Chapter 57
Hold me.
Confusion. That was my first emotion when awareness slowly returned to me. What was going on? Where was I? Claws shredded me. My parents. I was alone. So utterly and completely alone. Only darkness surrounded me. I could find no light. None.
“I am here,” the most perfect voice said. Wyn dragged his claws over my back while his tail curled around mine.
The first tear slid out. “I am alone.”
“No,” he whispered. “You are not. I am here.”
But he might not be. Panic filled me, and I was rolling on top of Wyn and pinning him to the mattress before I could even process what I was doing.
I nuzzled him, spreading my scent. Wyn was mine.
I could never lose him. I refused to live without him.
I bit and kissed his neck, and Wyn offered more to me.
“Take what you need, Star. Use me.” His hands brushed my sides, and my cock firmed up.
“You. Need you.”
Wyn grabbed the lube, though even that small movement away from me was enough to make me whine. I couldn’t take any separation.
“Just give me a little,” Wyn said.
I squirted some onto my fingers and pushed one into his hole before lubing up my cock. I needed to be inside of him. I had to feel connected to him, so I wasn’t alone anymore.
He cupped my cheeks. “I’m here, Monqilcolnen. I am here, and I have you.”
Tears gathered in my eyes, and I pushed inside of him. Wyn grunted as my shaft slid in until I bottomed out. He wrapped his legs around my waist and his arms around my neck.
Wyn pressed a gentle kiss to my cheek. “I’m here.”
I pulled back, then thrusted into his tight warmth. Wyn moaned, and I caught his lips with mine, tasting the salt of my tears mixing with our kiss. I slicked my tongue around his, rutting into him softly.
Another cry broke out of Wyn’s lips as his head went back. “Star.”
I shifted my hands to his backside and lifted Wyn closer to me so I could get in deeper, connecting us even more. He whined under me, his claws digging into my back. I snapped my hips into him, slamming into his heat.
“Never leave me,” I snarled.
Wyn cried out, then said in a broken voice, “I won’t.”
“Mine,” I growled, unable to swallow the word. It wasn’t fair, but it was my truth. I couldn’t handle losing Wyn. He was my soul, my life, my breath, my everything.
“Yours,” he whimpered, holding onto me tighter. An aborted scream came out of his mouth as I seized it and swallowed the noise. It was mine, just like he was.
My hips moved faster and harder, pumping into him. Wyn grunted and moaned into my mouth, his legs and arms squeezing me while his tail coiled around mine. I spread my wings, shielding my mate, and picked up even more speed, slamming into him.
Wyn ripped his mouth from mine and keened loudly as warmth rushed over my stomach and his channel gripped me so tight it was hard to keep rutting into him. I gave a few more brutal thrusts before pleasure washed through me and my cock kicked, pumping his hole full of my seed.
I collapsed on top of him and shivered. Wyn panted in my ear and rubbed my back. “I'm right here, Star.”
Tears slid down my cheeks. I buried my face against Wyn, and he continued to stroke my back. Throbbing pain filled me once more, making me sob against my mate.
“Oh, Monqilcolnen,” he whispered. “I’m not going anywhere. I swear.”
I believed him, but it wasn’t enough. The thought of not having my father pinging to check on me or my xapher offering advice and telling Wyn inappropriate stories was like not having breath.
They hadn’t even chosen to speak to me after Father joined the Crystal.
They had chosen to follow him instead of fight.
They had picked him over me, not even trying.
A sob shook my shoulders, and Wyn brushed a hand through my hair. I was still inside of him, but not even that closeness wasn’t enough. I nuzzled his neck, needing him to smell like me. He had to smell like me. Wyn was mine.
He slid his hands down my sides, massaging my glands. Wyn whispered, “Yes, use me. Take me.”
“Mine.” I bit his neck. Hard.
Wyn cried out, but he didn’t try to force me away. Instead, he offered his throat more toward me. His blood filled my mouth, and I swallowed the warmth, then licked the wound to clean it.
“Monqilcolnen,” Wyn moaned, hard again.
I thrust into his hole, slick with my seed. I had to claim him again and again. Wyn would never get away from me.
Monqilcolnen was asleep on top of me. We had fucked a couple of times before he’d cried himself to sleep. I held him against me with one arm and worked on the coding issues with my free hand. It wasn’t an ideal position, to say the least, but I wasn’t going to leave Monqilcolnen anytime soon.
It was rare for grief other than that of a lost mate to trigger the withering, but it was possible. I refused to lose Monqilcolnen to it. He needed to know he wasn’t alone, and I would show that to him, every day, by remaining right here.
The door opened, and Seth peeked in, then immediately turned bright red. “Is this a bad time?”
Monqilcolnen’s ample butt was covered by the sheet, and I was covered by him. However, we were naked. What I had discovered easily in my friendship with the human was that Seth was exceedingly shy about nakedness or references to nakedness or what one might do while naked.
“It’s fine, Seth.”
He barely stepped inside, his cheeks red and eyes on the floor.
“How’s Bobbinvoxlyn?”
“He misses you.”
I smiled, running my fingers through Monqilcolnen’s hair. I doubted the kit did, but it was nice to hear.
“Do you need anything?” he asked, shifting his eyes to the ceiling.
“No. I am taking care of him.”
Seth finally looked at me, brow furrowed, probably because of my rough tone. He said, “I know. I don’t doubt that at all. We want to help.”
I tightened my hold on Monqilcolnen, but I recognized, logically, he was going to need more than me. I wasn’t enough. He would need his cousins and his friends, even that star-begotten Vorjyn.
“Right now, we’re fine,” I said.
“Talvax and Qinlin said you don’t need to report for your duties for a few days.”
That was nice, because I wouldn’t have left him even if ordered. My Monqilcolnen was far more important. I kissed the top of his head. “I am working from here.”
Seth bobbed his head. “Noxlyn mentioned that. He’s been helping.”
“Yes, his notes are thorough.” What I wouldn’t say was Noxlyn wasn’t much of an engineer. Still, I appreciated his help.
“Qinlin is organizing the civilians with experience to help. They’re agreeing to a bunch of legal things, but they will start helping soon. I believe the Council of Seekers is doing the same back home.”
The tension leaked out of my shoulders. “Captain Talvax approved my idea.”
“Yes, as did the Cohort,” Seth answered, even though it wasn’t a question. “Hopefully, it will help. Also, at the speed we’re going, we’re like a month, I think, from the next Coalition station.”
I gave my friend a small smile, my fingers buried in Monqilcolnen’s starlight hair. Seth returned it and slipped out of the bedroom, and I caught sight of Kalvoxrencol and Serlotminden swarming him as the door slowly slid shut.
I kissed Monqilcolnen again. “You will survive this. I promise, and I will be with you the entire time.”