Chapter 50
Not enough.
The hour was late, but the time hardly mattered.
I didn’t work on a normal schedule anymore, nor did I have a duty shift.
All I had to do was forge onward on this star-begotten virus.
My eyes closed as I rubbed my temples slowly.
My head throbbed, and my eyes burned with exhaustion.
Every movement was stiff and contained an ache.
But none of it compared to the hollow agony in my soul.
Monqilcolnen. He was the center of it. I missed him so fiercely it was as if I couldn’t breathe.
One moment. One instant. That was all I’d allow myself.
I switched from the code readouts to an image of Monqilcolnen.
I hadn’t taken any of him or of us together.
The thought had never crossed my mind, not once.
I’d been too happy being with him, and now…
I sorely regretted it. All I had was Monqilcolnen’s official navy image, but it was better than nothing.
A small smile pulled at the corner of my mouth as I stared at him, tracing his face with the tip of my claw. This wasn’t enough, not by any means.
However, it was all I had. At the moment. But as soon as I severed the tie between the Admiral Ven and NAID’s main hub, I would be able to see him again. I would be right by Monqilcolnen’s side once more when I’d fixed the issue.
A shiver went down my spine. Hopefully before the silence got to me. I looked around at the dark, empty cargo bay. The quiet had already affected me. It was digging into me like claws, the marks a little deeper every day.
No. I could hold out longer.
I shook off the morose cloud weighing down on me.
Work needed to be done, and I was the one to do it.
No else could, or at least, they hadn’t been able to yet.
I took a deep breath and dove back in. My virus was fighting against breaking the tie, as I’d programmed it to.
The thought behind it was to not allow an enemy’s AI to save itself.
No. My kill code was meant to attack the source of the AI, not the individual ships or bases.
I’d done my work too well. This was the first time my brain had failed me, though to call it a failure was perhaps too extreme.
My fingers flowed over the screen as I inputted the new algorithm I’d created.
Once it started its work, I closed my eyes and rolled my neck.
A twinge went down my spine, and I flinched when my wings fought to escape.
It had been far too long since I’d released them; however, I couldn’t be bothered right now.
I wanted to keep doing what I was doing—moving toward Monqilcolnen.
Once the algorithm had a moment to work, I looked at my screen again, and a smile burst forward. “Yes,” I breathed, head falling back and eyes closing as tears burned my eyes. “Finally. I didn’t think it possible.”
I looked at my screen again to make sure I hadn’t imagined it, and no, I had not.
It was there. Bright as the sun, as clear as the stars, and as pure as the Crystal.
I had severed the tie between the Admiral Ven and NAID’s hub.
I’d done it. I’d taken the first step in breaking what I’d created, protecting the Drakcol Empire, and repairing all the damage I’d done.
“My Monqilcolnen,” I whispered into the darkness. “My Star. I’m coming.”
With a groan, I forced myself to my feet.
My muscles creaked and cracks went down my spine.
Once I straightened, my knees joined in.
I stretched, trying to rid myself of the ache.
But it would all be fine now. I’d be able to sneak into bed with Monqilcolnen and snuggle against him, though I imagined once he realized I was in bed, we wouldn’t only cuddle.
Grinning, I ducked my head and smoothed my wrinkled uniform.
I frowned, clawing at the stain from lunch.
When had my uniform gotten into such a state?
Normally, I was fastidious about it. I would have to put something clean on before I saw Monqilcolnen.
My brow wrinkled as I looked at my dull braid.
It wasn’t clean or oiled. Maybe I should clean myself first as well?
That was probably a good idea. I wanted to smell nice when I saw him after our separation.
But first, Captain Talvax. She would want to know of this development immediately, and I needed her permission to return to Monqilcolnen’s side—where I belonged.
I gathered up my screen and tried to dart out of the door, but it didn’t open. I growled. I pinged Qinlin. It took several moments before she snarled, “What do you want?”
“I need to report to Captain Talvax. Do I have permission to leave the cargo bay and go to her room?”
“For all the stars in the universe, yes. You can go wherever you want tonight. Now don’t bother me again.” She didn’t wait for me to respond before ending the session.
