Chapter 12
I stare across the candle-lit table and smile awkwardly at Vincent Jackson.
Everything about this feels wrong and is obviously all part of a very well-organized plan by my parents.
“I’m sorry your folks couldn’t make it.” Vincent looks every bit as embarrassed as I am. I got told we were meeting here for drinks to celebrate Dad’s birthday, I had no idea they had even invited Vincent, who I’m pretty certain was told the same lie.
“Maybe we could reschedule.” I let my eyes roam around the fancy restaurant and try not to show how angry at them I am for putting me in this situation.
“Do you know how hard it is to get a reservation here? Your father must have called in some serious favors.” Vincent scans over the menu then eventually calls the waiter over so he can order some wine. This is becoming more and more awkward by the second.
I hold my hand over the glass when the waiter returns with the wine and tries to pour me some, and Vincent studies me curiously as the waiter pours for him instead.
“Sometimes, I forget that you”re still too young to drink. You have such a maturity about you.”
“I’ll take that as a compliment.” I smile, willing for the waiter to come back so he can take my food order and we can get this over with.
“You know, I’m actually relieved we get to be alone tonight, it’ll give us a chance to talk about something that’s been on my mind for a while now.”
Oh, dear God, here it comes.
“I’m sure you”re aware of the fact I have an attraction to you, Joanne. I was hoping maybe we could take the next step.” He reaches across the table to take my hand but I quickly snatch it away.
“Vincent, I’m really flattered, but now really isn’t the time for me to be entering into any?—”
“Wait, hear me out before you dismiss the idea,” he interrupts as if this is some kind of negotiation. “I can offer you everything you ever wanted. I have money and ambition. I?—”
“This is starting to sound like a proposal.” I giggle nervously, and when his face remains serious I feel a lump wedge in my throat.
“Like I said, Joanne, I have a lot to offer.”
“You don’t want to marry me.” I shake my head at him, trying my best to let him down gently. I have enough problems to deal with right now. I’ve been avoiding Jimmer for more than a week and I know it’s only a matter of time before he catches up with me.
“Come on, Joanne, you”re a clever girl. You must know that I’ve liked you for some time now. You must also know that to be taken seriously in my profession, you have to have a certain level of stability.” Vincent reaches across the table and takes both my hands in his. This time I’m too distracted with thinking about Jimmer to stop him. “I’m sure you could learn to love me.”
“I’m pregnant!” The words come blurting from my mouth and I stare at him blankly, regretting the outburst while I wait for his reaction.
“Pregnant?” His eyes scan the restaurant to check no one else heard my confession.
“I shouldn’t have told you that, please don’t tell my parents. I’m still processing it myself. Shit. I need to go.” I quickly grab my purse and rush for the door, my cheeks burning with shame while I cuss myself for being so stupid. Of course, Vincent is gonna tell my parents, he’s Mr. Fucking Do Right.
I manage to make it across the street to my car with him calling after me and when I feel the hand on my shoulder, I spin around defensively to see him standing with an unreadable look on his face.
“I’m begging you, please don’t tell them. I know I can’t keep it a secret for much longer but I just need to get my head?—”
“What if we told them the baby’s mine?” That wasn’t what I expected to hear, in fact, the words shock the hell out of me.
“What?” I check I heard him right.
“Your parents want us to be together, I want us to be together. We can tell your parents that we’ve been seeing each other discreetly and that the baby you”re carrying is mine.” How is he making all this sound so simple?
“Joanne, I don’t know who got you into trouble, but I can promise you that he would never be able to take care of you both the way I can.” His eyes hold mine with such sincerity I’m almost tempted.
“It’s kind of you but?—”
“Do you have a better offer?” he asks. “Is the guy who knocked you up offering to make you his wife and give you a life without any worries?” he questions, and my mind instantly drifts to Mary-Ann.
“Just think about it, Joanne. This must be a very scary time for you. It really doesn’t have to be.”
