28. Chapter 28
Chapter 28
Tessa
T he scent of grilled meat filled the house as I entered the hallway. It had been a week since Finn took me on our first date. I’d been impatiently awaiting our second, and after working the last five days in a row, I was ready for a night off.
Despite the circumstances, I was pleasantly surprised at how much I enjoyed my job. Theo was the best boss I’d ever had, and over the last several weeks I came to consider Jenna a friend. She understood certain topics were off limits in a way that made me think she possessed secrets of her own she wasn’t eager to divulge.
The rest of the staff and the towns people welcomed me with open arms. Well, all of them but one.
Since that first night, Jessica continued to show up at Elysium. Over the last few weeks, she spent almost as much time in the bar as I did. On the surface she was civil, which I expected had something to do with the presence of the sentry watching over me every night from his booth. Despite my insistence he could leave, Finn stayed for the duration of each shift, even when it meant missing several Sunday dinners in a row.
While Jessica and I didn’t speak directly after she publicly humiliated me, I overheard her making snide comments about my weight anytime I delivered orders to nearby tables. I did my best to ignore her, but her words wove themselves within my psyche, their similarity to ones I had about myself eerily familiar.
After we pulled into the parking lot for my second shift, Finn asked me to tell him if she gave me trouble. I knew he’d want to know about her comments, but I kept them to myself to avoid escalating things.
With Finn there, Jessica had yet to cause any more scenes. The first night she sat at one of my tables, Jenna made me swap, claiming one of her tables requested me. I was curious who would ask for me specifically, and when I approached the table, I was surprised to discover a family. Knowing Jenna was protecting me from Finn’s viper of an ex nearly overwhelmed the brittle hold I kept on my emotions.
While Finn and I were enjoying breakfast on my first day off in a week, he asked if I wanted to go to town for our second date. My entire body froze as the implications of the decision raced through my mind. I wasn’t stupid. The entire town was aware something was going on between us. And while I knew we would have to stop hiding eventually if we intended to give this a real shot, I wasn’t quite ready to share our newfound relationship with the world just yet.
When I asked if he would mind grilling in for our date, he smiled at me before pulling ingredients from the freezer. I stood rooted to the spot as I watched him. Finn never ceased to remind me of how different he was from Daniel, and he did so by showing me day after day he was the polar opposite of my ex.
My pulse sped up when I recalled the way I became wholly and completely lost in him while we lay in the back of his truck. If there was any question about whether I trusted Finn, that moment erased it. Not only did I get swept away in the moment – something that never happened during intimacy with Daniel – but the fact I felt safe enough let go that easily was telling. For that brief period of time, I wasn’t thinking about anything other than how good Finn made me feel.
While my loss of inhibition was new, the panic I felt at the sight of his erection was all too familiar. The shame and revulsion that always accompanied intimacy with Daniel instinctively began to dig its claws into me at the idea of taking care of that particular… issue .
Sex with Daniel was always a chore, but he used oral as a means of control and punishment. It was something I never enjoyed and learned to dread.
But Finn was as perceptive as ever, talking me off the ledge while soothing my fears. He never made me feel ashamed for how I felt, which was incredibly addicting.
Since the beginning, I knew falling for a man like Finn would be easy to do, but he was making it damn near impossible to avoid.
I walked onto the deck where Finn was grilling steaks, baked potatoes, and vegetables. Luka lounged on one of the outdoor couches. His tail thumped against the cushions when he caught sight of me but otherwise remained motionless, apparently too comfortable to move from his throne.
Prior to my arrival, Finn posted tiki torches around the edge of the patio. Their flames flickered in the evening air while the blaze in the nearby firepit crackled. The scent of a wood fire combined with grilled food mingled to create a scent I would forever associate with the happiness I experienced with Finn.
An orange glow from the bonfire cloaked the space. Overstuffed patio furniture circled the fire pit, while slate pavers in varying shades of gray covered the floor, sectioning it off from the massive yard beyond.
Despite summer’s imminent proximity, it still got cold in the mountains once the sun went down. Being used to constant sunshine shine and heat after a lifetime of living in L.A., I was grateful for the extra warmth Finn always thought to provide.
As I walked across the patio, Finn pulled food from the grill onto plates.
“Would you mind grabbing the lemonade out of the fridge and a couple of glasses?” he asked. “I forgot them when I set the table earlier.”
“Sure, no problem.” After retrieving the items and returning outside, Finn set our plates on the table before pulling my chair out for me. He settled in the seat to the right of mine before we dug into the food he prepared.
My mouth watered when I cut into the steak. One thing I could say for sure was that Finn was an incredible cook. Since my arrival, I ate like a queen, something my waistline was reflecting.
I moaned when the steak hit my tongue. Finn’s head whipped in my direction, and I felt my face heat. “Sorry. I think this is the best steak I’ve ever tasted.”
Finn eyes grew heated, his hand reaching below the table to adjust something in his lap. “No need to apologize, Tessa.” He shook his head and chuckled. “I never thought I’d be jealous of a piece of meat.”
My eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Why the hell would he be jealous of the steak?
Never one to leave me in the dark, Finn clarified, “I thought I was the only one who could get you to make those noises. Gotta admit, my male pride took a hit knowing a chunk of beef can get you to moan the same way you do when you climax.”
My face burned like it was on fire. Despite my embarrassment, I couldn’t help but tease him back. “I have a feeling your male pride is perfectly intact. After all, it took you less than a minute to get me off last time.”
Finn chuckled, his thumb brushing across his bottom lip while he teased me back. “I’ll admit, I’m quite proud I got you to come without even removing a single article of clothing.”
I balled up my napkin, chucking it at his chest as a deep laugh escaped him.
