Chapter 17
I can’t believe it took me so long to figure him out. He clings to control with all his might, but once in a while, I loosen his hold. And when I do, things happen—like him kissing me, taking my virginity, and sleeping in my bed.
But I can’t keep doing that. Whenever it gets too much for him, he indulges and then retreats, refilling his well of control. It’s a cycle—on and on until I’ll end up walking straight through insanity’s door. Having figured that out makes me feel incrementally better.
I need to get over him. I have no chance of breaking through his firewall. He fights me off like I’m a virus threatening his system. He strives for control, and while I enjoy shaking him a bit, that’s not what I desire. I want him to give in because he chooses to, but that will never happen. Whenever I’m close to breaching the walls he hides behind, he says the most preposterous things.
There has to be something between us. I refuse to believe he feels nothing for me. It’s in the small things, like obsessively ensuring I’m safe. Or maybe I’m just seeing things because I crave him so much.
It’s so cruel—so unbearably cruel—to dangle yet another thing I long for just out of reach. Tears sting my eyes as I round the corner of the cabin, but the sound of a twig snapping nearby jolts me out of my thoughts. Quickly, I swipe at my cheeks with the back of my hands.
I turn toward the noise and see Blake.
He doesn’t say a word. Instead, he steps forward and pulls me to his side, and I sigh in his embrace.
He places a kiss on the top of my head. “I have you. I will always have you, Bailey.”
I know he means it. While I’d do anything for my friends, I’d always go a little further for him—the brother I never had.
“Do you want me to make him disappear?” he asks, his voice low.
I chuckle. “Mia would never forgive you.”
“You wouldn’t tell, would you?” He wiggles his brows, and I giggle.
“I’m happy for you, Blake.”
“Thank you. I never thought I would be.”
“You deserve it.”
Mia calls for him, and he grins. “I’m teaching her how to snowboard.”
“Yeah, bring her to the other side,” I say as he walks away.
My friends form a circle a few feet away in front of the cabins, and there’s a heated discussion about today’s plans.
“Can’t we just chill?” Celine asks Abi in a hopeful tone, but knowing Abi, she probably made a schedule for every hour of our vacation.
“Come on, princess. We can relax in the hot tub,” Dane tries, rolling his bottom lip through his teeth.
“Today could be a free day, and tomorrow, we’ll do whatever you have planned,” Kaden says, and she gives in with a nod.
“What are your plans?” Mia asks.
I poke my thumb toward the forest. “Going on a short hike.”
When everyone retreats to their cabins for the rest of the afternoon, Hunter lingers behind, following me through a cluster of large trees.
“I meant alone.”
“Can’t do that, kitten,” he says to my back.
Ignoring him is the hardest thing ever, as it goes against my nature. My boots crush the snow, leaving indents with every step I take. I have no idea where I am, but knowing he’s not far gives me the strength to continue, to let myself be carried away. One thing is certain: he would never let anything bad happen to me—except himself.
While my thoughts consume my brain, his nearness soothes my longing heart. I steal a glance over my shoulder. He’s a few steps behind me, a protective shadow—my tormented angel corrupting me like the devil.
I come to an abrupt halt in front of a baby deer, its deep brown eyes fixed on me. I smile, hoping to assure this beautiful creature that I mean no harm. After plucking my phone from my jacket, I take a few pictures. But just as quickly as it appeared, it sprints away. I watch as it rejoins its mother.
And then, to top the aww moment, I see a stag nearby. Its majestic antlers stretch from his skull like a crown. Nature provides the most marvelous pictures. I can’t believe how fortunate I am.
“Did you see that?” I ask, turning to Hunter to share this moment with him. The fresh, cool air paints a reddish hue on his face, his hands tucked into the pockets of his jeans as he watches me. He looks just as breathtaking as the scenic landscape, with his imposing frame, thick black hair, and silver eyes. His appearance alone has the power to make everything more breathtaking.
“I did,” he says hoarsely, his eyes never breaking contact.
I follow the path the little family disappeared down, hoping to catch another glimpse.
“Watch out,” he says as I slide on a patch of ice, but he’s there to catch me before I fall. Why can’t he just hold on to me and never let me go?
“Thank you.”
“So polite, kitten, even though you’re mad at me.”
“I am constantly mad at you, so it’s a wonder my manners are intact.”
He throws his head back and laughs so wholeheartedly his entire body shakes with the deep sounds, awakening butterflies to dance in my belly.