I shake the memory from my mind as I watch the way Jimmer interacts with Sophia over the breakfast table at the clubhouse. I can’t help feeling like I’ve stolen moments like these with Ella away from him, and the guilt of that makes the coffee I’m drinking taste bitter.
“Are you doing much today?” I attempt to make polite conversation with him as Marilyn places a plate of pancakes in front of him. I can tell the woman hates me, she has a constant scowl on her face whenever I’m around.
“Just the usual.” He gives nothing away as he picks up his knife and fork and gets stuck in.
“Protecting the town from all evil, no doubt.” I smile playfully as I attempt another sip of my coffee.
“Mock me all you want. I think you’re startin’ to like it here,” he points out, sounding a little smug.
“I’m enjoying spending time with my family.” I refuse to give him any form of gratitude as I stroke my hand through our grandson’s hair, who is, of course, obsessed with Marilyn, and naturally, I feel a pang of jealousy for that.
“So, it ain’t true that you’re headin’ to the library today to help Shaniya at the drop-in center?” Jimmer raises his eyebrows as he pops another forkful into his mouth.
“Well, yes, but only because Shaniya needs to have another person there with her. Lydia is on her counseling course and Grace is still getting to grips with the little one…”
“Careful, Jo, you’re at real risk of gettin’ swept up in all the team spirit around here.” He laughs at me and when Dylan spots Riley and the army of kids she’s brought with her, he breaks the silence when he asks Jimmer if he can leave the table.
“I think it’s a little late in life for me to be changing my ways,” I admit once Jimmer’s given him the nod to go join them.
“It’s never too late, Jo.” His smile makes me regret my decisions even more than I do already, and it also gives me a dangerous glimmer of hope.
“Joanne, please talk to me.” Jimmer’s heavy fist slams against the front door, and all I can do is pray he’ll go away before my parents get home.
“I know you”re in there. Don’t make me kick this door through,” he threatens, and knowing that Jimmer Carson doesn’t make empty threats, I take a deep breath and unhook the chain so I can open it.
“You need to leave,” I tell him as calmly as I can manage. Not that it will make any difference, I can see how agitated he is from the wildness in his eyes.
“Leave? I ain’t fuckin’ leavin’. We need to talk about this.”
“There’s nothing to talk about.” I hate that he looks so distraught. The bags under his eyes suggest he hasn’t been sleeping and I know I will have been the cause of it.
“Joanne, I’m gonna fix this.”
“How can you fix knocking me up?” I shake my head and laugh coldly.
“By taking care of you. Both of you. Pack your bags and come back to the club with me. I’ll put Mary-Ann in her place. I’ll make you my old lady and we’ll do this like we’re supposed to…” He pauses when his eyes catch a glimpse of the ring I’m wearing on my finger.
“What the fuck is that, Joanne?” He stares at it with a whole lot of emotions battling in his eyes.
“This is my way out of all this.” I swallow my nerves and attack head-on what I’ve been avoiding for days.
“Jimmer, my parents know about the baby now,” I inform him as my hand automatically rests on my stomach. It would have been impossible for me to keep it from them any longer.
“Okay.” He furrows his brow and it reminds me that I still haven’t answered his question.
“They just don’t know that it’s yours. I made an arrangement with someone. Someone who I know they would be forgiving of…”
“Forgiving of? Jo, we made a baby together we don’t need fuckin’ forgiveness for that.” I can’t decide if he’s more hurt or angry, but it’s not nice to see.
“I can’t lose them. I’m not from your world, Jimmer. What we had was fun and exciting, but life just got really serious. It’s not just me who I have to think about now.” I can feel the tears welling in my eyes as my words come out and I watch them sink in for him.
“It’s my baby, Joanne,” he whispers weakly, looking at me helplessly like he can’t believe what I’m saying.
“Not anymore, I’m freeing you of the responsibility. I’m marrying a man who can provide for us. Vincent is clean living, he has a good job and money.”
