32. Wyatt
32
WYATT
I’m curled under a blanket on the couch, watching TV and trying to motivate myself to actually send out my CV when the door handle clicks. My heart leaps into my throat and falls just as quickly as the unexpected guest steps inside.
It’s a Buckingham, but not the one I want to see.
Dalton steps inside, his sharp gaze sweeping over the space. I know he’s taking in the pile of unwashed laundry, the take-out containers littering the counters, and the dirty dishes piled haphazardly in the sink.
The old Wyatt would’ve been embarrassed, but I can’t find it in myself to care. About anything, if I’m being honest. Nothing except Jackson. Seeing as he’s fine, albeit still annoyed with me, I can let the darkness overtake me.
I should be surprised one of Matthias’s brothers has made an appearance, but I’m not. I’m just surprised it hasn’t happened sooner. I figured Harley would be banging my door down a day in.
It makes me wonder what Matthias said to them. Maybe nothing. Maybe he’s truly fine and has gone back to his normal life like nothing happened.
Unlike me.
“What are you doing here?” I ask, pausing my show and turning to look at him. My voice sounds flat. Dead.
Just like me.
His lips purse as his eyes rove over me. “You look like shit. Matthias won’t like that.”
My heart flutters at his name, the fact that maybe he’s checking up on me. That he still cares. “Again, I’ll ask why are you here?”
Dalton moves around my space, his thieving fingers trailing over the things I’ve yet to organize and put away. I’ve just not been motivated. A sliver of me is holding out hope that I won’t need to stay here long. That maybe, just maybe, I’ll be able to come home.
And I don’t mean the house I shared with Matt. I mean him. The man I love. The one I can’t decide if I want to throttle or kiss.
Dalton shrugs. “Wanted to come talk to you. See if I could make you see sense. Talking to Matthias is like talking to a wall. A caved-in one, with mold on it.”
I watch as he picks up a utility bill and reads it. I should be upset at this invasion of privacy, but I can’t be bothered.
Nothing really bothers me these days.
“Will listening to you make you leave?” I ask heavily.
“Yeah. I guess so.”
Before he can move to sit, Jackson appears, stopping short when he sees the stranger in the house.
“Who’s this?” Jackson asks, his eyes sliding up and down Dalton. I don’t like the flare of heat in them. What the fuck does he think he’s doing? Dalton’s far too old for him. And is Jackson even into guys? I don’t know. I’ve never asked.
Dalton doesn’t seem to notice, grinning politely and holding out his hand. “Dalton. Matthias’s younger and much more handsome brother.”
Jackson slips his palm against Dalton’s and they shake. “Well, hopefully, you can talk some sense into him. He’s been miserable.”
“So has Matthias.”
Jackson nods, and I roll my eyes, even though my heart flutters to life once more. He’s miserable. Which means he must miss me. Right? He must regret sending me away.
“Well, good luck. They’re both stubborn bastards.”
Jackson moves around Dalton, their shoulders brushing as he goes, and I stop him before he leaves. “Where are you going?”
“Out with a friend.”
My eyebrows rise. “What friend?”
“No one you know.” And with that, he raises his hand in a wave and slips out the door, leaving me with Dalton. I don’t miss the final heated look he shoots at the older man.
Yeah, I for sure didn’t misread that. Good fuck. This is just another thing for me to stress about. Not that I think Dalton would ever give him the time of day, but I don’t want Jackson wasting his heart on someone who won’t want him.
Like I have.
I focus instead on the problem in front of me. I want Dalton to go away, and at the same time, I want him to tell me everything I’ve missed about Matthias the last few weeks.
Dalton sits down in a chair opposite me, the rain pounding on the window beside him. I wonder idly if he’s pocketed anything of mine and realize that, just like the bill, I don’t care if he has. “This is a nice place. Great neighborhood too.”
“Thanks to The Firm, I can afford it.”
Dalton snorts and then sits back, crossing his ankle over his thigh. “The Firm. Yes. That’s why you left. You found out he works for them.”
“No, I found out you are The Firm,” I say through gritted teeth, hating the over-simplification. “And it’s more than that. Matthias arranged this marriage knowing I had no other alternatives. He saw his advantage and swooped in. He’s lied to me. For years. Everything was a lie.”
Dalton says nothing for a minute and then speaks. “Listen, we’re bound by a code not to tell people. Matthias didn’t tell you all those years ago because he wanted to protect you. Our father threatened your life, and he did what he had to do to save you. Now, as for the arranged marriage…I admit, it’s fucked up, but you were happy, right?”
I swallow. I let myself think back to those weeks. The ones where there was no darkness. Where I felt everything. Where there was only Matt. “Yes. I was. So fucking happy.”
“Then talk to him. Make it work between you two. He’s miserable, you know. He’s not himself.”
“He lied to me. I don’t know how easily I can just move past that.”
Dalton shrugs. “We all lie. All of us. It’s part of the job, it’s part of who we are. But now you know the truth. Move forward with it or stay miserable.”
I huff and turn to stare out the window, water droplets falling down the panes of glass. “It’s not so simple.”
