Chasing Dreams, Losing Her.

Chapter 55 The Wrong Blame

IMPORTANT NOTE:

Iris's Point Of View

I woke up and just stared at the ceiling for a long time. Halos hindi ako nakatulog kagabi, my eyes felt heavy and swollen, my whole body felt tired, but my mind wouldn't stop running over everything.

I checked my schedule first. Wala namang hearings today, no urgent meetings, nothing that I really had to do at the office. Wala naman akong kailangang tapusin na rush work.

So I decided na I won't go to work today.

I can't focus anyway. Everything keeps going back to what I heard outside the building, those words about protection, about De Luca, about things I never knew existed.

Lahat ng nakita ko last night, how quiet and empty Zarya's house was, how her most important things were gone, how it felt like she was never coming back at all.

I don't know where she is. I don't know what is true anymore. And I can't just sit around and wait like nothing happened.

There's only one person left I can think of who probably knows everything... Xylla.

At first I planned to go straight to her house. But then naisip ko na baka wala rin siya doon? Usually, at this time, she's at the hospital for her shift. And I can't wait until she gets home. I've waited too long already. I need answers now.

I got myself ready right away. My hands were shaking a little while I changed clothes, at hindi na din ako kumain, wala akong gana, and I just wanted to leave as fast as I could. I grabbed my bag and keys, and left the house.

I drove to the hospital without any hesitation. I didn't care anymore kahit pa magkasagutan kami ulit ni Xylla. I just needed to talk to her.

I walked straight to the nurse's station when I got there. My hands were already cold from nervousness.

"Excuse me po, where is Doctor Xylla?" I asked.

The nurse flipped through her logbook calmly. "Naka?leave po siya Ma'am. Vacation leave. Wala na siya dito ng ilang araw na."

Bakit? Why would she take leave now?

Base on how Zarya talks about her, Xylla loves her work so much, bihira siyang umabsent, unless it is really important or emergenciy reasons.

This is so unlike her. I was so confused, but I just nodded slowly and turned to leave.

Maybe I have to wait again. Maybe that's all I ever do.

I was already walking toward the exit when someone called out. "Oy Attorney! Anong ginagawa mo dito? Papacheck up ka ba?"

Si Kiro lang pala.

I stopped and forced a small, shaky smile.

"Ah no, Kiro. I'm here to see Xylla sana."

He frowned a little. "Huh? Wala dito si Doc. Naka?vacation leave siya ngayon."

Yes, just like the nurse said.

"Oh... when is she coming back?" I asked right away, clinging to any answer I could get.

Kiro shrugged. "Hindi ko alam eh. Matagal siguro. Nasa Italy siya ngayon. Sumunod siya kay Doc Zarya, kailangan daw siya ni Doc eh. Di ko alam kung bakit, pero yun ang sabi."

Italy? Together?

Bakit magkasama sila? Why did Xylla have to go all the way there? Why her?

A sharp, painful feeling twisted tight inside my chest. I know Xylla has feelings for Zarya, more than just friends. And now they are there, together... I can't help but overthink things, and every thought hurts more than the last.

It hurt so bad, like someone was squeezing my heart hard. I can feel tears slowly pricking my eyes, so I bit the inside of my cheek hard para itago ito.

Then it hit me. It was me. I pushed her away. I told her to leave and never come back.

I have no right. Wala akong karapatan magalit, wala akong karapatang magselos, wala akong karapatang masaktan this much. I gave her away myself.

Kiro looked at me worriedly. "Okay ka lang ba Attorney? Parang sobrang namumutla ka eh. I?check ko na lang blood pressure mo muna."

I shook my head fast, my voice almost breaking. "No... no, it's okay. Thank you Kiro, I have to go."

"Wait lang Attorney—" he called, but I didn't listen.

I walked as fast as I could, looking straight ahead so he wouldn't see how hurt I was. I left the hospital at once, hindi ko na kaya pang pigilan ang emotipn ko.

I went straight back to my car, locked the door tight, and slumped back against the seat. As soon as I was alone, my shoulders dropped and I couldn't hold it in anymore.

Everything felt so heavy. I just stared blankly at nothing outside the window.

Maybe she really did listen to me. I told her to move on, to heal, to forget about me... and now she's doing exactly that. She's finally letting go.