“So this is about money?” He scoffs a laugh, and I hate the way his head shakes in disappointment.
“It”s about security. I don’t want to be sitting at home waiting for my child’s father to be killed or dragged to jail. I don’t want to feed and clothe my baby with dirty money. I want to be someone”s wife and not someone”s old lady. You can’t offer me that. You can’t offer me anything. The best thing you can do is go back to your club and forget about me.” I go to close the door but Jimmer uses his boot as a wedge.
“I’m not gonna forget about you. I fuckin’ love you, Joanne, and that’s my kid you’re carryin’. I’m not havin’ some other man take care of either of ya. You’re mine.” All his frustration seems to have welded into desperation.
“No.” I have to remind myself to stay strong. The arrangement I have with Vincent is best for everyone, especially my baby. I never expected Jimmer to make it easy but I do have to stick by my decision. “I don’t want what you”re offering me. It’s not enough.” I watch my words crush him and hate myself for being so cruel, but it’s the only way. “And if you mean what you say and you really do love me, you will leave us alone. I don’t want to see you again Jimmer.” I feel the weight of my tears get heavier and harder to hold.
“No.” Jimmer looks so broken and the temptation to throw my arms around him and comfort him is almost as hard to hold off as my tears.
“Do your kid a favor, Jimmer. You”re not what we need.” I watch all the fight drain out of him as he backs away from the door, staring at me as if I’m a stranger.
“You”re gonna regret this.” He barely has the strength to lift up the finger he points at me before he gets on his bike, revs the engine, and skids up the gravel.
“Can I get a word?” Jessie looks cagey when he interrupts us and Jimmer leaves me in charge of Sophia as he heads over to the other side of the barroom with his VP. I can only assume from his body language that what he’s about to share is bad news, and it has me immediately on edge.
“I’m so grateful for you helping Shaniya at the center.” Grace distracts me from trying to lip-read the men’s conversation when she pops up out of nowhere. “I’m just not ready to leave her with anyone yet and having a new baby at the center would be a nightmare.” My daughter’s friend looks down fondly at the little girl she has snuggled up tight in the car seat that’s now resting on the table in front of me.
“It’s not a problem, this is a special time for you, you should be making the most out of every second.” I smile as I admire the baby myself. You can see she’s a relation of Dylan and Sophia’s, she has the same chin.
“That’s exactly what I’m doing.” Grace strokes her hand over her daughter’s blanket.
“You sure she’s warm enough in there?” Nyx’s brother Brax takes the seat opposite me, spinning his daughter”s carry seat around so it’s facing him.
“Brax, she’s fine,” Grace assures him
“She don’t look comfortable all squished up like that, I should probably get her out and hold her.” He goes to unbuckle her but Grace stops him.
“Babe, eat your breakfast. If she wasn’t comfortable she wouldn’t be sleeping.” Her eyes roll at me while she tries to convince him.
“I see where Nyx gets his overbearingness from.” I look across the table at his brother who’s still fussing over his little girl.
“Nothin’ wrong with a father lookin’ out for his little girl.” I can tell from his straight lips and blank expression that Brax’s words are a direct dig at me. I appreciate why some people here dislike me, and I know from the few times I’ve met Brax before that he pulls no punches. Yet, I refuse to be judged by a man who’s made a living out of taking lives and torturing people.
“They sure make good daddies.” Grace attempts to soften the sudden atmosphere he’s created and I notice the slight nod Brax gives to Jessie and Prez before he gets up.
“Where you going? You haven’t eaten yet?” Grace asks him, looking disappointed.
“Duty calls, Prez wants a meetin’.” He kisses Grace on top of her head before he places the car seat back in front of her, and kissing two of his fingers he presses them against his daughter’s mouth.
“Daddy’s gotta go to work, princess.” He looks up from her toward Grace. “I got my cell if you need me.” He kisses his old lady one last time before following the other men who have all abandoned what they”re doing, to walk out the door. I get the impression something serious is about to go down.