7. Tammy
7
TAMMY
I sit on the edge of my couch, drumming my fingers on the cushions as an absurd amount of anxiety continues to boil up inside me. Saxon said he was coming over, but he’s already ten minutes late, and every second that ticks by feels like an eternity. I haven’t even heard his bike pull up outside, but it’s like I can still somehow feel his presence…watching, listening.
I want him here desperately, just like I’ve wanted him ever since the first time he walked into Jayne’s and set his fierce eyes on me. He made me feel like I was the only woman in the world. But now that it’s my day off, and I’m alone with my thoughts, the doubts have started to creep in.
The way Roxy looked at me. Told me I would never fit into his world.
Visions of my father. The way he used to slap me, hit me.
Is this thing between me and Saxon just a big mistake on my part? Just another man waiting for his chance to hurt me? My heart is really starting to race when I finally hear the heavy rumble of his bike as he pulls up out front. I scurry to the window and look out as he stands and walks to the door. He’s like a star at the center of a solar system. Everything just seems to orbit around him.
His heavy boots thud up the stairs as he comes up to my unit. I go to the door, but before I can reach for the handle, it opens inward, revealing his enormous frame that fills the doorway.
A warm shiver runs through me as his eyes lock on to me, lingering between my thighs as I try to pretend I’m not totally checking him out too.
His T-shirt is torn, revealing the sculpted lines of his massive chest muscles. I can’t picture Saxon in a gym working out. It just doesn’t seem like his style. No, he’s just naturally this jacked and this sexy. I wonder if he has any idea the effect he has on me.
I bet he does.
“Hi, Tammy.” He speaks my name like it’s sacred, and a knot tightens in my chest, forcing me to inhale deeply and try to keep my heart rate down.
I want to throw myself into his arms, but I freeze. Something about Saxon makes me feel blissfully alive, but also terrified. Whenever we’re together, the rest of the world no longer matters. It’s like only the two of us exist.
And that scares me.
I’ve never felt like this about a guy before.
“Hi, Saxon,” I reply, an obvious quiver in my voice. He closes the door behind him and slowly steps into the room. I can almost feel the distance between us closing with every step he takes, his eyes searching my face like he’s trying to read my mind.
What is he looking for?
“You all right?” he asks tenderly–more tender than a man with his image should be capable of. “You look nervous.”
I nod, ashamed. “I am. I’m sorry.”
He cocks his head to the side, his lips twisting into a gentle smile. “Why are you nervous, Tammy?” He’s right up on me now. “You know I’ve seen you naked.”
A snort of a laugh chokes its way out of my throat, embarrassing the hell out of me. “Yeah.” I nod. “I do know.”
He eyes me like he’s not sure what I’m going to do. Like he’s giving me a chance to make a dash for it. I bite my lower lip and look up to him. Despite our differences, I’m so drawn to him. Maybe our differences is why I’m drawn to him. The rough yet tender man standing in my apartment simply fascinates me.
But what if I fall too hard?
What if he breaks my heart?
“Are you afraid of me, Tammy?” he asks, surprising me. At first, I shake my head, but then I see the way he’s looking at me and realize there’s no point in trying to hide it.
I nod. “Yes. A little.”
“Don’t be,” he says, reaching out to gently caress the nape of my neck. “I’m not here to hurt you. I just want to be with you, Tammy. And I hope you want to be with me.”
How does he always know the right thing to say?
How does he know what I want to hear?
Okay, so he has had practice with women, but he’s not just using tried-and-true lines on me…is he? Roxy alluded to his womanizing habits, but should I really listen to anything she has to say? I may not have any exes of my own, but I’m not na?ve enough to think that a bitter old girlfriend wouldn’t be spiteful enough to make things up just to get back at her boyfriend.
I let a step carry me closer. We’re nearly embracing now. I can smell his manly musk, hear the steady rhythm of his strong breaths. “I wanted to tell you something last night, Saxon. But we were…rudely interrupted.”
My heart is racing. It’s only been a few days since I left home, and the pain of what caused me to flee is still very real and very close to the surface. I’ve never discussed it with anyone, and to be honest, I never thought I would.
Until now…
“I’m so sorry about that,” Saxon sighs, shaking his head. “I told the boys to never let her in again. And I have a locksmith at my apartment right now changing the lock.”
I see sincerity in his eyes.
There are plenty of reasons I shouldn’t trust this man, but I desperately want to. I carry the pain of my past like an iron backpack, and I truly believe that if I share my soul with him and tell him what happened to me, he can help me carry that weight.
“What I was going to say last night,” I say softly, trying not to let my nerves show, “is that you and I have something in common.”
“What’s that?” he asks.
“Our pasts…” The room fills with a charge as my words slip from my mouth. “Mine is dark too.”
He steps closer, pressing his body against mine, and cups my face with a rough hand. It’s a tender touch from such a hard man and instantly starts dismantling the emotional wall I’ve built within me.
“It’s okay, baby,” he says, his voice low and smooth. “You don’t have to hide anything from me.”
I don’t even know how to start. Nothing I say can soften the reality of what I went through. So I just go ahead and say it.
“My dad tried to kill me.”
Saxon’s eyes narrow as though he is readying himself for a fight. There’s no doubt in my mind that if my father were here right now, he’d be a dead man.
“He what?”
I nod and look down as the tears fill my eyes. Dark spots form on the floor as they fall from my face. Saxon instantly wraps me up in his arms and holds me tight against his chest. “Tammy, tell me everything. I’m not going anywhere.”
