25. Michael
As I suspected, my phone was a brick the minute I touched down at Heathrow. Not only was it dead, but my roaming capabilities didn’t work. I checked into my hotel, which was tiny compared to its American counterparts, and crashed. The nine-hour flight took it out of me, and at home, it was after ten p.m., while here in London, it was already the wee hours of the morning. Deborah expected me at nine, and that left me feeling bushed. I tossed and turned a while, thinking of Sarah and what she’d be feeling by now, but it didn’t stop me from keeping my head in the game.
After a good night’s sleep—well, five hours, at least—I arrived at the hospital ready to take on the world. The entire morning was consumed with a full tour of the hospital campus followed by meeting the board members. I sat at the conference table across from Deborah and her colleagues, all with thick English accents except for the neurology chair, who hailed from France.
The hospital conference room itself was a grand spectacle, furnished with a touch of high-end corporate elegance that somehow managed to blend seamlessly with the traditional clinical setup. The room was bathed in the warm glow of soft, recessed lighting filtering down from the coffered ceiling. A long mahogany table stood like a ship in the center of this ocean of a room, bearing the weight of countless medical breakthrough discussions, corporate strategies, and research findings over the years. It was surrounded by plush velvet chairs, each imprinted with years of hard-won wisdom and decision-making tension.
“So, what do you think of the campus, Dr. Lawson?” one of the men asked. It would take a bit for me to remember all of the board members’ names. There were nine of them, including Deborah. One, a petite blonde with a choppy bob and bright blue eyes, smiled at me constantly. I got the feeling she thought I was fresh meat, though I never gave her that impression. Or at least, I hadn’t tried to.
“Some of the tech you have here is phenomenal. I haven’t seen anything like it. It would be incredible to work with such advanced science.” I leaned to the side, giving space for the young woman who was waiting on us to fill my coffee mug. She appeared to be a secretary of some sort, though no one introduced her. I smiled politely as the blonde board member addressed me.
“There are some major advances in the medical field. I’m surprised St. Anne’s isn’t tapping into it.” She sipped her coffee and watched me over the rim of her mug. Drawing the distinction between how amazing this place was versus how far into the stone age St. Anne’s was made me really think deeply. Of course, they were trying to make this job sound very enticing and irresistible, but the blonde had an ulterior motive. I could see it in her gaze.
“Truly, the way things have advanced is remarkable. I believe St. Anne’s is limited by the donorship and the expense of it all, but we have a good team and we do good work.” I wasn’t defending my hometown hospital, but I wasn’t allowing my heart to get carried away, either. Everything here had gone so well, it would have been easy to sign on the dotted line at this point and never return home—just send for my things.
But Sarah… I tried to keep my thoughts focused on the conversation and what was happening in front of me, but my mind kept wandering back to thoughts of her. I wondered what she was doing, how she was feeling, if she missed me. I was in love with this place the instant I stepped out of that cab, but a part of me still felt empty inside, like I wanted her to take this adventure with me.
“Well, let’s go meet your team, then, shall we?” The blonde, whose name still escaped me, stood, and the rest of the board members grunted out their goodbyes with a chorus of “it’s nice to meet you.” I stood and thanked everyone then joined my new tour guide, leaving Deborah planted at the head of the table as we walked out of the conference room.
Her short hair bounced with each step, and I kept my eyes aimed high, tempted to check her out a little but feeling guilty for desiring that. There were roughly a billion women on this planet I could be attracted to at any given moment, and Sarah was the only one I wanted on my mind like that, though the woman next to me seemed to be working overtime to get me to notice her.
“So, Dr. Lawson, we’re going to head down to surgical and meet the people who’ll be reporting to you.”
“If I take the job,” I said, correcting her. All of the board members I’d spoken with had the same approach, to speak to me as if it were a done deal and I’d already accepted the position. I corrected that notion every chance I got, but I knew it was just another tactic aimed at convincing me that this was my new home and I fit here.
“Of course. Right this way,” she said, gesturing down the wide hallway. We weaved in and out of corridors, passed through double doors and automatic doors. We had to stop a few places to be buzzed in by people on the other side, and the entire way, she talked about the history of the surgical department and the reasons the current surgical chair was leaving.
I listened attentively and answered questions politely. The more I learned, the more I realized I really was a perfect fit for this position. At least on paper. My gut churned a little at the idea of being in charge of the entire surgical department when I’d just gained my confidence in the position of thoracic surgeon at St. Anne’s. Being department chair meant overseeing more than just surgeries. It meant balancing a budget, overseeing people and scheduling, and most of all, it meant my hands wouldn’t come into contact with a patient ever again.
“Lila!” I heard, and the blonde stopped and turned over her shoulder to face a dark-haired man who’d called her name.
“Yeah,” she called, and I deduced that Lila was her name, though it was inappropriate for me to call her by only her first name. She had no nametag, and my daydreaming about Sarah had ensured that I didn’t pay good enough attention to her when she’d been introduced to me. “One second,” she said, then she left me standing alone to address whatever issue was at hand.