“Do I make you mad, Bailey?”
“Ugh, you’re insufferable.”
“What else? Let me guess, impossible?”
“Unreachable,” I whisper.
His eyes widen, and I turn around, my heart pounding so fast it feels like it might leap out of my chest.
We walk some more until the cold seeps through the layers of fabric I’m wearing, chills erupting on my skin. I don’t want to return just yet. Nature offers a kind of comfort I’m not ready to relinquish. I know what awaits me once we’re back—a confined space where he’s everywhere.
“We should head back. You haven’t stopped shivering,” he says, his tone laced with worry.
Of course, he notices. I am about to protest when he shrugs out of his winter jacket and throws it over my shoulders.
As he zips it up, I try to push his hands away. “What are you doing? It’s cold.”
“I’m cold-blooded. I won’t freeze,” he says with a playful lilt, but there’s more.
“No, you’re not.”
“Stop it, Bailey. I’m fine,” he insists.
Wearing just a black sweater while the temperature keeps dropping can’t possibly be comfortable. I could argue, but our combined stubbornness will only waste time—and he might freeze before we stop bickering.
I clutch the lapels closed, the added material warming me, but his masculine scent heats my blood. That alone is more efficient than a blanket or a fireplace.
I steal glances at him, but his body never breaks into a shiver. Instead, he watches me wearing his jacket with a satisfied expression as if that’s all he needs.
“I will never understand you,” I sigh.
“That makes two of us.”
“And agreeable. The cold must have frozen your brain.”
Silence has always been a peaceful companion. I enjoyed it because I knew what to expect. Steady and loyal. Among my friends, I am the quiet one, but when it comes to Hunter, I can’t keep silent if my life depended on it, and coupled with being honest, it’s a recipe for disaster.
“What’s going on in that busy brain of yours?” he asks, digging a finger into my temple.
“How I am a mess when it comes to you.”
“If it’s any consolation, I am no better.”
Then why aren’t we trying to figure this out? But knowing him, he would just reject me. That’s something I don’t want a repeat of.
“Do you miss London?” I ask, wanting to know everything about him, to peel back every layer until I find out what goes on in his troubled mind.
“Bloody no. All I wanted was to get away from there.”
“Would you call Greenville your home now?”
“I guess, but I am bound to people, not places.”
He’s loyal like that. It’s the same for me, yet I would love to have a place to call mine—my home.
“Have you ever been in love?” I ask, chewing on my lower lip, unable to take my question back. While I want to know the answer, I don’t either. The contradiction is nothing new. My feelings for him are just like him—a conundrum. If he says yes, my jealousy will eat me whole, but the other side of me wants him to have experienced that. Call it instinct, but I think Hunter has been in pain for a long time. While I haven’t experienced the healing aspects of love, I have witnessed it happening around me.
“No. I don’t intend to either.” He says that like a statement. He’s so sure that I can’t help but smile.
“I don’t think love operates on what you want or not.”
His jaw clenches, his features tightening. “Have you been in love?”
“No. But if you asked me a few years ago, I would have said, ‘No, thank you.’ Now, though, I would like to experience it.”
“Love comes with heartbreak.”
“Is that the universal rule? Maybe love makes you acutely aware of the cost of losing it.”
“Death.”
He’s so anti-love—he’s the love Grinch.
“True. No one can change that, but you could live first. Love is a part of enjoying a fulfilled life—or so I’ve heard.”
His brows furrow, appearing deep in thought. “You have an answer for everything, don’t you?”
“You could contradict me. You usually do.”
“That would make me breach a dangerous territory.”
All the peace evaporates, swallowed by red-hot exasperation. I am the dangerous territory. When he’s a minefield, I lose pieces of my heart with every step.
“Not my fault you can’t control yourself around me.”
“Yeah, you’re my perdition, aren’t you?”
I gasp, fully offended but more hurt that he believes that.
I’m about to give him a piece of my mind when I notice the change in him. His stance turns predatory. Chest heaving and jaw set in a hard line, his silver eyes darken as he watches me.
“You always do that, knowing full well what the fuck you’re doing to me. Tell me, Bailey, do I give you the impression that I am a saint? That I could keep myself restrained when you flaunt your perfection around me, urging me to take a bite? But it’s never enough—it’s damn addictive.” He takes a step toward me, and even without him touching me, I feel trapped, like there’s no way to escape.
