Chapter 14
FOURTEEN
Saturday, June 10, 12:20 P.M.
“Just keep in mind that the flavored dams don’t always pair well with vaginas.”
Becca, the young woman Madoc had been talking to, peered into the Pride Safer Sex Kit he’d given her, a plain brown paper bag that held lube, condoms, and latex dams, some of each flavored.
“Hm.” She glanced from the bag to Madoc. “Any thoughts on which flavors might be nicer than others?”
Madoc imagined Gus slicking his fingers with the lube they kept in the nightstand and smiled through his instant blush.
“This’ll sound dumb, but vanilla tends to be fairly subtle,” he said to Becca. “Might be fun to start there and experiment until you find one you like better.”
“I like your style, my dude.” Grinning, Becca headed off with a jaunty wave. “Thanks, and Happy Pride!”
“Happy Pride!” Madoc called back, then looked out over the thick crowd.
His adopted hometown turned out for Pride week with events all over the city including today’s annual Pride Parade and accompanying festival, big, joyous affairs that drew up to a million attendees into the city limits. Boston EMS crews were there to support the celebrants along the parade route and at the festival sites in medical tents like the one Madoc was working today with Olivia, while one squad marched in the parade itself, queer-identifying EMTs and paramedics like Gus, who’d brought along his own very special guest in the form of Valerie.
Pulling his phone from his pocket, Madoc swiped through the photos Gus’d sent from the route and Olivia stepped up beside him to get a glimpse too. Sun and blue skies soared above the marchers, but Valerie’s enraptured expression shone even brighter as she posed beside the ambulance and helped carry the Pride banner. She wore a specially sized t-shirt that matched the crews’ with a rainbow Boston EMS logo on a black background, and along with the purple Red Sox cap Gus had gifted her, had acquired a pair of sunglasses with red heart-shaped frames from somewhere that made her look incredibly cute but also very grown up.
Madoc hadn’t hesitated at all when Gus’d approached him about allowing Valerie to march with him. He loved knowing she could take part in a movement that honored the past while also looking forward to a future Madoc wanted for her. To a world where love was celebrated openly by people everywhere and Madoc’s girl was free to carve out her own identity, whatever it turned out to be, without fear.
Madoc was slowly working on getting to that point too, at least in his head. He wasn’t ready to live out loud and proud the way Gus and his friends did, but he was sure now that he wanted to do more than stand on the sidelines during Pride or any other day of the year. Madoc wanted to be his true self all the time and not only behind closed doors.
There isn’t a deadline , he reminded himself, I’ll know when I’m ready .
The passage of time seemed to have sped up over the last couple of weeks though, with Gus almost ready to resume regular duty and Valerie’s school year nearly over, and Madoc worried all the time about the changes that were to come. Like how the family would need a new, dedicated kid-sitter, even after Tarek came back, and how much that would cost. That Valerie probably wasn’t going to like the new kid-sitter as much as she did Gus. Definitely that Madoc needed to talk to Gus about how this … thing they had between them was going to work once they were back on a truck together.
“Daddy!”
Everything that didn’t feel like joy and light and love fell away as Madoc walked out from behind the table and swung his girl up in his arms.
“Hey, Valley Girl! I hardly recognized you with those fancy glasses!”
“Ahh!” Valerie whipped the sunglasses off and beamed. “It’s me, see? Mr. Owen gave me these glasses an’ he’s Gus’s friend. Ooh, and these, too!” She proudly patted several strings of shiny beads that hung around her neck. “They’re Yardy Graw beads.”
“Very shiny. But I think you mean Mardi Gras beads.”
“Oops!”
“Not a big deal.” Madoc blew a raspberry against her cheek and made her laugh. “Where’s Gus?”
“Yo, big man.” Gus walked up wearing beads and sunglasses of his own and immediately pulled Olivia into a hug. “How you guys doin’?”
A swarm descended upon the table then, Connor, Heather, and Mark Mannix leading a group of friends and coworkers, all talking at once. Connor had Judah and Mark was with Owen, while Heather introduced her partner to Olivia and her husband who were chatting with Gus’s ex, Ian, and his boyfriend Tris. And then another wave arrived, nurse buddies of Ian’s and musician friends of Judah’s, names flying fast and everyone coupled up.
