19. Matty
Chapter nineteen
“ T hat’s it, spill. What the fuck is going on?”
Glancing up in annoyance, I shoot my sister a glare as I settle back into my seat at the table with Hannah on my lap. “Can we tone down the swearing, please? And nothing is going on.”
Apparently, everyone’s still heated over Tyson being my best man.
I get it. I am too. It wasn’t my fucking choice, just like everything else in my life now. The words I’d said will haunt me for the rest of my life.
“No, Jenna’s right,” my mom interjects, her piercing blue eyes narrowing as they fix on me. “You’ve been hiding things from us, Matthew. Something happened between you and Xed.”
My pulse quickens when Valerie’s nails dig sharply into my thigh under the table, and I force a too-wide smile onto my face, trying to mask the panic bubbling in my chest.
“He’s been upset about the move and me getting back with Val. That’s all,” I say evenly, the lie burning on my tongue. “But he’ll get over it.”
At least, I hope. I pray. Because I need my best friend back, even though Valerie is doing everything in her power to keep us apart .
Tyson scoffs, breaking the tension with a swig of his beer. “Guy probably has the hots for your girl, and he’s jealous.”
Valerie and her friends nod in agreement like he’s said the most insightful thing all evening, but the rest of the table stares at him like he’s just grown a second head.
Xed? Having the hots for Val? The idea would have made me laugh if I wasn’t so upset.
“What about those scars?” Taylor cuts in, chewing on his bottom lip. “Those were…I’ve never seen those before.”
Christian grimaces, his brows drawing together. “Yeah, that shit looked painful. I know a cigarette burn when I see one, and homie had them everywhere.”
“He didn’t do that to himself, did he?”
The question makes my stomach churn as all eyes swing to me. I shift uncomfortably in my seat, my hands tightening protectively around Hannah until my gaze lands on Salem, whose gray eyes practically burn a hole into me.
“It’s no one’s damn business,” she snaps angrily.
Her sharp glare silences everyone at the table, and my dad clears his throat, ever the voice of reason in tense moments.
“I agree. Let’s not discuss this while Xed isn’t here to explain himself.”
We return to discussing the ceremony, and Valerie finally retracts her claws from my leg. I keep my gaze on Hannah, doodling on her placemat in my lap, not really speaking unless spoken to. The truth is, Xed’s scars aren’t the only thing haunting me. It’s the way his eyes looked when he left the parking lot earlier that’s imprinted on my soul .
Deep down, I know this isn’t just about the scars. It’s about the distance I’ve put between us and the choices I’ve made that might have broken us apart.
As it gets later, we decide to head back to the house and call it a night.
I’m just about finished buckling my daughter into her car seat when a shoulder nudges mine. Glancing up, I’m leveled by the animosity radiating from Salem’s sharp gray eyes.
“What?”
She purses her lips, leaning against the side of the car with her arms folded tightly. “That was some fucked-up shit in there.”
Huffing a nervous laugh, I double-check Hannah’s safety straps before shutting the back door. “I know.”
“Do you?” She doesn’t move, her voice cutting like glass. “Do you really know, Matty?”
Something in her tone makes me pause, my gaze turning cautious. “Why does it sound like that question has two meanings?”
“Because it does.” She exhales sharply, her delicate nostrils flaring. Glancing quickly over her shoulder, we watch everyone else leave the parking lot. “I can’t believe I even need to say this, but we both know that what you and Xed had was more than friendship.”
Rearing back, I feel my cheeks heat as I stammer. “W-what does that mean? What are you talking about?”
“Cut the shit, Matthew. I know everything, okay? About the things you did. About how you felt for each other. He told me all of it.”
Something like betrayal bubbles in my gut, and I turn away, grinding my teeth to keep my composure. Here I am defending his secrets, keeping them locked down tight while he’s spilling all of mine? How the fuck is that fair?
“Who else knows?” I bite out, blinking hard at the horizon as my eyes start to sting.
She’s quiet for a moment. “Me and Huckslee. Probably Devon, too, because he’s a conniving prick who put the pieces together.”
The breath whooshes out of my lungs, and I bend forward, palms on my knees, as my vision blurs. Huck knowing isn’t a surprise—he caught us once outside a bar in Utah, and that night changed everything .
Salem’s hand grips my shoulder, pulling me upright as she searches my gaze with an oddly tender expression. “You know it wouldn’t matter to anyone if they knew, right? Look at Taylor and Huck. None of us gave a shit about those two being together, even though they’re stepbrothers. Why would we bat an eye at you and Xed?”
“That’s—" I swallow hard, my tongue sticking to the roof of my mouth. “That’s not what this is about.”
“Then what?” Salem’s voice rises in frustration. “Please, make me understand. If you’re worried about being out in the NFL, you don’t have to be. Look at Huckslee.”
“Huckslee doesn’t have a family to look after!” With a shout, I pull away from her and run both hands through my hair. My chest feels tight, my pulse pounding in my ears. “I’ve got a daughter, Salem. This isn’t just about me and Xed. I have to do what I feel is best for Hannah.”
And that means keeping her safe from Valerie.
She curls her lip, disbelief evident in her expression. “Jesus, open your fucking eyes, Matthew. You cannot be this blind. ”
“Salem, I’m trying .“ My voice cracks on the last word. “I’m trying to make this work, okay? I’ve got Hannah, football, this wedding—"
“And somewhere in the middle of all that, you forgot Xed. You forgot the person who’s been holding you together since you were kids. And if you don’t fix this, Matty, you’ll lose him for good.”
I look away, swallowing hard against the knot forming in my throat. The image of Xed’s expression in the parking lot flashes in my mind, and for the first time all night, I can’t think of a single excuse.
“Can we please just go?” Rubbing my forehead furiously, I stalk around the car to the driver’s side. “It’s late, and we have a full day tomorrow.”
She exhales sharply, the sound cutting through the heavy air, but she follows me into the Benz, slamming the passenger door harder than necessary.
“I can’t make you see what’s right in front of you,” she mutters. “But you’re going to realize what an idiot you are really soon. I hope, anyway. Before it’s too late.”