10. Sarah
Michael followed me out the door of the restaurant into the evening air. It was growing chilly already, and I tightened my coat around my shoulders. After seeing how he reacted to those unruly kids, I felt a little embarrassed but also deeply moved. I knew he’d be a good father, and I knew whatever had happened in his life to make him so irritable had to have been hard to endure.
The fact that he confessed to me that he wanted children was a knife in my chest. He had a child—my child—and she needed a father. But I had kept that secret and hadn’t even told him about it. But here, after hearing him confess that he someday wanted a family which he would lead and nurture, I felt like I had to tell him. I led him to this parking lot with one thing on my mind. The guilt that consumed me had to be put to an end. I just couldn’t take it anymore.
“Where are you parked?” he asked, gesturing at the rows of cars. “I’ll walk you there.”
I stopped and faced him, feeling my cheeks warm. I refused his ride to the restaurant because I wanted to tell him about Emily tonight, and I figured he’d be upset and not want to give me a ride home, but then I realized if I was emotional, I wouldn’t want to drive, so I got a ride here. I could have just accepted his ride, but it gave me a few more minutes to think through what I’d say, so when I took a deep breath to calm myself, I also queued my prepared speech mentally.
“Uh, I wanted somewhere quiet so we could talk.” I licked my lower lip, and he smiled softly. I could still see the frustration in his eyes, a hangover from the children in the booth behind him pushing his buttons the past forty minutes. But there was a softness there too, one that urged me to spill my secret.
Michael seemed lonely, as if he wanted to share his life with someone, but fate just hadn’t given him the chance yet. And God knows, I was lonely. It was as if we’d been handpicked for each other and labeled for the rest of the world to know we were spoken for long before we even ran into each other again. He might be a grumpy old man at times, but he deserved to know the truth, and I liked him a lot. So, the two sides of that coin warred inside my mind.
“Okay?” he said, more of a question than a statement.
“I got a cab here…” I breathed, and his smile returned again. It was impossible for me to find the words to tell him. My mind started to race, and I realized maybe the parking lot of a little Italian dive wasn’t the best place to reveal that he was a father and that I’d hidden a secret from him for years.
“Ah, I see,” he said, stepping closer. “So, you need a ride home?” He put his hand in the small of my back, and it made a wave of warmth flush through me. I didn’t want to go home to talk about this. We’d have no privacy at all, and I’d never feel comfortable unraveling my heart in such a vulnerable way.
“Uh, no…” I didn’t want him to get the wrong impression, though. There was too much on the line for me to flub this again. He deserved the truth and I had to tell him.
But then he looked into my eyes and it sparked something inside me. There wasn’t a hint of guile there. Michael was easily frustrated, probably a little bit too on edge at times, but he was a good man. And I could tell by the way he looked at me that he deeply cared.
“Then, you want to go to my place?” The almost imperceptible way he drew me toward himself moved me emotionally. I found myself spiraling, wanting to jump off into his attention and affection and get lost. Never had I felt so wanted and cherished, but still, my hands flung out, grasping at anything they could hang on to for stability. As much as I longed to be lost in all of this, I had a secret that was eating me alive, one he needed to hear.
“Yes, that’s a good place to talk.” I tried to emphasize the word “talk”, but his smile at my words made me melt a little.
“Perfect. I parked over here.” Michael became a different person instantly, the grumpiness gone momentarily as he walked me to his car and opened the door. I settled in, buckling up, and he rounded the vehicle and climbed in.
I didn’t think that driving across town in his car was the best time to tell him either, so I listened to stories of his time at work, surgeries he’d done and patients he’d served. Then he switched gears, asking me about my time with the children’s hospital. I told him about the kids I took care of, especially in the oncology ward, which was challenging as a mother. And soon, we were at his house and walking up the path to his front door.
Michael took the lead, opening the door for me to walk in and following me as I passed him. His home was modest, a combination of modern and elegant. If I didn’t know better, I’d have thought a woman lived here. He had good taste in furniture, comfortable but not clunky, and the artwork on the wall coordinated with the carpet and the drapes. I was impressed. It looked better than my tiny one-bedroom.
“Wow, your place is nice,” I told him as I shrugged my jacket off. He took it to the coat closet and hung it as he confessed that he’d had a decorator come in and do the hard work. It made sense, though I still appreciated how he kept things tidy.