Except for Madoc and Gus of course, the two unattached guys who did their coupling up in secret.
An odd melancholy ghosted through Madoc as he held his girl and took in the happy faces around him. He couldn’t comprehend what it been like for Tarek and Tim, pretending to be only friends for the rest of the world. Because Madoc felt weird doing it now with Gus at his side, and all they’d done was fool around some.
“The parade was so fun, Daddy,” Valerie said. “Gus and Mr. Connor gave me piggyback rides when I got tired, and I liked all the cheering and music. Miss Heather even let me blow the horn on the truck a whole bunch and I wish you could’ve marched with us!”
“I do too, sweetie.” Madoc dropped a kiss on her cheek. “Maybe I’ll be able to do that some time.”
Looking up, he caught Gus’s small smile. Madoc hadn’t really come out to Valerie just then, but he wanted to think he was getting closer.
A roar went up from the crowd as the music changed and Donna Summer’s I Feel Love rolled over them, beats pulsing fast and heady.
“Yas!” Gus crowed, high-fiving a brawny dude named Emmett who started herding the group out into the dancing throngs. Catching Valerie’s outstretched hand in his, Gus followed along, leading Madoc and Valerie with him.
“Hey, I don’t dance!” Madoc insisted “And I’m on duty!”
“Eight minutes!” Turning, Gus flashed him a megawatt smile. “That’s how long this song lasts, Mad, and I know Liv can spare you that long.”
Valerie kept tight hold of Gus’s hand as she bounced in Madoc’s arms. “C’mon, Daddy, dance with us!”
Madoc did of course, because he couldn’t say no to two pairs of laughing brown eyes and music that sounded so good. And while there was no Pride miracle to give him more grace, he still had fun shaking his butt for eight minutes and making his daughter and friend happy while doing it.
“Hi, Bug! Happy Pride!”
Grinning, Gus waved at the five-foot-nothing bundle of energy standing outside his apartment building.
“That’s my ma,” he said to Valerie and Madoc. “She’s here to bless us with her famous Pride cookies that look like wee flags. Hey, Ma!”
Layla Dawson was dressed in jeans and a red Free Mom Hugs t-shirt, cloth grocery sacks in either hand and her smile beaming as Gus jogged over. “I’m so glad we caught you!” she exclaimed.
“Me, too!” Gus hugged her tight. “Val left her backpack here this morning and we’re just picking it up. Where’s Pops?”
“Inside with your cat. He built the princess a tower upon which to climb and I think she might even like it once she gets over its sheer size.”
“I am … intrigued.”
“You’re right to be,” Layla replied with a laugh. “I had to come back out to grab your cookies from the car, so here you go.” Stepping back, she handed Gus one of the sacks. “There are eggs in there too, since I knew you’d be out of them again.”
“Thank you, Ma.” Turning, Gus gestured to Madoc and Valerie who were watching with unabashed curiosity. “This is my partner, Madoc, and his girl, Valerie.”
Layla’s eyes lit up even brighter. “August has talked about you so many times this summer. I’m Layla, and it’s so nice to meet you in person!”
“Great meeting you too, Mrs. Dawson.” Madoc extended a hand and gave her the cute, toothy smile. “Gus talks about you often.”
“He calls me Bug,” Valerie said impishly, bouncing on her toes. “An’ sometimes I call him the Gusberry.”
“Do you now?” Layla raised an eyebrow at Gus. “I think I like that, hon.”
Gus rolled his eyes. “Figures.”
Inside, Steven Dawson was babying Lemonade in the crook of his arm, and he grinned when his son goggled at the towering cat tree that now stood near the windows. Styled to look something like a cactus, it stood at least as tall as Madoc with platforms for jumping and perching, a couple of enclosed ‘condos’ and a hammock for lounging, scratching posts to keep sharp claws under control, and several dangling toys to tantalize.
“Ho-lee cats,” Valerie said, staring up at the thing with an awe that echoed Gus’s perfectly.
“Happy Pride, August!” Steven bussed Gus’s cheek. “What do you think of your kitty cactus?”
