23. Michael
After being blasted by Sarah’s father, I was confused and frustrated. I had no clue what he was talking about and didn’t know what she’d said to him, but he made no sense at all. It was clear I”d upset him, or whoever he thought I was had upset him. I returned to my car hastily and drove away. I didn’t have time to sit and obsess over what happened or what he meant. I had to catch a plane.
When the interview with London went better than planned, they asked me to fly out this weekend to visit the hospital and meet the board in person. I had taken the weekend off—given Levitz my surgeries—and I only had to use one day of my paid time off for Monday, so I agreed to it. I wished I’d said something to Sarah sooner, but things hadn’t worked out that way. Now, I felt guilty and ashamed for not saying anything, but after that blow up, I didn’t know what to think.
As I drove toward the airport, I thought about what she might say when she found out I was flying to London to investigate a job lead. She had been so opposed to moving away from Savannah, there was no doubt in my mind that she would have questions and be hurt by my keeping this a secret, but I’d had my reasons. There wasn’t a point in upsetting her if London didn’t work out, which was why I was going to tell her to her face what was happening and then give her the long weekend to sort out what she felt and what she wanted.
That wasn’t going to work now, however, and even when she sent a text message saying I should call her, I couldn’t. I was stuck in heavy traffic with no way to respond until I got to the airport. I was late, and security was a nightmare. By the time I even thought of responding, I was already in the air on my way to New York.
“Drink, sir?” The stewardess and her pushcart rolled past and bumped my elbow. I winced and retracted it, hugging my arm to my chest.
“Water is fine…” I grumbled and scowled and realized my anchor wasn’t here to tether me. Sarah and her bright smile and lighthearted personality seemed to balance me out. Without her, I felt like I was just a lump of frustration and bad manners.
“Gotta keep those elbows in.” The stewardess’s stupid smile made me grit my teeth in frustration, and I nodded as she handed me the water.
The man seated to my left near the window ordered something alcoholic, which dripped onto my lap as they did their hand off. I scowled at both of them and reached for the in-flight entertainment menu. The earbuds they gave me were too small. The screen mounted in the back of the seat in front of me was too dim. My legs were cramped, and every time I put my head on my headrest, the person behind me bumped my seat and shook the whole thing. The flight was miserable.
The worst part about it all was the fact that my charging cable for my phone was packed in my checked baggage and I never put my phone on airplane mode before we took off. When we landed in New York, my phone was so dead it wouldn’t even turn on to send Sarah a message, and though I had a billion people around me whose phones I could use to borrow and call her, I didn’t know her number.
I stomped into a little airport bar and slumped onto a seat to order a drink, angry at the world that we no longer had to memorize people’s phone numbers. My laptop bag hung crossbody over my chest, and my scowl was enough to keep anyone away, except for the busty woman serving drinks.
“What’re you having?” she asked in a thick New York accent. Her hand lingered on the bar in front of me, but my eyes wandered to her blossoming chest, half exposed by the low-cut top she wore.
On any other day, I’d have been eating this up—the way she leaned down to give me a better view, the fact that her pendant necklace drew the eyes downward to the valley between her tits. But today, I sighed and thought of Sarah, then met the woman’s gaze with a glower spread across my face.
“Whiskey, neat.” Reaching into my pocket, I pulled out my wallet and slid a twenty across the bar. “Keep the change.”
She nodded at me with a wink and walked off smacking her chewing gum as she headed to get my drink prepared. I resisted the urge to check her out and again pulled my phone out and tried to power it on. The thing was a brick, and I was helpless. I had no way to tell Sarah what was going on now. My only shot had been at her parents’ house where her father bit my head off.
He”d said, “A man takes care of the people he’s responsible for. He doesn’t shirk that responsibility!” What on earth did that mean, anyway? What responsibility did he think I was shirking, and why? I hadn’t even told Sarah about London, though it made sense if she figured it out then confided in her parents about how sad she was that her father might be upset.
But the man had never met me. He knew nothing about me or my personality. And moreover, Sarah and I hadn’t even discussed what we were doing in this relationship. My heart strongly wanted her, but there was still a chance she and I weren’t cut out for the long run. As much as that pained my heart to think it, I knew it was true. So all of that together just boggled my mind.
“Here ya go, sweetie,” the bartender said, sliding my drink toward me. “Where ya headed?” She stood facing me and draped a towel over her shoulder, obscuring the view of her chest, for which I was grateful. I didn’t need temptation. I needed answers from Sarah.
“London. I have a job interview.” I picked up the glass and took a sip. The tart amber liquid burned as it slid down my throat, and I already wanted another glass.
“Oh, I heard it’s awful there this time of year. Rainy and cold. Hope you brought your raincoat.” Her snicker was pleasant, drawing a smile to my lips. “Who’d want to live there, anyway?”
“Yeah, I’m not sure…” I stared into my drink as she walked away and thought about it. The weather wasn’t ever something I thought about when assessing whether I’d want to live somewhere, but relationships were. That was why I had all this tension in my body and anxiety when I tried to relax or rest. My first thought was about Sarah, then my mother. I didn’t want to see the world alone. But I did want to see the world. Now, my plan for giving Sarah space to process the news was ruined, and when I got back from London, she was likely to be upset.
I was screwing things up royally now and I knew it. I just hoped she understood why I was out of contact for three days when I got back to work next week because I didn’t think this was something I could tell her by email.