18. Don’t Go Bacon My Heart
OLIVIA
Why? Why ? Just shy of eighteen years old and they’ve got a better love life than me.
It’s twelfth grade gym class, for fuck’s sake. Do they need to be kissing?
“Aw, c’mon ,” I groan, dragging a palm down my face as it turns into an aggressive game of tonsil hockey. “Okay, ladies, that’s enough.”
I prop my fists on my hips as Lucy and Jean ignore me.
I can tell they’ve heard me—I can see the corners of the sly smiles they’re wearing—but my kids like to push me.
It’s my own fault; I’m way too friendly and lenient with my students, and it sometimes backfires on me.
I can’t keep count of how often I’m breaking apart public displays of affection, especially in my co-ed class.
“Nope. Nope, nope, nope, nope.” I clap my hands five hundred times until they stop. “You’re in class! You’re seventeen! Here’s an idea: wait until class ends.”
They break away with a laugh, and Lucy swipes the back of her wrist across her mouth. “Sorry, Miss Parker. You’re the only cool teacher at this school.”
I point at her. “Don’t try to butter me up with that cool teacher bullshit.” Shoving a set of pylons into her hands, I tell her, “Set these up along the red line, please.”
“Aw, man.” Jean tosses her head back with a groan. “Not shuttle sprints.”
“Yes, shuttle sprints. This is a fitness class, Miss Ross. You joined it of your volition.”
She crosses her arms and frowns, toeing at the gym floor with her sneakers. “Lucy made me.”
“Oh, the things we do for love.”
Lucy jogs back over after setting out the pylons, tossing her straight, jet-black hair over her shoulder. “You okay, Miss Parker? You seem a little, I donno…” She waves a hand around my face. “Sad, lately.”
“Me? Sad? No, I’m totally fine. Super-duper fine.” Super-duper fine, ladies and gentlemen.
Paul swaggers over, dropping his elbow to Lucy’s shoulder. “Yeah, what gives? You’ve barely laughed at any of my jokes.”
“Maybe you need to work on your material.”
He scoffs. “I’m funny as fu—” His mouth slams shut, eyes wide and set on me as I watch him with an arched brow. “Frick. Funny as frick.”
“Right, well—” My words drown in the sound of the gym doors bursting open, bouncing off the wall, and I clap a hand over my eyes and sigh as a gorgeous, leggy blonde sweeps into the space, all eyes on her as she tears off her oversized sunglasses.
“For shit’s sake. Cara ! You can’t just barge in here!
” I sweep my arms out. “I’m in the middle of a class! ”
She flicks her wrist. “Class dismissed.”
“What? No! No, class isn’t dismissed.” I twirl around, pointing at my students, all twenty-one sets of eyes bouncing between me and Cara. “Stay!”
Cara’s body slumps, head lolling backward. “C’mon, Miss Parker. It’s the last class of the day. Let these kids have some fun. Be cool.”
“I’m cool! I’m fun! We have lots of fun here!” I look around for validation, my own head bobbing. When I don’t get it, I toss a hand in the air. “Fine. Go. But anyone who’s late tomorrow is doing burpees.”
With my arms pinned across my chest and one foot tapping, I watch as every single one of my students high-fives my best friend.
I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened, but it’s not, and it won’t be the last. Cara works on nobody’s schedule but her own, and my principal has a crush on her, so she strolls through those gym doors way too often.
Cara flashes me what I’m sure she thinks is a charming grin before sweeping both arms out toward my office. “Step into my office, Miss Parker.”
“It’s my office,” I huff, then dash forward in an unsuccessful attempt to beat her there.
She sinks to my chair, twisting back and forth, fingers steepled in front of her face. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”
“You are so incredibly irritating, you know that?”
She grins. “I really do, but I figured we were overdue for a work visit. Plus, those kids love me.”
“Because they get a free period every time you show up.”
“I’d make a great teacher.” Her eyes sparkle, and the way they linger on me unnerves me. Cara’s always had a way of seeing right through me. “What’s your plan for this weekend?”
“This weekend?”
She nods. “This weekend. You can’t avoid him, you know. He’s going to be there.”
I flop down to the chair across from my desk, legs over the armrest. “Who the hell manages to throw together such an extravagant engagement party only two weeks after the engagement?” I don’t touch on the fact that tomorrow night was supposed to be mine and Carter’s movie date.
Cara smiles at her nails as she checks them. “I have my connections.”
