JOY
A car rolls through a puddle, splashing me. My sweatpants are now soaking wet, and I still have another three blocks to walk until I’m back at Lila’s apartment.
I spent a fortune getting an Uber back to Venice Beach, and it wasn’t even to my final destination. It’s cheaper riding to the beach than further inland. I couldn’t justify spending another forty bucks getting it back to Lila’s.
The rain still falls, but it’s not as bad as it was when I first left Valerian’s place. I accepted my fate when I was outside holding Galina up at gunpoint. I’m soaking wet. No point trying to get out of the rain now.
I bring my hair to one side, wringing it out. Water slaps onto the sidewalk. By the time I make it onto Lila’s street, I’m drenched again, back to square one, wringing my hair out.
Butterflies attack my stomach as I step up onto the floor where Lila’s apartment is. Being back here feels weird. Like I never left. Valerian forced me to marry him just over a week ago, but it honestly feels like a lifetime ago, like I’ve lived a whole other life.
I stare at the ring on my finger. The butterflies in my stomach really are partying hard.
I hold my breath, knocking on Lila’s apartment door. The door cracks open and a very astonished Lila is standing on the other side. Her jaw is on the floor.
And then I show her the ring on my finger and she pulls me inside, gasping.
“Oh my fucking god.” The first thing she does is bring me into a hug.
But then she pulls away and grabs my hand. Analyzing the ring for herself. “Wilma?” she shouts. “You might wanna get your ass in here.”
“My mom’s with you?”
“The pair of us have been worried sick.”
“Joy?” Mom stands in the doorway to the living area, her eyes streaked with tears. “Where the hell have you been? Why haven’t you been answering your phone since the last time we spoke?”
“By the looks of it, she’s not had time. Too busy running off to get eloped.”
Mom’s eyes flare wide. “Igor?”
I grimace. “Almost.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
I grind my teeth. “I’m married to his father.”
The pair of them blink, stunned.
I rub my temple, not really knowing where to start. “Please don’t tell me you went to the police about me?”
“We were about to,” says Mom. “After that call, I couldn’t get in contact with you.”
“I know. And I’m so sorry. I’ll tell you everything,” I say. “Please don’t tell the police anything. If you go there, you could die.”
Lila searches each of my eyes. “What the fuck is going on?”
“Igor’s father forced me to marry him.”
Their eyes burst out of their sockets simultaneously.
I keep speaking before they get started with the questions. “Look, I’ll promise I’ll fill in the blanks later. But for now, I need you to stay quiet. Don’t tell anyone about this. Don’t tell anyone I’m back.”
“You said you were in Beverly Hills taking a break with your work colleague,” says Mom. “You lied.”
The guilt washes over me all at once. I hold onto the back of the couch for stability, straightening my vision. Fuck. I appeased Valerian, did everything he asked.
And as a result, I lied to the two people closest to me.
I’m completely lost for words. But I can start with two very small ones: “I’m sorry.”
But it’s not enough. It doesn’t fix what I did. Or how they’ve been feeling this past week.
Lila and Mom keep staring at me.
“Igor’s father is the leader of a Bratva.”
“What’s a Bratva?” asks Mom.
“Organized crime.”
“Going on here in the city?” Mom’s jaw drops. “And you’re involved?”
“I didn’t know I was until I went over to Igor’s apartment to take back those documents.”
Lila pins me a look. “What happened when you were there?” The tone of her voice is steady, but I can sense it starting to shake. “You told me Igor threw you out.”
Another fucking lie.
“I know. I’m sorry. That’s not what happened.
” I keep staring at her. “His father caught me trying to break in. He took me back to his place in Beverly Hills and chained me to his bed. He forced me to marry him the next morning as punishment for his son betraying the Bratva.” I sigh.
“I tried to get out of it. But I was swimming at the beach, and they took me.”
“We’re going to the police.”
“No, Mom. No offence—there’s a lot you don’t know. These people are very dangerous.”
“They kidnapped you, stole you from your home, and forced you into a marriage. God knows what else this man has done if he chained you to his bed…”
I flick my gaze to the ground, which Lila picks up on immediately.
And now it’s all becoming very obvious. As soon as I think about Valerian in a sexual way—which is all the time—I go bright red.
“What aren’t you telling us, Joy?” asks Lila.
I look up at her. She narrows her eyes, trying to work out the answer herself. She reads my face. God knows how smitten I look right now.
“Oh my god.” Lila steps back, placing a hand over her mouth. “You’re in love with him? Aren’t you?”
“Not in love exactly.”
“But you’ve had sex?” asks Mom.