“Want to sit?” he asked as he led me to the living room. I chose the recliner to avoid having him so close to me that he pushed my buttons, but it was useless. He sat on the end of the couch, and the way he looked at me had me feeling butterflies. He reached out and took my hand, sliding to the very edge of the couch cushion so he could hold my hand. “You know, Sarah, you are incredible. Back there when I was feeling so irritable, you were like an anchor in the storm. It just calmed me right down.”
His voice was soft and low, distracting me from my purpose as I looked into his eyes. I could tell he really meant what he said, which only further confirmed my suspicion that he was just a tortured soul needing someone to help him unpack his emotions. Tammy was wrong about him. He wasn’t just a grumpy, mean old man. He was a complex human with emotions and a past just like everyone else. I opened my mouth to say something, but he cut me off.
“I’m so glad you came back into my life. Thank you, Sarah, for agreeing to dinner and taking time to spend with me.” He brought my hand to his lips and kissed it gently, and my heart fluttered.
“Uh, Michael…” I felt my resolve waning. This moment was so perfect. After his grumpiness earlier in the evening, I didn’t want to upset him again. The only reason I’d come to his house—to dinner, for that matter—was to tell him about Emily. So, why was I wanting to forget about that and lose myself in him?
“I know what you’re going to say. Working with the person you’re seeing isn’t a good idea, and I get that. But we can make it work, Sarah.” He slid off the couch and dropped to his knees, crawling closer to me. “After that night, I didn’t stop thinking of you for weeks. Months went by, and I wondered what you were doing. It took me more than a year before I wasn’t thinking about you every day in some way. The fact that you’re back has made me so happy.”
I thought about his behavior at the restaurant and wondered if it had been worse before my “return” to his life. Tammy suggested that he was the office curmudgeon, and I didn’t doubt that after a few interactions there. So maybe I was good for him. Maybe he was good for me too, because until we ran into each other at St. Anne’s, I hadn’t even thought about dating anyone or finding a man to be Emily’s father, despite my father’s frequent lectures on the topic.
“I really had something in mind to say to you.” I tried. God help me, I tried. But this man was so intoxicating to me. He snuggled closer against my knees and pushed the hair out of my eyes, curling it around my ear.
“I want to hear every single thing you want to say, but first I want to kiss you. You have no idea what it means to me. I have been literally pining away for five years, waiting for someone like you to come along again, and I didn’t think it possible that it would actually be you.”
My heart melted. He liked me that much? From one interaction? One night together? And he waited this long, comparing all other women in his life against me, only to find them unworthy? I hardly believed that until he kissed me, and then I felt it. In the tender way he cupped my cheek, in the way his lips pressed on mine gently, and most definitely in the way he moaned slightly as he pulled away.
“Now, what did you want to tell me?” he asked, but I was breathless.
My eyes darted around his face, trying to remember why I wanted to ruin this amazing moment with something that might make him hate me. I whimpered, feeling so out of control, and he mistook that as desire for him to have his way with me. But I didn’t stop him when he leaned in again. How could I? A man so amazingly romantic and sweet wanted to kiss me, or make love to me, and I was putty in his hands.
“Oh, God,” I panted as he came at me again, claiming my lips in a passionate kiss.
As his lips moved over mine again, it was as if time had stopped, the world beyond us ceased to exist, and it was just him and me in our own little universe. I let my hands wander up to his shoulders, gripping onto the fabric of his shirt as his kisses grew more demanding.
His arm snaked around my waist, holding me even closer against him. The intensity of his touch, the hint of desperation in his kisses was enough to make me forget everything else. Lost in the moment, I wanted nothing more than to surrender myself completely to him.
His hand cupped the back of my head, his fingers tangling in my hair as he deepened the kiss. I gasped as his tongue traced the outline of my lips, inviting me in this enticing dance of seduction. I obliged without hesitation, my tongue meeting his in a sensual exploration that left us both breathless.
His other hand started to wander down, tracing the side of my body, making me squirm with anticipation. I could feel my heart pounding against my chest, a drum echoing the rhythm of desire coursing through my veins. He slowly pulled back, his gaze locked on mine filled with an intensity that sent shivers down my spine. His lips curved into a smile, one that made him look devilishly handsome.
“You have no idea what you’re doing to me,” I whispered as he tugged my shirt over my head.
