Chapter 47
Ashby
“You can’t protect her. You can’t even protect yourself,” my father grumbled.
His face was swallowed by shadow, but I didn’t need to see it to know what was there. I knew his anger by the tenseness of his shoulders and by the tight fists at his sides. He looked the same way he always had when he was about to hurt someone.
My chest tightened as I took a step back. My instinct was to brace myself and take it, like I always had. Because I never won a fight against him.
But he didn’t look at me for long.
His attention shifted, and dread crawled up my spine as he turned away from me and started walking toward the far corner of the room. The light there was weaker, the shadows heavier, and when I followed his movement, my heart dropped.
Milow was there.
She was sitting on the floor with her knees pulled tight to her chest, her arms wrapped around herself like she was trying to disappear.
Her eyes were wide and glassy, fixed on my father as if she already knew she couldn’t run from him.
She looked so small, and I didn’t understand how we all ended up in this room together.
“Leave her alone!” I screamed, my voice cracking with desperation.
I tried to move and run to her. My body leaned forward, every muscle burning with the need to get between them and shield her. I wanted to do something right for once.
But my feet wouldn’t move.
The more I fought it, the heavier my body felt, and it felt like I was sinking while the room stretched farther and farther away. Every step my father took toward her felt like ten steps pulling me back.
Milow’s eyes flicked to me then, fear filling her wide eyes.
She was looking at me like she believed I would save her.
And I couldn’t move.
I watched him get closer. Watched her shrink in on herself. I was failing her again.
The helplessness was unbearable. It pressed into my chest until I couldn’t breathe, until the only thing left was the sick certainty that no matter how hard I tried, I would always be too late.
My father’s hands balled into fists again at his sides, and I cried out, begging him to stop. My voice echoed uselessly around the room, like it never had any power to begin with.
He didn’t even slow down.
He kept walking toward her until his body blocked her from view. I watched him hurt her, and I stayed frozen where I was, unable to do the one thing I should’ve done.
Because my father was right.
No matter how hard I tried, I would never be able to protect her.
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I lay awake, watching Milow sleep in my arms. She was relaxed, her body soft against mine, and her breathing slow and even. The swelling around her nose had gone down a lot, and the bruising was lighter now, fading into soft shades instead of dark ones.
She was safe. I told myself that over and over, but my mind wouldn’t believe it.
I lifted my hand and brushed my thumb along her cheek carefully. I was afraid I might hurt her just by touching her, and just the thought of it made my heart ache. Tears slipped down my cheeks and dripped onto the pillow as I stared at her.
I had failed her again. Even if it had only been in my dreams, it felt real.
I had stood there and watched while my father hurt her, and it made me so fucking angry.
The pain in my chest stayed, and I didn’t know how long it would take before I could trust myself to protect her the way I needed to.
She already felt safe with me. I could see it in the way she looked at me, and in how easily she slept in my arms. I knew that should have been enough. But it wasn’t.
Because feeling safe and being safe weren’t the same thing to me. Not after everything. Not when I still woke up with my heart racing and my father’s voice stuck in my head, telling me I wasn’t enough.
So for now, I kept her close. I held her because it felt like letting her go would mean losing her.
I was willing to give up everything to make sure every second of her life was safe and untouched by the things that had already taken too much from her.
And until I was sure I could protect her the way she deserved, I wasn’t going to stop.