“Yeah, it fucking is. It’s that simple.”
“He asked me to leave,” I say suddenly, revealing the part of this that hurts the most. “I asked him to fight for me, for us, and he said no.”
Dalton is unfazed. “Maybe because he needs you to fight for him.”
“What?”
“Look,” Dalton sits forward, his face uncharacteristically serious. “I don’t know all of the history between you, but I know you were close as kids. So close that Matt chose you over himself.”
I repeat my question. “What?”
Dalton smiles grimly. “When he made his request to The Firm, he only mentioned you. For you to be free. To have your scholarship. The money you needed to live. He didn’t ask for anything for himself.”
I shouldn’t be surprised by this, but I am. Why didn’t he ask for freedom from his shitty father at the same time?
“Because of that, Father was able to manipulate him,” Dalton continues. “Matthias was inducted to The Firm three years ahead of schedule. He wasn’t allowed the final years of freedom that the rest of us got.”
“Why?” I whisper. “Why would Matthias go along with it? Why didn’t he just tell your dad to go fuck himself and walk away?”
“Because of you,” Dalton says bluntly. “Father threatened your life. Actually, I believe he threatened Matthias’s first, but he didn’t care about that.”
My hands start to tremble at the thought of an eighteen-year-old Matt being threatened by his father. Someone who was meant to love him.
“You, though?” Dalton eyes me and nods. “You he wanted to save. To protect. I’d go so far as to say that everything Matty has done has been with you in mind. Even when he couldn’t contact you, you were still there in his shadows.”
“Fuck.” I dig the heels of my hands into my eyes until sparks appear. How is it possible for my heart to be breaking again? I didn’t think there was anything left of it to break.
What do I do? My instincts are telling me to track him down now. To hug him and tell him it’s okay. To shake him and tell him I’m not worth it. That I’ve never been worth everything he’s apparently sacrificed.
That I love him. That I fucking love him, regardless of everything.
“There’s more you need to know.” My head snaps up, fear already unwinding at Dalton’s grave tone. “Matthias spends most of his time working. He’s going to kill himself if he keeps this up.”
I try and swallow back the tears as the ache in my chest builds.
“He’s been taking on more work from The Firm as well. And he’s not taking the easy assignments either. These ones are dangerous.”
My heart thrums loudly. “Showing up with blood covering him was the easy assignment?” I ask angrily.
“Sometimes, yeah. But the ones he’s taking are…worse than that.”
“Shit.”
“He needs you.” Dalton’s gaze sweeps over me again. “And from the way you look right now, you need him just as much.”
The stubborn part of me bites back. The part that hates what I’ve become without him in my life. “I didn’t think I could live without him before and I did. I survived.”
“You were a shell of a person,” Dalton interrupts.
I stare at him. “How do you know?”
“Because we had you watched. Our father did. He relished it, how miserable you two were.” He shakes his head bitterly. “He said it was for your protection, to honor the request Matthias made, but we all knew it was bullshit. He lorded your sadness over Matthias. And when you moved on with Jen? It was another weapon in his arsenal.”
Fuck. Each word is like another shred off my battered heart. How was there any of it left at this point?
“Don’t let him win, Wyatt,” Dalton says fiercely. “You love each other. That’s so fucking rare in our world. Take that and hold on to it. Before one of you is truly gone.”
I glare at him. “Is that a threat?”
“No, it’s the reality of what we do. And Matthias is now operating dangerously and none of us can reason with him to stop.”
My breath catches almost painfully. What the fuck is Matthias doing to himself?
He stands up and straightens his sleeves. “I like you, Wyatt. I hope you’ll come to another game night.”
“I’m no longer family.”
“You are.”
He drops something into my lap. It’s a heavy cardstock. My name is in beautiful calligraphy on the outside. I open it to see it’s another gala, tomorrow night. Just like the one where things really started between us.
“All this time, he’s fought for you,” Dalton says quietly. “Maybe he can’t do it anymore. Maybe he needs you to fight for him. So, fight for him, goddamnit.”
And with that, Dalton takes his leave, leaving me to stare at the invitation. At the future it potentially holds.
There are two paths in front of me. I know I can walk either of them, that I’m strong enough to.
The end of one is easy to see. I get a new job. Find a new life. Move on. Maybe find happiness.
The other is shrouded in obscurity. I have no idea what it holds.
Except Matthias. He’s all that’s there. And I don’t know where walking toward him will lead me.
But I know he’s who I’ll choose.
Matthias is who I’ll always choose.
Just as he’s always chosen me.
The old fears rear their ugly heads. How I always end up hurt whenever I open myself up to Matthias.
I hover, just for a moment before kicking the blanket to the floor. Who the fuck am I kidding? My decision was made the instant Dalton told me how Matthias was putting himself at risk.
I can’t have that.
I get to my feet and march to the bathroom.
Dalton’s right. Matthias spent his whole life fighting for us.
Maybe it’s as simple as they make it out to be. Maybe it’s as simple as me showing up.
It’s time for me to fight.
For us.