12. Lilian
Chapter 12
Lilian
“Don’t they look cute?” Mary squeezes my arm.
We’re watching Elijah and Gemma mingling among the guests of the event. I’m happy that everything worked out for them.
“So, what about you and Connor?” I sip my champagne. “Any progress there?”
Mary sighs, her eyes flickering towards where Connor stands, engaged in conversation with Brandon. “We’re still… at odds, I guess. He’s sending food and still steals my energy drinks. It’s only been a week, but it’s already killing me. Although I’m still mad at him.”
“Maybe you should take the next step. Reach out to him.”
She chews her lip, uncertainty etched on her face. “I don’t know. I’m still trying to figure out if that’s what I want, you know? And if we do try again, he has to be honest about everything. No more secrets.”
“I get that.” My eyes drift to Sebastian. “Honesty is key.”
Mary’s gaze softens. “What about you and Sebastian?”
“What about us?”
“Lil, I don’t want to push you to tell us what’s wrong. But I worry about you. There’s still something there, isn’t it?”
I down my champagne, the bubbles uncomfortably tickling my nose. “It’s complicated. He’s here with Serena, and I’m… I’m trying to move on, too.”
“Are you sure they’re really together? Didn’t he tell you they’re friends?”
“He did. But what if…” If he’s playing me again.
“If you still want him, if you think there’s a chance… don’t let it slip away,” Mary says. “And I won’t let Connor get away.”
I envy her for being so confident in what she wants. She’s right. If there’s a chance for something real with Sebastian, I shouldn’t let it go without a fight. But the thought of putting myself out there again, of risking my heart… it’s terrifying. Yet it could be the chance to get my heart back.
She links her arm with mine. “Hey, why don’t we do something this weekend? Take your mind off things.”
“Like what?”
“Well, with Gemma gone on her beach house trip, maybe we could hit up a wellness hotel? You know, spa treatments, yoga classes, the works.” She grins. “A little self-care never hurt anyone.”
“That does sound nice.”
“Right? We can relax and recharge.” She winks. “Who knows, you might find someone who makes you forget all about Sebastian.”
I snort. “Doubtful. But I’m in.”
We clink our glasses, sealing the deal. I let my gaze wander back to Sebastian. He throws his head back, amused by something Serena said, his arm comfortably around her waist.
My stomach twists. I hate how seeing them together affects me. I hate that I still care .
“I need some air.” I set my empty glass on a nearby table. “I’ll be back.”
“Lil, wait—”
But I’m already walking away, rushing out onto the balcony. The cool night air embraces me, and I inhale deeply, the metal of the railing searing against my palms. The city skyline twinkles before me, a sea of lights stretching to the horizon.
It’s beautiful. Peaceful. Quiet.
“Here.” A deep voice startles me, and I whip my head to see a strikingly handsome man holding out a plate piled high with food. His dark hair falls carelessly over his forehead, and his eyes sparkle with warmth.
“Um, for me?”
“You look like you could use this.”
“Oh, no, thank you. I was…” Hiding?
“Refusing the food the head chef brought you?” He holds up the plate closer to me. “Go on, try it. I promise it’s not poisoned.”
“How do I know that’s true?” I narrow my eyes at the stranger, trying to place his face. There’s something familiar about the way he smirks at me like he knows a secret I don’t. “Have we met before?”
“I’m hurt. You don’t remember me?” He raises an eyebrow, a teasing edge to his voice. “We met at a Halloween party years ago. You were with your friend Gemma. I offered you a drink, but she intervened, telling me to back off.”
“I-I’m sorry.” I remember Gemma pulling me away from a guy, but… “I’m not sure I remember.”
“No worries. It was a long time ago.” His gaze travels over me. “Sebastian made quite a scene, telling me to stop flirting with you.”
“What? No way. You’re making that up.”
He crosses his fingers. “Scout’s honor. He was ready to throw down right there in the middle of the party.”
“Well, you don’t have to worry about that anymore. He’s certainly moved on now.” I tilt my head towards the party inside, where Sebastian probably is still cozied up with Serena.
“I wouldn’t be so sure about that.”
“What do you mean?”
He shrugs, picking up a canapé from the tray and popping it into his mouth. “Just a hunch.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“But I know about food, and comfort food always helps.”
I hesitate before taking a small bite of the crab cake. It’s a perfect blend of buttery crab and a hint of lemon. “This is amazing.”
He looks pleased with himself. “Told you. I never lie about food. I’m Elliot, by the way, in case you forgot.”
“I’m sorry. I’m… not in the best headspace right now.”
“No worries. We all have our moments.” He gestures to the plate. “But seriously, eat. It’ll help.”
I take another bite, savoring the flavors. “Thanks.”
We stand there in comfortable silence for a few minutes, sharing the plate.
“You know.” He gives me a rueful smile. “Sometimes, the timing isn’t right. Or the person isn’t ready.”
“Talking from experience?” I take another bite of the crab cake.
“Maybe.”
“So, what’s your story?”
“My story?” He hums. “You sure you want to open that can of worms? ”
“Why not? We’re both out here, hiding from the party. Might as well make the most of it.”
“Fair enough. Let’s see… I met her when we were teenagers, fell in love, and now she’s too famous to notice me.”
I raise an eyebrow at Elliot’s confession. “Too famous to notice you?”
He leans against the railing, his gaze distant. “She’s in a different world now. And that’s okay. Sometimes, you have to let go. Even when it hurts like hell.”
I choke down the emotion threatening to rise. “And if you can’t let go?”
