29. Matthias
29
MATTHIAS
AGE EIGHTEEN
I don’t sleep a wink that night.
Tempting as it is to camp outside the police station, the last thing I want is Father turning up there. If The Firm is going to help Wyatt, I don’t want him doing anything to stop it.
Father might think his power is absolute, but it’s not. Everyone knows The Firm holds the true power in St. Dismas.
Assuming they are real. They have to be. I can’t let go of this hope that we can get our plans back. Our dreams. The future we’ve talked about for so long.
It can’t be gone. It can’t.
I refuse.
I return home and pace my bedroom. I have no idea how I’ll know if Wyatt has been released. Father still has my phone, and I know better than to ask for it back. He would have destroyed it already.
That thought has tears threatening again. It’ll all be gone. The record of our phone calls. Countless messages. The photos we took together. The videos.
All of it is gone. Like it never existed in the first place.
Grim satisfaction is all that stops me from breaking completely. Father doesn’t know that I’ve gone to The Firm, that I’ve outmaneuvered him for once.
They’ll save Wyatt, and then we can be free of this place. Free of our shitty parents and any expectations they have of us.
Fuck them. They don’t get to decide our future for us.
But The Firm might. You don’t know what they’ll ask for in exchange.
I rub at my stomach nervously, feeling it churn. Hopefully it won’t be anything that takes me away from Wyatt. I can cope with anything else but that.
Wy’s not going to be happy when he finds out what I’ve done. I’m tempted to just not tell him, but that makes me feel even more nauseous.
I don’t want to lie to Wyatt. He’s the only person I’ve truly been myself around. The thought of hiding anything from him is abhorrent.
The sun is peeking over the horizon when a knock comes at my door. “Matthias. My office. Now.”
I’m hit with a sickening sense of déjà vu. Was it really only last night that he summoned me and turned my world upside down?
I wait until his footsteps fade away before going to the door. I don’t want to be in his company for a second longer than necessary. As soon as I’m done with him, I’m going back to the trailer park. I don’t know how long it takes The Firm to work, but I can’t wait a second longer.
I need to know Wyatt is okay.
I step inside Father’s office. Just like last night, he’s sitting behind his desk. There’s something in front of him again, but it’s not my phone.
No. It’s the note I left for The Firm.
I take a shaky step toward him, my hands balling into fists. “Where did you get that from? Did you have me followed?”
I doubt he did the dirty work himself, but sending a lackey in his place? That wouldn’t surprise me.
“I didn’t need to.” He juts his head toward the chair opposite him. “Sit.”
“No.”
He taps the note carefully. “If you want The Firm to take your request seriously, I suggest you start cooperating.”
I take a seat gingerly, hovering on the edge. If I get the slightest implication that more harm has come to Wyatt, I’ll leave. I won’t wait. “How did you get my request?”
“It’s interesting,” he says like I haven’t spoken. “Everything here is about Wyatt. You didn’t ask for anything for yourself.”
“That’s because Wyatt is all that matters,” I say hotly. A quiet voice whispers in my mind to stay silent, to hide the intensity of what I feel for my friend. But it’s too late. My rage, my lack of sleep, my fear—it’s eroded all my caution and my common sense. “His happiness is all I care about.”
“Well, I have to admit I’m pleased.” He sits back in his chair and grins at me. The sight turns my stomach. “This has worked out far neater than I could ever have hoped.”
“What?”
“I want any charges against Wyatt Malone dropped and wiped from his record. I want him to go to Yale on a full scholarship.” I shift in my seat as he reads my own desperate words back to me. “I don’t want any harm to come to Wyatt. I want him to have enough money to live comfortably at college. This should be given as part of his scholarship and he’s not to know why he has extra funds.” He drops the paper and smirks. “As much as I loathe Wyatt and his influence on you, you couldn’t have asked for anything better.”
What the fuck is happening? My brain isn’t working fast enough. There’s a bigger picture here. Something I’m missing.
Something that’s going to change everything.
“Your request is being granted,” Father says. “In fact, it’s already in progress. Wyatt has been released from jail and all charges have been dropped. I’ve spoken to the head of admissions at Yale and ensured the scholarship is ironclad, and I’ve added additional funding. Wylder has been tasked with monitoring Wyatt from a distance to ensure no harm comes to him.”
Wylder? What does my older brother have to do with this? “I don’t understand. Why are you doing this? I asked The Firm for help, not you.”
He clasps his hands together on the desk, resting atop my plea. “Come on now, Matthias. I know you to be more intelligent than this. I am The Firm. Or, rather, the Buckinghams are.”
My world tilts sideways and I feel that churning in my stomach give way to bile. “No.”
“Yes,” his smirk deepens, looking purely evil in this moment. “This is your legacy, Matthias. Usually, your initiation doesn’t happen until you’re twenty-one, but given the circumstances…”
“No,” I repeat, shoving my chair back and scrambling to my feet. “You’re lying to me. We aren’t The Firm. Cade would’ve told me. Or Wylder. They wouldn’t have lied to me about this.”
“They had no choice,” Father gives a mirthless laugh. “It’s part of our code. The younger generation isn’t told until they’re of age, unless extenuating circumstances dictate otherwise.”
