Chapter 25
Just this once.Nothing has to change.
How the fuck am I supposed to act like nothing’s changed when my entire world has been turned inside out? Some events are too monumental not to leave an indelible mark on your soul.
When a hurricane decimates a coastal town, the buildings may be rebuilt, but that community will never be the same. Having Shae Byrne—the most independent, headstrong woman I’ve ever met—give herself to me and submit to my command was like no other high on earth. I can’t simply forget it ever happened. I’ll crave that feeling for the rest of my goddamn life.
The fact that she’s still resisting makes me want to kill someone.
Why? Why won’t she give in? Our families complicate things, but they aren’t here. And even if they were, I’m the fucking boss of my family. I’ll do what I damn well please. So what if she’s not Italian. It’s not the 1970s anymore, and we aren’t dogs needing to be AKC registered.
What matters is loyalty and character. Not bloodlines.
And even if someone disagrees, there’s always the alliance exception. My father had no qualms marrying off his niece to Shae’s cousin in the name of an alliance. Why should my role as boss preclude me from a similar relationship? If I say it’s not a problem, then it’s not a fucking problem.
She wants to refuse to accept me?
Well, I refuse to accept her refusal.
I can’t go back home and pretend I’m okay with her sharing that side of herself with anyone else. I’ll go fucking insane. That untamed spirit of hers is mine. I know it. Her body knows it. I have to find a way to convince her mind.
I need to know what’s holding her back so I can bury that reason six feet under.
Is it her independence she’s worried about? The opinions of her family? My family? Whatever the source, I have to convince her I’m not a threat. That being with me is worth the risk.
I spend the rest of the afternoon thinking over my options. After we’ve eaten and the last of twilight’s glow has faded from our small window, I decide to do some digging. If I can get her talking, maybe I can get to the root of the problem.
“Tell me more about your family.” It’s such an obvious question. I’m suddenly kicking myself for not pushing to know more about her sooner.
“Like what?”
“I don’t know. I guess you can start with your role in the business. What do you do most days?”
“I oversee security at Bastion, so I usually work at night.”
“That’s one of your social clubs?”
“We only have the one social club, though I suppose some people might call Moxy a social club.” Her lips twist into a wry smirk.
“I’m sure there’s enough regulars at a strip club to justify the moniker.”
She raises her cup of water in agreement. “I would imagine you’re right, though I don’t spend much time over there, so I wouldn’t know the particulars.”
“Conner works at Bastion as well, right?” I helped gather information on Conner for Dad when he was deciding whether to approve my cousin’s marriage to him. It’s my understanding the social club is a front for a high-roller gambling setup. All pretty uppity—no losers using rent money to bet on ponies or anything like that.
“Yeah, he runs the club. Because we work together at Bastion, I tend to help him with other things.”
“Like meetups for retrieving gun shipments?” I raise a brow.
“Precisely.”
“You enjoy working with him?”
“Sometimes he gets a stick up his ass, but I’m pretty good at keeping him humble. He likes to pretend I make him crazy.” She smirks. “It works for us.”
I can picture her giving him hell, and it makes me smile.
“What about your brother Oran? Any reason you don’t work with him instead?”
“He’s entirely too overprotective. If he had his way, my role would be limited to bookkeeping or something equally mundane to keep me out of danger.”
“Conner isn’t like that?”
Her eyes lift as though her thoughts have taken her back to another time and place. “You know, there’s something different about Conner. I don’t know if it’s because he’s adopted or just his personality, or something entirely unrelated, but he’s always been more open about giving someone a shot. He manages to be a surly bastard while also being open-minded and fair.”
“What about the older generation? I can’t imagine they made it easy for you to join the ranks.”
Her gaze drops to her hands, and I can almost sense her walls trying to rebuild.
“My dad was never an issue. He accepted me just as I was, but my uncles were harder to convince. They refused to let me in the fold for quite a while.” She’s somber, but when her eyes flick up to mine, a mischievous spark melts those barriers. “That is, until my nana got ahold of them. She got fed up with their ridiculous misogyny and put them in their place. After that, no one stood in my way of being a part of the family business.”
“Really?” I’m intrigued. I had no idea the family was matriarchal. “Did she run things when she was younger?”
“Depends on who you ask. Never officially, but if there is a head of our family, it’s Nana Byrne. She keeps everyone in line and never takes shit from anyone.”
“My mother and grandmothers always took a more supporting role than leadership. I think that’s why it’s been so hard on Mom since Dad passed. She’s lost without him.”
Shae’s smile falls. “Yeah, my mom’s the same. Losing Dad destroyed her. Oran and Cael have been looking after her, though.”
“You two not have a good relationship?”
The smile that now tugs on her lips is a sad, paltry shadow of the joy that overtook her talking about her grandmother. “She’s never understood me. I know she doesn’t mean to make me feel like a disappointment, but it’s there in the fine print. She’d hoped to have a mini-me to do girly stuff with, and I’ve never come close to being that person.”
“I saw those stilettos you wore the first time we met. You can’t tell me you don’t enjoy any feminine pursuits.”
“You noticed.” She bites back a grin.
“There’s very little I don’t notice about you.”
She sucks her lips between her teeth and drops her gaze. “Well, what isn’t as easy to discern is that my interest in clothes and hair and accessories is all about functionality. When I look for heels, I select them based on how well they’d double as a weapon, not whether they’re runway-worthy. If I went dress shopping with Mom, I’d get excited to find something that hid my thigh holster well.”
