6. Saxon
6
SAXON
I know I’m wrong for her. But I can’t stay away.
Every damn minute of the day, my mind is on Tammy. When I was back at the clubhouse with the gang, I tried to get my head back in the game. But there she was, right on the edge of my mind, constantly pulling me away, no matter how hard I tried to shake her off.
And the boys noticed too. It was obvious.
This is dangerous. Linking myself emotionally to a woman. I know that, and it’s why I have never allowed it to happen before. But no matter how hard I try, I simply can’t resist her. She’s the definition of temptation, like the sweetest, most mouth-watering candy in the world. And all I want is to taste her again and again and again.
Tonight, I’m finally introducing her to my world. The world of the Heartless Bastards. A life I’ve built over the years with blood and sweat and violence.
I’ve never brought a woman into my life. Let one get close to me.
But I’ve never met a woman like Tammy before either.
She’s truly different. Unique. There’s something about her that makes me want to open up and show her who I truly am. Prove to her that I’m more than the image I project to the world. I may be a bad boy covered in scars and leather, but I’m also a man who’s craving something more. Something real.
The clubhouse smells of the usual cigars, beer, and whiskey. The air is thick with smoke and laughter. Raspy male voices echo off the walls of the one big room decorated with worn furniture. Gang patches adorn the walls along with items we’ve collected over the years from battles with other gangs. They act as trophies. A visual display of our dominance. As I step through the door, with Tammy’s hand in mine, the room falls quiet.
Her presence shifts the vibe in an instant. She’s dressed more conservatively than the girls who normally come here. No short skirt, no tube top, no tattoos. Just a pair of blue jeans and a plaid button-up. I watch as the other guys scope her out, trying to figure out just what a girl like her is doing here. But I give them a look that as their leader, they must respect.
She may stick out like a sore thumb, but I brought her here. She belongs to me.
“It’s okay,” I whisper, feeling the tension in her hand as I walk her deeper inside. “This is my family. You’re safe here.”
She nods, but she’s definitely nervous.
I watch as her eyes dart around the room, taking in the torn leather jackets, the tattoos and rough faces of the guys. She tightens her grip on my hand but keeps walking. She doesn’t make a break for it. In fact, she looks up at me, shy but trusting. She’s trying to place her faith in me. Hell, I’m doing the same thing with her. I’ve never let a woman into my life before, but I’m opening up to her because something inside me knows that she’s the one.
I lead her over to the bar where Slate, our club’s enforcer, is chatting with a few of the new recruits. He’s laughing at Josh’s joke but stops when he spots Tammy. His eyes scan across her but only briefly. He knows better than to check out a girl who’s with me. Still, I can tell he’s curious about her. Why wouldn’t he be? Tammy is like a rose in a field of thorns here.
“Slate, allow me to introduce you to Tammy,” I say frankly, leaving no room for questions. “Tammy, this is Slate, our resident tough guy.”
Slate smirks. His shoulders lift as he almost chuckles. “Nice to meet you, Tammy. But don’t this guy fool you. Saxon’s as tough as they come.”
Tammy smiles and nods. “Oh, I definitely believe that.”
I can’t explain it, but when Tammy is around, it’s like the rest of the world simply doesn’t exist. It’s all just empty static playing in the background.
“You must be special,” Slate continues. “Saxon doesn’t bring just anybody around here.”
Her eyes flick shyly to me, so tender and soft. Just her innocent look sends blood rushing to my cock. Why did I have to bring her here tonight? Why couldn’t I have taken her on another drive out to the lake? Then I could have my arms wrapped around her naked body while I thrust in and out, in and out…
It’s a stupid question.
I brought her here tonight because I know she’s unsure about me. She doesn’t know if she can trust me. Not after Roxy showed up at my place and sowed seeds of doubt in her mind. I need to show her that she’s mine. That the whole club knows and accepts her and I can give her something real . Be someone she can count on.