“I think it’s a lucky thing my ceilings are high.” Gus gave his pops a smile. “It’s amazing. Thanks for building it.”
“How come you’re callin’ Gus August?” Valerie asked, her squinty expression bringing a smile to Steven’s face.
“Because that is the name his ma and I gave him,” Steven replied. “Gus is a fine nickname but to me he’ll always be August, just like his sister is Belladonna instead of Donna.”
“Bell-a-donn-a’s real long to spell,” Valerie observed. “My friends call me Val.”
Steven nodded firmly. “Then so shall I. My name is Steven, by the way, and I like your hat!”
“Thanks! Gus gave it to me.”
Valerie reached up and patted Gus’s hip but quickly turned her attention to Lemonade while Gus introduced Steven to Madoc. Gus then left them all to chat while he took the grocery bag to the kitchen, and he ooh’d out loud as he unpacked two boxes of cookies.
“One of those is for Connor and Judah,” Layla called over, “and if you talk to Ian before I do, tell him I have a box for him and his fella.”
Steven set the cat down beside the cat tree, then looked to Layla. “We should go, hon. Did you give them the jars?”
“Just about to.” Smiling, Layla turned to Valerie. “Have you ever heard of a fairy glow jar, Val? August and I used to make them when he was small so he and his sister could shine light in the dark.” She held up the second grocery sack. “I thought maybe you’d like one for yourself.”
Valerie’s eyebrows went up. “That’s for me?”
“Yes, if you think you’d like to keep what’s inside.” Layla cocked her head at the child. “How about I show you and your daddy how the jars work and then you can decide?”
She produced two Mason jars from the bag, each coated on the inside with purple glitters, lilac and orchid streaking through darker shades of violet and indigo. But the jars also held strings of lights that, when switched on, made the glitter shine in a truly magical fashion that had Valerie gasping.
“I love these,” she said, eyes starry as she tilted a jar in her hands back and forth. “Thank you, Mrs. Gus’s Ma!”
Everyone laughed, but Gus caught a complicated expression on Madoc’s face. Amusement mixed with a wistfulness that made sense when Valerie’s own grandparents couldn’t be bothered to know her and strangers had gone out of their way to be kind.
An urge to take Madoc’s hand squeezed Gus’s chest, and he had to glance away before he did something dumb like get emo over glitter and fairy lights.
The tiny studio seemed quiet after his parents had gone, Valerie camped out on the floor by the cactus with her jars and the kitty, while Madoc glanced around at the room.
“This place is great,” he said.
“Thanks. I’d show you around except I don’t have to.” Gus chuckled. “What you see is what you get.”
“Well, I really like it. And your parents. Sounds like they’re still close with Ian?”
“Uh-huh.” Gus went to the couch and sat. “Ian’s estranged from his family, so mine kind of adopted him when we were together.”
Valerie turned a quizzical look onto Gus. “Was Mr. Ian your boyfriend?”
“Yes.” Gus smiled at her, aware Madoc was watching them closely. “Now we’re just regular friends and Ian’s new boyfriend is Tristan.”
“Mr. Tristan is the tallest person I ever met!” Valerie laughed to herself. “But how come Mr. Ian’s esh-tranged?”
Gus flicked a glance at Madoc, whose smile bore a familiar wry tilt.
Always paying attention, even if it doesn’t seem like she is.
“Ian isn’t close to his mom and dad,” Gus said, “and that’s what I meant by estranged. Ian is good friends with my ma and pops though, and they get along great.”
“Ah.” Valerie turned her attention back to her glow jar. “Your ma and pops are wicked nice,” she observed. “I bet they want you to have your own boyfriend, huh?”
“I’m sure my ma wouldn’t mind,” Gus replied with a laugh. “But you know it’s okay that I don’t.”
“Yah, but I was just checking.” Valerie settled onto her back again. “Can I have one of your ma’s cookies?”
“Dinner first, honey,” Madoc said, then looked to Gus. “I thought we could do the noodle bar near my place if you, um, don’t already have plans.”
