sorry excuse of a goodbye I left him at the hotel.
I’ve got some things to take care of. Sorry for running off. I’ll be in touch. – Caleb
“You don’t understand. I had to leave. My dad bought me a plane ticket, and I didn’t have a choice.”
She groans and rolls her eyes. Just then, the waitress sets down our drinks.
“Just the drinks, thanks,” I say with a polite smile. She nods and walks off.
“Caleb… you know that has nothing to do with it. Phones exist. A call, a text— anything to let him know you weren’t just disappearing,” Sarah says, taking a long sip.
I follow suit, her words echoing in my mind.
“You don’t think I know that? I messed up. Again. That’s all I ever seem to do when it comes to him. First, stealing you away, and now this. I can’t win.”
She holds up a finger and waves it. “Nope. I call bullshit.”
“What?”
“You’re self-sabotaging. You do this when you care about someone. I should know, you’ve done it to me many many times. Well, I’m not giving you the satisfaction of throwing your little pity party.”
I hold up my hands in fake surrender. “Woah, Sarah. Ouch. Don’t feel the need to hold back,” I say sarcastically.
“Well, you have to hear this. I’m not letting you ruin something good again. Not this time. We both hurt Nathan prom night, not just you. And you know what I did? I owned it. I apologized. You should’ve done that too. He’s one of the most honest people I’ve ever met. He would’ve forgiven you.”
I frown, confused. “Why? Why do you care so much now?”
She softens. “Because I get it now. Of course that was the reason you did what you did. It’s the reason you’re doing it now. You two are soulmates. Two halves of a whole. There’s something between you that’s undeniable—it’s been there all along. And you’re scared, Caleb. It makes sense then and I see it in your eyes now. You’re in love. You always have been.”
My heart pounds. I look around the restaurant, trying to ground myself. I think I’ve known it deep down too, but I haven’t really allowed myself to admit it.
“I’m sorry,” I mutter, looking down. “I guess it wasn’t really fair to you, either.”
She shrugs. “No. I was a little hurt, I won’t lie. But for the record, I didn’t totally hate the attention. Two hot guys chasing after me? It was kind of the dream,” she says with a smirk, taking another drink. “Plus, I was sort of a dick stringing you two along for so long. This is one hell of a payback.” She smiles softly, bringing her drink up to her lips.
I nod simply, replaying the words she said.
“You’re in love.”
She’s right. I love everything about Nathaniel. His kindness, his intelligence, how he makes every moment feel exciting and new. Being with him feels like discovering the world all over again.
“Yeah... I’m in love with him,” I finally say, exhaling deeply. It feels like a huge weight lifts off my chest. “Is that weird for you?”
Sarah smiles and reaches across the table, taking my hand. “No. I love you both so much. But I’ve got a lot to figure out on my own. I wasn’t doing either of you any favors. Still, I want to be in both of your lives—if you’ll have me.”
I squeeze her hand. “Always. You really are amazing, you know.”
She shrugs. “I know,” she says with a wink.
I laugh.
“Just do me one favor,” she says quietly.
“Anything.”
“Fight for him. He deserves it.”
I blink at her, and she’s right. Nathan spent so long doing the chasing—maybe it’s finally time he gets caught.
“I think I may have an idea,” I smile.