Chapter 31
THIRTY-ONE
“Thanks, Mary.” Marianne propped her elbows on the table and stared down at the omelet. Her stomach flipped. She’d drunk too much at the party last night, and reliving her argument with Joey had kept her awake most of the night. There was an empty feeling inside, with a side order of acid indigestion. She had to get her act together before Denny’s birthday party today.
“Elbows off the table, Marianne.”
She started as her mother entered, and then resumed her slouch when she remembered she was a grown adult, and she didn’t care about her mum’s table manners standards. She didn’t care about much this morning, if she was honest.
“Morning, Mum.” She stifled a yawn and picked at the omelet.
“Where’s your friend? Is Joey not coming to the party today?”
“No, their dad was taken ill, and they had to leave immediately.” The neat pile of Joey’s clothes in her bedroom had reminded her this morning of how different things had been twenty-four hours ago. She suppressed a groan when her mum sat down opposite. She didn’t need an inquisition.
“I hope it’s not too serious. How will you get back now?”
Marianne chewed on rubbery egg before swallowing and washing it down with a long slug of water. “I guess I’ll need to take the train. I’ll book it later.”
Her mum poured them tea. “Take my car. You’re an adult, Marianne. You should have a car.”
“I had a car, Mum. I had to sell it to pay off my wife’s debts.”
“But you’re getting back on your feet. You must be able to afford a car by now.”
Marianne hadn’t even thought about it on the island. But now it looked like her life was changing, she’d need to think about it.
“I’ll take the train back. Denny will love it. I’ll think about buying a car before the end of my contract.”
Her mum shrugged. “Take mine for now. Mary drives me around. I don’t use it.”
Mari suppressed an eye roll. Her mum’s gleaming silver Mercedes sat on the driveway, another token of how respectable she was. Marianne doubted anyone cared.
“You can return it when you move back to Dublin.”
She squirmed. She didn’t want to admit she was no further in deciding what she would do next.
Her mum observed her with gathered brows. “How did last night go, by the way? Have you secured a good job?”
“It wasn’t a jobs fair. I was catching up with some old friends.” That was hypocritical, considering how she’d berated Joey for not treating it as a networking opportunity.
“But something must’ve come out of it? Surely there are top restaurants waiting to bite your hand off if you approach them.”
That was true. Marianne had had a couple of subtle, and not so subtle, approaches. But none of it had felt right. Plus, worry about how she’d manage childcare had taken any joy out of it.
“I need to think about Denny. He comes first.”
“He needs a mother with the means of supporting him, first and foremost.” Her mother sat back with her teacup poised. “Unless you’re thinking of becoming a full-time mother and letting your fishing person support you.”
The tinkle of laughter was mocking, and Marianne wanted to get up and walk out. But she didn’t have the energy, and she had to keep everything calm for the party later.
“Joey and I haven’t discussed our future. We live very different lives.”
Her mum put down her teacup. “Lives change all the time. Sometimes for the better, sometimes not.” She stood. “Decide what you want and make it happen. Stop making excuses and get on with it.”
She swooped to the door. “I’ll be ready at one-thirty. You can drive and try out the car for size.”
Marianne watched her go. The smell of the now-cold food made her gag, and she pushed away the plate and rested her head on her arms.
What did she want? She wanted Denny to have a happy, stable childhood. She wanted to resurrect her career and feel the power and success of being at the top. And she wanted Joey. Oh, how badly she wanted them. To lie in their arms in the hammock and listen to the sea. To watch them showing Denny how to drive the boat, always careful to keep him safe. Without Joey, life just wasn’t as good.
But how could she have all of those things? Denny needed to be near both his parents, the kind of job she wanted didn’t exist on a tiny island, and Joey didn’t belong anywhere else.
Mary began to clear the table, but Marianne didn’t raise her head as her tears soaked the tablecloth. A hand squeezed her shoulder, but then she was left in peace to pull herself together.
The tires crunched over gravel as Marianne pulled onto the looping drive outside Zeynap’s house. She pulled on the handbrake and sat for a moment, bracing herself.
“Are we staying in the car or going in?”
Why had she insisted on her mum’s presence? A tiny hope she might provide some support in the lion’s den? She hauled herself out of the car and went around to help her mum out of the passenger seat. The Mercedes had been a lovely ride. Far too large and powerful for her mum, but a reminder to Marianne how long it has been since she’d driven anything flashy. Back when she’d lived in the capital, she’d owned a series of sporty little cars that could nip round the city streets or take her out quickly into the Wicklow hills when she needed a break. If she moved back now, what kind of car would she choose?
The front door opened. Taz smiled, looking as awkward as the last time she’d seen him. She pecked him on the cheek and led her mum into the lounge where Amira and her mother were sipping sherry. Denny jumped up from the corner with a shriek and barreled across the room. “Mama!”
When Marianne pulled him into her arms, everything felt right again. Well, nearly everything.
“Happy birthday, sweetpea. How’s it feel to be two?” She lifted her face from his curls to look at Amira. “How was he?”
“Not great. He wouldn’t go down, and then he woke me at four. I’m not sure I have the energy for the party.” Amira hadn’t got up from her chair. “It’s a good thing Maddy’s visiting.”
Marianne turned to see a young blond woman sitting in the corner where Denny had been. She was surrounded by children’s books. She jumped up. “Hi, I’m Madison.” She shook Marianne’s hand. “Your little boy is wonderful.”