Gus did have tentative plans; invitations to Pride parties had come to him from all over. He’d join in at some point because Pride in his hometown was one of his favorite times of the year. At the moment, however, Gus had two sets of hopeful eyes on him and no urge to be anywhere else.
Back at Madoc’s, they put on the baseball game and shared ramen and bao buns, and Valerie decided tamarind chicken wings were delicious.
“I love this day,” she declared, cookie in hand and eyelids heavy as she rounded the table to hug Gus. “And I like your ma and pops a whole lot, my dear Gusberry.”
Gus set his cheek against her curls. “They like you back,” he assured her. “I’m glad you had a good day, Valley Girl.”
While Madoc put her to bed, Gus checked his phone and found dozens of loving notes from family and friends, many accompanied by photos captured at parties and events held throughout the day. Flipping through his own photos, Gus chose one Olivia had sent of him dancing with his friends at the festival, Madoc with Valerie in his arms among them, and he sent it out to his people along with all the heart emoji on his phone.
“What’s up?” Madoc had a beer in each hand when Gus looked up, and Gus happily traded his phone for a bottle.
“Just wishing the fam Happy Pride,” he said. “Hope you don’t mind me sending that.”
“Oh, wow.” Madoc traced Valerie’s face on the screen with his fingertip. “She’s in the photo Boston EMS put up on their socials too, and man, is she proud. Thank you for taking her with you today.”
“Thank you for letting me,” Gus replied. “Look through the rest of the pics and grab what you want.”
Madoc did some scrolling and tapping but handed the phone back when it started chiming with incoming messages.
“You ought to be out having fun with Con and your friends,” he said. “They’re going to keep pinging until you answer.”
“This is why we mute.” Gus set the device to vibrate. “And I am having fun. I love this day, like your kid said, and I’m good right where I am.”
Emotion flashed over Madoc’s face, an intensity Gus didn’t know how to read.
“Does Val ask you about boyfriends a lot?” Madoc asked. “Because she hasn’t asked me about dating in a very long time. I’m not sure how to take that, honestly. Or what I’d say if she did ask.”
“I wish you could be Daddy’s boyfriend.”
Gus licked his lips. “She’s asked me about boyfriends a couple of times. And you’ll figure out what to say if and when she asks you, too,” he said gently.
Setting his beer on the windowsill, he slipped his hand into his pocket and pulled out a tiny enamel pin he’d bought from a festival vendor earlier in the day.
“I get that you’re not ready to wear Pride colors,” Gus said, handing the pin to Madoc. “But I figured you could hang on to that as a reminder.”
For several long seconds, Madoc stared down at the little bee in his palm, its thorax striped pink, purple, and blue with black instead of the usual yellow, colors Madoc already knew signified bisexual pride.
“A reminder of what?” he asked softly.
“That it’s cool to just be yourself.”
Madoc’s lips quirked up at the corners. “That is the corniest thing you’ve ever said to me.”
He met Gus’s gaze, the expression in his eyes so tender and broken Gus had to kiss him. Madoc clung to Gus at first, seeming to draw comfort from being held, but soon his touches grew bolder, like he needed his hands on every part of Gus he could reach.
“Want you,” he said in a gravelly voice that had Gus’s dick going from ‘totally interested’ to ‘fuck yes’ in three seconds flat. “Been dying to do this all day.”
Gus skimmed a palm over Madoc’s belly. “Want you too. Did you buy more lube?”
“Uh-huh. It’s in the nightstand.” The color on Madoc’s cheeks spilled over onto his neck. “I, uh, also bought condoms.”
“Mmm, good to know.”
They moved to the bedroom where Madoc set his pin on the dresser before they stripped off and Madoc stretched out on the mattress, his hand warm on the small of Gus’s back while Gus removed his prosthesis. Gus barely had time to set it aside before Madoc was tugging at him, grinning as Gus slid his left leg over Madoc’s torso and straddled his waist.
“Looking pretty smug up there, August,” Madoc said. He stroked his palms over Gus’s thighs and knees, tracing sweet fire into Gus’s skin over the calf of his sound leg and the rounded end of his stump. “You want to tell me what’s on your mind?”
