Chapter 35
THIRTY-FIVE
The sight of Queen Maedbh approaching the quay filled Marianne with a variety of emotions. She’d missed Joey so much it hurt. But their avoidance of her since her return had caused pain, too. She’d wanted to be there for them while their dad was ill, and it didn’t feel right that Joey could walk away from everything they’d built together. She’d been planning to walk down to the cottage as soon as she arrived, but the text from Joey asking her to give them space had thrown her. She wanted to respect Joey’s wishes, but it hadn’t felt right. Then the days passed, and the more she’d worried Joey wanted to end what they had.
She’d come back to the island with such optimism after her meeting with Imelda, determined to find a way she could make Inishderry her base. But she couldn’t do any of that without discussing things with Joey and making sure it was what they wanted, too. And the week of silence didn’t bode well. She’d just come out of a relationship with communication difficulties. She couldn’t do that again.
When Joey had finally called this morning and asked if she wanted to go out on the boat with Denny, she’d initially been filled with joy. Then doubt had set in. What if Joey wanted to tell her they were over? They’d said they needed time alone, but then they’d rocked up at the Waterside last night with Kasia and Tierney and the GP from the mainland, Doctor Scott. She’d watched from the pass, until Connor had asked if everything was okay on the floor, and she’d shaken herself and got back to work, wondering if Joey would drop in to say hi. By the time she’d had a moment to look again, Joey was gone.
When she worked, everything seemed controllable. The kitchen was a microcosm of life, but one where she was in charge of everything. Was she making the wrong choice in de-prioritizing her career for a fisher who wouldn’t talk to her? It wasn’t just about Joey, she reminded herself. She wanted Denny to have the simple, carefree childhood the island children enjoyed.
Denny brought her back to the present as he lurched closer to the edge of the quay. “Joey!” He turned to her, a wide smile spreading across his little face. “Joey back.”
Joey hadn’t gone anywhere, but in his tiny world it must’ve seemed strange that Joey had been absent from their lives since they’d got back to the island. It made her wonder again if this was the right thing.
She gripped his hand and held tight. “Joey’s coming, sweetpea. We have to stay away from the edge, remember?”
“Dange-us.” Denny stepped back and pointed at the drop to the water.
“That’s right. It’s dangerous to get too close.”
She hoped that wasn’t true of her own situation. But she couldn’t help the smile that broke across her face as Joey pulled alongside the quay and threw a rope onto the stone surface.
Marianne tried to grab it one-handed, and wrap it around the post, but Joey jumped onto the quay and took it from her. When the boat was secure, they turned. A half-smile played on their lips. “Hey.”
Marianne searched their eyes for any clue how they were feeling, but the crystal blue was as deep and still as the waters behind them. Her heart felt like it would beat out of her chest.
“I missed you.”
The moment was broken by Denny launching himself at Joey’s legs. “Joey! Go boat?”
Joey took a step back at the impact of the knee-high tornado and grinned as they crouched and wrapped Denny in a hug. “Hey, shrimp, what’ve you been up to?”
Denny squirmed free of the hug and pulled Joey backward by the hand. “Boat, now.”
Joey scrambled to pivot from their position to follow Denny without breaking their grip on him and ended up sprawled on the stones of the quay. Marianne laughed and scooped up Denny with one arm, then she held out a hand to help Joey up. The moment their fingers touched, that familiar tingle of love and security filled her. Nothing made her feel the way being with Joey did. Not recognition as a chef, not celebrity. This was real. She only needed a moment in Joey’s company to realize how true that was. But did Joey feel it, too?
Joey stood and took Denny from her arms. They straddled the gap between Queen Maedbh and the dock and held her hand as she boarded, following her down the steps.
Inside the cabin was a new structure that appeared to be made from an old highchair. It was roped securely to the wall and made the small space even more cramped than usual.
Joey squeezed past her and glanced at the contraption. Their cheeks reddened. “Kasia was throwing it out as the tray was broken, so I thought I’d rig it up so Denny can see through the cabin window. He’s getting heavy to hold all the time. If you don’t think it’s suitable, I’ll move it away.” They blinked. “It probably doesn’t meet safety regulations, but it’s safe. I wouldn’t put Denny at risk.”
She realized they were waiting for her. “Oh, Joey, I think it’s the sweetest thing ever. You’re so thoughtful. And I know you’ll always keep Denny safe.” They were close in the wheelhouse, and she leaned in instinctively to kiss Joey, before she realized that may not be welcome. Had Joey pulled back, or was she imagining it? This was driving her mad.
“We need to talk.”
Joey strapped Denny in his makeshift seat and turned.
“I know.” Their eyes were wide, but still impenetrable. “I thought as it’s so mild, it’d be a good day to go to Inishkyle. We can sit on the beach and Denny can play while we talk.” They indicated a basket tucked away. “I brought a picnic.”
“That sounds perfect.” Marianne backed into the only available corner as Joey went to untie the boat, then they squeezed back into the wheelhouse.
“It’s tight in here. I can stand on deck.”
The close contact felt awkward in this uncertain situation, so Marianne backed out of the open side of the cabin and stumbled on a coiled rope. Joey reached out a long arm and steadied her, keeping the other hand on the wheel as they steered away from the quay.