“I think I have a pretty good idea,” he responded, his voice laced with lust. “I’m going to eat you until your legs shake so much you can’t walk when we’re done.” His hands explored my bare skin, and when they reached the clasp of my bra, he paused. He looked into my eyes for permission. I nodded, not trusting myself to speak after that comment.
Wordlessly, he undid the clasp, his hands brushing against my back in a way that sent waves of desire through me. The fabric fell away, and his gaze dropped lower, a growl escaping from his lips as he took in the sight of me. His fingers ghosted over my skin, making my body shiver in anticipation.
He leaned in once more, taking my lips in a passionate kiss as his hands continued their exploration. His fingers brushed lightly over my breasts, sending an electric jolt straight to my core. My breath hitched, and I heard him chuckle softly as he broke the kiss to trail a path of kisses down my neck, stopping briefly to nip at the sensitive spot just below my earlobe.
“Your body is incredible. God, I can’t believe how sexy you are.” He sucked a nipple, drawing it into his mouth and teasing it with his tongue as his hands worked on the fly of his slacks.
I reached down and pulled his shirt up to his shoulders, waiting on him to unbutton the top buttons so I could slide it over his head and feel his corded muscles beneath my fingertips. In moments, we were both naked, bodies pressed together at the edge of the recliner.
His hands ran across the planes of my back, dipping into the small of my waist before trailing downward, tracing the curves of my body. I gasped at his touch, pleasure and anticipation setting every nerve ending on fire. He chuckled again, a deep, heady sound that resonated in my chest.
”Shall we take this somewhere more comfortable?” he suggested, his voice tantalizingly low and husky.
Before I could answer, he scooped me into his arms effortlessly and began to carry me toward the bedroom. His strength was an enticing contradiction to his gentleness. It was an incredibly heady mix. If he struggled at all, he hid it well, holding me from beneath my thick thighs with his face buried in my cleavage, nipping at me.
When he dropped me onto his bed, I yelped in surprise then snickered as he crawled over me. “Now, let me taste you, because God, I’m craving that pussy…”
I had no problem obliging him. He was a master of his craft, a man who knew exactly what he was doing. His lips descended on the apex of my thighs, slow at first but then eagerly so. My breath hitched at the sensation, my body instinctively writhing in anticipation. He took his time, acting as if he wanted to savor every moment, remembering every reaction that he coaxed from me.
His hands were everywhere, gliding over my sides and breasts before returning to the tantalizing space between my thighs. His fingers teased me, stoked the fire within, made it burn brighter until at last, he stopped torturing me. His lips wrapped around my swollen nub and he sucked gently, alternating between gentle tugs and longer ones. His fingers sank into me too, making my back arch off the bed.
Michael continued his torment, his mouth and hands working together to drive me to the brink of insanity. His tongue lapped at me in slow, greedy strokes, each one sending shivers of pleasure up my spine.
“You taste so sweet…” he murmured against me, his breath hot and heavy against my sensitive flesh. The feeling of his lips moving as he spoke sent another wave of pleasure crashing over me.
My fingers tangled themselves in his hair, the strands soft and silky between my fingertips. I clutched him closer, encouraging him to continue his intimate exploration of my body. His fingers curled inside me, finding a spot that had me gasping for air, and when my climax hit me like a freight train, I screamed his name over and over again, my body shuddering in ecstasy.
He didn”t stop, not until my screams died down to panting breaths and my body stopped shaking. Only then did he lift his head, a smug smirk on his face as he wiped the wetness from his lips onto the back of his hand. ”I told you I”d make your legs shake,” he said, his voice deep and velvety.
I was too spent to respond verbally, so I just lay there, my chest rising and falling rapidly as I tried to regain some semblance of control over my body. Michael reached for his bedside table, pulling out a small, square foil pack. He tore it open and rolled the condom on as I watched him eagerly.
He was an impressive sight, the muscles on his arms flexing, the veins becoming more prominent as he rolled the condom onto his taut skin. He cast me a devilish grin. The spark of desire in his eyes nearly set the room ablaze. With one final stroke of his fingers over the latex, he crawled back up my body and hovered over me.