I didn’t bother to walk sedately; the excitement running through me was too powerful for me to remain calm.
Sliding into the lift, I slammed the button for deck two and bounced on my toes as I waited.
Why was the lift moving so slow? Was the lift even moving?
I checked my screen and ran a quick diagnostic. The lift was performing normally.
That fact still didn’t stop the growl rumbling in my chest or the urge to strike the wall.
The stupid lift needed to move faster. Perhaps the internal sensors weren’t working correctly, because this lift was moving way too slowly.
Monqilcolnen needed me… or perhaps I needed him.
But to get to him, the lift had to move faster.
Finally, after eons, the doors opened at a ridiculously slow rate.
I snarled, not waiting for them, and dashed down the corridor, only to pause in front of Talvax’s door.
She might not be in her quarters. I should’ve asked first. “NAID, where is Captain Talvax?” I asked, hoping she wasn’t abed, but I would wake her up regardless—she would want to know.
NAID’s voice came out shaky, “Captain-Captain Tal-talvax is in-in-in her office.”
I frowned. The virus had to be affecting its speech patterns or the voice.
Something I would have to work on in the morning, though I supposed there were more critical areas to focus on.
But none of that mattered right this moment.
No, all that mattered was informing Talvax so I could return to Monqilcolnen.
That—Monqilcolnen was the most important. Not anything else.
With a quick turn, I ran back toward the lift and up a deck to the captain’s office all while humming under my breath, my tail flicking.
I was so close. It seemed impossible to be so close and yet so far away.
Monqilcolnen was right there… well, on deck two in bed, I assumed, but still so close I could almost smell him.
I groaned. A deep instinct burned within me to cover Monqilcolnen in my scent so he could never be free of it and no one could question who he belonged to. Me.
Once I reached Talvax’s office, I pressed the panel to signal I was outside. After a long moment, she called out, “Enter.”
The door slid open, and my eyes went to Talvax as my soul stumbled in my chest. I had never, not once, seen her look so rough.
Her orange hair was stuck up in all different directions, her brown scales were dull, and her tail hung limp by her leg.
I hadn’t seen her since she’d banished me to only working on the virus, but it appeared as if she’d been having as hard a time as me.
“Captain,” I said, offering her my throat.
She waved me off, then dragged her claws through her short hair. “I hope you have something good to share.”
“I do.” Something I could only describe as pure relief washed over her face and broke my soul.
I’d done a lot to harm the Drakcol Empire and to the Admiral Ven, but I never really considered Talvax in the whole scenario.
I’d been, and still was, furious about her separating me from Monqilcolnen.
But claws raked me at the sight of her so exhausted.
“Tell me,” she ordered, and I was all too happy to comply.
“I severed the link between us and the main hub.”
Her shoulders sagged. “Thank the Crystal.”
“It wasn’t easy, but the rest of the NAID, including the stations and ships, are all free of the danger of this virus spreading.”
“This is a very good start.”
“It is,” I agreed, giving her a slight smile. I wanted to apologize again, but I didn’t want to remind her of what had happened or add to her stress.
“Hopefully, you will continue to be as successful and save my ship. You are excused,” she said without looking at me and giving a dismissive wave, like I meant nothing. Perhaps I didn’t anymore, but I couldn’t not ask.
“What about Monqilcolnen?”
“What about him?”
“Can I finally return to his side?” I hated the need I heard in my voice, but I could hardly repress it. I needed Monqilcolnen. I needed the silence to end. I needed to be seen again. Not to be an invisible thing everyone walked by.
“Why would you think that?” she asked, interlacing her hands on the desk.
“Because I severed the tie.”
Talvax scoffed. “You have doomed my ship and nearly destroyed the empire. You think breaking one measly link was enough. Nothing you do will ever be enough.”
Something inside of me cracked. I hadn’t heard that since I was a child. I’d worked my hardest. I’d fought everyday to be where I was. Never had I thought I was less than since childhood, and even then, my caretakers had always told me how worthy I was.
But now… I wasn’t. I wasn’t worth anything, was I?
“You can leave.”
I offered my throat and slinked back down the corridor to the lift. My steps were slow and halting. I had no excitement left. No hope. Nothing.