17. Adam
Adam
I looked it up and Mia can have her matcha and poppy seed muffins. It’s a win…but after calling Jett, curiosity got the better of me, and I started looking at everything she can’t have. No cold cuts. Nothing raw, really. There’re medicines she can’t have. Shit, the list of dos and don’ts is long.
I had to force myself to put my phone down and not dive any deeper because I may resort to the worst-case scenarios of what could happen to Mia or our baby.
I meant it that this decision is up to her. If she didn’t want to go through with this, I would still want to be with her. But hearing her say she wants to consider having the baby first… How is it possible to be happy and so freaking scared at the same time?
The word “dad” is what terrifies me the most. It’s not the idea of Mia as a mom or the baby, but my role in it. I know I’m nothing like my father. But what if I fuck it all up in a different way? My job is demanding. The travel is insane.
Fuck. That reminds me I have to be at the stadium at one today for a game. I only have three more home games until we get on a plane and I’ll be gone for the next two weeks.
How in the hell are we going to do this? I know other players make it work, but Jett and Dex retired because of it. Their situations were a bit more unique, and their reasons for stepping away were valid, but I don’t know if I’m ready to leave yet.
Is that unfair to Mia, though? I don’t want her to have to give up a single second of her career either. She deserves it. She’s more than earned it, and then I come along and send her whole life on a completely different path.
Shit, she thought she was the selfish one, but it’s me. Maybe I am more like my dad than I realize.
I lose my appetite at the thought.
No, I can’t compare myself to that asshole. I will not be him. Ever.
It would be really great if he stopped haunting my head so I can think.
Before walking back into Mia’s place, I swing by my car to grab the overnight bag I had completely forgotten about.
Not entirely sure when, but I’m going to have to stop by my apartment to get more clothes…
hell, at some point I probably should stay there, but the idea only really sounds appealing if Mia comes with me.
I don’t know how I’m going to survive away games.
Back in her apartment, I find her sitting on her couch, writing frantically on a notebook. Her hair is pulled up in a ponytail as she blows up at her bangs.
“Hey, I’m back.”
Mia doesn’t lift her head, doesn’t pause, or mumble a hello. She’s completely lost in whatever she’s writing in her notebook. Setting our breakfast down on her counter, I go over to the back of the couch and lightly brush her bangs to the side.
“Mia.”
She lets out a small squeal, and she jerks back. “Shit, you scared me.”
“I’m sorry.” I chuckle. “What are you so entranced with?”
Setting her notebook down with a huff, she turns to me, hooking her arm over the couch. “I made a list.”
I snort a laugh. “Always a good place to start. What’s on your list?”
“It’s more of a brain dump than an order of importance, so don’t let it freak you out…”
“Mia, I think we’re both freaked out enough already. I’d rather have a freak out with a list than one without.”
A glint comes to Mia’s eyes. “That’s what I was thinking. Okay, so we have to make an appointment at my OB/GYN. I was going to ask Wyla if there were any baby or pregnancy books she recommends or an app. I’ll take both, really. Tell our parents, friends, etcetera, then—”
“Wait.” That loss of appetite feeling I had has quickly shifted into a gut punch.
The idea of explaining this to her parents is one thing…
I can’t imagine they’ll be too fond of me at first, but I can fix that.
But there’s no way in hell we’re telling my parents about this.
“Just your parents, and we’ll tell the team. ”
Mia raises an eyebrow. “Okay, um, that’s fine. Do you want to tell your parents later or—”
“Never,” I clip before I can stop myself. Hell could freeze over. Pigs flying and the apocalypse could start. I never want my child to be around them. The very thought has this rage bubbling, but the look on Mia’s face has me calming down. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you like that.”
Rounding the couch, I lift her legs and pull her in my lap. “I haven’t had anything to do with my parents for a very long time. We can talk about that another day, but trust me when I say that them not being a part of our child’s life is a good thing.”
Mia swallows hard. I know she wants to know the story, but I can’t. Not right now at least. “Okay, I trust you.”
“Thank you.” Grabbing her chin gently, I pull her in and place a small kiss on her forehead. “On another note, you can have your matcha and lemon poppy seed muffins.”
Her shoulders drop down from her ears. “Oh, thank god.”
“Let me get ‘em for you.” Getting back up, I deliver her stuff when Jett texts me that they’re walking up to the building.