Finally...

Pero the thought hurt so much. Bakit ganun? That's what I wanted, right? So why does it feel like my heart is breaking into pieces?

I kept thinking about Xylla going with her to Italy. Maybe that's who she needs now. Someone who won't push her away. Someone who can be there for her properly, without all my mess and fear.

My eyes got hot and tears started falling down my face. I didn't wipe them away. I just let them come.

My chest hurt bad, sobrang sakit. I felt so stupid. I'm the one who sent her away, so bakit parang pinapatay ako ng nararamdaman ko?

It felt like the thin string between us... it feels like it's getting loose now, slipping through my fingers. She's moving forward, and I'm still stuck here in the same spot.

It hurts like hell, syempre. How could it not hurt? But slowly, a small part of me started to accept it.

If she's moving on, maybe I should try too. Maybe I need to heal as well. Maybe there's really nothing left for me to hold on to.

I cried harder, because even if I accept it... I still want her. I still miss her so much. But I know I can't go back anymore.

_______

A month later.....

I was just packing my things up on my desk. It was already late, most of the staff had gone home, and the office was quiet.

I was so tired from all the stress lately, it's been a month since I haven't gone anywhere except home and work. I put all my time sa trabaho, hoping to heal just like what Zarya's been doing with Xylla.

But it's no use, masakit pa rin. I thought she was just on vacation, but it's been a while. Baka nga okay na siya, maybe she moved on.

But our love was too deep to be forgotten in just a short period of time. Or maybe ako lang ang nag-iisip non.

"You're driving me crazy, Zarya." I said as I sat back to my office chair.

I sighed before answering, bakit napatawag na naman 'to? "What do you need?"

"Chiara..." He paused for a second, mahina lang ang boses niya.

"Just say it straight," I replied, not in the mood for long talks.

"Are you available tonight?" he asked.

"No," I answered right away, no hesitation.

I know his pattern too well, sasabihin na important talks, but it almost always leads to messy conversations or problems I don't want to face.

This time, I won't give in.

"Wait, wait. This is really important," he insisted quickly.

"Ryan, if it's really important, you can just tell me right now." I said firmly, I didn't want to waste time.

He went quiet for a moment. "Someone wants to talk to you."

Bigla akong nakaramdam ng kaba, but at the same time I was hoping it was her...Who? Please... please let it be her. Let it be Zarya.

"Who?" I asked, voice a little softer now.

"Tito Raymond asked me a favor," Ryan said. "Gusto ka niyang kausapin."

My stomach dropped completely. Zarya's father? Tito Raymond?

Bakit? Why would he want to talk to me all of a sudden? We've never talked before, at ngayon na siya mismo gumawa ng way para mag-usap kami—this is odd. What could he possibly want from me???

"W—why?" I asked, trying to act calm as possible.

"I don't know the full details eh," Ryan answered. "But he sounded really desperate. Pumunta ka na lang, I'll be there too. I won't let anything happen."

I stared at my desk, thinking if pupunta ba talaga ako? What if this is just a trap? What if he's planning something bad? What if I walk right into trouble?

But... this is the first time he asked to speak calmly. Maybe he finally found something. Maybe this is my only chance to get real answers about Zarya.

"Then pick me up," I said.

"Okay, sunduin kita mamaya, around 8pm daw kasi ang usapan," he started.

"No," I cut him off immediately. "Sunduin mo ako ngayon."

My mind was made up. Baka ito na yung oras na malaman ko kung nasaan talaga siya. I can't wait another minute.

"Chi, 8pm daw kasi ang order ni Tito Ray—"

"If not now, then I will not go. Sabihin mo sa kaniya," I said firmly, and ended the call right away.

I sat back in my chair, hands shaking a little, overthinking every possibility. Bakit bigla na lang siya magpapapunta ngayon? Does he know something I don't? Did he find a clue? or is he trying to trick me?

Sobrang hindi ito usual, tito Raymond De Luca...Father of Zarya, asked me to talk?

This is something....

A few seconds later, my phone rang again. It was still Ryan. I answered quickly.

"I'm on my way, Chi. Bumaba ka na," he said, and hung up.

I dropped my phone on the table, took a long deep breath, and stood up. I walked slowly to the big mirror on the side wall.

