21. Michael
Ihovered over Senator Bronwyn’s body with my gloved hands and masked face. Emergency surgery was never fun, especially for a thoracic surgeon like me, but ones like these, where the stakes were high and the probability of success so low, made me tense.
“Why wasn’t I brought in sooner?” I snapped, reaching for my sternal retractor. The nurse saw me go for it and slapped it into my open palm, and I hurried to put it in place.
“Vitals are crashing, doc. BP is sixty over thirty, heart rate forty-two. He’s going into cardiac arrest…”
I worked faster knowing I had to save this man’s life. My hands deftly positioned the retractor and I began screwing it in place, opening the arms wide enough to see what I was dealing with.
Cardiac herniation was almost always fatal—nearly sixty-five percent of all people who suffered from it died. But this man was lucky we caught it in time. I still had a chance to fix it.
“Clamps,” I ordered, and the nurse put them in my hand as she recounted the story to me and I worked.
“He was in that bad accident on Ninety-Five yesterday, thrown from the vehicle. His T8/T9 was dislocated though the cervical CT came back clean. There were no signs of this.” She sounded apologetic, though it was the senator’s family who should have been at the end of those apologies.
With the retractor in place, I said, “Suction,” and held my hand out. The nurse gave me the suction device, and I cleaned the chest cavity of the blood that had pooled so that I could see what I was doing.
“There are never signs, which is why most people die.” My grumpy retort wasn’t intentionally directed at her, but I didn’t have time to stop and think whether my tone was correct or I sounded pleasant. This man’s life was on the line.
The nurse hovered with me, ready to hand me the tools I needed as I worked. There was no resident this time—the risk was too great, and his being a state senator meant they only wanted the best.
I worked patiently, repositioning his heart and repairing the herniation as quickly as I could. The sudden drop in vitals improved once his heart was in place. It was a mess trying to make the needed seams with four broken ribs in the way. The team had missed the herniation in the X-ray. It was common and lethal for patients like this. The man may never walk again, but if I had anything to say about it, he would at least live.
For two hours, I worked on the senator, and when I wrapped up, I was confident he’d have a successful recovery. He was a very lucky man, indeed, and I was exhausted. I scrubbed out, feeling a bit lonely since Sarah wasn’t here with me for this one, but at least I had a good story to tell her.
When I left the scrub room, I found a few of the hospital’s board members waiting. I pulled my mask down and shook their hands as they offered their praise.
“Dr. Lawson, that was incredible. I think you saved that man’s life.”
“Yes, he is very lucky to have you…”
I didn’t know their names in particular, but I had seen their faces on the portraits mounted on the wall near the front entrance. All of them had to have made a special trip in this evening. It was late, and normally, the bigwigs were at home in bed this time of night. I was normally in bed too, but I was the doctor on call.
“Thank you,” I said, nodding casually. I wasn’t the type to volunteer for a procedure so intense or complicated, but the on-call surgeon doesn’t get a choice when things come up. “I believe he’s going to recover from the surgery just fine. Any word on that T8 fracture?”
“Dislocation,” the older woman corrected, and she continued, “And we think he may be okay, but we have to get him through the worst of it first. Thank you for coming in on such short notice.”
I bowed from the shoulders and watched Tammy pushing a cart down the hall behind them. I didn’t envy nurses at all. Their twelve-hour shifts were brutal. She was here this morning when I came in. It’d been a long day for her.
“You’re the type of doctor we need around this place. You keep doing what you’re doing, and you’re likely to be moving up in the world.” One of the men shook his head, and the three of them started to move on.
“Ah, well, keep those promotions and pay rises coming,” I said, winking. “You don’t want to lose me, then.”
My comment drew a round of chuckles from them, but I was mostly serious. Even the pay increases wouldn’t keep me here. It wasn’t about money, position, or power for me. I just wanted my heart to be at rest, and I didn’t think that would happen here. I didn’t even think Sarah could keep me tied to this city, as special as she was to me. My heart eagerly longed for her to fall so in love with me that she’d follow me anywhere. I just didn’t think I could reciprocate that if it meant growing roots in Savannah.
“Might lose you?”
I turned at the sound of the feminine voice and saw Tammy tapping her foot, head tilted in an accusatory manner. “Did you tell Sarah?”
My stomach curdled and my blood threatened to run cold, but I maintained my smile and relaxed posture. After a win like that one in surgery, I wanted to ride the high and not get negative.
“Tell Sarah what?” I asked, falling into step beside her as she pushed her cart of dirty linens.
”That you might be going somewhere else?” The wheel of the cart squeaked, annoying me, but I still maintained my smile.
“Why would Sarah care?” My charade was supposed to work. Tammy wasn’t supposed to know about me and Sarah at all. I wondered if Sarah had said something.
“Everyone sees the way she looks at you, Doc. No one is talking about it but me and Wade, but honestly, if you don’t get a handle on those googly eyes she makes at you, the whole world will know you’re dating.”
My chest constricted and my smile faded. “Listen,” I said, lowering my voice. “I don’t want admin to know about it. We haven’t really labeled anything, so there isn’t really anything to report.” I cleared my throat and focused on the hall stretched out in front of us. If I looked her in the eye, I was going to get upset with myself and maybe even Sarah for not keeping this cat in the bag.
“I’m not saying a word… I’m just telling you she is in love—hardcore. If you have plans to move on to another hospital, you might want to tell her. Unless it’s the children’s hospital across town.” Tammy leaned over the cart and hummed to herself, but I stayed in step with her.
“You think she’s in love? I didn’t even realize you two were close.” Annoyed, I slid my hands into the pockets of my scrubs and felt my phone. I knew there was damning evidence in my message thread with her, good morning and goodnight messages for weeks on end. But I was certain we’d kept it so professional no one would know. Apparently, I was wrong.
“We’re not besties or anything, but we talk. And besides, a girl has eyes. Also, if you’re leaving, who are we going to check out?” She snickered, and I rolled my eyes.
“Just don’t tell anyone, alright? It’s this thing in London. A major gig. I haven’t said anything because it’s not even official yet. They haven’t offered me the job. I’m just in the interview phase.” I’d known Tammy long enough to know she would have my back and keep my secret, but she was right. I should tell Sarah. And if she was also right about the way Sarah felt about me, then I really did need to have that talk with her. Otherwise, it would come as a huge shock and might seem to her like I’d been hiding things when it came out.
“Talk to her, Doc.”
“Thanks for the advice, Tam-Tam. I’m going home. I’m beat.” I walked away, not letting her nag me anymore. I’d berate myself enough for the both of us. I had to talk to Sarah, but I just wanted to make sure it was a solid thing before I told her. I didn’t want to self-sabotage when we had a good thing going. If nothing came of it, she’d not be the wiser and we could continue growing our relationship. No harm done.
I hoped.