His laughter trailed off when he sobered. “In all seriousness,” he said, drawing my eyes to his. “It meant everything that you felt safe enough with me to let yourself go like that, Tessa. I get the impression that’s not something you’ve been able to do in the past, so I imagine it wasn’t particularly easy.”
The thing was, losing myself with Finn was effortless. Logically, I understood I should have been stuck in my head at the idea of physical intimacy with a man. And if it was anyone but Finn, I was positive that’s what would have occurred. But when I was with him, I felt more like myself than ever.
I stared at the man before me while I fought the urge to forget dinner and launch myself at him. Forget Jamie Fraser. I’d take Finn Remington any day of the week.
Unable to come up with a response that wouldn’t leave me feeling more vulnerable than I was ready for, I smiled at him before focusing on my plate.
Needing to change the subject, I decided now was as good a time as any to ask something I was curious about. “What made you want to become a SEAL?”
Finn chewed his bite of food, furrowing his brow while he thought about how to answer the question.
“My dad was in the military for over a decade during the Vietnam Era.” He paused, seeming to debate how much he wanted to share. “He was actually one of the founding members of an elite Special Forces team called Delta.”
I popped a piece of steak into my mouth while he continued. “My father never talked much about his time in the service. No one ever came right out and said it, but I grew up knowing he was a hero who saved a lot of lives during his time in the military.”
I thought about my few interactions with Finn’s father. When they showed up after the snowstorm, Jake was quiet but kind. He exuded strength without ever flexing a muscle. At Sunday dinner, he interacted with his family, laughing and joking with everyone. Yeah, what Finn said about his father fit the man I met.
“I grew up wanting to follow in his footsteps while still being my own person,” he admitted. “I think everyone expected me to become a firefighter, but I always knew that wasn’t the right path for me.”
Finn wiped his napkin across his mouth. “During my sophomore year of high school, I started reading everything I could find pertaining to the military. I devoured books about warfare, history, and even memoirs.”
Suddenly the diversity of books on Finn’s shelves made more sense.
“I remember reading this one book written by a Navy SEAL. He talked about the training program he went through and how it was the most rigorous and physically demanding experience a person could endure. Claimed only the best of the best made it through to become SEALs.”
Finn was the best man I’d met, so I wasn’t surprised he passed such a challenging training process.
“While I always wanted to uphold my father’s legacy of service, I couldn’t shake the desire to be my own person, to forge my own path. After reading that book, I felt like I found a way to not only achieve my goal, but to create something for myself.” Finn took a drink of his lemonade as he finished.
“In his book, the SEAL talked about how cold the water at Coronado was and how physically grueling swimming in the Pacific Ocean could be. It was shortly after I read his book that I found the lake. I knew if I wanted to make it through training I needed to be as physically prepared as possible. So, when Gunner told me the lake never froze over, I figured it was the perfect opportunity to push my limits.”
Admiration for the man next to me filled my chest while he told his story. Even as a teenager, he knew exactly what he wanted and wasn’t afraid to work for it. When I was that age, I was trying to disappear in the classroom, praying everyone would ignore me while simultaneously worrying about what I was going to do when I aged out of the foster care system.
Finn spoke again, effectively pulling me from my thoughts. “I stayed out there each morning until my body literally could not take any more. By the end of the first summer, I could swim for hours without needing a break. But all my hard work paid off when I got to BUD/S.”
My eyebrows drew together. Seeing the confusion on my face, Finn explained, “BUD/S stands for Basic Underwater Demolition School. It’s the training program all SEALs pass to earn their Trident. Even with all the training I did to prepare my body, the reality of it was unlike anything I imagined.”
“How about after training? Did you enjoy your time as a SEAL?”
Finn sat back in his chair and pondered the question. “I don’t know if ‘enjoy’ is the right word,” he replied eventually. “The main thing to understand about being a SEAL is that it’s a brotherhood.” I nodded, encouraging him to continue. “The military’s main purpose is to defend the country from our enemies, which means anyone who joins is a tool to aid in that defense.”
I remained silent, allowing him as much time as he needed to process his thoughts.
“I guess the most honest answer to your question is that I loved my teammates and enjoyed the time we spent together. Many of them have become lifelong friends, ones who I would give my life for without ever being asked. But…” he trailed off while he stared off into the distance.
He swallowed several times before clearing his throat. “But part of being a SEAL means taking lives when it serves the mission.” Finn’s voice grew hollow at his confession. “Of course, the goal is always to preserve life whenever possible, but when it comes to warfare, death is a part of life.”
The urge to climb into his lap and hold him until he was whole again overwhelmed me, but I knew better than most it wasn’t that simple. Settling for what comfort I could offer, I reached over and wrapped my hand around his. When Finn’s eyes met mine, the anguish and despair I saw there nearly took my breath away – both because of the pain I could see he lived with every day and because of his willingness to share this side of himself with me.
“So, while I wouldn’t trade any of my time as a SEAL, it came with a cost I’ve been paying ever since.” He looked back toward the woods as if he was searching for something. “It’s a curious thing to both be grateful for something and resent it at the same time.”
He looked directly at me. “But I’m betting you know a thing or two about conflicting emotions."
His statement hung in the air, but I remained silent. Yes, that was something I was well acquainted with. While I was grateful to no longer be living in my car, life with Daniel brought its own set of… challenges .
When I reflected on the events that led me to this moment, I was shocked to discover I didn’t regret them. If I didn’t go through everything back in L.A., I wouldn’t be here with Finn.
The idea of never meeting Finn filled me with sorrow. I wasn’t grateful for my time with Daniel, but I couldn’t shake the feeling I ended up exactly where I was supposed to be.