“You were still out shopping together. Was that not enough for her?”
“Not her. She’d get so frustrated about why I couldn’t buy things that were pretty but impractical. Time together hurt our relationship more than it helped. I found it’s best to keep things superficial and brief.”
“Her loss,” I say as I lift my hand and trail a fingertip along the neckline of her shirt. The pulse point at the base of her neck doubles its fluttering motion. As my hand pulls away, I detour to the pendant on her necklace, lifting it for a better look.
“This from your family?” The inlaid woven border is obviously Celtic. She could have bought it herself, but a gift seems more likely.
“Um, no. It’s not.” The odd hitch in her voice draws my gaze from the pendant back to her face. Her eyes stay averted, and her spine stiff. “Guess it’s probably time to call it a night. I’m pretty wiped out.”
She couldn’t have shut down faster if she’d had an off switch.
What the hell is up with that?
The pendant clearly has meaning to her—a sentimentality that she’s not comfortable discussing. Why? I consider who might have given it to her but realize its importance could come from a million different reasons. Grasping at straws is pointless and will only rile me up for no reason. I reluctantly let it go and get ready for bed.
Once we’re both under the covers, the awkwardness intensifies. It’s strange to have been intimate with someone and then return to platonic bedmates. Am I supposed to forget that my fingers have been inside her? That I know how she tastes when she comes?
Her body curves into mine like the two were made for one another, yet the invisible barriers between us keep her beyond my reach. I don’t understand it, but I don’t want to force the issue. I want her to come to me willingly. To give me her body and her secrets.
Seeing progress helps me be patient. And so long as we’re out here in the wilderness, she can only run so far.
The next daystarts like any other. She’s holding fast to her stance that nothing has changed between us. I didn’t necessarily think she would have changed her mind overnight, but a part of me had hoped she’d at least show signs of softening to the idea.
When I notice her scratching at her scalp come afternoon, I recognize an opportunity. “Let me grab some fresh water, and I’ll wash your hair. It’s been nearly a week since the last time.” She couldn’t hide how much she enjoyed my hands in her hair. It’s a perfect excuse to touch her and hopefully remind her how good I can make her feel. Anything to wear down her resistance.
“Thanks for the offer, but I think I’ll just dunk my head down at the creek. No reason to haul the water all the way up here for that.” The way she says it, you’d think I offered to help with a chore rather than suggest an intimate act shared between two people. Like she’s doing me a favor by handling it herself.
“If I minded hauling the water, I wouldn’t have offered.” I can’t keep the irritation from my voice.
“I get it. Some time outside sounds nice, though. The creek is gorgeous. I don’t spend enough time down there.” She’s smiling and keeping her tone light, but she’s too intuitive not to grasp the deeper meaning of my offer and her rejection.
Come on, Donati. Patience isn’t your finest virtue, but it’s only been a day. Calm the fuck down.
Someone as headstrong as Shae probably struggles to accept an unexpected curve in the road like sleeping with a rival. She’s more apt to drive straight through the trees in pursuit of her original objective than to pivot.
She needs time to adjust. I can give her that. For now.
Three days.Three fucking days and not the slightest indication that Shae is even a little bit tempted to open up to me. I’m starting to think I know what it feels like to be gaslit. If I were to ask how she can pretend we never did anything, I wouldn’t be surprised if she cocked her head in confusion and asked me what on earth I was talking about.
Only it did happen. And I’d put my whole goddamn fortune on a bet that she’s just as affected by it as I am despite her impressive show to the contrary.
“Can you believe we’ve been gone for two weeks?” She sounds so forlorn as she sits looking out the cabin window. Snow has kept us inside most of the day.
I understand the frustration of cabin fever. I also understand missing home. Therefore, I should empathize with her statement, but I’m incensed instead. She can’t get out of here fast enough. Get away from me fast enough. Instead of hoping for a rescue, I see the dwindling cans of food as a fucked up advent calendar counting down our days together. Once we’re back in the city, I have a feeling she’ll slip through my fingers like glitter in the wind.
I have to do something. Find a way to get through to her.
Giving her space hasn’t done jack shit. Maybe it’s time to change tactics.
I rise from the bed and cross the room. Once I’m next to her, she drags her gaze from the window and peers up at me. A flash of surprise widens her eyes a fraction when she sees the intensity in mine.
“You know what I can’t believe? I can’t believe I’ve yet to feel that sharp tongue of yours licking my cock.” My thumb drags across her lower lip.
I’m not sure what led me to this route except instinct. If the only way she’ll submit is when I force the issue, then I suppose she leaves me no choice. She’s proven repeatedly now that it’s the only way to get through to her. When it comes down to it, I don’t care about the method of transportation, so long as I get where I want to go.
“Why’s that so hard to believe?” Her voice is husky, reinforcing my decision. And not only that. She’s proving to me that she likes her partner to take control. She wants her choices taken away.
“Because I know you want to. I’ve seen the way your eyes drift my way when you lick the food off your fingers. And because there’s no reason not to—not when we’re out here alone with no guarantee of survival.”
“I like to be optimistic and think we’ll be home soon.”
“I’m all for optimism. That’s why I’ve tried to be patient, but I’m done waiting. Now …” I curl my fingers in her hair gently but firmly and angle her head back. “Get on your knees and suck my cock like a good girl.”