I don’t know if calling them was the right move, but I don’t know who else to talk to who could potentially give us some peace of mind. Mia would figure it out, I’m sure of it, but I want to do this with her. I want to help, but I don’t know how.
I take the elevator down and meet them at the lobby door. Jett hits my shoulder. “How’s the father-to-be?”
My stomach turns in knots. “Don’t.”
“I told him not to say that,” Wyla adds quickly with a sympathetic smile.
“What?” Jett looks between us. “Oh, come on, Adam, this really isn’t that bad. You love kids.”
He’s not wrong. I do love kids. I love his daughter. I love Miles. Hell, I love kid fans, but none of them are my responsibility. None of them will have ties to my family name, and none of them could cause me to lose the woman I’m quickly falling for.
“Look, I’m really trying to hold it together for Mia, so please be helpful. Don’t make me regret this.”
Jett holds his hands up. “Okay, I’ll do my best.”
I nod, then take them over to the elevator. Jett tugs Wyla closer to him, and I suppose that should’ve been a clue to what he was about to say. “So, before we get up there, I’m gonna need to know what specifically is worrying you.”
“Jett,” Wyla whispers a warning as I tilt my head back, looking to the ceiling.
“I feel like that’s an obvious answer, asshole.”
“No, it’s not. Yes, this is big news. It’s scary news, but I know you. You’ve been my best friend for years. I know what kind of man you are. I know what you would do for the people you care about, so tell me what’s actually bothering you.”
Hell, this fucker. “I regret this now.”
“No, you don’t. If my pregnant wife wasn’t with me, I’d stop this elevator until you told me, so I’m going to need you to just get over it and let it out.”
“Fuck you.” I run my hand over my face. There’s no way he’ll let this go, and I can’t have him pressing in front of Mia.
“Okay, every time I think about the baby and being a dad, my father’s face flashes in my mind.
It’s fucking terrifying. I swore I had forgotten what he looked like—that’s how little thought I gave him, but now he’s at the very front of my brain.
If I try to switch and think about Mia and how happy she makes me, I immediately jump to the worst-case scenario, losing her while we try to figure this out because none of this was something she wanted right now. ”
The elevator dings and I have to step out first because it’s starting to feel too damn small. I try to breathe, but now I’m fucking worked up.
“Look, I know I’m not him, but despite how serious I felt about Mia right away, we’re still so new.
She doesn’t even know the reasons why I don’t speak to my parents.
Now we’re in a situation where we have to make big fucking decisions, and I don’t want to fuck this up.
Callie kept telling me that moving here felt like a second chance at having a happy life, and I really thought she was right, but what if—”
“She’s right,” Jett’s words initially cut me off, but it’s the hug he gives me that causes me to actually take a real breath. “Feel a little better after letting that out?”
“Yeah, actually, I do.”
Jett steps back then wraps Wyla—who’s now softly crying— up in his arms. “I blame my hormones, but shit—” She wipes her face. “I swear, I’m going to pull myself together real quick.”
I huff out a weak laugh. “I don’t want to put this pressure on Mia, at least not right now. She said she’s leaning toward having this baby, and when we land on this being the final decision, I’ll talk to her, but not yet. I really don’t want to mess this up.”
Jett nods. “I understand that, but keeping it all in sucks the life out of you, so either call us or trust that Mia’s strong enough to hear you out, too. Now, come on, we’ve been gone for an awkward amount of time.”
“Fuck.” Starting down the hall, they follow close behind. “When did you get so fucking observant?”
“I became a dad,” Jett quips.
Grabbing hold of Mia’s door with a tighter grip than necessary, I tilt my head back with a sigh. “Great, thanks for that.”
Walking in her apartment, I can tell that awkward timing thing had some merit because I catch Mia mid-pace as she chews on her thumbnail.
“Hi, sorry—”
“No, you’re fine. I definitely wasn’t looking out my peephole for the past few minutes.”
Yeah, my nosy girl has no patience—I find it absolutely adorable, but I should’ve remembered that. I like seeing her get worked up, but I don’t like being the cause of it.
Pulling her close, I press a quick kiss to her temple. “Mia, you remember Wyla and Jett.”
“Right, hi. Thank you for coming over.” Mia shuffles on her feet as she wraps her arms around herself. “Sorry, all morning I’ve been trying to be positive, but now I’m insanely nervous and I don’t usually get that way.”