“If we’re lucky, we get a second chance and are brave enough to take it.”
A second chance. Isn’t that what I’ve been given with Sebastian?
“And if we’re not?” I whisper.
“Then we live with regret about what could have been.”
“Shouldn’t you be working?”
I jerk around to find Sebastian glowering at Elliot, arms crossed over his chest. My heart leaps at the sight of him, then squeezes tight.
“Actually, I’m on break.” Elliot lowers his voice so that only I can hear. “Watch this.”
What?
“You know, Lil, if you’re not busy later, I’d love to show you around my kitchen. Give you a private tour,” Elliot says.
Sebastian’s eyes narrow. “She’s not available.”
“I think she can speak for herself.” Elliot winks at me, and heat creeps up my cheeks.
“She’s with me.” Sebastian’s hand finds the small of my back.
“I didn’t realize you were together,” Elliot says.
“We are,” Sebastian says .
Why do I feel a traitorous spark of hope at his words?
“Really?” Elliot asks. “What about Serena?”
Sebastian stiffens, his hand falling away from me. “What about her?”
“Aren’t you two together?”
“We’re friends.”
“Could’ve fooled me, the way she’s all over you,” Elliot says.
I don’t want to hear this. I don’t want to think about Sebastian with someone else.
“Serena and I have an arrangement.” Sebastian’s voice is tight, controlled. “It’s none of your business.”
“An arrangement? Well, well. Isn’t that interesting? I have to go.” His voice drops to a whisper, taking the plate from my hands. “Proof enough?”
I glance at Sebastian, his jaw tight, eyes stormy.
“Nice talking with you. Enjoy the rest of your night.” Elliot disappears back inside.
I straighten, steeling myself before I turn to face Sebastian. His eyes are already on me, intense and unreadable.
I try to keep my voice steady. “What was that about?”
“Nothing.” He shrugs. “Didn’t like the way he was looking at you.”
“And how was he looking at me?”
“Like he wants you.”
My pulse quickens. Damn him for still having this effect on me. “And why do you care?”
“I don’t.” His jaw tightens. “But you’re not his to look at like that.”
“I’m not yours either.”
Something flashes in his eyes, dark and possessive, as if he can make it truth through sheer will alone. “Aren’t you? ”
“No. Not anymore.” I chew on my lip. There are so many things I want to say to him and so many questions swirling in my mind.
“I’m sorry,” he says. “I know we’re not—I…” He trails off with a frustrated sound.
“You?” My voice is barely a whisper. “What do you want from me?”
“The truth.”
“The truth is, you destroyed us.”
“There never was an us.”
I flinch. “How can you say that? After everything we—”
“Everything we what?” He cuts me off, eyes blazing. “Everything we had? It was a lie. A fucking lie you constructed.”
His last words echo through my mind. Did you really think I fell for you? That I could ever care for someone as pathetic as you when I can have Blake?
Tears prick at the back of my eyes. “It wasn’t a lie to me.” I’m so stupid.
“You never loved me. I was a means to an end for your revenge.”
“That’s not true.” My voice cracks. “I loved you. I still—” I bite my lip. I can’t say it. I won’t give him the satisfaction.
His eyes search mine.
“We’re not doing this again.” I turn to go, but he grabs my wrist.
“We are. Say it.”
“I still love you, okay?” The words burst out of me, raw and unbidden. “Is that what you want to hear? That after everything, I’m still so fucking stupid that I can’t let you go? That I had a sliver of hope that this could work out?”
His eyes widen, his lips parting. Then his expression hardens. “You don’t mean that. ”
“Don’t tell me what I mean.” My hands curl into fists at my sides. “You don’t get to do that anymore.”
He steps closer, crowding into my space. “Then why did you lie to me? If you loved me so much, why did you choose him over me?”
“I didn’t choose anyone over you.” My voice rises. “You left me, remember? You walked away.”
“Because you betrayed me.” His eyes flash with barely contained fury. “I trusted you, and you—”
“Fell in love with you? Wanted to be with you?” A choked laugh forces its way out of me. “Yeah, I’m a real fucking villain.”
He drags a hand over his face, his shoulders slumping. “That’s not what I meant.”
“Then what did you mean? Because you got what you wanted and then tossed me aside like I was nothing. Twice.”
This time, he flinches. “That’s not—I never meant to hurt you.”
“But you did.” My voice breaks. “You destroyed us. Me.” I hit his chest. “You said it yourself. You could never love someone as pathetic as me. So what do you want from me? Can’t you just let me go?”
A storm of emotions swirls in the depths of his eyes. Regret, anger, longing. “I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I’m so fucking sorry.”
I squeeze my eyes shut, a single tear slipping down my cheek. “Please let me go.”
“I can’t.”
“Why not? So you can tell me how pathetic I am again? How much you hate me? To make me feel even more alone than I already do? To tell me I’m yours and then leave me?”
“I don’t hate you. I never could.”
“Then what do you want from me?”
“Answers.” His voice is tense. “Why did you do it? ”
“I don’t understand. What more do you want me to say?” I choke out. “That I’m sorry for what happened between us? Because I am. I’m so damn sorry for not telling you about Jason. I thought it didn’t matter because I didn’t love him. I never have. It wasn’t put in stone. It was just a stupid joke by our families. I’m sorry. I should have told you. I made a mistake—a terrible, unforgivable mistake and I regret it every day. So, please let me go.” I can’t anymore. I just can’t.
“Damn it.” He crowds me against the wall.
And the whole world stops.
My eyes flick to his lips and up again.