Chapter 59
You are my most precious.
My mate scrubbed my scalp with slow, gentle movements as he murmured soft words to me.
I fought the urge to weep or yank him back into my arms. I was struggling.
I knew it. I could feel the black hole of grief pulling at the frayed edges of my soul.
At any moment, I would unravel and be lost. I tried clinging to my mate as much as possible, because Wyn was the sole thing keeping me from coming apart.
While he didn’t desire me as I desired him, at least not yet, I was trying to hold on for him, though part of it felt impossible.
I had never lived without my parents. They had always been integral to me.
Many drakcol on Tamkolvanloknol baulked at the laws of the first phase of adulthood.
I hadn’t. I loved my parents' advice, their wisdom, and their steady presence beside me.
Both of them had been integral pillars, the foundation of my life, and now I was adrift without them. I was so alone. So completely alone.
How did I do this?
Wyn brushed a kiss to my shoulder as he started scrubbing my scales. He whispered gentle words I couldn’t comprehend as he pressed more and more kisses to my shoulders.
I felt so incredibly weak. Hardly any drakcol succumbed to the withering when it wasn’t the loss of their mate, and yet, I felt it pulling at me, ruining me, killing me. I shouldn’t have felt this way, and still I did. Why? Was it because I was an only child? Too used to their sole attention?
My mate moved in front of me, and I ran my eyes over his delicate features. Wyn was so incredibly lovely. Never had I seen someone as beautiful as him. It was more than his outward appearance—his very soul was lovely. He was one of the best people I had ever known. I was so proud to be his.
A tear slipped out, and Wyn brushed it away before kissing my cheek. “I am here.”
He was, but it did not feel like it.
Wyn licked another errant tear away and whispered, “I am right here, Star.”
Kiss after kiss, he washed my body and loved me. I couldn’t find the words I needed to tell Wyn how much he meant to me, but I leaned into every touch and nuzzled him whenever he came close enough to reach.
After I was clean, he led me from the shower and had me sit on the stool. Wyn grabbed his scale polish. Wyn loved to look his best, but I had never used his products before.
Kneeling, Wyn looked up at me. “I am going to take care of you, just as you took care of me.”
More tears slipped down my cheeks.
Starting at my feet, Wyn massaged the oil into my scales, his tail firmly holding mine. He took his time, not seeming in a hurry, and covered my whole body in oil before standing behind me to comb my hair.
I sobbed. I couldn’t help it.
Wyn did not say anything and continued to free my silver strands of snarls. Then he grabbed a different glass bottle and combed a sweet smelling oil into my hair.
“You will survive this,” Wyn said. “I know it might seem presumptuous of me to say, as I have no family, but you will survive, Star. You are not alone. I will be beside you every step of the way. Never will you be alone. I promise.”
More tears poured down my cheeks.
Wyn kissed them away. “I will be here.”
I snagged my mate close and held him tight to my chest.
I brushed my fingers through the silky strands of Monqilcolnen’s hair.
He was passed out on top of me, draped over my lap.
I hadn’t been able to convince him to eat, let alone leave the room.
His cousins wanted to speak with him, see him, spend time with him, and I was fairly certain something inside of me would relax a tad if he did.
It would mean he wasn’t succumbing to his grief, which was a constant worry for me.
Monqilcolnen was relaxed in his sleep, but his tail was gripping mine.
“You don’t need to hold me so,” I whispered, fingercombing his hair. “I’m not going anywhere. I love you, Star. You hold my soul. There will be no one else for me, not ever.”
He didn’t react in his sleep.
I closed my eyes. Maybe I should tell him I was his mate. It might be what he needed at this moment, and yet a part of me felt guilty. I didn’t want to pressure him into accepting me. But if it kept him here, perhaps I could be forgiven.
Kissing the top of his head, I whispered, “You are mine. I will not surrender you to anyone, not to your parents, not to fate, not even to death.”
I nuzzled him, spreading my own scent over him.
Gently, I wiggled my tail out of his grasp, then slid out from under him. I kissed his forehead when he made a sad sound. “Don’t worry. You’re safe.”
My fingers trailed over his scales until he calmed. I didn’t want to upset Monqilcolnen, but I needed to do something to show him how much I loved him, how much I wanted him, how much he belonged to me, and how much I belonged to him.
As quietly as possible, I tugged on clothes and slipped out of the room.
Both Kalvoxrencol and Serlotminden looked up.