After wetting his T-shirt with my tears, I manage to pull myself together and tell him everything. The whole story, sparing no details. When I’m finished, he lifts me into his arms and carries me over to the couch and sits, holding me in his lap.
I feel so small. So tiny. So protected.
But what will he think of me now? Was I right to reveal all this?
“You did the right thing, Tammy,” he tells me, brushing my matted hair from my face. “Lots of people wouldn’t have had the guts to just pick up and leave like you did.”
“Saxon…” My voice falters. I don’t even know what I’m about to say, but speaking his name is somehow comforting.
“You were right,” he whispers, letting his lips brush against the lobe of my ear. “We have more in common than I thought.”
I hear the vulnerability he’s allowed into his voice.
I can trust him.
Saxon’s fingers caress my neck, sending goosebumps all across my skin. His breath is warm against my cheeks as he leans in to kiss me. I close my eyes and open my lips, inhaling his scent as he devours me with his embrace.
The strength of his body grounds me. My center is tingling with anticipation, and I allow my thighs to fall open, an obvious invitation that he immediately picks up on.
The feeling of his hand against my valley, even while it’s hidden behind my yoga pants, sends a spark straight up my spine. I gasp into his mouth and reach up with both hands and grab his jacket, desperate to undress him.
He sits back, and with a single flourish, tosses his jacket to the floor. Then, without hesitation, he pulls his T-shirt off, revealing his unbelievably sculpted body. Abs that seem to go on for days. Sinews and slabs of muscle, adorned with bulging veins and just the right amount of hair on his thick, massive chest.
“Jesus Christ…” I can’t help myself from muttering. Saxon grins down at me.
“No, baby. I’m Saxon.”
I’m about to laugh when his tongue slips into my mouth. He kisses me fiercely as we both fight to get each other’s pants off. He manages to get mine first, peeling my panties down too, leaving me lying beneath him with just my shirt on. He pulls it up instantly and moves his lips to my left nipple, kissing it gently and causing my back to arch up off the couch.
A moan escapes my lips. I lean in and let my teeth gently rest against the skin of his shoulder as he reaches between my thighs and uses two fingers to spread me. There’s something about making love with Saxon that nearly immobilizes me. It’s like being with him takes me into a whole different realm of existence. One of pure pleasure and desire.
I’m already dripping wet with arousal for him, and he uses that arousal to coat his finger tip before tracing the line of my slit to my fervent little bud. When he applies pressure, it’s like my entire world bursts into wisps of neon glitter. My jaw drops and my eyes go wide, and with a few quick circular rubs, I go off.
Already.
“That’s a good girl,” Saxon whispers, using the flat of his palm to press me down against the couch as my climax wracks my body into orgasmic spasms. “That’s right. That’s beautiful.”
This man is magic. He brings me to orgasm with ease, when I’m barely able to do it to myself. I’m the luckiest girl alive.
I hear the sound of his pants zipper as I’m gasping for breath, fighting to find my way back to earth while I continue to quiver and shake. Without thinking, I spread my legs wider for him, welcoming what I know is coming next.
The heat between us is all-consuming. I feel the press of his hard, thick crown against my breach as he begins to push. My breath catches in my throat. I’m overwhelmed with anticipation.
How did a girl like me ever end up here with a guy like this?
Right now, I honestly don’t care. I need him.
I cry out as he slides into me. The stretching sensation fills me as I accept his inches. I can tell he’s holding back. Going slow. My eyes are blurry as I look up and grind my hips against him, begging him to give me more.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” he whispers. I can see the sincerity in his eyes.
“You won’t,” I tell him. “I’m not a virgin anymore, Saxon. Thanks to you.”
His eyes blaze like a strike of lightning, and without hesitating, he drives his full length and girth into me with a single, powerful thrust.
Again, I cry out as he bottoms out inside me. I feel like I’m being ripped in half, but in the most beautiful way. I wrap my legs around his sturdy waist as he begins to pound me. His hunger for me is obvious with every single powerful stroke.
Suddenly, a very clear and precise thought fills my mind.
I want Saxon to get me pregnant.
How would he react if I told him that now? I’m on the goddamn pill still for my acne, but I want to get off it as soon as possible.
Maybe I should hold out on that confession for a while. We just started dating, after all–if that’s what we’re even doing. I don’t want to make him think I’m crazy or something.
I stop myself from making that admission, but another set of words force their way from my mouth, surprising even me. “I love you, Saxon.”
I feel him stiffen.
I shouldn’t have said that. It’s too soon.
But to my surprise, Saxon’s eyes blaze down at me like he’s just heard the best news of his life. His lips twist up at the edges into the most charming smile imaginable, and he stares at me for a long moment.
“I love you too, Tammy,” he finally says. His voice is firm, unwavering, just like his hard-on inside me. His words penetrate my chest, drilling straight down into my heart, while his manhood spears up into my stomach.
This is overwhelming.
Ever since that first night when he took me on his bike, it felt like our bodies fit perfectly together. Now it’s like our souls were built to link with each other too.
He picks up the pace, thrusting faster and harder as he presses his lips to mine, and I forget about everything: Roxy, my haunted past, my silly reservations about Saxon. The only thoughts left in my mind are how we may just actually be perfect for each other. I can trust him. And we will have the most beautiful future together.
I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, but I’m committing to it. Committing to him .
My bad boy biker.
My love.
Saxon.