Chapter Thirty-Seven Emma
The next few months are a whirlwind of exciting and nerve-wracking chaos.
Officially dating the guys has been a dream.
Between the solo dates, group dates, and sleepovers, we spend more quality time together now than we did when we were working in the same office.
Of course, we have to sneak around doing all of these things, but when I don’t remember all the secrets that we’re hiding, I’m in sheer bliss, completely surrounded by care and affection.
They’ve even brought me to doctor’s appointments and picked up anything and everything that I need from the store, being as involved as fathers and partners as they’ve promised. I can’t even put into words how much that means to me. How much that helps me destress.
But there’s still plenty to be anxious about.
“So, are you still doing remote work, honey?” Mom asks as we all sit at the dining table for dinner.
I grip my fork tighter at her question,. I’ve been dodging questions about my career and future like the plague, but I can only give my family the same few excuses so many times.
“For now,” I reply as my free hand rests on my stomach. I’ll start showing before I know it. I’m running out of time before they find out the truth themselves.
My throat tightens. My fork scrapes across the plate too loud, but no one mentions it. They’re all watching me, waiting for answers I don’t know how to give.
“We figured you were looking for something in the city,” Dad says from across the table as he pokes around at his roasted potatoes. “Not going to leave us so soon, right?”
I shake my head. “That’s not the plan. I’m just seeing what pops up.”
“Are you actively looking for something? I can ask my friends if anyone is hiring,” Mom offers.
“No, that’s fine,” I say a bit too quickly and forcefully, my skin starting to heat from anxiety. Or maybe it’s hormones. I can’t tell anymore.
“I think she’s just focusing on other things. She’s chill with the remote stuff for now,” Ethan speaks up for me before picking up the bottle of red wine in the middle of the table. “Are you sure you don’t want any wine, Emma?”
“No, thank you,” I tell him before sipping on my water instead. When they give me strange looks, I shrug. “Wine gives me headaches, and I have work to do tonight.”
That seems to be a good enough excuse.
“I don’t mean to push. I just want to know what’s going on in your life,” Mom says with a bittersweet look on her face. “You’ve felt so distant lately.”
“We were surprised you agreed to come to dinner,” Dad adds, coaxing Mom to nod in agreement.
My cheeks warm up as I glance at Ethan and Andrew, who remain quiet. If they say anything, they’ll agree with my parents because it’s true. I have been distant, but it’s not for the reasons they think.
Despite my family stressing me out because they can be a little smothering, I don’t want to be distant to them. I don’t want to deny family dinners or seem like I hate being around them.
Things are complicated. So much more complicated than they could ever think.
If things were different, I would be happy to share the baby news and include them in my journey into parenthood, but I can’t tell them yet. I’m not ready.
“I’ve just been busy,” I tell them, busying myself with cutting into my steak to avoid their concerned eyes. “I told you guys that.”
“We know. We just miss seeing your face,” Mom replies lightly. “You know if you need anything, we’re here.”
Sitting here lying to their faces for months makes me sick to my stomach, but I’m too scared of how furious and disappointed they’ll be when they find out. I’m stuck in this back-and-forth hell of what I should do and what I’m too scared to do.
I know they all mean well by being concerned for me, but I can’t handle this extra stress. I promised the guys and myself that I would do whatever it takes to limit my stress levels, and I can’t do that when they’re asking me all these questions and worrying about me.
“I should really get started on my work. My deadline is tomorrow, and I don’t want to stay up all night working on it,” I tell them as I wipe my mouth with my napkin and stand from the table.
“You’re leaving?” Mom asks me with a frown.
“I’m sorry. Thank you for dinner. I love you,” I reel out the words as I give them all quick hugs. Before I can crumble and blurt out the truth, I hurry out of the house and into my car, feeling pent up with guilt and anxiety.
Being by myself with all of this tension doesn’t seem like the best idea, so I drive to Ryan’s place since he’s the closest. I feel a little bad showing up on his doorstep unannounced, but he would be more upset if I went home by myself.
I knock on the front door of his apartment and wait a few seconds before he shows up in the doorway with a concerned expression on his face.
“Are you okay? Is it the baby?” he questions me as he closes the distance between us to check on me.
