28. nathan
28
nathan
“Come on, Nathan. I miss you, and it’s going to be so fun, I promise,” Sarah pleads through the phone.
It’s been a week since I got back from Toronto, and honestly, the last thing I want to do is go to a rooftop party. Forgive me for not exactly being in the party mood.
But then again, this is Sarah we’re talking about—and when have I ever been able to say no to her? Well, except last weekend, when I told her I wasn’t looking to get into a relationship with her.
“Sarah, I don’t know… I’ve just been feeling kind of off these past few days,” I mumble, mindlessly clicking around on my screen.
She sighs. “I get it. I really do. Caleb is... unforgettable. But so are you, Nathan. You’ve always been special. You deserve to have fun. Screw Caleb for just one night.”
Screw Caleb , she says. That’s the problem. I want to screw Caleb. And he hasn’t texted or called me since Toronto.
My heart aches just thinking about it. How easily he could just leave. Again .
“I’ll let you know,” I say with a smile. “You’ve always had a way with words, you know.”
“I know!” Sarah laughs.
Just then, Theo leans over my desk divider. “You ready to go?” He grins.
I nod and signal for one more minute. “Hey, Sarah, I’ve got to go. I’ll talk to you later?”
“You better be coming this weekend, Nathan. I mean it.”
I stand and sling my black cross-body laptop bag over my shoulder. Something nags at me, a question I need to ask before we hang up.
“Um, Sarah?” I ask, following a few paces behind Theo as we exit the office.
“Yeah, babe?” she answers.
“Is…” I hesitate. God, this is ridiculous—I feel like a teenager again, nervous about bumping into a crush between classes. The irony isn’t lost on me. That crush used to be Sarah. Now I’m talking to her about someone else. I roll my eyes at myself and push through the final door to the outside. Theo waits by a tree on the sidewalk, munching on an apple. The sun beats down on my forehead making it sweat even more.
“Is he going to be there?”
“I mean… he’s invited, but no. He told me he couldn’t make it,” she says.
My shoulders slump. I don’t know whether to feel relieved or disappointed. If I’m being honest… it’s the latter. But should I want to see him? He left.After promising he wouldn’t. I shouldn’t want to see him at all.
“Okay, thanks. I’ll let you know as soon as I decide.”
“Okay,” she sings. “Love you, bye!”
“Love you, bye,” I reply and hang up.
“The famous Sarah, I’m guessing?” Theo smiles, straightening up as I join him.
We’ve got thirty minutes to kill on our break, so we head to our favorite food truck, Chips-ahoy . I know he’s going to grill me about the trip. I haven’t had lunch with him all week, claiming I was “out sick.”
“Yeah,” I nod.
“When you texted me that you were really going to see her, I thought you were crazy, but I was also proud. Didn’t know you had such big balls.” Theo laughs, biting into his apple.
I roll my eyes. “It didn’t exactly go as planned, so maybe hold off on judging the size of my balls.”
“What? You didn’t tell her how you felt? You’ve only been obsessed with this girl for… how long?”
“Four years.”
“Four fucking years, bro. You should be engaged by now.” He shakes his head.
I cough. That’s funny, considering I wasn’t the only one with that mission in mind.
“I know, but… things changed. My feelings changed.”
“You’re being so cryptic, I can barely handle it. What happened?” he asks as we reach the truck line. I love this place. The workers are literally dressed like pirates. Caleb would think it’s hilarious and probably make a huge spectacle about it. Talking to them like a pirate or something. The thought makes me smile to myself.
“I’m into someone else. Didn’t realize it until I got there. It was a wild weekend.”
“You met another girl?” Theo looks at me, shocked.
I swallow hard, hands stuffed in my pockets. “Not exactly… a guy.”
His eyebrows shoot up. “YOU’RE GAY?!” he basically shouts.
“Theo! What the hell, man?” I punch him in the arm and glance around. Aside from the two girls snickering in front of us, no one seems to have noticed. Not that I care. It’s who I am and there’s no shame in that. The only thing that sucks is I can’t have the one person I want after figuring it out. It’s like life is playing a funny joke on me.
“Sorry,” he says, rubbing his arm. “I just… you’re so low-key. Never talked about anyone but Sarah, so I figured you were just really in love. Not gay .”
I nod. I get it. It was a shock to me too.
“I didn’t know either.”
“James is going to be crushed,” Theo laughs.
I frown. “Our boss? Why?”
“When you were gone, he wouldn’t shut up about how much he hoped you were okay. He’s so into you. You seriously never noticed?”
My face burns. Now that he mentions it, James has always been unusually affectionate and complimentary. But I never thought he liked me.
James is attractive. That beard, the dark hair, his whole rugged, polished thing. He’s handsome.
But he’s not Caleb.
Caleb is something else entirely. Someone you only see in movies or read about in books. With his long, dark, slicked-back hair that falls perfectly over his brows. That chiseled jaw I want to bite. The tattoos. God, the tattoos. Yeah, no. No one else stands a chance.
I can’t get over him. I don’t think I ever have and I never will again. It’s always been him.
I shake my head, remembering I’m still talking to Theo.
He orders tacos. I go for enchiladas.
It’s a sunny day, perfect for eating in the park. We find our usual picnic table beneath a big shady tree.
“I’m not interested in James. Plus, he’s my boss. Isn’t that breaking some sort of rule?”
“Probably,” Theo laughs, pointing to the free table as we sit down with our food. “That wouldn’t stop me if I were gay. But that’s just me.”
“Are you sure you’re not?” I tease.
“Hey, just because I’m comfortable enough to say a guy’s hot doesn’t mean I’m gay.” He grins, mouth full of taco.
“Fair enough,” I say, digging into my enchilada.
“So what are you going to do about this guy?” he asks.
“We were actually best friends in high school. Things ended badly over Sarah. Funny enough, we both ended up chasing after her again in Toronto.”
“No shit,” Theo’s eyes widen.
“Shit,” I confirm.
“So you two were fighting over the same girl and ended up falling for each other?”
I think about it. “Yeah. I guess that’s how it went down.”
“Maybe you were subconsciously chasing each other the whole time,” he says, shrugging.
I blink. “That was… actually kind of profound.”
“I didn’t get this job only for my looks,” he grins. “So are you going to see him again?”
“What’s with the twenty-one questions?” I raise an eyebrow.
“This is the most you’ve ever talked about your love life. I’m cashing in.” He laughs.
He’s right. I usually keep that stuff to myself. But Caleb made me feel interesting. Maybe I am and I just never gave people the chance to see it.
“I hope to see him again,” I admit. “But I don’t know. Things were left up in the air. Now I just feel kind of… ghosted .” I look down at my plate, suddenly queasy.
“Maybe talking it out would help.”
“Yeah, maybe,” I mutter. “There’s a party at Sarah’s this weekend. Want to come with me? I don’t want to go alone.”
“Party at your exes house? Count me in. Maybe she’s got some hot friends I can obsess over for the night.” Theo winks.
“You’re a pig.” I shake my head, laughing.
At least he has someone to look forward to.
Mine? Apparently AWOL.