Chapter Thirty-Eight Max
“Onesies over there. Baby wipes and diapers on the kitchen counter. An excessive amount of baby socks over here. Damn, how much stuff do we already have?”
Emma fixes me with a pointed look as she watches me meticulously organize all of the baby items that we’ve already bought over the past month. “We can never have enough baby stuff, Max. There is no limit.”
Well, she’s not wrong. Our baby will go through all of these things and even more as they grow. We’ll be buying stuff for them until the end of our lives because I refuse to be like Ryan’s and Josh’s parents who cut them off at eighteen and stopped giving a shit about them.
I’m grateful for my parents. I don’t ask for anything from them because I have everything that I need, but my mom still likes to show up at my house or at the office with baked goods. My dad still likes to offer help with home and car maintenance, even if I can handle it myself or pay someone else.
They want to be involved for as long as they’re here, and I’m not going to tell them to leave me alone. They’re just being good parents. I’ll miss them like hell when they do pass on.
Honestly, they’re who I’m taking inspiration from when I think about how I’m going to be a good parent to our child.
“You don’t have to store all this stuff in your apartment, Em. It’s taking up all of your closet space,” I tell her as I roam around her living room and kitchen, taking note of everything that we have.
“I don’t want everything spread out between four places. We’ll lose things or forget what we even bought. It’s easier to have them in one place,” Emma replies as she absentmindedly rubs her stomach. She’s been doing that a lot lately.
I think it helps soothe her, and she probably thinks it soothes the baby too. It’s cute.
I swear that she’s been glowing lately.
“Well, we need to start getting some of the more big ticket items soon. At least let us store those things at our places,” I tell her as I pull up the list on my phone. I don’t know where the hell we’re going to hide a car seat, a stroller, or a crib in her small apartment.
It’s not like we can just set them along a wall and call it a day. Andrew and Ethan drop by every once in a while, and if they spot any of the baby stuff, they’ll have a lot of questions.
“Because my apartment is tiny compared to your penthouses?” Emma replies with a playful smirk on her face.
“Plenty of room for you and the baby,” I point out before I can watch what I’m saying.
A few moments of silence pass by as we peer at each other, my words lingering in the quiet. That’s something that we have to figure out. We all live in different places, but we’ll be sharing the responsibility of raising a baby together.
As much as I want her to live with me or us if we all agree to get a place together, I don’t want to pressure her. She has enough on her plate right now growing our little one.
And keeping them a secret.
“When do you want to shop for the car seat? I looked up some good brands,” I ask her, breaking the silence.
“I have a deadline on the 5th, so the 6th works for me,” Emma replies as she wanders over to the onesies to neatly fold them.
“I don’t even know what today’s date is,” I mutter as I turn on my phone to check the date at the top of my screen. My heart immediately sinks when I realize that it’s the 3rd of the month.
Specifically, the 3rd of this month.
“Shit,” I breathe out as I sink down on the couch, a flood of grief hitting me like a wave.
How did I not realize today was today?
Emma abandons the onesies and hurries over to me, her hand touching my shoulder. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”
I can’t tear my eyes away from the screen, staring at the date like I’m entranced. “It’s…Jenny’s birthday today.”
Emma sits down next to me and takes my hand. “I’m so sorry, Max. I completely forgot.”
I can’t blame her because I’m the one who forgot my own little sister’s birthday. “I can’t believe it has already been five years since we lost her. It feels like yesterday I got that call.”
Emma leans her head against my shoulder. “I should’ve come home for the funeral. I’m so sorry that I didn’t.”
I shake my head. “You weren’t even in the country, Em. We all understood. The flowers you sent were her favorite ones.”
Five years ago, a car crash ended my little sister’s life. According to the doctors, she died instantly, but it’s hard to find more than just a little bit of comfort from that. She’s still gone. She’d just graduated with her bachelor’s and was so full of life and hope for the future.
Only for it all to be taken away from her because someone wasn’t paying attention.
That was the only time I feared for the closeness and stability of my family. The grief almost tore us apart at first, but it ended up bringing us closer together as time went on. We definitely hold each other a little tighter now.
“Hold on,” Emma says before getting up and heading to the kitchen.
I breathe in and out deeply and slowly, fighting off the wave of emotions that threaten to make me feel like I’m suffocating.
I can’t count how many bad dreams and borderline panic attacks that I’ve had over Jenny’s death.
I just started truly healing, but her birthday and the anniversary of her death destroy me all over again.
Thuds, clangs, and beeps sound from the kitchen, and I’m not sure how much time passes until Emma brings two mugs full of what looks like chocolate cake over to me. Mine has a single birthday candle sticking out of it.
“Microwave cakes,” Emma explains before lighting the candle with a lighter. She sits down next to me and gives me a warm smile. “For Jenny.”
Jenny always loved Emma. They weren’t too far away in age, and even though they had different friend groups, they still borrowed clothes from each other and acted like family.
“Thank you,” I tell her before looking at the candle flame and blowing it out for Jenny.
Emma wraps her arm around my shoulders and leans against me. “She’d be so happy and proud of you and all you’ve done.”
My heart aches as I lift my eyes to hers. It becomes so damn clear to me in an instant.
I love her. I need her so damn bad that it hurts, and I wish I had the courage to tell her. She deserves to know.
But there’s something else weighing on my chest that I can’t shake. I don’t want to wait until someone else dies before I say what needs to be said. Life’s too short for secrets.
“We need to tell everyone the truth soon,” I say.
Emma’s eyes widen. “About us and the baby?”
I inhale deeply and nod as tension winds around my chest, squeezing tighter. “Ethan and Andrew are like my brothers. I don’t want to lose them, and I get that we might if we tell them the truth, but the longer that we wait, the worse they’ll take the news.”
Emma swallows hard, but she nods. ““I know you’re right,” she whispers, her voice barely audible. “I just… I’m terrified. It’s getting harder to hide that I’m pregnant.”
“You’ll start showing soon,” I tell her with a look of adoration on my face.
Emma’s eyes glimmer a little as she smiles. “Before we know it.”
I lean forward and rest my head against hers. “It’ll be scary telling them, but we can’t put off the inevitable for much longer. The baby will be here soon, and we’ll need to focus on them.”
“We’ll talk to the others and come up with a plan,” Emma replies.
I nod and sit there with her as a million thoughts fill my mind, causing endless noise. Only when her eyes meet mine does the chatter quiet down, and I can focus on the moment. In a life as hectic as ours, it’s easy for moments to pass us by.
But now more than ever, we need to cherish them because change is coming.
It’ll either bring us closer or the pain from it will tear us apart.