“Stay. There’s room for us all.” Joey pulled her close but returned their hand to the controls.
“So, tell me about your family’s history on Inishkyle.” Perhaps a neutral conversation topic would lessen the tension in the cabin. Even Denny was unusually quiet as he watched their progress from his new vantage point.
Joey threw her a glance. “There’s not a lot to tell. Back in the day when Inishderry was heavily populated, you could either grow crops, keep animals, or fish. Most people did a bit of everything, but a few families fished more than others. The O’Haras were fishers. They used to bring the catch to Inishkyle to cure it so the islanders would have food in the winter.”
They were nearing the strip of an island now. Marianne watched as a few buildings came into view. “Did people live here?”
“A few over the summer. But mainly the huts were used for curing fish and to store gear and nets. And for the occasional overnight stay if the weather turned.” Joey waved at a stone tower with a small dock in front. “This is ours. I stay here sometimes in the summer if I want some peace.”
Marianne took in the solid stone structure. “It’s not really a hut.”
“My ancestors built it with wood originally, but it got washed away in a winter storm. People soon learned it was easier in the long term to build something substantial.”
They pulled up at the small stone pier and Mari took the coil of rope and jumped the gap, pulling the rope tight on the mooring bollard and tying the hitch Joey had taught her what seemed like a lifetime ago. She secured the second rope Joey threw to her. Then Joey lifted Denny from his seat and passed him over.
“Denny on a island!”
He stomped his feet as she lowered him to the quay, and she kept a firm grip as she took the bags from Joey.
“Remember what Joey taught you?”
“Pier dange-us. Big water.” He didn’t let up in his pulling, though, and Marianne gave up trying to help Joey with the basket.
They slid it onto the quay, then scrambled up after them. “Good boy for remembering, Denny. But that means we walk slow and hold tight to Mama’s hand.”
Denny’s tiny fingers gripped Marianne’s more firmly, but he kept pulling and she allowed herself to be dragged toward the tower.
Joey caught up, lugging the basket in both hands. “Let’s get everything into the hut, then we can go for a walk to burn off some of his excitement before we eat.”
They put down the picnic and pulled out a large brass key. “I used to leave it open in case anyone needed shelter, but some kids from the mainland came out once and had a big party. They left quite a mess.”
As the door swung open, Marianne squinted to see the dark interior, at contrast with the bright sun outside.
“Welcome to Castle O’Hara, as Tierney calls it. Go on in.”
Marianne let go of Denny’s hand and he ran ahead. She stepped into a simple square room, the stone walls painted white to brighten it; two small windows allowed a trickle of light.
“Sorry.” Joey stepped past her and switched on a battery pack. Strings of crisscrossed white fairy lights lit up around the walls and transformed the space. They emptied some wooden blocks from a bag and Denny giggled and sat down to build his own tower.
Marianne smiled gratefully. “It’s lovely.”
Joey cleared their throat. “It’s basic, but it serves a purpose.”
“Well, I like it.” She moved to a corner where there was a makeshift kitchen, simple but functional.
“Do you stay here a lot?”
“Not as much as I used to. I come over to swim with Kasia, occasionally.” They indicated an immense fireplace that took up most of the back wall. “The fire heats water from the well so we can shower here, but there’s no power, so at night it’s really dark.”
Marianne pulled open a door and found herself in a tiny bedroom. She backed out quickly. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to pry.”
“It’s fine. There’s not much to see. There’s a wet room in the back there that I added a few years ago along with the kitchen. Makes it a bit more comfortable.”
They moved logs around by the fire. “I’ll get this going and it’ll be nice and warm for Denny when we get back. I’m guessing he’ll want to go in the sea?”
Mari laughed. “Of course. I brought his wetsuit, so hopefully his clothes will be dry to go home in. But there’s never any guarantees with Denny.”
She quickly dressed Denny for his beach trip while Joey fixed the fire. She hoped they could talk soon. The comfortable cloud of spending time with Denny and Joey was only lightly covering a mountain of uncertainty and doubt.
Joey led them down onto the long strip of silver sand. “We won’t walk the whole island, just to the tip and back along the beach.”
They’d kicked off their boots and stripped down to some board shorts and a worn-out T-shirt. Marianne kept her hoodie on to protect against the chill of the breeze but rolled up her jeans in case she needed to run into the sea after Denny.
She let go of Denny’s hand and he took off across the beach. “At that rate, he won’t last long.”
She moved in closer to Joey, wary of touching them, but needing the contact. “Can we talk now? This is killing me. I need to know where we stand, Joey.”
They didn’t turn, so she pulled their arm, bringing them to a standstill.
Joey opened their mouth, then the quiet was broken by a piercing shriek from Denny, who was sitting on the beach trying to rub wet sand from his hands.
“He’s fine. We’ll wash them for him in a minute.”
Joey turned. “I’ll go and sort him out, and then I’ll be back.”
They took off at a sprint and Marianne felt a pressure in her chest, making it hard to breathe. If Joey wasn’t even prepared to talk about their future, how did they have any chance of one? She trudged toward the two figures further down the beach. Joey carefully lifted Denny over the edge of the water so he could clean his hands without getting too wet. It could be a perfect scenario, but if Joey didn’t want this—them—maybe she should just pack up and head back to the city.