Wyla laughs. “You’re fine, Mia. Trust me, I know the anxious feeling very well.”
The tension leaves Mia’s face, but not her shoulders yet. “Great, okay. I can’t promise I’m going to keep it hidden well, but I swore I was done crying today.”
Wyla places a hand on her stomach. “I made no such deal with myself. I cried because my bagel had too much cream cheese this morning.”
“Yeah, it was a really tough morning.”
When Jett looks down at Wyla like she’s the reason he breathes, I know that’s how I want this to go for us.
No matter what it takes.
Mia’s hand reaches for mine on her shoulder, and when she looks at me, I want to tell myself that she’s thinking the same thing, but then about ten other “what-ifs” run through my head.
I want to counter all the negatives with a positive one, but the thoughts are all so damn loud—shit, I need to sit down.
“Um, why don’t we move to the couches?” Tugging softly for Mia to follow more for my stability than anything else.
“So, Mia, I imagine Adam filled you in on how Jett and I got started,” Wyla says as she sits down.
“A little. I have to admit, I have a lot more questions about that story, but we can talk about that another time.”
“It’s my favorite story to tell,” Jett chimes in.
I get it. It really is a great story, but I need Mia to be the focus. I called them hoping Wyla might be able to give Mia any sort of comfort as she navigates this.
“Mine too. However, you can tell it later.” Wyla angles herself toward Mia. “How are you feeling? I know it’s a lot to process.”
“I’m okay. It feels a bit like I’m riding a roller coaster.”
Wyla snorts. “Yeah, somewhat excited for the ride, but also anxious, terrified, and nauseous all at the same time.”
It’d be a fair assumption that Jett and I have officially faded away from their minds, even though we can’t take our eyes off them. In hindsight, we should probably just leave them to it, but Mia’s hand blindly reaches over to hold on to my leg.
I let the tiniest bit of joy show on my face as I take her hand. Alright, I’ll be her sturdy rock on this couch.
“Wyla, this might be a very rude question, but I’m just going to ask it anyway.” Mia takes a deep breath. “What made you so sure you could do this?”
“I had no idea.” Wyla doesn’t bat an eye or even hint at any offense taken.
“I cried a lot in the beginning. I know you swore no more tears, but take it easy on yourself. This isn’t small news.
Threw up a ton, and while an argument could be made for morning sickness—I think there was a part of it that was just pure fear.
But I knew deep in my gut that there was no way I couldn’t have the baby.
Everyone has a right to their decision and that was mine.
“Now, I was very lucky, despite having no way to find Jett—I have a very supportive family. My sisters and their husbands helped a ton. It’s rightfully daunting and scary to think about the aspects of motherhood, but having a village definitely helps.”
“I can’t decide how my parents are going to take this, and being an only child will either help or hurt on that front. They have always wanted grandchildren, but…” Mia trails off. Hurt and fear are written all over her face.
Pain radiates through my chest, and I want so badly to be encouraging, but Wyla speaks up again.
“I was terrified to tell my parents, too. So much so that I made my sisters tell them with me. My dad wasn’t exactly the biggest fan of Jett either once we reconnected, but eventually none of that mattered because it wasn’t about being disappointed in me or time lost, it was about our daughter.
I can assure you Callie’s going to be over the moon.
Her and Will both, for that matter, and something tells me the team as a whole as well. ”
“Speaking of—Adam, what time do you have to be at the stadium today?” Jett leans up around Wyla, looking at the both of us. “Wy and I have no plans for today, so anything you need, we’re here.”
I hate the reality that there’s no way I can blow off this game. I hate the crushed look on Mia’s face that immediately morphs into a realization.
She clears her throat. “When do you leave for your next set of away games?”
“I have to be there at one this afternoon. We leave for Dallas in three days.” Here we are, the start of me failing. How can Mia count on me to be here for her during this, when I can’t even spend the day after we get life-altering news with her?
Wyla gives us both a soft smile. “This is just a part of it. Y’all will figure out a schedule and rhythm. I promise. I know this is scary. It’s easy for me to sit here and say it all worked out, but it did. It took a long time and a lot of sacrifices, but I’d do it all over again.”
Mia’s lips fold into a thin line. When her shoulders slump a bit, my chest physically aches. If she could do our relationship all over, would she change it?