I folded my hands in front of myself and waited, and a nurse approached me. Her thick Cockney accent caught me off guard, but she was very articulate.
“Well, hello, there.” She thrust her hand out to take mine, and I couldn’t refuse. “I’m Cecelia, head nurse for surgical. You must be the talented Dr. Lawson I’ve heard so much about.” I didn’t think I’d ever get used to the strange way these people spoke, though I already heard the distinction between their different dialects.
“I am. It’s so nice to meet you, Cecelia. I’m touring the facility.” I shook her hand gently, and she squeezed my hand in a death grip.
“Not of’n we get a Yank ’round ’ere.” There was a bit of mischief in her eyes as she spoke, and I could tell she’d be a lot of fun to work with once I got to know her. I tried not to take offense at the term “Yank” since I was from the Deep South and traditionally, the Yankees were Northerners. Eventually, she’d learn.
I chuckled and nodded at her. “Yes, well, it isn’t often that I meet a lady of your eloquence.”
She swatted at me playfully and rolled her eyes then said, “Well, welcome to London General. I hope ye find this place a good fit.” And then she was gone, vanished off on her way to do something important, I was certain.
When I turned back around, Lila, with the short blonde hair and sparkling eyes, was back. She showed me around the surgery department and introduced me to all five thoracic surgeons, three trauma surgeons, a dozen or more nurses, and plenty of support staff. By the time the introductions were made, I was yawning. Adjusting to the time difference for such a short trip meant my body felt like it was only three a.m. when I woke up, which made it mid-afternoon to me when we were fast approaching late evening in reality.
“Well, Michael,” Lila said, relaxing a bit in her demeanor. “How about I show you the town tonight? You’ve seen the hospital and everything we offer, but you haven’t seen the nightlife and the things that will really make this decision easy for you.”
Lila looked up at me through veiled eyes, batting her eyelashes, and I thought about it for a moment. If I went back to my hotel room, chances were that I’d just fall asleep. I’d never navigate this place on my own, which meant I wouldn’t get a real feel for how the city functioned. So, I smiled and nodded at her.
“Sure, I’d like that. Just get me to bed early. I’ve been up since three a.m. Eastern and I’m starting to feel like an old man.”
Lila burst out laughing, and though I didn’t see how it was quite that funny, I followed her lead. She hailed a cab and showed me the small shops and residential areas around the hospital, then we headed deeper into the heart of London where I caught a glimpse of a few well-known landmarks. An hour and a half later, I found myself seated next to her at a tiny pub, which she said had the best craft beer in all of the United Kingdom.
I sipped the thick porter I ordered and listened to her talk about how much the hospital needed someone like me to come in and revive the department, and I thought of Sarah. She’d come along and revived me the way Lila insinuated I’d revive this hospital. It just didn’t feel right being here in this place without her. Not to mention I hadn’t even told her yet, and that made me feel guilty and ashamed.
“Something’s bothering you…” Lila said, tilting her head down. She’d been nothing but pleasant and kind, flirty even, but she was right. Something was bothering me.
“Yes, there is, actually.” I hugged the glass of beer between my hands and looked down into it sternly. “I’m helplessly in love with a woman who is not here with me.”
“Oh, dear… I didn’t mean to?—”
“Oh, nothing like that…” I chuckled. “Your hospitality is very thoughtful. Thank you for showing me around the city. It’s just that Sarah doesn’t know I’m here. I’m not sure what she thinks about my being gone right now. I just can’t see myself taking this position if she doesn”t come with me, and she doesn’t know I’ve even been offered the job.”
When I looked up into Lila’s eyes, there was a look of knowing on her face. “Then,” she said, touching my hand lightly, “you have a lot to think about. And you should tell her.” She pressed her lips together and frowned, then sighed. “I was in love like you once. His name was Peter.”
I sipped my beer while she told me the story of how she and Peter met in college and graduated together, then launched into their medical careers. Until she was offered the position at London General and he wasn’t ready to move to the city.
“He broke my heart, Michael.” She shook her head. “I recovered quite nicely, but part of me will always wonder what would’ve been for us if I’d have stayed with him and not moved to London. If what you have is real, make sure you’re willing to give it all away for good. Jobs can come and go, but you’ll never find a love like the one you have now. New ones, maybe, but the same one… Never.”
I stared down into my glass again with the words Lila spoke ringing in my ear, and I began to understand myself more and more. Every job I turned down, I’d done it because I wasn’t ready or I didn’t think myself capable. When I thought I’d passed on that position in California because of Sarah, it was only an excuse. I wasn’t ready to leave Savannah back then. I didn’t believe in myself.
Now, I fully did. I knew this job was right for me despite being slightly intimidated by it. But I knew Sarah was right for me too, and if I passed on this job, not only would it be quite possibly the last chance I got for a gig like this, but it really would be because of her. And like Lila, my heart would never be the same.
I didn’t know what to think about that.