Marianne looked between Madison and Amira, but Amira didn’t offer any explanation. She led her mum across the room and sat her opposite Amira’s mother. “Zeynap, you remember my mum, Kathleen?”
The two older women nodded curtly to each other.
“Would you like a drink?” Zeynap looked over her shoulder. “Where did Taz get to?”
“I’ll get it.” Madison skipped toward the drinks tray as though she’d lived there for years. Marianne threw Amira another look, which she again ignored.
“Sherry, or something stronger?” Madison’s American accent was obvious.
“I would prefer tea, please.” Mari’s mum’s voice was taut with disapproval.
Madison smiled and trotted out of the room.
“Who’s Madison?” Mari hissed as she swung toward Amira. Denny’s little body was a dead weight, and she realized he’d fallen asleep on her shoulder.
“Ah, now he sleeps. Typical. And he cried all morning, asking for you. It’s not much fun, you know, Marianne.” Amira’s cheeks were flushed, and Mari wondered how long they’d been knocking back the sherry, leaving Denny in the charge of some stranger.
Her mum stood and took Denny very gently from her arms. “Why don’t you two go and talk in private, and Zeynap and I will catch up?”
Marianne blinked at the unexpectedly selfless offer. She nodded her thanks and shook herself into action.
“Come on, Amira. It’s a beautiful day, let’s get some air.” And hopefully no one will hear our shouting .
Amira pushed herself wearily out of the chair. “If you insist.”
“Don’t forget. The party starts in half an hour.” Zeynap’s call followed them out through the French doors.
“Who the fuck is Madison?” The words rushed out as soon as they were alone.
“A friend. I met her in rehab. You don’t have a right to be informed about every visitor to this house, Marianne.”
“I do if she’s spending time with my child.” Marianne forced herself to take a long breath.
“That’s rich. All Denny wanted to talk about, when he wasn’t crying for you, was fucking Joey. Joey the lobster supplier? Is there something you need to tell me? ”
“Joey’s a good friend. They’ve been helping look after Denny since I was left penniless with a small child. Remember?”
“A friend? Right. They were always hanging around, asking if you were free. I should’ve seen it then.” Amira sniggered.
Marianne straightened her shoulders. It wasn’t right to diminish what she had with Joey, even if there was no future in it. “You’re right. They’re so much more than a friend. I’m completely in love with them in a way that never happened with us.” It felt good to finally say it, even if Amira wasn’t the person she should be telling.
Amira’s eyes opened wide.
“But it can’t work, because I don’t just have me to think about. Our son needs to live somewhere he can spend time with both parents. If you have any interest in being a parent, that is.”
Amira’s lack of reaction made her stop in her tracks. Her expression was unreadable.
“There is…something I wanted to talk to you about. While you’re here.” She led the way to a bench at the far end of the garden.
Marianne sat. She didn’t want to, but she had to hear Amira out.
Amira played with a ringlet of hair before she turned fully to face Marianne. “I’m moving to the U.S. soon.” She held up a hand against all the questions in Marianne’s head trying to spill out. “Please let me finish.”
She nodded, though her neck felt like it might snap with tension.
“I need to get out of here. My mum’s controlling nature was what drove me to gambling in the first place. It’s not a good environment for me.”
She suspected Amira would always find someone to blame for her gambling addiction. “But why America? How will you see Denny?”
“I’ve got an opportunity with Maddy. Her parents are funding a new venture for her in California. She’ll give me a job, and we’ll see how things go.”
“Are you even allowed to live in the U.S. just like that?” Things were moving too fast. All Marianne had wanted was to find a way for Denny to be reared by both his parents. Now, one of them was taking off to live thousands of miles away.
“Well, that’s the thing. We’ve decided it’ll be much easier if we get married before we leave. You’ve been efficient making the divorce happen so quickly there’ll be nothing to stop us in a few weeks.”
Marianne stared. “You’re going to marry that young woman? How long have you known her?”
A bark of laughter rang through the garden. “Long enough. How long have you known Joey the lobster fisher as more than a supplier?”
She wasn’t going to be diverted from the issue. “So, you’re going to head off to another continent and abandon your child?”
Amira leaned in. “This is a good job opportunity. If the business takes off, I’ll be able to send regular maintenance for Denny. We’ll all be better off.”
Marianne wanted to argue, to force her to think about the impact her leaving would have on their child. But she knew Amira well enough to see she truly believed she was acting for the best. There was a pattern to her bad decision-making that Marianne hadn’t noticed all those years ago when she’d jumped at the opportunity to be the owner of her own business. Her own vanity was as much a cause of their current situation as anything Amira had done. What was important now was to make the best decisions for Denny within her control.
“Will you come back to see him?”
“Of course. I was thinking that once I’m on my feet, I could come and take him back with me for a few weeks. Give you a break.”
“Let’s see how it goes, shall we?” Marianne stood. “We’d better get inside for the party.” It felt even more important to celebrate now. Who knew how many birthdays Denny would celebrate with his whole family? Amira appeared determined, and Marianne wondered if trying to force her to stay would be in anyone’s best interest, even Denny’s.
They walked back up the garden together. “Thanks for being so calm about all of this.”
Marianne shook her head. She’d had months of no contact from Amira, and she’d survived. So had Denny. He’d thrived on the island. If she truly wanted to put Denny’s welfare first, she had some big decisions to make. Ideas were forming, but she needed to talk with Imelda as soon as possible.