Chapter 5
THE RITUAL
MAGGIE
My body moved in slow motion for the rest of the afternoon.
Diana had judiciously granted me the rest of the weekend to find some place to go, swearing to stay at Ty-something’s place in the meantime so that I didn’t “interrupt” them.
She also informed me that I couldn’t take anything other than my clothes.
All of the furniture in the room was hers, so not only did I need to find a place to live in two days, I had to furnish it.
It was fine. I could get through this. I just needed to panic for a minute first.
Calling Celeste didn’t seem fair. Her life was so rough as it was, and ultimately, Celeste was a fixer. She liked to fix problems, not just listen to me vent. I equally hated and loved her for the loyalty she always gave me.
If her news about Marla had been true, crashing with her was probably my only choice.
Since Marla also lived in town, it made more sense for me to walk rather than waste the little bit of gas I had to drive over to her place.
Plus, I didn’t exactly know where Diana’s new boyfriend lived and I didn’t want either of them knowing where I was going.
As I walked, I planned a pitch in my head so good that Marla wouldn’t be able to say no.
She was tough, there was no doubt about it, but Marla was also realistic and practical.
I just had to present the right set of facts that would make her see how we could help one another.
Marla herself stood on the sidewalk, one hand shielding the sun from her eyes as she stared up at the front of her building. I nearly walked into her because I was so focused on nailing my reasons for letting me stay with her.
“Oh, good,” she greeted me. “I been wonderin’ when you was gonna show up.”
I momentarily panicked. If I promised to help her and forgot about it, Marla would never let me live it down. “Um…what?”
She lowered her hand, the intense gaze landing on my face instead. Every word of the speech I prepared disappeared from my brain.
“I heard you’re in need of a place to stay,” Marla informed me.
Frowning, I deflated like a balloon. “Did Celeste tell you?”
Marla shook her head. “Nope. Heard your mama prattlin’ on about it to Desiree this morning down at the Cushion. I had to turn in my keys,” she added when confusion danced across my face.
“Diana’s telling people about it?” That was a new low, even for her.
“She’s telling Desiree,” Marla corrected me. “Like attracts like. So get to it! Where’s all your stuff?”
I blinked several times before hitching a thumb over my shoulder. “Back at my place. I was just coming over to ask you.”
With a roll of her eyes, Marla went to open the door that led up to her apartment. “Because I was likely to say no? C’mon now, Maggie, you’re a right side smarter than that!”
I followed her upstairs where she led me straight into her second bedroom. Celeste stayed there sometimes whenever she was too tired to go home after a long day at the diner. The room had been gutted of all Celeste’s belongings and it smelled like a mixture of fabric softener and bleach.
“I took the liberty of scrubbing everything. You never know what Iris has dropped around here. All of Celeste’s things will stay in the hall closet.
You’re welcome to use the dressers and the closet.
I don’t have anything in here anyway, so I hope you’ll consider it well and truly yours.
” Marla fixed me with a hard stare, the kind only she could give.
It went along with her tough love thing.
She could probably see straight through to people’s souls. “You gonna be alright?”
This wasn’t a conversation I was ready to have. I choked back on the sobs that threatened to escape, Marla’s eyes too astute not to notice. “I can’t thank you enough.” Examining my nails and the chipped polish they sported, I avoided seeing her reaction. “I’m not sure how I can pay you yet.”
Marla snorted. “Families don’t charge one another rent, Maggie. You can help me get things ready downstairs and we’ll call it even.”
She marched back downstairs with me trailing behind to wipe my eyes. Her kindness was like a balm, soothing frazzled nerves that prevented me from sleeping the night before. It was also exactly like Marla and for whatever reason, I really needed that.
“So what do you think?” Marla gestured towards the shop front beneath her apartment. The windows were covered in grime and the inside looked dark. What was once an appliance store, had sat vacant for years, longer than I lived in River’s Run.
“About what?”
“My new shop!” There was a hint of pride to her voice that I hadn’t heard before.
I broke out into a wide smile. “So you’re really doing it? You’re gonna open a bakery?”
“Marla’s Sweets,” she confirmed, the pride now evident. “Just got the keys this morning!”