She’s doing her best to hide it, but I can see the shadows in her eyes. The ghosts of her past that haunt her and amplify the distrust she already feels for me. And I can’t blame her. I have my own ghosts. But if I can get her to let me in and reveal them to me, I won’t let her carry them alone.
Slate pours us both a drink, and I lead Tammy away from the bar and deeper into the clubhouse. All the brothers watch, sizing her up, causing her to lean closer against me. “Saxon, are they all…?”
“Heartless Bastards?” I laugh softly and squeeze her hand comfortingly. “Yes. All of them. But don’t worry. They may be a bit rough around the edge, but as long as you show them respect, they’ll show it to you.”
Tammy nods, and I introduce her to a few of the guys. Some of them have girls who could best be described as “biker gang groupies” and have been in our orbit for as long as I can remember. Unlike Roxy, they know where they stand with these guys. None of them are looking for a ring, just a fast ride and a good time. They don’t even glance at Tammy as she passes. She might as well be invisible to them.
Why? Because Tammy isn’t from this world, yet she’s here with me.
And that makes them uncomfortable. Maybe even jealous.
“You know, I thought I would feel out of place here,” she says. “But it’s less intimidating than I thought. It’s actually kind of…cozy.”
I laugh. “Don’t let any of the guys hear you call this place cozy. And yeah, you’ll be fine. You’re safe here.”
She sets her eyes on me, soft and filled with something very sincere. “I trust you, Saxon.”
Her words take me by surprise, like a right hook out of nowhere.
Trust.
I don’t deserve her trust. Not a bastard like me. Hell, after all the things I’ve done in my life, I don’t deserve her at all. But I’ll be damned if I don’t spend the rest of my life making sure she never regrets giving it to me.
I lead Tammy to the wall of patches and show her ours: a bleeding red heart we all have stitched to our jackets. “This was the first one ever made,” I explain to her, pointing to a ratty piece of felt, roughly carved into a heart. “As you can see, they’ve gotten a lot better since then.”
Tammy nods at the last one down the line. The one we all wear now. “I can see that.” She points to the rest of the collection below. “And these?”
It feels impossible, but I actually almost blush at her question. This is the first real moment of our world’s colliding and showing their difference. “Patches from other gangs,” I explain. “If some guy steps out and gets his ass kicked, we strip his patch and hang it up as a trophy. A badge of honor, you might say.”
I can tell by the look in Tammy’s eyes that she’s doing a lot of processing. She’s impressed but also timid. And why wouldn’t she be? This isn’t something she’s used to or has ever even been exposed to. After a moment, she turns and looks up at me, and I see an unmistakable excitement in her gaze.
“That’s kind of…sexy,” she says softly. “How many of those were taken by you?”
I shake my head and chuckle. “I don’t look at it that way. The guys in the gang are my brothers. We all share the credit.”
“Don’t give me that humble, politically correct answer,” she says quickly, an almost scolding tone to her voice. “ How many of these were taken by you?”
Yeah, I’m getting super hard now.
So what if there are people watching? I eagerly slip my arm around her lower back and pull her body up against mine, feeling her warmth and drowning my nostrils in her scent. The only thing stopping me from fucking her right here and now is the fact that I will never let another man see her naked. Ever .
“I’d say…eighty percent of them,” I reply with a casual shrug that sends a fiery flicker through her eyes. “But that’s just a guess.”
“Slate was right.” She smiles. “You are a tough guy.”
A feeling of intense emotion and fierce passion wraps around me like the winds of a hurricane. “That’s what happens when your dad goes to prison when you’re fourteen and your mom overdoses when you’re fifteen.”
I’m shocked by my admission. I wasn’t even expecting to share this with her. It just came out so naturally. I’ve never shared my past history with anyone . Never trusted them enough.
But Tammy…
She’s different.
Her eyes go wide. Her lips part in shock. “That’s what happened to you?”
I nod, shaken by just how cathartic it feels to admit this to her.
“You know, we’ve got something in common–” she starts to say but is cut off by the sound of the clubhouse door as it swings open and slams shut with a loud bang. Then I hear the sound of heels echoing through the room. A rhythm of footsteps I’ll never be able to forget.