Her connections are that she owns her own event planning business, is absolutely unstoppable when she’s in party-planning mode, and when she needs something she doesn’t have—like, say, a venue that can service one hundred people on such short notice—she knows how to be persuasive.
And I don’t mean flirty; I mean utterly terrifying.
“In fact, he’s the best man, so you’re gonna be walking down the aisle together at the wedding.”
The noises I make are not a coherent response. They’re mostly a string of grumbled curse words that make Cara grin.
“C’mon. What’s going through your mind? You’re keeping so much bottled up. I need you to talk to me.”
My teeth descend on my lower lip, tugging on it.
“I know he didn’t do anything with that Sandie girl, and I know he’s allowed to be with whoever he wants; I’m the one that walked away.
But it’s still scary, you know? He meant to hook up with her.
It was his first knee-jerk reaction.” My voice lowers.
“I can’t help but wonder if he’ll always try to hurt me when he’s angry with me, but at the same time, I know I hurt him first.”
“Sounds like you’ve both made some decisions recently based out of fear.”
“It feels like this vicious circle. Like a carousel that won’t stop. I want to climb off, but I don’t know how to get it to slow down.”
“Yes, you do. You need to decide to leave it all where it is or move forward.” She walks to the whiteboard that hangs on the wall, picking up a marker.
I follow her. “So here’s what we’re gonna do.
” She scrawls Carter Beckett across the top of the board, underlines it three times, then draws a stick figure with a giant penis.
I’m going to need to erase this immediately.
She finishes with a heart on the left and a frowny face on the right.
“We are not making a pros and cons list.”
“Think of it as a list of likes and dislikes.” She taps the X . “Now, things you don’t—”
“He’s a playboy.”
“Previous…fear…of…commitment,” she scribes, which is not at all what I said.
“He’s arrogant, cocky, and flashy.” Except the second the tip of Cara’s marker touches the board, I stop her. “Wait. I think I kinda like that. He’s…proud. Charismatic. Confident. I think they’re good qualities. I wish I was as sure of myself as he is.” Then we likely wouldn’t be in this mess.
“Hm. Interesting.”
I flick her elbow while she scrawls beneath the heart. “Wipe that smile off your face or I’ll wipe it off for you.”
“You’re obviously very physically attracted to him.”
I nod, humming. “I wanna tap that man like a maple tree.”
“And he’s funny,” Cara suggests.
My head bobs as I run the tip of my fingernail across my lower lip.
“He makes me laugh a lot, and he’s kind of a big goofball.
He makes me feel good about myself. He’s painfully honest, and I like the way he smells and the way he plays with my hair.
And when he looks at me…when he looks at me, it’s like it’s only me and him.
I like the way he looks at me. And I like that his house is his escape, that he likes to stare at the stars and the mountains and forget the noise, and he has the prettiest smile and the best dimples, and he was so sweet with the kids at the fundraiser and such a good sport at taking the pies to the face, and he’s a good friend, and—” I suck in oxygen I’m in desperate need of, noticing the soft smile on Cara’s face.
“Bet he’s a good snuggler. He’s all big and burly, and he’s not all that great with personal space.”
A tingly warmth starts in my belly and spreads throughout my body as I remember the way Carter hauled me against him after each round, how his arms came around me, his face in the crook of my neck as his lips touched my skin over and over again, his hand on my throat as he kept me right where he wanted me.
There wasn’t a single part of me that wanted to be anywhere other than right there.
Cara picks up the hockey skate charm hanging from my lanyard, examining it before gesturing at the board. It’s full below the heart, and oddly empty below the frowny face. “Looks like you have your answer.”
A lump forms in the back of my throat, a shiver of apprehension dancing down my spine as I wring my hands. “I know I do. But that doesn’t make it less scary. His past was his present only a month ago. My fears are logical and warranted, aren’t they?”
Cara’s compassionate gaze stays on me as a beat of silence stretches between us.
“I understand, Liv. I get where you’re coming from, because it’s the same reason I kept him from meeting you for so long.
It’s impossible to ignore the caution signs, especially when they’re constantly being thrust in your face everywhere you turn.
Carter’s always owned his decisions and he’s never shied away from them being splashed about so publicly.
And now you’re thinking that there’s no way this is real.
That you’re another girl that doesn’t mean anything.
That he’s going to have you and toss you aside when he’s done.
But he’s already had you, and he still wants you.
You like him, and he likes you. There’s no problem here, other than that you’re letting fear of the unknown dictate your life.