There was something so intimate about this moment, about his looking down at me with such longing in his eyes while I lay beneath him completely bared. His hand wandered to my face, and he gently brushed away a strand of hair that had been glued to my sweaty forehead. The smile he gave me was so sweet, so earnest that it made my heart flutter. He leaned down to touch his lips to mine in a tender kiss before he was sliding into me, slowly but insistently, stealing my breath away with every inch.
His groan echoed my own at the feeling of him fully inside me, his hips meeting mine as they started rhythmically. Pleasure coiled tight in my belly once again as he moved in me, each stroke perfectly calculated to induce maximum pleasure. His gaze never wavered from mine, the intensity of it making me shiver from something other than pure physical desire.
“You are so beautiful…”
“Oh, God, Michael…” I clung to him, fingers digging into his flesh hungrily, and he sped up.
“I’ve wanted this for so long, Sarah…” His eyes never left mine, and I didn’t want to look away. “You make me feel so incredible in every way.”
His body ignited a need inside me for more, an intense craving for pleasure that overwhelmed me. I touched my clit, massaging myself to a frenzied state as he thrust into me over and over. Rocking my hips up, I wrapped my legs around him, and he grunted out his pleasure.
“Oh, God, I’m going to… I’m close…” I panted, feeling my body pushed to its limits.
“Yes, come for me,” he coaxed, and I felt myself go again, diving into the abyss of pleasure. My world shattered into a thousand tiny fragments of pleasure as I dived over the edge, crying out constantly against his lips. He was all-consuming. The sensations he created within me were beyond anything I had ever known before.
”Michael,” I cried out, my voice trembling as I clung to him. His pace quickened, his fingers digging into the flesh of my hips as he drove himself deeper within me. My eyes were locked with his, unable to look away from the raw intimacy and desire burning there.
Then disaster struck when I felt an unexpected snap between us, and my heart seized in anticipation. Michael”s eyes clung to mine as his release came, flooding me. He pulled out swiftly, a frown marring his handsome face as he looked between us. His hand moved to the ruptured condom, disappointment and concern etching itself onto his features. ”I”m sorry,” he murmured, his gaze latching onto mine once again, this time filled with apology instead of desire.
”I thought it was safe… I didn”t imagine it would break.” His voice was deeper than before, forehead creased in worry. I watched his hands slide the torn rubber from his dick, and I sat up a little, propping myself on my elbows and looking down at him kneeling between my knees.
“It’s okay, Mike… Really…” I tried to comfort him, because he seemed to be beating himself up pretty well. I wasn’t worried at all. I knew I was on the pill and it was working. I hadn’t had any major stressors lately, other than a whole lot of guilt over this situation, but that wouldn’t disrupt my birth control.
“Seriously, God… I’m so sorry.” He climbed off the bed, walking into the bathroom, and I turned to my side and felt the mess between my thighs. The fact that he was torn up said so much about his nature and personality. I hated that he was so distraught when I hadn’t spent a single second worrying about it.
In fact, my mind was already on myself and the guilt roiling around my mind again. I caved into my selfish desire for his attention and didn’t tell him about Emily again. And now, with him so upset about this, it wasn’t the time, either. I didn’t think I’d ever find the right time or place to tell him. I felt like getting up and running away, but we’d see each other Monday, and then what would I say to him?
So I lay there, listening to him washing his hands and calling out more apologies, and sank further into my own self-pity and obsessing.
Until he came rushing back into the room with eyes wide open. “I hear my phone… Where is it?” he asked, looking around.
“Uh, your pants? In the living room?” I asked, sitting up. Michael vanished into the living room, and I pulled his covers around my bare body. When he returned, he had his slacks and shirt on, though the shirt wasn’t buttoned properly.
“Uh, yeah, give me twenty minutes,” he said into the phone and then scowled at me. He put the phone in his pocket and hurried over to the bed and kissed me on the forehead. “Stay… please. I’m needed at the hospital. Emergency surgery…. Apparently, we have a stroke in progress.”
“Oh, God, go…” I told him, not even hesitating. Saving a life was far more important than whatever awkward conversation we were about to have was.
“I’m so sorry, Sarah…”
“Go, they need you,” I ordered, and he frowned before walking out.
So I was saved by the bell again, but now the guilt was only getting worse. When this secret finally came out, he was going to hate me for having kept it so long. I flopped back onto his bed and stared at his ceiling, hating myself for being so overwhelmed by him that I couldn’t just do the right thing.