Roxy.
She’s here.
“Fuck…” I growl softly. The chatter among the guys dampens as the tension in the air rises. I slowly turn and see her strutting in like a storm, her shoulders and hips swaying powerfully like she thinks she’s some kind of CEO or something. She’s wearing a skin-tight red leather dress tonight like a bondage mistress, and her eyes are fixed on me as she twists her lips in that pompous little grin she knows gets under my skin.
This is a nightmare.
Christ, what did I ever see in her?
I feel Tammy go tense beside me. She moves back behind me ever so slightly, like she’s seeking refuge or a hiding place. I brought her here to introduce her to my world, and tonight of all nights, Roxy decides to show up.
I see she’s with one of the new recruits, a redhead I recognize from a couple weeks ago, who she instantly leaves behind as she homes in on us like a missile. Her heels click-clack across the floor like the call of some wild bird.
“Well, well, well, Saxon,” she says, stopping a foot away from us, her voice dripping with hostility. “I see you’re into the good girl type now?”
Tammy stiffens even more behind me. This is precisely what I did not want to happen. I’m gonna have to make sure that everyone in the gang knows Roxy is never to be allowed in here again, even if she is with a member or a recruit.
“Get lost, Roxy,” I warn, narrowing my eyes at her. Everyone’s watching us now, and the last thing I need is the situation escalating. I need Tammy to feel like she’s safe here.
But Roxy doesn’t listen to warnings. It’s not in her nature.
She shifts her eyes to Tammy, mocking her with sarcastic sympathy. “You must feel so special with Saxon giving you all his attention, huh?” Her words are venomous, sharp like the edge of a knife. “But how long do you really think you’ll last in this world, sweetie? Hmm? Maybe it’s best if you just head back to West Virginia.”
Tammy’s grip on my hand tightens. “What did you just say? How do you know where I’m from?”
“Chesterville’s a small town, girl. Word gets around.” Roxy laughs again and raises her hands, beckoning Tammy to come at her. “You gonna do something about it, bitch?”
“That’s enough, Roxy!” I snap, stepping forward so I’m towering over her. “You don’t get to fuck with her. In fact, you don’t even get to be here. Not anymore. Get out.”
I want to turn to Tammy and see how she’s handling this, but I keep my eyes fixed on Roxy. She’s a predator who preys on weakness, and right now, she needs to remember that I’m not one to be fucked with.
She holds my gaze for longer than I expect, so I snap my fingers at Slate, who’s moved out from behind the bar. “Take her outside.”
“You got it, boss.” Slate grabs Roxy by the arm and starts walking her firmly back to the door. “Time to go.”
“Pretend all you want!” Roxy shrieks just before she’s pulled out into the night. “But everyone knows you love me!”
The door slams shut behind her, and I quickly turn to face Tammy, my heart racing, all my protective instincts flaring. I wrap an arm around her and pull her close, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “Don’t listen to her, Tammy. Ever ,” I say firmly. “She’s just a crazy short-term ex. I’m sure you’ve had one of those before.”
Tammy shakes her head. “I’ve never had an ex before,” she replies. “Remember?”
I sigh a deep breath and softly laugh, shaking my head at myself. “Of course I remember. How could I ever forget that I was your first and only?”
Tammy looks up at me, her eyes filled with obvious uncertainty. I have to make her understand that Roxy means nothing to me. I’ve finally found a girl I actually want to be with and can open up to. I can’t let anything screw that up.
“I’m so sorry,” I tell her, searching her eyes for any sign that she might be starting to have misgivings about me. “ You are mine, Tammy. She’s just jealous and wants to screw things up for us. We can’t let her. Okay?”
Tammy nods, and I run my hands gently through her hair, awestruck by her pure, innocent beauty.
“Okay” is all she says. I want to push it, but I don’t. That could just end up making things worse. And all I want right now is for her to trust me. Roxy can try her hardest to tear us apart, but Tammy is mine now. And nothing is going to change that.