Seth was rocking Bobbinvoxlyn, and Bartholomew was asleep on his mate’s lap.
Cincin was on her tower, glaring at everyone for imposing on her space—I’d kicked her out to spend time with Seth, which didn’t appear to be helping her.
“He’s alright,” I said, glancing at the closed door. “I have to do something.”
“I’m not sure that is wise,” Kalvoxrencol said, getting to his feet. “Monqilcolnen is not coping well. He needs you.”
Seth moved to Kalvoxrencol’s side. “Is it important?”
“Very.”
He bobbed his head. “Be quick.”
I smiled at my friend. “I will.”
I didn’t wait for anyone else to say anything before racing out of my quarters toward the lift. I slapped the button, but it didn’t respond. I snarled. Of course. Now, NAID had to not be working enough to operate the lift.
I ripped open the panel to the tunnels and shimmied in.
With ease, I navigated the twists and turns.
I had been in the tunnels enough to memorize the layout.
I did not need NAID to guide me, which was a benefit right now.
The main problem was the time. It took a great deal of time to navigate the tight tunnels.
Sometimes going down a deck wasn’t as simple as going down.
You would have to go up, then over, then down. It was a nightmare.
I persevered. I had to do this.
It took much longer than I would’ve liked to reach deck eight. Qinlin glanced up when I stepped inside her office, located inside the med bay.
She blinked. “Is Monqilcolnen dead?”
“No. Of course not! Why would you ask that?” My pulse sped from the mere thought of him being dead. I couldn’t handle such a thing. I loved him far too much.
She raised her palms. “I figured that would be the only thing to take you from his side.”
I shook my head. Doctor Qinlin wasn’t incorrect, but I wished she hadn’t placed the image of Monqilcolnen dead within my mind. But I forged on. I had to hurry.
“I need you to do something.” Nerves plucked at my soul. This was not a normal request, but Monqilcolnen and I needed this. I was sure of it.
“And that is? If you haven’t noticed, the ship is literally crumpling around us, so perhaps you could speak faster.”
I swallowed. “I need you to remove my soul scales.”
“What?” she asked, dropping her screen to her desk.
Traditionally, you were supposed to rip the scales out in front of your mate, but as much as I liked pain, I couldn’t stomach the thought of doing that, and Monqilcolnen would not enjoy it. Also, if Qinlin removed them, there was more of a chance the scales would regrow.
“I need you to remove them,” I repeated.
“Why by the Crystal would you desire that?”
“I want to give them to Monqilcolnen.”
She rolled her eyes. “You cannot be serious.”
“You know the tradition behind them, right?”
“I am aware. It’s idiotic. I had thought we’d moved beyond such moronic traditions.”
“It’s romantic, and he will like it.” When Qinlin did not respond, I said, “If you do not remove them, I will rip them out myself, then most likely faint from blood loss. When that happens, you will have a lot more issues.”
Qinlin rolled her eyes again. “Fine. But if you pass out on me, I am not taking care of you.”
I had never really liked blood. Well, except when Monqilcolnen was licking mine. That was arousing.
I sat on a bed; my tail flicked and my breath sped up.
“This is a ridiculous tradition, but I will help you, if only to make less work for myself later.” She pulled out several instruments. “You know they rarely grow back, correct?”
“I know.”
“Alright, then. Let’s get started.”
I pulled my shirt off, then locked my eyes onto the far wall rather than the mess that was about to be my chest.
A needle pressed into my skin between my scales, the cool liquid stinging as it went in.
“This will numb you, but you will be conscious,” Qinlin said.
“Excellent,” I gritted. I would rather not be awake for this, but I needed to return to Monqilcolnen, hopefully before he woke up.
“Why do you have to do this?” she asked, lifting another instrument.
I tensed, knowing what was happening even if I couldn’t feel it. “We both find it romantic, and he needs to see how serious I am.”
Qinlin snorted. “He would probably be satisfied if you just told him you wanted him to be your mate. No need to get this dramatic about it. But that’s what lovers all do: become hormonal dramatic idiots.”
“Perhaps.” I was willing to go to any extreme to prove how much I loved Monqilcolnen. I swallowed, and my vision wavered at the sight of my light purple scales on the table.
“Two more,” Qinlin said.
“Thank you for the update.” I forced myself to look at the wall. If I didn’t look straight forward, I was going to pass out, and who knew how long it would be before I woke up again. Monqilcolnen would need me before then.