Chapter 30
THIRTY
Joey sat at the bar, trying to feign a casual air as they picked at the label on their untouched beer bottle. They’d done their best to shake off the idea Mari had tried to remodel them before introducing them to her friends. But then when they’d arrived, all she’d done was to drag them around the room, telling her acquaintances just how good Joey’s lobsters were. Joey had thought this was a social event where Mari would introduce them as her…partner?
They hadn’t put a name on what they had together, but Joey had believed it was more than as a supplier. They’d nodded and tried to engage, but when people asked about delivery days and price lists, Joey’d backed away, wondering how they could have misread what this evening was about.
“Hey.” Marianne’s whisper tickling their neck accompanied a nudge. Her breath was heavy with wine fumes, but Joey was warmed by her proximity.
“Are you okay? I thought you wanted to meet new customers.”
Joey turned. Mari’s eyes were glinting in the way they did when she’d had a few glasses of wine.
“I’m sorry. I wasn’t expecting that tonight. I’ve spoken with a couple of your friends.”
“They need specifics. Not just you muttering about possibly being able to deliver sometime in the future. These people have massive reputations to maintain. If you’re not clear, they won’t even consider buying from you regularly.”
Joey faced her fully and wrapped an arm around her waist to pull her closer. “I came here tonight to be with you . I don’t mix business with pleasure.”
The force with which Marianne pulled back made them wince. “I should’ve talked you through what to say.”
Joey stood, their throat almost too tight to form words. “Can we talk about this outside, please? I don’t want to risk your precious reputation.”
Marianne blinked but allowed them to lead her out into the corridor.
They leaned back against the wall and tried to still their rushing thoughts. “I love my work, Mari. But it’s not all that I am, and I don’t want tonight to be about selling lobsters.”
Marianne straightened her shoulders. “And that’s probably why you can’t sell enough lobsters. You need to take every advantage, Joey. When’s the next time you’ll be in a room with Dublin’s top chefs and restauranteurs?”
“When’s the next time I’ll be out for a night in Dublin with the woman I?—”
The doors swung open, and Imelda rushed out. “Hey, babe. What are you doing hiding out here?”
Mari didn’t turn. Her eyes were locked on Joey’s. Joey blinked, frozen by what they had been about to say.
“Come and talk to Miguel. He’s looking for a head chef.”
“Can I talk to Joey for a minute? I’ll join you shortly.”
Imelda’s long nailed finger wrapped around Mari’s upper arm. “He’s keen to talk. Let’s not waste the opportunity.”
Joey plastered a smile onto their face. “Go for it. I was just leaving, anyway.”
“Will you wait for me at Mum’s?” Mari’s eyes were wide, but she didn’t fight being dragged back inside by Imelda. Joey didn’t reply before the door swung closed behind her.
They tried to think beyond the panic of almost telling Marianne they loved her. Their phone buzzed in their pocket, and they picked up, surprised to see Donal’s name.
“Joey, you need to come home. Don’t panic, but Dad’s not well.”
Joey drove through the dark trying desperately to stay in control. Their head was throbbing like it was being dashed against a rock. They could’ve sought out Marianne before they left, but the call from Donal had shaken them so much all they could think was to get back home as soon as possible. So, they’d sent her a quick text as they sprinted to the van.
They were most of the way to Galway before the hands-free display lit with Mari’s name.
“Joey, what’s happened? Are you okay?” Mari’s words were slurred.
“Sorry, I had to go home. Dad’s had a stroke.”
“Oh my God, how is he? Are you okay to drive?”
“Yeah. Donal says he’s stable. I just need to get to him. I’m sorry I left you. If you get the train back on Thursday, I’ll get one of the boys to fetch you from the station to the ferry.” Worry about abandoning Marianne and Denny was adding to the beat in their head.
“I would’ve come with you.”
“You couldn’t. You were busy and you wouldn’t have left Denny behind.”
“Joey, I want to be there to support you. That’s what couples do.” Marianne’s voice faltered.
Joey squeezed the steering wheel until their knuckles were white. “I don’t think this is the time to focus on our relationship.”
The breath that came down the line was faltering. “Can we talk as soon as I get back, then?”
“You’ve got work, and I might be at the hospital. I’ll see you when I see you. Take care, Mari, and give my love to Denny.” They hung up before the tears stinging their eyes could fall. They couldn’t deal with Marianne. They couldn’t face the mess they’d got themself into. Not right now.
Joey violently swung aside the curtain, and their brothers spun around. The sight of their dad hooked up to all that equipment made their head reel.
“Fuck, Joey, calm down. I said he was stable.” Donal jumped up and held them by the elbows as the urgency left them, and they started to shake with the adrenaline.
“Did you drive all the way back on your own?” Liam stood, too, and guided them to the chair by their dad’s bed.
“Yeah. I just got into the van and drove.” The last few hours of staying in control were taking their toll. Joey struggled not to sob as they took in their dad’s gray skin and slack features. “Tell me what you know.”
“I’m going to get you coffee and something to eat.” Liam parted the curtain and left.
Donal sat on the arm of the chair. “The doctors will be back in the morning, but they say he’s stable.” He wrapped his arm around Joey’s shoulders. “They’ve done a scan, and it wasn’t a massive stroke, so they’ll assess the extent of damage when he wakes up.” He nudged Joey’s cheek. “He’s a tough old fella. He’ll be okay.”
Joey turned. “And what if he’s not?” They wiped the tears from their eyes. “Or if he needs full time care? I can’t work and look after him, Donie. I know you see it as my job, but I can’t be all things for everyone.” Their head thrummed with pain.
Donal squeezed their shoulder. “I’m sorry you have to take so much of this on. You think it’s about us being the boys. But it’s not, Joey. You’re the eldest, and smarter than both of us put together. We turn to you because we trust you to steer us straight.”
“But you can still clear off afterwards, and get on with your lives, can’t you? I’ll always be here.”
“Because you’ve chosen to be. We’ve never assumed you’d always stay. If you didn’t, we’d have to work out Dad’s care between us. It’s not all on you, I promise.”
Joey shrugged. Donal’s words were one thing, but the reality was that their brothers lived thousands of miles away, while Joey was right here, dealing with it. “Let’s see how bad this is.”
“Deal. But you’re coming home with me tonight. Liam can do the night shift, and we’ll come back tomorrow to see the doctor.”
“I want to stay.” The exhaustion of the drive and the earlier conflict with Marianne warred with their desire to be with their dad in case he needed them.
“Let us help.” Donal pulled them up from the chair when Liam returned. Together, they stood at the end of the bed as Joey swilled strong coffee and forced down a blueberry muffin.
“Okay. I’ll go home.” They held out the keys to the van. “Who needs these?”
Liam grabbed the bunch. “Kasia loaned us the hotel van, but you’ll need to drop that back. I’ll drive down and fetch you from the morning ferry.”
Joey managed a quick kiss to their dad’s clammy forehead before Donal pulled them to the door.
They didn’t remember much of the journey until they were home in bed, staring at the place where the model boat had once stood. They lay still, trying to pull their thoughts out of a jumbled mess and into some kind of order.
Their dad was going to recover, but how dependent on them would he be after this? And what were they going to do about Marianne? Joey didn’t like how they’d left things, although they’d had no choice but to come home when they got the call. The thought of no longer having Mari and Denny in their life was like a deep bruise inside their chest, but how could there be a future for them together?
Their life was full of questions yet bereft of answers. They squeezed their eyes shut and waited for sleep to overtake them, tears soaking the pillow long before they finally drifted into restless dreams.