I fixed my messy hair, straightened my blazer, and wiped my face to look calm. I stared straight at my own eyes in the mirror.

Whatever happens, I faced harder cases than this. I can handle this just like how I handled every cases I won.

______

Not long after, dumating na rin agad si Ryan sa building. I immediately went inside of his car dahil baka may makakita pa saamin.

As soon as I got inside, he drove off na rin kaagad. The drive was silent, not untill he spoke.

"Chi, we'll go to my place. Nandoon si Tito."

My head snapped toward him, fear and irritation mixing all at once. "Ry? Is this another trick of yours? Ginagawa mo ba akong tanga?"

He looked at me quickly, then back at the road, shaking his head fast. "No, no. Tito Raymond is really there. He doesn't want you to come to his house dahil baka makita kayo ni Tita at magduda daw."

"Why would she be suspicious? What does he really need from me?" I frowned harder, confused.

"Chi, I think alam na ni Tito ang tungkol sa inyo ni Zarya. I don't know paano niya nalaman, pero ganon ang pakiramdam ko. Because what else could be the possible reason bakit ka niya ipapatawag sa akin?"

"How? Sinabi mo ba, Ryan?" I glared at him, because if he really knows about us, who else would tell him??

He looked at me like I just said a joke. "Hindi. I would never betray both of you. Kahit... kahit nasaktan niyo ako."

"Then how did he know?" I didn't look away, nagtataka pa rin sa sinabi niya.

"I am not sure, okay? Pero that's the closest reason he could possibly have. Diba?"

We didn't speak after that. I kept wondering pano niya malalaman if ever? No one knew except Xylla and Ryan.

I just stared out the window, my mind running wild, kasi what if he's angry? What will he say? Does he hate me or what?

After a few minutes, Ryan slowed down and turned into his driveway. "We're here. Don't worry, hindi ka naman siguro aanuhin ni Tito. Mabait 'yon. Ano, ready ka na?"

"I am not worried at all, Ryan." I said confidently, pero sa totoo lang ay takot na ako.

I felt the heaviness right after I got out of the car, yung kaba na parang may malalaman na naman ako.

I stepped inside Ryan's house, and agad na bumigat yung pakiramdam ko. The air smelled like old wood and expensive whiskey, and it felt so quiet that you could hear every heartbeat of mine.

Nakita ko agad ang Dad ni Zarya, pacing back and forth sa living room. He was holding a glass of dark whiskey, swirling it every few steps, like he's been waiting here for hours.

Tumigil siya the moment the door clicked shut. He looked at me straight to my eyes, it hit me like a dart.

"You're here." He said smiling, but it was obvious that he's not happy to see me.

I didn't answer. I just stood there, chin up, trying so hard to keep my composure even if my hands were trembling inside my blazer. I won't let him see na natatakot ako.

"Good evening, Tito," sabi ni Ryan sa likod ko, like he wanted to be included in our conversation.

"Ryan. Leave us." Raymond ordered, he didn't even looked at Ryan.

Napalingon agad ako kay Ryan. I felt nervous about what could happen here.

"Tito..." ryan said with hesitation. "Baka pwede naman akong—"

"It's a private talk, Ry," Raymond cut him off, and he stared at Ryan. "Now."

Nag hesitate si Ryan, and he just looked at me. Then he went upstairs, without looking back.

"Do you like whiskey?" Raymond asked, taking a sip of whiskey.

"Let's be direct, Sir. I don't like wasting my time." I said trying to look calm as possible.

He gave a bitter smile, then walked toward slowly, but every step felt heavy. I wanted to step back, but I forced myself to stay right where I was.

"Fine. Where is my daughter?" He asked directly, sobrang casual lang pagkasabi niya.

"W—what?"

"Where. Is. My. daughter, Chiara?" Ulit niya, this time it was slow, and sharp.

"Do you see her with me?" I asked him back with a sarcastic tone. "I've been looking for her too, Bakit sa akin niyo siya hinahanap?"

"You like playing innocent, don't you? You think I don't know?" He turned his back from me, and walked closer to the counter.

"Know what??" I asked, this time mas lalo na akong naiinis.

"Alam kong tinatago mo siya....I thought I did everything right, thought I successfully kept her away from you, thought I made it clear enough that you're both not supposed to be together.

