39. Jamie
T he wooden garden gate bangs closed behind me, and I reach my arm over the top to slip the bolt across.
Jack added the bolt years ago when we used to play in their garden.
He thought it would keep us in because we couldn’t reach up to undo it, but it didn’t take us long to build a step out of the rockery stones, so we could get up high enough to open it and abscond.
As the bolt slides into position, I glance up at Scarlett’s bedroom window, the curtain moves ever so slightly and I’m convinced she’s watching me.
If only she’d come downstairs, if only she’d see me or answer her phone.
I can put all of this behind us, I know I can.
But I know why she’s hurt; I know it’s my fault.
Solemnly, I dip my head in recognition and hope that she is peering out from behind the curtain and can see me.
I need her to know I understand.
I take a moment to breathe before I offer a half smile up to the window and then turn to leave.
As much as I don’t want to, I have to head straight over to the park.
It’s Saturday and the kids have a home game today.
I promised Mike I’d turn up today, and I want to see if Josh is there.
I want him to know I didn’t abandon him at the hospital and that I’m sorry I had to leave.
My legs break into a light jog as approach the park and see the kids have started to arrive already, and it won’t be long before the opposing team arrives.
“Sorry I’m a late,”
I greet Mike with a friendly slap on the shoulder.
“I got caught up this morning.
Pass the keys, I’ll get the kit out.”
Mike pulls the keys from his kit bag and hands them to me as the kids start to gather around him.
They’re all ready to play, sporting the new kit we managed to secure for them.
There’s a real buzz in the atmosphere as I throw out a couple of footballs and get them warming up their muscles.
“Right lads, we’ve got ten minutes before the other team gets here.
Let’s see if we can get a few shots on goal before we kick off.”
As I’m separating them into teams, I’m aware Josh isn’t here and my mind immediately goes to the worse case scenario.
Ben didn’t make it.
“Have you heard from Josh?”
I ask Mike as we watch the kids line up the football to take their shot.
“Do we know how his grandad is?”
Mike shakes his head, “No, I sent a message to his mum last night, asking if they needed anything or if Josh would be back today, but she hasn’t replied.”
Mike notices the colour drain from my face as I swallow audibly.
“Hey, that doesn’t mean anything.
It was late.
They were probably all in bed, if they’ve had a rough few days they’ll need to rest.”
Just as I’m about to answer, I’m body slammed from behind and small arms wrap around my waist.
Panic rises as I tip into survival mode.
Mike notices my reaction immediately and holds his hands up in an attempt to reassure me, “Hey Josh, I think you gave Jamie a scare there,”
Mike reaches out and detaches Josh’s hands from around my waist all while keeping a firm eye on my body language.
Once I’m able to breathe again and my heart rate begins to lower, I swing around and bend down to embrace Josh.
I don’t miss the tears in his eyes before he lunges forward to cling to me again.
“Hey, bud.
What’s happening? Are you okay?”
Josh’s head moves up and down against my torso, in a brief nod.
“Good, then what’s this for?”
I ask as I try to separate him from my body.
Josh’s mum is close behind him.
“I’m sorry,”
she reaches out to take hold of Josh before she turns her attention on Mike and I.
“We just wanted to say thank you, for everything you did for my father.
He wouldn’t be here if you hadn’t have acted so quickly.”
I shake my head vigorously, in denial.
But Josh’s mum holds out her hand for me to take, I think she’s going to shake my hand but instead she pulls me into a hug.
I’m uncomfortable and incredibly overwhelmed all at the same time.
When she finally lets me go, she has tears running down her cheeks which she swiftly sweeps away.
“The doctor’s said if you hadn’t started CPR then he would have died on this pitch.
You’re an angel, we can’t thank you enough,”
she’s beaming as she looks at me and I feel like a fraud.
With my head lowered, I say, “Honestly, I didn’t do anything it was all the paramedics, they saved him. Not me,”
I’m smiling but I know it’s not reaching my eyes.
The trauma of what happened is etched within me, but I imagine it’s a million times worse for the family.
Josh joins in the conversation when he hears me denying that I helped.
“Yes, you did do something, you got that machine on his chest to start his heart again.
The doctor and Grandad said if you hadn’t done that his heart wouldn’t be working now.
You’re a hero,”
Again, Josh launches at me and wraps himself around my body.
“Thank you.”
He says before he lets ago and makes his way onto the pitch to join his team mates.
You’re a hero.
You’re a hero.
You’re a hero.
His words resonate deep within my soul.
Playing over and over again as my vision blurs, I have to turn away to avoid anyone seeing me cry.
Men aren’t supposed to cry; soldiers aren’t supposed to cry.
Josh’s mum wraps an arm around my waist and guides me a few short steps, away from the young team and Mike.
“Listen, Josh’s is right.
You are a hero; you’re our hero and we won’t ever forget what you did for my dad.
By denying that you did anything, you’re denying us our opportunity to be appreciative and to rejoice in the future.
A future that could have been cut short for my dad, but because of you we can smile again.
We can plan for Christmas and next year.
We have more time with him, and that is definitely down to you.”
She gives me a moment to allow her words to make an impact.
“Josh told me you’re a soldier, I wanted to ask if there was a Commanding Officer or someone, I don’t know, anyone I can write to, I want them to know what a wonderful man you are.
You deserve praise from much higher than I can offer.”
I shake my head, “No, that’s really not necessary.
I’m waiting on discharge anyway.
So, technically, I’m no longer a soldier.
Your words mean so much, and that’s more than enough.”
Smiling sympathetically, Josh’s mum speaks through her emotions, “I disagree with that statement.
Once a soldier, always a soldier.”
She lets her arm drop from around my waist and reaches into her bag.
“Josh wanted to get you something to say thanks, it’s not much but I hope, in years to come, you’ll be able to look at it and remember Josh fondly,”
she hands me a gift bag and when I look inside there’s a metal water bottle with the phrase ‘This is what AWESOME looks like’ and an arrow pointing up towards the drinking end, emblazoned on it.
“Heroes come in all shapes and sizes, Jamie.
Right now, our hero is in the form of an under-thirteen’s football coach with the biggest heart.
Josh could have a far worse role model than you.”
My cheeks redden and I break.
As Josh’s mum walks away, my body folds and I’m left clutching my knees as I try to compose myself.