Gus slid his fingers through Madoc’s chest hair. He loved the way Madoc touched him. That he’d used Gus’s full name and was watching Gus with such warmth.
“I was thinking,” Gus said, “that I’d ride that big dick of yours if you’re up for it.”
“Jesus. I’m up for that,” Madoc said. “That’s what you like?”
“To be fucked?” Gus thumbed Madoc’s nipple and made him gasp. “Yes, I like it very much with the right partner.”
In truth, Gus usually topped because that was what his partners had preferred. Gus didn’t mind being owned, though. To surrender and be taken so thoroughly he forgot his own name. Knowing he’d have that with Madoc—a man for whom all this was new—had Gus’s balls throbbing.
He slicked his fingers with the lube from the nightstand, then carefully stroked Madoc’s shaft and balls, unsurprised when Madoc whined, gaze turning wild. Gus’s hands shook as they sheathed Madoc’s cock with a condom, and when Gus wet his fingers again, sudden warmth flashed under his skin.
“Need to get myself ready,” he murmured, reaching back with one hand, only for Madoc to groan deep in his chest.
“Oh, fuck, Gus.”
“Soon,” Gus promised him, his eyes slipping almost closed when his fingertips met his rim.
He imagined the picture he painted, back arched as a soft noise fell from his lips. Gus slid one finger into his hole, heat instantly radiating outward from his ass and groin. His heart bounced as Madoc shifted beneath him and sat up, but it was good having that solid wall of body against his own. Then Madoc wrapped his mouth around Gus’s left nipple and Gus had to bite back a cry.
Sweat sprang out on his skin, the combination of being sucked and filled at the same time incredible. The stretch and burn in his ass intensified when he added a second finger alongside the first, and though Gus forced himself to go slow, the only reason he stayed upright was because Madoc was holding him.
“You’re shaking,” Madoc muttered, trailing kisses up Gus’s chest. “What do you need?”
You.
But that felt too heavy, so Gus kept his mouth shut as he pulled his fingers free from his ass, then lined his body up with Madoc’s. Sinking down slowly over Madoc, Gus’s breath caught, pain a bright flash when the ring of muscle in his hole gave way. And then Madoc was filling Gus, his arms coming around Gus like twin bands of iron.
“My God.” Madoc sounded dazed. “So … tight .”
Fighting a whimper, Gus dropped his forehead to Madoc’s. He knew what Madoc was feeling. Profound heat and pressure around his cock, more intense and so much better than anything he might have imagined. But Gus was drowning in his own need. Aching in the best possible way and so fucking full, consumed as he was split open.
Emotion swamped him, the sheer intensity of everything stealing his breath. Being with Madoc like this, sharing another first. The way Madoc was looking at him when Gus peeled his eyes open, trusting and incredibly present.
A tingling started deep in Gus’s balls as he took himself in hand, aware of Madoc’s low hiss.
“Look at you.” Madoc rubbed his palm over Gus’s right ass cheek. “Does it feel good? Me inside you?”
“Yes. Like burning from the inside out,” Gus whispered.
Madoc groaned. “Me too. God, Gus. I feel you. All of you, everywhere.”
Gus started rocking, slowly at first as his pain became bliss, then faster with Madoc to guide him. Gus moaned into Madoc’s mouth, his blood buzzing with ecstasy. He wanted to last and make it good for Madoc. But then Madoc slid a hand behind Gus and fingered his rim, and the touch dissolved Gus’s bones. He panted against Madoc’s lips, too strung out now even to kiss.
“Love this,” Madoc was muttering. “Love it so much.”
He thrust up into Gus, his movements gaining momentum and speed, rough in exactly the way Gus needed, nailing his prostate again and again. Fire bolted through Gus, and he was there , soaring high and fast with his heart lodged in his throat, shuddering as he came all over himself.
Madoc let out a broken moan and fucked hard into Gus, thrusts almost brutal. Gus fought to hang on, murmuring praise and encouragement and who knew what else, until Madoc fell apart too, his face buried against Gus’s neck.
They fell asleep tangled around each other in Madoc’s bed. And though the overnight hadn’t been planned, when Gus woke up the next morning, Madoc was smiling at him.