Blood drains from my face as he waves my letter in the air. “And you, boy, handed me the circumstances I need on a platter. Here I was, thinking I was just removing a dangerous influence, and instead, you’ve handed me full control of you.”
“I don’t believe you,” I whisper. “My brothers would’ve told me. They would’ve warned me.”
“Not if they value their lives,” Father muses, pulling a dagger from his desk. “Here. This is yours.”
I take it from him numbly. The early morning sun gleams off the lethal blade. On the handle, there’s a carved raven.
“Pretty, isn’t it?” I look up at him, hating the satisfaction in his eyes. “You’re one of The Firm now, Matthias.”
For a moment, I let myself imagine plunging the dagger into his neck, cutting out his hateful vocal cords before he can poison my life any more.
I’ve never been a violent person. Everything seems to be changing right now, that included.
“Don’t even think about it,” he says softly. “I’ll put you down before you take more than a step.”
A chill goes down my spine. I don’t speak, just grip the dagger tighter.
“I won’t be part of this,” I spit out. “I have my own plans, and they don’t involve working for you.”
“You had other plans,” he corrects me. “But seeing as you neglected to cover those in your request, they are now null and void.”
My fingers go numb. “What?”
“You seem to have forgotten there’s a price for all requests.” He gives me a tight smile. “You’ll find that often happens. Desperate people are quick to ask for help, but slow to remember that it comes at a price.”
He stands, coming slowly around the desk. “Your price, Matthias, is that you are never to see Wyatt again.”
The bottom of my world falls out and the room spins.
“You will not contact him,” he continues. “You will not stalk him or check up on him from afar. From this day forward, Wyatt Malone is dead to you.”
“You can’t enforce that.”
“Oh, but I can. If you break the terms, you won’t pay with your life. You’ll pay with Wyatt’s. I’ll have him killed before you even realize I know you’ve been in contact with him.”
His head tilts mockingly. “Is that a risk you’re willing to take?”
Black dots fill my vision as he threatens Wyatt. The dagger trembles in my hand. I will myself to hold it steady. I can do this.
I can kill him to protect Wyatt.
It might make me a monster. But that’s a role I’ll gladly take if it means keeping Wyatt safe.
I inhale deeply and square my shoulders.
But it’s not enough.
Father advances swiftly, faster than I’ve ever seen him move before. I don’t get the chance to even lunge before the dagger is knocked to the floor. It hits with a clatter, spinning across the floor before coming to a halt several feet away.
“I told you, put that thought out of your mind,” Father says mildly, as though this response was completely expected. I wonder how many people have threatened his life in the past. Had my brothers done so before me? “You can’t change your path any more than I could change mine.”
“I won’t join The Firm.”
“You don’t have a choice. You are in The Firm, whether you like it or not.”
I don’t back down. “I won’t do your bidding.”
“Oh, but you will,” he says, casually picking the dagger off the floor and handing it to me. “You’ll fall in line, Matthias. Your brothers made the same protests, and they’re out every night doing the city’s dirty work. All it took was me threatening their lives.”
I lift my chin. “That threat won’t work on me.”
Father chuckles. “That might be true, but you’re forgetting about Wyatt. You were a fool for allowing yourself to have a weakness, and an even greater one for letting me discover it.”
He meets my gaze coldly as he takes his seat behind his desk again. “I’ll have no issues exploiting your weakness. Now, fall in line, or Wyatt will pay the price. All of this,” he taps my request, “can disappear with a simple phone call.”
I’m silent as I consider the path ahead. Father is right.
I can’t stop this. He has me cornered, and he fucking knows it. I won’t resist him for myself.
But for Wyatt? There’s nothing I won’t do.
“Remember what I said.” Father sits back in his chair. “Any contact with Wyatt and I’ll kill him. I won’t even send one of your brothers. I’ll do it myself. And I’ll do it slowly.”
Right then and there, I vow my father’s life will be shorter than he anticipates.
He may have the control now, but it won’t always be that way.
Turning sharply, I step out of the office, closing the door behind me. My feet come to an abrupt halt at the figure leaning against the wall.
Cade pushes away, stepping toward me cautiously. His gaze drops to the dagger in my hand and his shoulders slump. “Shit. I fucking told Wylder this was coming.”
I can’t speak, can’t breathe. In less than twelve hours, everything I’ve ever hoped for has been ripped away from me.
“Come on.” Cade puts his arm around my shoulder, his voice gentler than I’ve ever heard before. “Samson and Wylder are waiting. There’s more for you to know.”
I let him lead me away, and as I do, I bury everything deep inside me. I lock it in a box, weighing it down with the only thing that offers me any relief.
Wyatt will be safe. He will be protected. He will go to college and have enough money to get by.
I’m not going to get the life I’d planned, but that’s okay.
Wyatt is.
Even if I’ll never be a part of it.
Today is more than letting go of Wyatt. It’s the death of my childhood. My dreams. My future.
Father’s right, I’m a fool. But not for loving Wyatt. I’m a fool for believing I had a chance at happiness, at forging something for myself.
But my path was set out for me long before I was born.
I’m part of The Firm.
There’s no getting away from that.