Chapter Twenty-Seven Charlotte
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
CHARLOTTE
E ven though I had mentally prepped for this exact moment, seeing the email in my inbox caused a visceral reaction. Sweat pooled on my lower back, my breath caught in my throat, and it felt like I had slipped on black ice.
Peter’s name stared at me. Taunting me. Open it. Read me. My stomach twisted into a pretzel, and not one of the big, soft ones. It was a tight, hard pretzel covered in salt. Why?
Oh, because Hayden was thirty minutes late. I tried texting him, and nada. Nothing. Tried calling too, because I was getting worried. Ten more minutes went by, when my phone buzzed.
Hayden: I’m so sorry I can’t come tonight. I promise I’ll explain soon.
Cool. Great. My secret boyfriend backed out of a date without an explanation the night after my interview. That wasn’t a good feeling. Neither was the fact that Chad saw me in the hall after school and smirked at me. He and his buddy strutted through the halls, whistling as they passed my classroom. Their rooms were located in another wing, so there was no reason they should be near me other than to taunt me. They oozed confidence, like they were privy to information I didn’t know. My stomachache began then and had only worsened.
Hayden and I had planned to do this together, and his absence hurt. I was alone in my apartment.
He’d explain soon . What did that even mean? I analyzed every part of the text. No emoji. No hint at what was happening, but it had to be about Gwen. That was the only thing that made sense. Last night was special for me. Hayden taking care of me when I needed it… I had never felt so loved. I woke up with him surrounding me this morning. What happened within the last fourteen hours for that feeling to shift?
I wanted to respect his text. He wouldn’t do this unless something really did come up. I trusted him, but old insecurities snuck in. He changed his mind. He wanted to go back to being friends. He didn’t want to deal with telling Christian. I wasn’t a good fit with Gwen.
My eyes prickled. I had to trust him or we’d never work. Hell, two weeks ago, I never would’ve thought to have Hayden be with me when I found out if I got the job or not.
You can do this. Put your big-girl underwear on.
“Oof, this is anticlimactic. It’s a damn email!” I just had to click.
I clicked.
Subject: Re: the softball head coach position
Charlotte,
Thanks for interviewing for the Head Softball Coach position. Unfortunately, we didn’t choose you as our top candidate. Thank you for your consideration, and we hope there is another fit for you elsewhere.
Peter
No.
The sensation of falling increased and spiraled. An utter feeling of loss came at me from all sides. A sob escaped me as I breathed in deeply. I knew the chances were low, but after preparing so hard for it, I had started to believe I had a chance.
We didn’t choose you as our top candidate.
Heartbreaking. It was like someone ripped out a vital part of me and let it drag along the ground. I sniffed, and my nose clogged because the emotions were pouring out of me.
How could I go to work tomorrow? How could I face everyone and tell them I didn’t get it? An icy numbness spread through me. I had failed. I poured my heart into this and didn’t come out on top.
I crumpled into a ball and wished Hayden were here. He’d know what to do. He’d use his kind, stern voice and soothe me, guiding me on the next steps. He knew this could happen tonight and had left me alone. Why?
His absence felt like another form of betrayal. Despite his text, I felt I was owed more than that. Especially tonight, of all nights. He might have the best reason in the world, but practically ghosting me was not fine.
It was only 6:00 p.m., and Gwen wouldn’t be down yet, but still I heard nothing from him. Did I even send him a text?
Fuck. I needed someone. I didn’t want to be alone in my sad thoughts, and I did what I should’ve done the second I saw the email. I sent an SOS to our group text from the weekend trip. Hayden was on the thread, and he’d either see it, or not.
Charlotte: Hey, I didn’t get the job.
Penny: Oh, baby girl. I’m sorry. It’s their loss.
Christian: FUCK CHAD. Where does he live?
Garrett: Vodka or cookies?
Garrett: Or both?
Garrett: How sad are we talking? Like, get bangs and reinvent yourself sad or sob until you’re dry?
Penny: How is that helpful? What is wrong with you?
Christian: We don’t have enough time to dive into Garrett’s issues right now. Let’s focus on Chad.
I snorted but it came out all ugly. This sucked. My world tilted on its axis, and the person who I thought would comfort me wasn’t there. Hayden had encouraged me to go for it, that I could get this and prove everyone wrong. He boosted me up so much that I believed in myself.
And now I felt as deflated as a day-old birthday balloon.
My phone buzzed a minute later, and hope burst into me like a bolt of lightning. Hayden!
Nope. My brother.
Christian: You know your worth but when you forget for a little bit, it’s our job to remind you. You’ll be okay. You’ll get through this Char.
My eyes stung even more because I had forgotten to take off my makeup. Looking like a sad, drowned raccoon, I had a full-on pity party. My mind jumped from one dramatic conclusion to the next. I should quit teaching at that school. It was a sign I shouldn’t coach. I should pull back my feelings for Hayden because they weren’t reciprocated. This was my usual cycle of despair before I yanked myself out of it.
This wasn’t my first moment with defeat, yet it hit differently and cut me deeply. This was the moment people talked about when someone wise would say, You’re in the middle of the storm, no way through it but through it . Or You need the storm to find out who you are .
I didn’t want the storm! I worked my ass off to run that program, and I knew the girls. I wanted it more than Chad did and dang, this sucked.
Ugh. When did this sorrow shift from not getting the coaching job to maybe losing Hayden?
Stop. I wouldn’t make assumptions until I knew for sure. I put on my saddest playlist and got ready for bed, ready to cry myself to sleep. My heart broke, thinking about how differently this night could’ve gone. If Hayden were here, he could kiss away the tears or distract me from the sorrow. Yet he wasn’t.
My face hurt as I prepared for work the next morning. Crying had made me puffy. I didn’t fall asleep until past midnight, so dark circles matched the puffiness. It wasn’t my best look. Did I pair my black pants to match the tone? Or because I was in mourning of my hopes and dreams? I didn’t own much black, but I could debut the jumpsuit I had bought for a holiday party. Yeah, I’d wear all dark today to match my soul.
Shame clogged every breath, followed by disappointment. No one really prepared you for the day after you’re heartbroken. There were no guides on how to act. I couldn’t be normal, but it wasn’t fair to my students to not show up with only three days left until holiday break. I applied a layer of mascara and sighed, just as my phone buzzed.
Hayden.
His name popped up, and my stomach somersaulted. “Hayden, hi,” I answered, breathless.
“Hey, can you come outside for a minute?” His voice was scratchy, like he just woke up.
“You’re here?” I eyed the hallway that led to my front door. “Where’s Gwen?”
“She’s in the car. Bring a coat. It’s freezing.”
“You guys can come inside if it’s easier.”
“No, she’s asleep. I don’t want to wake her.”
I quickly checked my reflection, a flutter of concern edging its way down my chest. Why didn’t he ask to come inside? Gwen could absolutely come into my place, so having me go outside in the cold wasn’t a good sign. The balloon of worry expanded in my lungs as I put on a coat. It didn’t make sense to worry until I had a reason. He could be in a rush.
It’s Hayden. We were good now. I had no reason to freak out. I twisted the handle, held my breath, and stared into my boyfriend’s eyes.
Instead of the smolder or intensity I usually saw, it was bleak, defeated. I didn’t recognize him, and my stomach bottomed out.
He opened his mouth, shut it, and then said, “This isn’t going to work anymore.”