His passionate kindness is one of the things that I need the most right now, but I also want something else. Something to take away all of this pent up tension.
I surge upward, crashing my lips against his as I lift up on my toes.
Ryan grabs my arms and pulls back from the kiss, looking stunned. “What’s happening right now? Are you okay?”
I run my fingers through his hair as I step closer to him, coaxing him back into his apartment.
I should talk about dinner. About how guilty I feel.
About the lie pressing down on my chest like a brick.
But I don’t want to talk. I want to forget.
“I need some stress relief. Can you help me with that?”
“What’s stressing you out?” Ryan asks me.
I give him a pointed look as I shut the door behind me with my foot. I’m not in the talking mood just yet.
Luckily, Ryan realizes that and cups my face. “We’ll talk about it later. I’ll take your mind off it now.”
“Yes, please,” I whisper before letting him pull me into a deep kiss.
Ryan pushes me up against the door, our passionate noises filling his foyer. He slides his hand up my shirt and squeezes my breast through my bra, desperate to feel me as I yearn to feel him.
I can already feel him start to harden through his sweatpants, my core warming and fluttering with desire. I lower my hand to brush my fingers along the hardening bulge, making him breathe in sharply.
“So needy. I fucking love it,” Ryan murmurs before pushing my shirt up above my bra. He pulls the cups down, freeing my breasts so that he can tease my nipples with his lips and tongue.
I squeeze my thighs together as blissful heat blooms between them. “I can’t wait. I need you.”
Ryan flicks his tongue across one of my nipples as he slips his hand down the front of my pants. He slides his fingers under my panties and slowly strokes my clit, making me even wetter.
“Be patient,” he whispers to me before sinking a finger inside of me and thrusting it in and out.
I gasp and spread my legs to give him more room, enjoying every motion, especially when he adds another finger. When I’m writhing on his hand, he finally takes mercy on me and pulls his erection free. I ache at the sight of it.
Ryan grabs me and picks me up, carrying me over to the nearby kitchen island to set me on top of it. He pulls my ass to the very edge and lines up the head of his cock with my entrance before driving himself inside.
I throw my head back with a pleased gasp, my hands reaching out behind me to support myself on the island as he starts rocking in and out of me. “More, please!”
Ryan snakes his arm around me and pulls me even closer to him as he slams home, setting a hard, deep pace that makes moans spill out of my mouth. “Like that? Hard enough for you, baby?”
I nod fervently, letting him take control and strip my worries away with each thrust. All I can focus on is the pleasure as it ramps up, heat pooling low in my stomach.
Ryan squeezes his eyes shut, controlling himself as my walls grip him. “You feel amazing. So fucking good.”
“Don’t stop,” I beg him as he continues pounding into me, hitting the right angle to shuttle me quickly to bursting. It’s brimming right on the horizon.
Ryan grips the back of my neck with his free hand and drags me into a heated kiss, our tongues brushing. He groans and snaps his hips harder, dirty sounds filling his kitchen. “Want me to fill you up, baby?”
I nod again, my stomach tightening and twisting as the bliss starts to overtake me. “Yes! Ryan!”
Ryan doesn’t stop when I fall apart. Even when he topples over the edge and spills inside of me, he continues thrusting into me, drawing out our pleasure for a few more intense seconds until we can barely catch our breaths.
“Holy fuck,” Ryan breathes out as he holds me against him.
I lean my cheek against his chest, letting him envelop me in his comforting embrace. “Thank you.”
“For what?” Ryan asks as he peers down at me.
“Taking my mind off things for a little while,” I say, feeling my worries start to creep back. They can’t fight through the post-sex bliss, though. Not for right now at least.
Ryan frowns. “We should talk.”
“Later. Just hold me first,” I tell him with a hopeful gleam in my eyes. I know that he just wants to help, but I know what will make me feel better, even if it’s only temporary.
Ryan seems hesitant to shove things to the side, but he doesn’t argue. Instead, he does exactly as I ask and keeps me wrapped up in his arms.
This is where I want to exist right now. This is where I feel safe and shielded from the rest of the world, and I hate the thought of leaving.
I hate the thought of leaving the bubble that the guys and I are in because once it pops, there’s no going back.
There are only the consequences that we have to face and the things that we might lose along the way.