But you're just as stubborn, just as hard?headed as she is!

You never know when to stop." He said like he was teasing me, as he was walking back to me with another glass of whiskey in his hands.

"bakit ko siya itatago?? I know nothing about her disappearance!" Hindi ko na napigilan, I raised my voice out of frustrations.

"Of course you do!" He dropped his glass on to the table. "Everything was fine before you came, she listens to me, and does as I say. Then you showed up, and suddenly she's defying me, running away, throwing everything away! She became like this, because of you!"

"Because of me?" I stared at him, and I couldn't hide it—I scoffed. "Are you serious? Ako pa ang may kasalanan?"

"Who else?" sagot niya agad. "The blood of Valenti runs through your veins, you stole her away from her family!"

I just nodded slowly, I already know kung saan ito papunta. "So... hindi lang pala ito tungkol kay Zarya, 'no? This isn't between you and me? It's between you and my father?"

"Between what needs to be fixed." He saidtrying to deny it, but it was too late. I caught him off guard right there.

"You're being so selfish," sabi ko nang diretso.

"You're putting your own anger and conflicts above your daughter's happiness?

You control every single thing about her, what she studies, who her friends are, even who she's allowed to love?

?You act more like her boss than her father.

You demand perfection from her like she isn't even human.

She didn't run away because of me. She ran away because she couldn't breathe under your rules.

" I stared at her with eyes full of anger, gusto ko siyang saktan just like he did to my Zarya—but I know I couldn't.

"Don't you dare lecture me about raising a child,

when your own father did the exact same thing to his child." His face turned red, it is clear that he's already mad.

I froze. It felt like I'd been slapped hard across the face. Then I shook my head, paano niya naman nasasabi 'yon?

"No. He never became a father to me, so his rules never mattered to me."

He stared at me for a long moment, like he knew something I didn't. "I wasn't talking about you, Chiara."

All the air just left my lungs. I stared at him, totally shocked. Not me? Then who on earth?

Then I remembered, he was probably talking about my brother. A brother he never, ever talked about.

I forced myself na alisin sa isip ko 'yon. "I don't care about him, about his life, or whatever bad blood you have with my father. I've learned to accept that I already lost a father, but I'm not sure you can handle losing your own child."

He was silent when I said those words, parang nagulat siya na nasasaktan. I don't know, and I don't care.

Without Zarya, his company would shatter. Especially now that he looks weaker, and older. Hindi niya kayang ihandle lahat in his own, he needs her daughter more than anyone else right now.

And this is where all of his frustration is coming. He's desperate of finding Zarya again, para kontrolin ulit si Zar.

I have done my part here, nasagot ko na siya. There is nothing else to talk about, wala ng rason pa.

I don't want to talk about Zarya anymore, it just breaks me even worst. Kasi kagaya ng dad niya, I also wanted to see her.

I turned by back againts him, I slowly walked closer to the main door. But before I could reach the door knob, I stopped.

I wanted to say the things I've been wanting to say to him for decades.

"Zarya is not a thing to control. She's not a prize to keep. If you really love her, you should set her free." I said firm, and steady. But deep inside, I was already hurting for Zar.

Hawak ko na yung doorknob nang magsalita siya ulit. This time, his tone became low. Like he's been hurt or something.

"Don't talk to me about losing a child. You know nothing about how painful it is."

I froze. I didn't turn around. I just stood there, his words repeating over and over in my head.

"You know nothing about how painful it is."

What did he mean? They were just simple words, but they felt so heavy, like there was a huge secret buried underneath, one that wasn't ready to come out yet.

I took a deep breath and stepped out of the house. As I walked toward Ryan's car, so many questions started filling my head.

I still didn't get any answers about where Zarya is. Instead, I just got even more confused. It hit me harder than ever, bakit siya aalis without her family knowing where she is?

Si Xylla lang ba talaga ang may alam kung nasaan siya? why does it feel like they both have something to hide? What is it that I don't know about them??

I sat down in my car and leaned back against the seat.

I was about to call Ryan to drive me home, but what Raymond said just keeps stucks in my mind.

"You know nothing about how painful it is."

Bakit ganon? Those words were simple, but ang sakit pakinggan?