“Dang, Marla, I’m so happy for you!” I threw my arms around her neck in delight.
She laughed as she hugged me back. “Alright, alright! No use in carryin’ on when we’ve got loads of work to do. I need you to take our girl out tonight and celebrate, y’hear?”
Celeste? Go out? That would never happen.
“Marla, you know she can’t. What about the diner? What about Iris?”
“I’m going to keep Iris for the night. How else am I supposed to celebrate?
And The Comfy Cushion is closing down early anyway.
Desiree didn’t pay the food vendor on time, so they’re out of too much stuff.
” Marla looked like a force to be reckoned with over that last bit of news, but it lined up with every awful thing I knew about Celeste’s stepmother.
What had once been the best restaurant in southern Georgia had slowly become a ghost town.
Still doubtful, chewed on my thumb nail. “Are you sure? You don’t mind?”
Marla moved to play-slap me. “Girl, if you don’t git on over there and git your clothes!”
I knew better than to ignore Marla’s instructions. The woman had no qualms about swatting people upside their heads.
By the time I got all of my suitcases and garbage bags into my car and reached Marla’s, Celeste and Iris had arrived. She helped me lug everything upstairs, with Iris laughing her head off while jumping headfirst into the pile of bags.
“You have…way…too many…clothes,” Celeste panted, depositing the final suitcase in the corner.
“I know. Because I never know what’s going to fit!” The math supported this. Women’s bodies fluctuated a lot throughout the month depending on their cycle and hormones. It was just science.
Celeste shook her head and wiped the sweat from her brow. “Maggie, you lost all that weight our sophomore year and you’ve never gained an ounce of it back!” She plopped down on the bed, smiling when Iris climbed up next to her.
Thankfully that distraction prevented her from seeing the guilty look that crossed my face. We never talked about my rapid weight loss, and after nearly four years of avoiding the subject, I had no desire to start now.
“I’m gonna have to find something if we’re going out tonight.” I rummaged through one of the bags half-heartedly.
My bestie leaned up on her elbows to give me a look that said really?
“Hey, no, you don’t get to back out of this! You NEVER have a babysitter and you DESERVE to be a normal nineteen year old!”
Celeste turned her head away from me, but not before I saw the tears pooling in the corners of her eyes. Neither of us ever said his name and yet I knew Wesley hung in the air between us. She didn’t want to let him go but she didn’t want to move on either. The never ending circle.
“Okay, fine. Where did you have in mind?”
I smiled and pulled up my phone. “Let’s see if anyone on Facebook knows about a party tonight!”
Several hours later, I styled both of our hair to perfection.
I even curled Iris’ hair, which made her giggle.
We both called her our little princess and she twirled delightedly in her nightgown.
I went into the bathroom under the guise that I was doing my makeup after Celeste claimed she didn’t want me to do hers.
Makeup had never really mattered to her, but she had the kind of natural beauty that didn’t need it.
Locking the door for good measure, I turned on the faucet so that the running water could obscure any noise.
I pulled my toothbrush from my bag of toiletries, along with a worn eyeliner pencil, and moved to stand in front of the mirror, shedding the sparkly dress I had carefully selected.
My bra and panties came off next so that I stood as naked as the day I was born.
This was my dirty little secret. Nobody could know, especially Marla and Celeste, because they would flip out. And while I loved how much they cared about me, I needed to do this. I couldn’t function without it.
The ritual always started with my feet. I circled my toes in the mirror with the eyeliner, cursing how long they were, too long to be considered dainty.
They made my feet look manly, or so Diana always told me, which then made my ankles look disproportionately small for my body.
The eyeliner highlighted their width and I cursed yet again over the fact that I couldn’t send fat to the right parts of my body.
Strawberry skin screamed at me as my gaze travelled upward, and I popped dots of their pattern along my reflection.
Despite all the weight I lost, my thighs still touched.
I would never achieve a thigh gap, something Diana always insisted men looked for on a woman.
No number of skirts or dresses could hide the fact that my thighs stretched wider than the palms of my hands.
Angrily, I slashed a line across my thighs in the mirror.