Not a great conversation to be having with your mother. I cringe.
“What’s this man’s name?” asks Lila. “I think I’d like to punch him in the face.”
I think Lila will be wanting to do more than that.
I look at her pointedly. “His name is Valerian.”
Lila’s mouth gapes open. “As in, Valerian Sokolov?”
Mom swizzles around. “What? Lila, you know this man?”
“He owns a billionaire commercial real estate company,” she says to my mom.
“Everyone in this city knows who is.” Lila’s mouth gapes wide open as she starts to make sense of this.
“Now I see why you’re blushing. That man is one smoking hot piece of ass.
Wilma—even you would agree.” Lila is still watching me.
“Are you sure we’re talking about the same guy? ”
“I’m afraid so.”
“And you never saw any signs with Igor before that he could be involved?”
“Nope. Looking back, the signs are obvious. He was ambiguous about a lot of things. But I didn’t see that. All I saw was how he presented himself. He was very attentive and loving.” I pause, feeling Mom reading me.
I look over to her and see her eyes soften. She understands.
But it’s not enough to excuse anything.
I lean into the kitchen countertop, shoving my hands in my wet sweatpants. “Things are complicated. Igor has some men. They're trying to get rid of Valerian and everything he’s built.”
Mom frowns. “Get rid of him, how?”
“Killing, Mom.” I bite my lip, giving her a look. “That’s what these people do.”
“Well, then, thank God you’re away from it all.” She steps in to give me a hug.
But I step aside. We can’t hug and make up yet. Because she won’t like what I’m about to say.
“I have to go back there,” I grimace. “If Igor and his men find out I’m here with you, they’ll bring you into this. You have to stay away. And I have to go back. It’s safer that way.”
“I don’t understand.” Lila frowns. “Why come back here in the first place?”
I sink into the countertop. “I just… had to get away for a while.”
Lila searches my eyes. “What did Valerian do, besides force you to marry him?”
That’s a very big fucking question. What hasn’t the guy done?
He strangles victims with his bare hands and admires the bodies afterwards.
He’s basically been lying to an entire nation about who he really is.
He doesn’t give a shit about commercial real estate.
All he cares about is being at the top of the food chain. And he’ll do anything to stay there.
And yet, none of that bothers me half as much as him keeping secrets.
I comb a hand through my soaking wet hair. “Let’s just say he’s done a lot of terrible things.”
“You mean murder?” I can hear Mom’s breathing getting shallower.
“I’m afraid so.”
“Then you’re out of your mind for wanting to go back there.”
“Valerian won’t kill me, Mom.”
“Oh really?” Lila chips in. She tilts her head. “What makes you so sure?”
I really don’t have anything to go by. Valerian can still kill me. And he probably will when his guards fill him in on what happened earlier.
“I’m not his main priority at the moment,” I say.
“Valerian has his hands full with other stuff. He’s trying to stop his son.
” I smooth a piece of hair behind my ear.
“Look, this isn’t up for discussion. I shouldn’t have come here.
It was a bad idea. The Bratva have eyes and ears everywhere.
I’m sure Igor is the same. Please don’t tell anyone about this. ”
I turn on my heel to leave, but Lila reaches out and grabs me.
“There’s something you’re not telling us.”
My heart clenches. She’s right. No more lies. If I keep going with them, I’m no different to my father. And I never ever wanted to associate myself with that man.
I nibble my lip, staring at both of them. “I think I might be pregnant.”
Both of their eyes flare wide again.
“You’re kidding?” Lila drops my arm, her eyes spacing out. I don’t think she’s in the room with us anymore.
“Please don’t make me feel any worse than I already do.”
I’ve never seen Mom look this anxious before. “Who’s the father? Please don’t tell me it’s—?”
“What difference does it make?” says Lila. “By the sounds of it, they’re both cold blooded murderers.” Lila narrows her eyes. “But it matters to you, Joy. Doesn’t it?”
“Please, let’s not talk about this right now. I’m doing a pregnancy test and going back to Valerian’s place.”
“You’re not going back there,” repeats Mom for the hundredth time. “Negative, positive. It doesn’t make a difference.”
“Let’s focus on one thing at a time.” Lila looks me square in the eyes, ready to tackle all of this at face value. “We need to get you a test.”
The sun will never shine again.
I stare at the two pink lines on the strip and tell myself this test is broken.
I scrub my hands in the bathroom sink. They’re shaking just like the rest of my body. I can’t be pregnant. Motherhood to me always felt more like a horror movie, growing up, seeing moms at the park screaming at their children; seeing the exhaustion written across my own mom’s face.