“What are you doing?” I ask, stepping back but holding my ground. That one second it takes for him to answer is full of tension. I have trouble breathing.
“Run.”
Excitement floods through me, mixing with a euphoric rush that thrills me to my core. I feel so alive I could jump high up in the sky and shout at the top of my lungs. I want him to catch me—because I know how good it would be, even if only for a while. But my rational side tells me to stop this maddening push and pull.
I open my mouth to tell him we should forget what he said, walk back, and keep things civil. But the words die as my thoughts scatter, caught by the uncontained hunger dilating his pupils.
“Run, kitten, but that won’t help you much. I’ll catch you either way. Congrats, you broke my control—again.”
A jolt of adrenaline surges through me, and I take off, unsure if I’m heading in the direction we came from. Shoving at branches while I get deeper into the heart of the forest, my feet grow heavier, my breaths coming out in shallow pants. It’s the snow. Everyone knows snow makes running more difficult.
Hunter should have caught me by now. I am a realist. He’s more fit and lives for sport, while I am more of a sedentary athlete. In addition to that, my shorter stride and endurance are nothing compared to his. I am genuinely surprised I am still running.
When I come to a stop, I whip my head back, but I don’t see him.
Chest panting, I try to ease the panic seizing my lungs. Nothing will happen to him , I tell myself. I don’t know if there are bears or wolves in these woods, but if there are, I’d still bet on Hunter, seeing him winning against a wild animal.
There’s no cure for what I have.
The snap of a twig jerks my attention, and I spin toward the sound, but it’s only a small fox. Its coppery fur stands in contrast against the white snow and green pines, so striking it makes me forget I should still be running.
A low growl rumbles in his throat. “I told you not to give a predator your back, kitten. It makes it easier for us to take you by surprise.”
A whoosh of air escapes my mouth as his hand wraps around my neck. He sucks on my neck, emanating sounds of satisfaction. It takes everything in me to put a stop to my growing pleasure and show him that I have been paying attention to our fighting lessons.
I jab my elbow into his stomach, grinning as he doubles over. “This prey doesn’t let herself be caught that easily.”
Then I dart away again, my heart pounding. I won’t give him the satisfaction of having me whenever he pleases. No, I need more, even though he refuses to see it. At times, he gives me the impression that he wants more just as much as I do.
He catches me two more times.
The first time, he backs me into a tree. Snow tumbles from the branches, and it’s like we’re caught inside a shaken snow globe for a few seconds.
“Try to resist me. You never could and never will.” He groans and slams his mouth on mine. If I’m his perdition, he’s my undoing.
That wakes me from the trance his mouth put me in. If this is a game for him, let’s play. While he might be the expert in seduction, I must be doing something right.
Pretending to caress his face, my fingers grip his sweater, and I back him into the tree. He casts a heated gaze my way that almost melts my fight, but I push away and sprint off again. Not for long though.
He jumps on me, and I land on the soft blanket of snow with him on top of me. He caught me, and I am ready for him to take me. This visceral need to fuck overrides my thoughts. Maybe it’s the whole hunter and prey thing, but a delicious shiver runs through me. He deserves his prize.
“When I give chase, I’ll always catch you. And we both fucking know what will happen once I do.”
He won. I should accept it, but I don’t want him to lose control—I want it to shatter into a million pieces, fragments so scattered he’ll never be able to reassemble them. So, I continue to provoke him.
“Hmm, I don’t know. Are you in need of a protein shake? You seem so out of breath.”
That’s a lie, and we both know it. We’re both panting for a completely different reason. My chest heaves, waiting for what he will do next.
“I should pound your little cunt raw right here and now.”
“Why won’t you?” I ask, licking my lips and grinding against his groin. Even through two thick winter jackets, I feel his fingers dig into my skin. It’s that maddening heat, but I can also sense his restraint of wanting to hold on to his control.
Fine. I won’t get what I want, but neither will he.
“Get off me.”
He immediately gets up. He would never cross a line—he just likes to test limits, especially his own.
While I wipe away the snow clinging to my jacket, he stands there, breathing hard, every muscle in his face pulled taut. The magic vanishes as quickly as a snap of the fingers.
“Why did you make me stop?” he asks, his voice rough.
“Because you are so damn conflicted, I don’t want you to burst a vein at the thought of fucking me,” I snap. My voice wavers, cracking under the weight of my deepest vulnerability.
“Bailey…” He stretches out his hand.
But I ignore it, then turn on my heel and storm away.